Dec 08 babies are nearly one - PARTY TIME!

[EffiePerine]

As I accidentally filled up the old thread I thought I'd better start a new one

Well I?m back ?working? at home again today ? the most annoying thing is there is very little snow here, loads less than in York, its just the roads are so icy isn?t worth risking it. I did get into work eventually yesterday, and I was glad I did because we got news that the person who?s maternity leave I?m covering had her baby yesterday morning . I hope she brings him in very soon, I can?t wait to see a tiny little baby!

Yay for Madam?s walking WG! We are maybe getting signs of walking at some point ? DD has taken a couple of steps pushing her ride on ladybird around, and has done it a couple of times now. She won?t sit on the ladybird at all, however the lovely brick trolley that DH and I got her for Christmas to encourage walking is only being used to sit in and us to push her around

LadyT that diet sounds extreme, but if it works then it might not be so hard to follow. A few years ago I followed a yeast/sugar/anything vaguely fermented or fermentable (so no bread or booze or blue cheese ) free diet, for health reasons (but with the added bonus of weight loss). It took a couple of weeks to settle into it but by then I?d already started to feel so much better and more energetic so it then became very easy to stick to. It was supposed to be for 3 months, but I stuck to it for more than a year, just because it was worth it. If you go for the no carbs one, start slowly and good luck ? hopefully it won?t be as horrific as it sounds. And on O, I?m just very envious that she?s talking and communicating so well ? I guess the grass is always greener, isn?t it?!

I rang the surgery about DD?s 12 month booster this week, because I suddenly remembered I?d not heard anything. I was told I?d receive a letter in time about it. She had her 8/12/16 week ones bang on time ? does anyone know if its a problem that this one is late?

Kiwi your DD sounds to have had a lovely day at nursery (and I hope you did too ? good for you both ). My DD is going 2 1/2 days a week and it took her about 4 weeks of this to reach a stage where she didn?t cry when I dropped her off or picked her up, and even once managed a smile when she got there! Then we had a 2 week break for Christmas, so its been back to square 1 this week, although I hope it won?t take 4 weeks again. I know she?s fine there ? eats and sleeps really well and she stops crying as soon as I?m out of the door (I stand and listen ) ? I?m sure your DD will settle just as quickly. BTW are you back at work yet, or is she just having settling in days at the moment? On DD?s settling in days I fretted and stressed all the time, but once I was at work and had something to concentrate I was much less worried ? so make sure you fill your time and you?ll both enjoy the days.

Congratulations on the interview/secondment Invisible ? great news.

Kayz just tell your MIL the HV says DS1 is fine (I?m sure he is) ? between the 2 of them you?ll get some crazy theories!

I hope you had a lovely day yesterday Trace, and it was a treat getting to spend the day with both your girls rather than a chore.

Right, must do some work before I distract myself a bit more by hoovering up the pine needles that are still making a trail from the lounge, through the kitchen to the door ...

Re: swine flu, do I have to book it? I haven't been asked to have either child immunised, but the HV system is is very chaotic. I do have the mmr booked, so may ring up and ask.

Trace: hope you had a lovely day yesterday

Zoe, Yesterday at the swine flu jabs I asked about ds's 12 month jabs and they said he was booked in for the 19th (he is just under 13 months now. I asked if this is a problem and she said not at all.She asked if he was in nursery etc, (he isn't) as she said some parents prefer to do them in a different order if they are?

Effie, I hadn't heard anything about swine flu ones so I rang my GP and they said he was "on the list" and they were "about to call me" (uhuh) and then told me the appointment (which was yesterday) I would just call the GP as the same thing happened with the MMR etc - he was in the system and I was down to be notified of the date but they don't give you much / if any notice

we've just come back from jabs - she was scheduled for only the 12 month booster jabs, but in the end had MMR and pneumococcal at the same time - they said there are no contrain...whatsits if they are all done together. sf is booked for later on.

syb - why don't you book for yourself (i'd hate to not have your tickets should we for whatever reason not be able to come) and we'll liaise later on about meeting up - sounds great! i've convinced a couple of other friends to come, so we could make a real outing of it!

