April 2009 - Episode 12 - 'I'm wearing mine pink one Princess Tutu'

[Feierabend]

Here we go!

So for you Auld. [I deleted the next bit as it was a whole load of questions that I thought were constructive but are probably just pointlessly intrusive so shall stay out of it and say I'm really sorry. I hope you both sort it out.]

Schulte, a physicist! I had no idea. DH is a physicist. I worked for a physics lab and am as scientifically literate as my completely artsy education could allow (which is not very admittedly). Did a tiny bit of physics through the OU which I've now forgotten, sadly.

WFH for spare werewolf. Sorry we can't help. for the job. You are doing better than me, mouldering away in career hell (which is not to say that being a SAHM is hellish much but you know what I mean)

Well, we spent the whole of today in London at the museums so now the housework is waiting for me with the usual evil glint in its eye. And Monday morning starts with a playdate in someone else's immaculate house, to remind me what a total pig's ear I make out of this housewifing lark. Not that I ever wanted housewife to be part of the SAHM job description. Sigh.

Happy Birthday to Evie, Oscar and Theo!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVIE, OSCAR, AND THEO !!!

I've been checking in ladies, but I'm finding it hard to post atm. trying to work really hard at getting our life in order in the house and at the same time working on relationship with DH. With him gone so much we're struggling to communicate when we're together and the daddy daughter relationship in strained too. I'm trying to forge a new life with a toddler and a DH who's not sure how to be a dad really.
I've been working on showing him for instance (rather than telling him) that we cannot do hours and hours of errands with Moo without say stopping along the way at a castle or museum for a picnic and a good 'run around.' So this weekend I drove everywhere showing him how my days with Moo tend to go. Run a few errands, stop at the park for picnic, run a few more errands, home for playing in the backyard, supper, playing in the backyard while I tidy up kitchen, cuddle and milk for bed and start the day again.
Then yesterday we went out for coffee drove to Monmouth for some bike stuff, stopped at Tintern, came home, he and Moo went swimming and then we worked around the house before he went biking. He said it was one of the best weekends he had had in a long time. So it's a good start.

Sometimes I think what I strange place this life of mine is. I'm doing things that I never really thought myself capable doing or wanting to do. I'm working hard at having a tidy house and some sort of ideal life it seems, but in reality I'm trying to relieve the stressors which cause me unhappiness and hope and pray that if I keep working at it some day I'll find the time and energy and have the support to do the things which will fulfil that other part of me which needs to find an outlet.

Hope you all have luck in finding your happiness too.
Wishing all the babies Happy birthdays!
Hugs and support from afar from here in Cardiff. x

Hi all,

Sorry I've been missing. MIL stuck in Ghana, she looks after Aoife whilst I'm at school (work) so it's been a nightmare week, coupled with our still ongoing colds/on-off temperatures and my nose bleeds.

Auld feeling for you. Before DH went to Ghana and when I started back at work I really thought I could do without him in general . I found him harder work than A, was always too tired to make the effort and was starting to think our marriage was over. It really helped to have some space (while I was off work so had some thinking space too), although I've realised our relationship has altered after A's (quite traumatic) birth and isn't going to shift back to what it was. I hope you're doing okay.

Hope the birthdays are still going well!

WFH sorry you didn't get that job. I know what you mean about feeling disappointed, but it sounded like it would have been stressful.

Have you found a werewolf? I notice it's a full moon tonight [howl]

MrsG a day of museums sounds great, which ones did you go to?

Bebe I am still trying to find my new place in life and I've been a mum for 3 years now... funny how suddenly I can take pride in having got on top of the washing, or cooked a dinner that everyone liked, when I never thought of myself as a housewife. I find that life in this house revolves around the girls, and how I serve them, and DH doesn't seem to feature much and might as well not be here most of the time

Off to bed now because our nights are rather short at the moment!

x posts MrsA! Have you found a cause for those nosebleeds yet?

Happy Birthday Veronica and Oliver!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VERONICA AND OLIVER !!!

I wish I had time to chat. Hope to catch up soon. xx

Happy birthday to all the babies whose birthdays I missed - especially Hazel, Oscar, Alex, Sebastian, Holly and Tiahna

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx birthday kisses to all lovely Spring babies xxxxxxxxxxx

(yes I am feeling terribly sentimental today)

I am at work but the sun is out and I am going to have a picnic lunch with my one year old little girl. Can't wait.

Auld, sounds like you are really going through a rough time. Look after yourself. Your childminder sounds ace though. Maybe she could give some pointers to your husband Seriously though, are things really that bad? Does he know how you feel?

Bebe - I know exactly what you mean. That was so well put.
My eight year old niece came at the weekend and when I was dashing about trying to do a thousand things for 30-odd guests she calmly made a salad (although her father, bizarrely, has to be protected from the knowledge that she can handle a sharp knife) and I thought: one day, my daughter will be someone I can delegate to. What a lovely thought.

Happy sunny April to all wonderful April mothers

Hi Schulte - physics in my life too - DH did a masters in it and went to CERN for a bit. However, I play the dumb brunette when it comes to the ins and outs of physics, as I did the far fluffier subject of psychology / zoology at uni. Glad to hear H is doing better.

Happy birthday to the later April babies.

It is too hot. I am a summer grinch, be warned. I know it has its good points and I try to like them, but mostly I hate feeling too hot, being slathered in icky cream all day long, having to wear stupid skimpy clothes that reveal acres of white flabby flesh that must be UV protected (see above) and being attacked by wasps all day.

