June 2008: New Year, new thread, new names, new words, new goals, but no resolutions!

[abdnhikinginawinterwonderland]

New thread since the last one's at 997 posts...

Congrats Neenz!

Sponge, Spider and everyone else for the London meet up - I can go to Wimbledon, it's a pain in the arse journey but will make the effort! Actually is it Wimbledon or Colliers Wood?

Colliers Wood is slightly further but just about doable. Are you sure Amber? Seems a bit unfair for you to do the journey and not me - it's just I would have to drive to yours and really don't feel safe driving long distances at the moment (haven't driven more than 20 mins since Michael was born ).

Spider, so sorry to hear about your friend. I remember when our closest friends divorced (they were the ones that got dh and I together and we all knew each other from uni - used to see them all the time and were very close) I was utterly devastated. They had seemed so happy and I thought their marriage was a strong as ours - took me a long time to get over the shock.

Six years on she is now in an incredibly happy relationship with a new man although sadly we lost touch with him . Hope you're able to offer her a shoulder to cry on tomorrow.

Deb, wow at the snow! I'm taking M tonight so don't hold out much hope for sleep!

omg - spider that is pretty shocking.. its never nice when people you know split up.

massive congrats to ktpie (hope you are getting some rest and love the name) and neenz (can we officially start getting excited now about your new bean)?

amber -good luck tomororw. And quite of new kittens -will you post some photos?

Deb - lol at the checking bins -had to double check you were not getting ocd re cleanliness til got the reference.

re meet up - I may struggle as am going to france on evengn of 12th but completely up for august meet up pp if I'm around. Sorry to miss it the next meet up though .

ah when are you exactly around in london and is it the county hall place you're stayign as that is dead close to my office (and deb where are you staying).

got some more results that seem to be ok - so far no news of anything specific wrong but more results when go to specilaist next week. sorry - out last night (and I too don't mn at work) and had massive tantrum dd so bit exhausted.

Congratulations Neenz!

Am feeling really wiped out for no particular reason so will just wave to you all. I think I might go to be which is unheard of for me. It's only 9.30!

Poppy - have they measured your AMH level? That was what showed my fertility was low even though all other tests came back normal. What about DH? Has he had his swimmers checked over?

Sponge -actually just seen what an arse Colliers Wood is for me to get to (walk, bus and train and tube!) Hun you deserve a nice day out and if you can make it to colliers Wood we'll do it there. If I can make it I will. Perhaps I could get a taxi...

Oh dear - Luke's first waking of the night...

yes doing allt hat amber and get results next week -sorry you're so tired. It does do you in when they don't sleep.

[Biscuits hands Neenz back the key to the antenatal thread.]

happy days.

Amber I hope the rest of the night went smoothly - everytime we have a bad night, I think of you with sympathy. Fraser woke at 5:15 today but I just went in, told him it was nighttime, and let him yell ('Mummy, get me up') for the next twenty minutes. I'm realizing that life was easier with DS1 at this age because he was non-verbal....

poppy tues-thurs I'm staying in bedford with friends (who both commute in every day - madness) so it's just Friday that I'm staying in the travelodge at southwark. France would be lovely - wish we could have a meet up there . Hope the tests are going okay. You must be tired as it took me a couple reads to realize it was E that was having the tantrum not you .

spider how crap for your friend. I can't imagine it happening to us, better start being nice to DH (he's offshore and actually I have been very nice on the phone and not complained the whole time).

Abdn I have a friend whose marriage has just broken down, and it's making me be a bit nicer to my DH as well! I hate seeing my friend so sad.

I am really impressed with the nighttime talking going on here! Mummy get me up is really impresssive. J just stands at the side of his cot yelling Ma!, Ma! louder and louder until I haul my weary butt out of bed.

Spider, it is always really upsetting when ffriends split, and usually surprising I find. What really annoys me though is that of the few of our firends who have, all have done so because one of the two have found someone else. It makes me so angry for the one left behind who is not only bereft, but betrayed too.

I have had a headcold for most of the week and am really cheesed off with it. Dh has been out 'socialising' for the past two nights and got in in the wee hours. Then this morning he told me he feels a bit bunged up and may have to take the day off tomorrow to be 'pampered'. Lets just say that I only had two words for him and I bet you can guess what they were...