Thanks for recommendation wg I've just booked tickets for me and the DCs. Definitely up for lunch before Syb if you'd like. Am so frickin cold. Heating is on full but doesn't seem to make much difference. Think I might be coming down with another winter bug. Moan moan moan moan.

Just going to give self a slap. back later.

feel so drained today. I'm still in a robe (kiwi are you there?) think I need a bath or something.

question from a friend who is pregnant with twins - did you have any antenatal appointments between the 12 week and 20 week scans? i can't remember. she has just had the 12 week scan and they don't want to see her until 20 weeks. she is carrying twins from her 3rd IVF try and, understandably, is feeling a little anxious and would like to be monitored closely.

for those looking into the LSO concert (syb), it appears they are sold out already. before i had even booked my sodding tickets. bugger. i don't quite believe it so am enquiring further. i'll keep you posted.

rubes - sorry you are feeling drained, but it is for such a good reason!

hmmm...wg I am sure I remember them listening to heart beat when I was less than 20 weeks pg but more than 12, so I think I did. Is it her first pregnancy, as I think they see you less with second ones.
I also had the triple blood tests after the 12 week scan?

rubes hope you had a nice warm bath to perk you up. 9am!! I am booking DS in for his swine flu jab now . He's having it every day for the next year!!!

invis fingers crossed about the job! Re the 40th I would book childcare immediately after DH would finish work and go and have a nice meal out early in the evening before he is too knackered. Then have an early night (wink wink). But then DH likes nothing better than going out for meals without DS so that's what I know he would like!

kiwi sounds like first day at nursery was great for your DD!

rubs Boo to feeling drained, I remember when I was pg with DS picking DD up from nursery coming home and going to be at the same time as her on many an occasion. So exhausting...much love to you.

wg A good friend of mine had twins when I was pg with DD IIRC she just had scans at 12 and 20 wks but had more frequent antenatal appointments from about 28 weeks.

hi all.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes.
It was an odd old day TBH. I have to admit that I was gutted when I found out Lu's school was closed (Very Bad Mummy) which I, of course, feel uber guilty about. it's just so much harder having them both at home than just one, whichever one it is. We managed to play together a bit first thing, then made a gingerbread train with L while P had a nap. Then a friend and her DCs came for lunch which was lovely, another friend popped in briefly earlt afternoon, then things went downhill No particular reason that I can out my finger on but just tears a plenty and general anxiety/guilt/misery and feeling low It lasted the whole rest of the day, and then I was awake a lot of the night just crying. A bit odd really. I've had a few scary dreams too, one about me planning to kill Lucy because I thought that was the only option as I'm struggling with some of her behaviour. I know it was only a dream but it has really unsettled me and my stomach churns even now when I think about it. Still not right today - cried in work, lost some confidence really - how can I help other families when I can't really manage my own? I know I've been a bit lax with my meds over christmas (out of routine so forgot a few days ) so I'm not sure if that's contributing to how I feel, but regardless I'm not in a great place.
Tomorrow I'm going to the funeral of my friend who died on Christmas Eve. I'm quite worried about it because I know that I will be terribly upset (especially with how I'm feeling in general) and then I worry that I will be thinking about myself, and it's not my day - it's hers. Then I wonder what right I have to feel so upset when she wasn't my mother/ wife, and whether it's offensive to her family if I'm very tearful at the funeral. But then I don't think I want to not go, because that would also feel selfish. Quite a few people from my old ward are going so I know there will be many of us in the same boat. It's just wrong, you know. I know so many of you have lost loved ones, many to the vile disease that cancer is, it's just so hard. In the past 12 months, 4 friends of mine have been diagnosed with cancer, and 3 of them are now dead. The 4th is likely to be fine after her treatment is finished - her and her docs are very positive. Sorry don't know why I'm prattling on. Really hope I've not been insensitive to people - Daisy especially.
Perhaps I need a step back from MN for a while again. I rang my HV the chase up the parenting course and she said she has put in a referral to the children's centre so I just have to wait to hear from them now.
Enough of me.
Yes Rubs I didn't even look pregnant at my 20 weeks scan with dd1 and was in maternity trousers at 10 weeks with dd2. A friend once said to me, with pregnancy 1 you are dying to get into mat wear, pregnancy 2 you are desperate to stay out of it, and pregnancy 3 all your clothes are already mat wear!
I had other stuff to respond to but my brain is failing me. kiwi hope dd soon settles at nursery and that you're feeling better about things today.