Schulte we went to the Science Museum and the Natural History museum, but really we should have just stayed in the science museum longer as DS1 was having an utterly fab time. He fired a water rocket, went to a talk about explosions and just owned the Launchpad as his personal playground.

Mind you, I thought he hadn't got much out of the NHM but he went straight into nursery yesterday and started telling someone about T Rex's hinged jaw so something went in.

Ginger LOL about the 8yo and the sharp knife. DS1 has been using one since 3! He makes salad too so long as you don't mind that it will look very very weird and many of the ingredients will be nicked for "soup" (i.e. drowned in water in a variety of unsuitable and annoying containers)

Now, I was supposed to be making the house semi respectable so the hairdresser isn't too revolted when she comes to cut DS1's and DH's hair tonight.

Sorry I have been quiet. I am trying to survive a very nasty backstabbing incident at work which I am finding very upsetting. I am actively job hunting and also considering a career change.

However luckily DH is being very solid and supportive, which makes all the difference. He's a good bloke.

Oh no Boff. Can you talk about it on our private group?
So sorry to hear that. But i'm glad your DH is being a rock.

Hope you feel less awful soon, Boff.

Sorry to have posted and then vanished, thanks for all your words of support. Zulu, you weren't patronising, just spot on. And Mrsg, you could have posted your questions, I'd just have skipped any I didn't want to answer.

It's true that I just have too much on my plate, really. Work, the house & kids, an endless series of child ailments which have caused me to fall behind with work, no time for myself, too many evenings home alone, a knee that I buggered during the holidays and haven't had time to get seen, and now chickenpox...
Things are better between DH and me, we have had a long chat and have been doing more things together (have managed to eat meals together two evenings this week, and have been rediscovering a few conjugal pleasures which were sorely lacking due to my exhaustion). I think I just need to grit my teeth a little longer and see this particular phase through.

A now has the pox, as well as 3 teeth coming in at the top. I am averaging 4hrs sleep a night, and starting to really feel the strain, but still have loads of work to do.

The sunshine helps, though. This is a gorgeous part of the world in April/May before the heat sets in. We have been planting the garden a bit with DS1 and have lots of people coming for a BBQ on Sat (which DH is supposed to be organising single-handedly as I am too busy. I predict a few minor hiccups ).

bebe, your post struck a real chord. I think one problem is that many fathers don't realise that having kids means you need to reorganise the way you do things to accommodate the requirements of small children, unless you want them to be grumpy and tearful a lot. IME women pick up on these signals fast (because they usually have to deal with the grumpiness as men are shit at it) and start to adust day-to-day life accordingly. The men don't see the point, feel that a lot of unnecessary fuss is being made, that their life is being mucked around with, and resentment sets in on all sides.

I haven't found many answers, but am no longer contemplating life as a single mother, which has to be a step in the right direction.
It's a bit the number of people on here who don't miss their DH when he's around, and in fact feel relief.

I agree Auld. I think having babies changes a woman massively and although the bloke is now a dad, it doesn't feel such a big change. I miss mine enormosly when he's away, mostly for the help at mealtimes and bedtime, although once they're in bed it's nice to have a looong hot bath and relax, which I don't tend to do when DH is around. It's hard work being a mum and only other mums seem to understand. Two DS is hard, but it is really rewarding, everyday. Took my 2 round Sainsbugs this afternoon and they were angels, until Zach walked into a bin and made his nose bleed. Was dreading it but they were loverly.
Ooh it's good to be back at work, and I'm sorry for those who are having work issues (trying not to be condescending, or pitying). Sometimes my ramblings don't always come out as I intend them to.

Hi all
Am going to catch up with you all in a minute but first of all had to tell you what my horrible GP said this morning....FW back up!!

I mentioned I was still BF her 2-3 times over 24 hours, she said there was no need for me to be doing that and I should be getting help from my HV as it is doing her no good whatsoever!!!

Apart from that, we had a lovely birthday with Evie on Monday. She has a cough and cold but she is still trying to be pleasant bless her. And she finally has her missing front tooth!

Am going to catch up while she chases grapes around her highchair tray

I'm still bf Moo 2 times a day... Every time we try to drop one we get sick. And now we're closing in on our holiday and I'm not willing mess around with it so close as we're going to have jetlag and it'll too difficult I think to be both jetlagged and weaning stressed. (the night feed is such a good clue to Moo that it's time to settle properly for bed) So we're going to be feeding until at least mid June I think. I don't see that there's a worry or a rush. Bf does no harm either at this age so why would any GP be concerned??
It's really me being selfish (in pressing the weaning), because the sooner I don't have to be there in the morning and evening (on either side of the sleep) then DH and I can leave her overnight with her grandparents and maybe get a proper night away...

Surprise - just quote the WHO guidance at the stupid woman

Surprise - GP's are notoriously ignorant about breastfeeding.
The WHO recommends breastfeeding for the first two years. I could get on my sopabox and rant about Nestle, and insidious market practices and their cultural impact, but the sun is shining.
Please don't let it upset you. I have no intention of stopping feeding Holly just yet and I pity the person who tries to tell me otherwise.

It seems that no matter what you do be it breast, bottle, 6 months, a year, someone twunt is going to try to make you feel bad. You do what suits you and Evie. It's nobody elses damn business.

Oops. No offence Zulu.

wages for a friend doing odd jobs?

Surprise ignore. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Eh... forgot what else I wanted to say, life is hard at the moment and everything that's non essential just gets lost in the battle to keep all of us fed, watered, clean and adequately dressed...

Love to all

SlowlyLosingItSchulte

It must be said luckily DH can mostly look after himself though

FW vibes to Boff!

Happy Birthdays to Archie, Isla and Samuel!