A slept through .

Not boasting to anyone who had a bad night cos I was up three times with M, but at least dh got a good night's sleep!

That's great Sponge - have you been CCing A?

Sybil at your DH! Pampered my arse, what are they like lol.

Poppy, hope you get some answers, did you have trouble conceiving E?

Spider, sorry for your friend. Relationships are such a lot of work, ongoing work, it's not enough to just fall in love in the beginning is it. They say you should try to give three positive comments to your partner for every one negative one! (I think this applies to your kids too!) It does pain me to praise my DH for doing 'normal' things like sorting the washing, cooking a meal or changing nappies, but I always try to say thanks each time cos it is a nice thing to do and encourages him to do them more (I hope)

Lol, I only just saw that comment about dh wanting to be pampered!!

Neenz, kind of CC with A - going in to him, leaving him, all completely random depending on how much energy we have! But when we go in we've doing lots of soothing words, stroking head, etc. Well, yesterday morning at 4.30am (when he'd already been up for 2 1/2 hrs) I went in, laid him down, put his duvet over him and said in a very stern voice "that's enough alex, it's time for sleep" and then left him! He went straight to sleep and slept through last night!

Suspecting that has nothing to do with it though ! Just like to think that my super nanny powers did the trick!

I have a great image of you in my head now neenz, standing next to dh saying "great nappy changing" and giving him a round of applause!! My dh never gets thanked for doing household chores, but gets lots of thanks for cooking me tea and for taking M for the night .

I had my scan today (ultrasounds aren't nearly as exciting when you're not pregnant) and I just have a cyst and relief! My uterus is now retroverted (is that the right word) and sort of curled around my right ovary so even though it's a small cyst, i can feel it. Whew! I get rescanned in 8 weeks but basically I can celebrate...

now just waiting on Fraser, although I have a hard time believing there's anything at all wrong with him...

I try really hard to thank my DH too. I do appreciate all the effort he puts in and I know that it's far too easy to focus on the little niggles...

great news Abdn

Abdn, great news! What a relief. Fingers crossed for Fraser now.

Sponge, not quite like that lol. To be fair, he always says I don't need to thank him and that it is his job too, but a bit of appreciation can not hurt can it.

I think it probably was your stern words to Alex that did the trick! They are old enough now to know that night is night and its sleep time. Unless they are ill (and I mean really ill ie vomiting, anything else just gets Calpol) I always just leave my two. I say 'Time for sleep' rub them on the head/back and leave the room. And go back to bed! No messing

Fantastic news abdn, glad to hear you have got the all clear.

My dh is normally really good. He is a very hands on dad when he is around and if I am really ill then he always works from home so he can help out. I should thank him more often but I agree that these things get lost amongst all the niggles. Having said that though, I'm sure I am an excellent wife (ish)and I don't remember the last time he said, 'the kids were at school on time, fed, dressed, taken to all their clubs and generally superbly cared for this week Sybil, well done' .

Great news Abdn.

I have had a horrid day. I was kept awake last night with a toothache and saw the dentist this morning, and she had to take the tooth out . It was so horrid and it's really sore, and I feel trembly and weepy. She was v nice and said she can't understand how women who have given birth are so traumatised by the dentist! I was very pathetic and cried .

Oh Bloody Hell Rolf! Yoor poor thing - I would have been exactly the same. It's better out now and the pain has gone but it's horrid to lose a tooth. I have a crown and had a root canal but it still hurts a bit and I know the only thing I can do is have it removed bt I refuse.

Aberdeen - glad everything is OK hun. Let's hope the same for Fraser.

I am having a crisis ladies please help. The second injections are really really horrid and I feel very odd having just done the first one. I need 4 lots of drug mixed togetehr in a needle and it's really hard to do. That alone has freaked me out but it's something else.

Mark's dad thinks I am mad to try to have another baby (he does not know about IVF but does know I want to and am having tests). He is very vocal about it as he knows what a hands off dad Mark is. He constantly talks about how rubbish Mark is at parenting and how he hasn't bonded with Luke and how I would have to do everything on my own. I see him at least twice a week and he always says the same thing. When I told him about the Saturday thing where Mark has time to himself he very agressively said again that I was insane to even think about it. Thing is, maybe he's gone about it the wrong way but he could be right. Am I mad to have another child - that's assuming this even works. I really actually would need to do practically everything myself but with the added job of looking after Luke too. Maybe I'm just having weirdy drug related second thoughts syndrome. Help!!