Oh Trace, I can't stop for long, but did not want your post to go unanswered. You are a lovely mum, a great friend and a valued colleague. There is nothing like looking after 2 of them to take it out of you. I am at my tits end after a day of house arrest with mine - had a small gin at 5 as things were so awful. Not called mother's ruin for nothing...

I know how trying 5 year olds can be and I also know that your dreams are simply the unravellling of the mind after a long and stressful day. I really would not read anything more into it. Brain is just colliding different images and thoughts, nothing more.

I hope that the funeral goes as well as possible in the circumstances. I do think funerals are inevitably a time when one is grieving for many people and for many things. No one will mind how you are - the important thing is to be there to remember your friend and support her family with your presence. Will be thinking of you.

Please don't stop posting. We are all here to support you in whatever way we can. We have ALL taken it in turns over the last few months (nearly 2 years - eek!) to be the supported and the supporters at different points, so please do let us look after you.

Lots of love XXXXXXXXXX

Rubs - first preg, normal clothes, even jeans, til about 26 weeks. 2nd preg - normal clothes til about 14 weeks. 3rd preg - reaching for the track pants at the same time as the preg test.

Er, sorry, I am at my WITS' end, not my tits' end, today - the latter is too awful an image to contemplate.

Really am going now to do me jobs. Love to you all.

Hello trace you poor thing. Well I am glad you had a first good bit of your birthday at least.
Sorry you are so stressed about L. Try not to feel guilty about being disappointed when her school was shut. It really must be hard work with 2 at the same time! For what it's worth I am sure it will get easier (I know people say this all the time!!) L is probably at an age where she can't quite understand that P needs attention and looking after too (i.e. still at that age where she finds it hard to think of anyone but herself) and P is a bit too young for her to enjoy playing with. Give it a year and sometimes at least they will probably play nicely together? Sorry if that is nonsense, obviously I don't have an older child so it might be.....Anyway re the dream I am sure it is only reflecting that you are so worried about stuff and care so much so please try and look after yourself.

Oh and you should definitely go to the funeral, it will be fine to be upset, and I am sure you will not do anything to upset close family and friends. They will be happy you are there.

Oh and don't stop posting, you are daft.

LOL at sybs tit's end!

trace I think that if you are very upset at a funeral it only shows what a lovely person has gone and that she was much loved, iyswim. I'm sure her family, if they register anything, will just be touched at how much you care. Hope that makes sense. Xxxx

wg any reaction at all from jabs? DD has her 1 year booster ones on Monday so just wondering if they are beyond the bad reaction stage (flashbacks to the 2 month ones ...aghhhhh!)

3rd day at nursery - DD was apparently still v clingy (and howled when DH dropped her off) with her favourite assistant in the morning but in the afternoon perked up and was apparently crawling round and exploring and even laughing! So that sounds to me like she's making good progress? I told the assistant she was banned from going on holiday as DD loves her so... I was only half joking!

Hey here's a question - my sister had her new baby last week, we went to visit the next day but on the phonetoday she was already saying "we must plan the next visit" ie when we will come again. The thing is she lives a 2 hour drive away or more - so we're talkig 4 to 5 hours in a car - and because her daughter has been ill she never comes to us (she wants to be near the hospital where they know her DD). So in the last two years we've been doZens of times before w had DD then quite a few since as well, but I really think it's a bit much for us to go as often as we did when my niece was newborn. Now I'm (nearly) back at work and DD at nursery and DH works weekends we will have maybe one day a week alltogether as a family. Am j being unreasonable to resent the idea of spending it ina car?? Especially as DD HATES car travel...??

Lol at tits end, I like that phrase syb .

Trace I just wanted to say please dont feel bad about posting about yourself, or being sad at the funeral. I gave the eulogy at my SILs funeral and there were a lot of people there who I didnt know at all but who were really upset, but seeing them gave me the strength to do it as it was a measure of how much people cared for her. No-one will think you are selfish for being sad, I'm sure. My advice would be not to not go for that reason, as you might regret it after.