Thanks Amber. I'd had root canal on that tooth about 4 years ago and the dentist said the same thing. I held off as long as I could but I guess this was inevitable.

My DH is hands off and I think he would admit that he is useless with babies. He's ok when he can have a conversation with them. I think lots of men are like that, but I still sometimes have a little twinge when I hear/read about hands-on DHs. So you're not the only one. You sound much more sensible about it than I was. When we had the boys I used to get really angry and resentful about DH being the way he is. When we had DD1 I decided that I wasn't going to fight about it any more and just got on with it and enjoyed having a lovely time with her. Can't win though - DH sometimes goes on about how she was never out of my arms and he was left out .

How hard do you find it that Mark isn't hands-on? You seem very realistic and pragmatic about it. On a v small scale, I'm finding it difficult today that DH can't just take over, so I imagine that when you're facing the rigours of IVF you really need Mark to be able to step in with Luke.

There are lots of advantages to having just 1 child. From my own experience, you can carry on with your old life to some extent with 1 child. Once you have 2 your old life really does recede into the distance. A friend of mine had just 1 child so that she and her DH could continue to enjoy the things they like doing together.

Amber hugs - and I wouldn't make any decisions based on what Mark's dad says. Mark may be very involved with work and he may not be the most hands on dad but if he also seems very willing to provide the financial support to make it possible for you to do most of the parenting. Like paying for nursery, the night nanny, these things make it possible for you to do 95% of the parenting...

And two kids at 3.5 yrs and 19 months is easier than one kid at 19 months (probably not than one kid at 3.5 yrs but then the mother across the street who has a 5 year old (fraser's girlfriend) says that her daughter needs more attention than my two do because mine play with each other).

No one should feel they have to have more than one kid, as Rolf pointed out there are advantages, but no one should say a couple shouldn't have another either.

Rolf dentistry sucks - I would be the same as you!

Amber - it's very difficult to give advice when it concerns someone else's relationship and I've not even met you and Mark BUT here goes. If you have another baby would you still be able to use a nursery at some point in the week? If not then I think you'd be getting a really rough deal. At the moment you get your me time when Luke's at Nursery so I suppose Mark should get some too, if that were about to stop I think it would be very difficult.If you were sole parent as such for 6 days a week it could be tricky.
Injections sound awful - ((hugs))

Rolf - sorry to hear about your tooth

Yey Sponge, well done to A for sleeping through.

Sybil - I had to laugh at your dh and also your response.

There was a Children's musical show(one woman show) on here today, the boys went with school and we took Ethan along to watch as Tristan thought he might be involved on stage as part of the school choir. Anyway I was very proud of Ethan who sat on Nigel's knee for the whole hour , still and silent and Tristan being the only boy in the choir was chosen to be the chief pirate which involved learning various lines and saying them on stage- he was great,so confident, we were very proud!!!And so was his big brother, Stefan said"wasn't Tristan great?" Stefan wouldn't have had the bottle to do it!

Well my old life has disappeared already Rolf. That's why I think that 2 wouldn't make a massive amount of difference but I guess it probably would. It annoys me that Mark isn't hands on in the way that I wish he would bond more with Luke not that I wish he would look after him while I have a cup of tea. I keep thinking that if I got pregnant this round it could be at least a month away. The when the baby would be born, Luke would be 2 1/2 and starting kindergarten or still at nursery. It's not like I wuld be at home with two kids all day. Oh I don't know. you know sometimes when you hear something often enough you start to doubt yourself. I think that's it. Maybe I should just tell Mark's bad to butt out? He is right though - the massive majority of the childcare would be on my shoulders (I am talking a good 90%).

Poor you Rolf, I would have cried too.

Amber, I really think that only you can make the decision. Mark's dad will not be caring for these kids, that will be your job, and if you know you can do it, then you should ignore all interference. And I think Rolf is probably right, just because Mark isn't hands on with babies/toddlers doesn't mean he won't be an excellent and involved father to an older child/teen.