I dont know if you can do this - but I was signed off for those two weeks, and even though I did spend a lot of it looking after the kids, it did give me some time to think about what was causing me to be so tearful and stressed, and it wasnt the things I thought at all. But with the two girls and work life must be very full on, can you take a break just for yourself. And dont feel guilty either. Sometimes I feel mums look after the world and no-one looks after us - we have to look after ourselves...!

Trace just a quick one to say I agree with what everyone else says. Please don't stop posting if it helps. I spent most of today thinking that maybe I should go back to work full time because it's so much easier than looking after DCs. It is relentless. And losing three friends in a year is really tough. Really tough. Please don't be hard on yourself. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Wg for some reason you can't buy tickets through the website but could on the phone when I booked earlier. Don't know if that helps.

Also tits end. Snorted my tea.

Syb, I think 'at my tits' end' is utterly brilliant. That could end up being my fave quote of 2010.

Look Trace, you are always mega wega dega hard on yourself and you oughtn't to be. I think most of those who have an older child are having varying difficulties coping with some challenging behaviour (wasn't Daisy saying so t'other day) and, let's face it, who wouldn't? Children are lovely but also blinkin' hard sometimes and there's no shame in saying so or thinking it. And this is the place. Please don't go away (unless you really want to). No one is judging you on here (why would we!) - there's just a lot of support. What Syb and others have said is totally right.

Furthermore, don't worry about being upset at the funeral. You won't be alone. And speaking from experience, DH's funeral was a total blubfest but it was cathartic for me to see others upset, not offensive (and anyway I was pretty wrapped up in my own grief). Second thing is, you are bound to think about yourself and assorted sadnesses at a funeral. It is completely and utterly natural and everyone does it, so there.

You have just got a bit off balance. Just sigh and let it all the horribleness swirl over you and pass (and it will). Good luck for tomorrow. And hey, you know when nice people die? Well, you have to live a bit extra for them, love life that bit more in their honour. Doesn't have to be grandiose or anything. Oh, and one day you will laugh and laugh with L about how she ran you ragged.

Effie, a big thumbs up for A Room of Your Own, as V. Woolf would say!

Rubes, I think you are quite entitled to be loafing around in a robe. I would only say that you need to buy a couple of extra, fancier robes especially for the purpose. From Toast or somewhere. Cashmere! Velvet! Silk!

ZJ, sorry you are still snowed in. We are too. The snow is very bad in Oxfordshire. DP's loving it, but I am getting nothing done with him here.

Invis, I am still trying to think up something good for your DH. I am wracking the old brains. There is a cool bar in New York where there are beds for you to rest and have drinks in (would be great for jet lag) but obviously that's no good for you as you can hardly take a plane back to the US Mmm, I'll be back to you.

WG, sorry about the concert. I couldn't have come as we are going to a memorial thingy in Cornwall for DP's dear friend who died nearly a year ago. I can't say I am looking forward to this for a variety of reasons but I will probably bore you all with that at a later date. Oh, and no formal scans between 12 and 20 weeks, as I recall. Though she could pay for a private scan in the interrim. They're about £120 I think.

Kiwi, I don't think you are being unreasonable re: travel. Your sister just isn't thinking, I reckon.

Where's Veggie? She missed the Wednesday Weigh In on the Fatties Thread ( just joshing, Veg).

Right, it's nearly tomorrow again, so it's goodnight chicas xxxxxxx

Morning,

Trace Sorry you are having such a hard time at the minute. Please don't worry about crying at the funeral, no one will mind at all. Please don't stop posting unless you think it will really help you.

WG I had a MW appointment at 16 weeks so she should be seen about then really.

We have about 8 inches of snow. Bloody stuff!!

trace I agree with others when they say that I think at times you are too hard/critical of yourself, and in mean this in the nicest way. You are a wonderful wife and mother, and as for your feelings about L, really its nothing. DD is still very trying at the moment. Some days I literally have to grit my teeth and bear her behaviour. The other day i found myself so keen to get home from work to see DS, but never gave DD a second thought (between you and me I can't wait for her to start school full time if she carries on like she is). Please, please, please don't stop posting we are all here whenever you need us. Oh and the funeral...cry your heart out if you want! You are allowed to grieve and all this illness and death is a lot for you to take. I am praying for you.

syb I am now adopting the phrase 'at my tits end' Love it!

Looks like MIL probably has weeks not months left now They are stopping all treatment, no chance of chemo as recent CT scan showed the cancer to very aggressive. They are discussing care for her at home today/possibly hospice and hopefully she will be home in a few days which is what she wants. DH, coping well considering the hell he is going through, FIL in complete denial and won't accept that cancer can come advance so quickly and I am really concerned for him.

Right DD scholl back open today, so best crack on as it'll take me ages to skate walk there!

Oh Sybil that was priceless, I'm going to use that from now on if I may?

Trace again I agree with the others, and agree that you are always being too hard on yourself. I think you are over thinking the funeral. Go, for sure, and let your emotions be what they will. You won't offend anyone. Hope you feel better soon

Kiwi your sister sounds like she's wrapped up in her own things (rightly so I guess with all the trouble) however she's not giving any thought to your situation either. Is it possible to somehow get that across tactfully? I'm no good at tact, so unfortunately not a good one to ask, but I don't at all think you ABU.

What day is this lunch meetup? I may be able to pop in for that if it doesn't clash with my busy schedule of lounging in my robe

Lady, yes I probably should upgrade the old robe. The current one is getting a little tired.

My arm still aching from the jab I can't even sleep on that side! ds's leg doesn't seem to bother him and I can't work out why.

Daisy: so sorry to hear about your MIL. Hope she gets home soon and has a peaceful few weeks.

Trace: looking after 2 children is hard - I know I moan about it enough! And I put DS1 into nursery for a day during the Xmas break so we could have a bit of a break (him too). I think there's also a shift when you have your second - sometimes I resent DS1 a little because he is so deamding and DS2 is so cuddly and affectionate in comparison. Which isn't fair at all, but you do feel pulled in all directions. As a good friend of DHs always used to say, you do what you can to get through. Whatever it is, if you're all still there and pottering along at the end of the day, that's a success .

The other thing I find is we all aren't getting as much exercise thanks to the snow (hard to spend much time outside without risking hypothermia to DS2) so cabin fever is hitting. Getting out to work, and the DSs getting out to nursery/cm, is a big help for me, but if work is causing you more stress maybe you need to think about some time off. And remember to take your meds! Hope the funeral goes well.

Kiwi: DS2 hasn't had much of a reaction to his 12 mo jabs, he didn't even cry much. The nurse said they're often the easiest as only 1 injection and it's a booster.

Sleep gradually getting better here, DS2 went to bed OK and woke at 12 (gave some calpol as he was cross and pulling at his ears) then 4am (fed and in bed with us till I got up at 6). Not bad at all for us.

hi all, very very quickly as am at work, dd being hard work at the moment so no time to post (in a good way, she's all over the place so I can't take my eyes off her!) so have been posting on other threads and too scared to attempt a proper catch up here after so long

trace do stay lovely, having 2 nippers sounds like more than twice the work of one so please don't feel bad about finding it difficult, the basket is always here

re jabs dd is due the mmr I think but we got a reminder letter saying she needed the 12 month boosters, even though she's already had them

kiwi, it took dd about a month to be properly settled at nursery (playing, eating her lunch, sleeping etc) so it sounds as if she's doing really well being that happy there already.

daisy so sorry to hear about mil, really hope you and H get some time to spend with her. will keep you all in my prayers

right must go, will be in big trubs if I'm spotted with this on the screen!

Trace, can only echo what the others are saying, please look after yourself, I can't possibly empathise as I don't have 2, but I do know about the coming off the meds. I decided to stop completely (had been winding down and on only half a tablet a day) a week ago, but yesterday morning I was in a huge sobbing fit and couldn't stop crying in a fit of self pity about how all I did all day was clear up and nothing else. And I don't have half what you do on your plate. Is there something you could do today that would make you feel better, however small?

Well, I totally failed at my 4 day caffeine detox, after my sobbing fit yesterday morning I was back on the tea and have just made myself a strong coffee . Just can't function without. Is anyone else watching Nurse Jackie? If I had access to Vicodin....

I'm meant to be going to Iceland next Thurs on a hen weekend (3 nights, hurroo!), but am a bit worried the planes won't be taking off. There it's a tropical 7 degrees I hear...

Glad the nights are getting better, Effie, you really deserve your sleep!