Dec 08 babies are nearly one - PARTY TIME!

[EffiePerine]

As I accidentally filled up the old thread I thought I'd better start a new one

huh? not sure what happened there

was going to say no prb with them enjoying their life now the kids have left home and they have a bit of freedom, but as LadyT says it would be nice for them to think about lookijg outside their bubble once in a while...

mind you they are probably complaining about me and my sister being wrapped up in our lives and having no time for them! You can't win, can you?

Nope, you can't win.

I adore my Mum. She really is the tops. She is such a huge source of support, is really interested in everything I do, really tactful, and generally smashing and interesting. We are close and speak every couple of days. But beat this, in all the time I have lived away from home (nearly 20 years I guess), she has visited me twice She hates being away from home, hates staying in other people's houses, hates travelling...It doesn't even bother me because she is SO set in her routine, visiting me doesn't even cross her mind. I'm not actually bothered, because I don't mind going to see her, but unlike your folks, Rubes, she is only 80 miles away or something.

I know this is a different situation to Rubes, but just wanted to extend the point about living inside their little bubbles...

Beans, I will be back on later with thoughts

Thanks for all the thoughts - Effie you are exactly right they are in a bubble - they truly believe the way they are is totally normal but that happens I guess when you are constantly surrounded by people who think the same as each other.
Lady, I think I am beyond writing a tactful email - I used to be one that needed to explain how I feel about things that upset me, but now I am adopting my brothers attitude of just being pleasant but accepting it and just letting them alienate themselves. He has been like that for awhile and when they do it to me as well they will eventually realise the problem.... do you think?

Anyway, Beans, the GP only faxed my referal today but will call the hospital tomorrow and chase it up. As for your other problem. Hmmm not sure. I'm never interested in the first trimester as I feel like a spotty bloated whale, but remember the 2nd was ok although take it or leave it. What about a night or two out if you have someone to watch dd?

Routine is -
Up at 0730 ish
Breakfast 0800 ish (cereal & maybe toast)
Milk 10 or 11 ish (cows / 200ml)
Lunch 12 or 1p ish
Milk 2 or 3 ish (cows / 200ml)
Dinner 5 or 6p ish
yogurt (usually either between meals or after dinner)
Bath (sometimes 630 ish)
Milk (cows / 200ml) just before bed
Bed 7pm ish

It's all very "ish" as it has to be flexible if we are out or something etc

Oh girls, I haven't read a thing but I have some sad news. My friend with the IVF pregnancy has found out that her baby has Down's syndrome and she has decided not to continue with the pregnancy. I am so very sad for her and her husband. Life is very cruel.

I hope that this does not offend anyone. I realise that this is a very sensitive and emotive issue and many people would do differently, but I just can't imagine the great pain she must be in right now.

Oh Sybil how sad for her I would do the same in that situation. I wish her a fast next conception and a healthy baby very soon.

syb how very sad for your friend. And I wouldn't worry that you have offended anyone. I can't imagine that stating what she has decided could cause offense to anyone, whether they would do the same in her situation or not.
Beans I have no interest in sex at the moment either. TBH we've never really been like rabbits, but at the mo I really have no desire at all . Nothing about it appeals. DH is never really 'pushing' me, but I do feel a bit bad that he's not getting any (!), so I try to want to, for him, but my heart isn't in it. I think if we do twice a month that's quite a lot for us. In fact last time I felt really uncomfortable (I don't mean physical pain, just emotionally not there), and wanted to cry and wanted to stop. That sounds terrible and it's not as dramatic as it sounds, but I really worried about why I felt like that. I'm putting it down to tiredness and the fact that I know my mood has dipped somewhat - also I spoke to a friend who is 29 weeks preg, and she said she feels the same and has no interest in sex, even before she was preg. I'm guessing it's one of those things that will have it's ups and downs (pardon the expression!).
ladyt as others have said there's no point testing for at least a couple of weeks. I hope you're able to relax about it a little in the mean time. I'm sure you will act wisely as ever when you know where you stand with things.
Feeling very much in a grump . P has been in a grump alll day, presumably related to her SF jab yesterday. Nursery said she has been un-put-downable all day and has been quite hot and miserable, and she was very clingy with me after work. Lucy went in such a grump when her friend and her friend's mum were round after school - she cried hysterically for at least 30 mins, leaving me in tears too. Her friend's mum was so lovely and tried to reassure me but I felt so pathetic and embarrassed. And so I'm in a grump because it's all hard. Got a voicemail from my HV yesterday saying that she can't refer me to a parenting course after all, as L is 5, so I need to contact the school nurse. I AM a school nurse! Anyway I figured I have nothing to lose so spoke to her school nurse today, who I have known for years because we worked together on the ward before we were both school nurses, and she's going to have a chat with L's teacher to see how things are at school. I feel so crap about it all. Where did I go wrong. sorry. Am seeing the CPN tomorrow. I know I'm not doing too well (sleep and appetite are getting worse, random dreams, more tears...) so it'll be good to see her. Sorry again for waffling.
daisy how is you MIL? How are you?

oh and P's 'routine':
7am - BF and then breakfast (yoghurt, bit of toast, fruit)
10ish - snack and water
sleep if I'm lucky (40 mins ish)
12ish - lunch and water
2ish - sleep if I'm lucky (30 mins - 1hr)
3ish - snack and water
5ish - tea and water
5.30 bath
6.00 BF and bed
then water/ bf with various night wakings...

Looking at that compared to others I think she probably needs more milk. Although when i'm not at work she will often have little BFs in the day.

beans ditto lack of interest.. I was wondering how much in my case might be related to continued bf-ing -anyone know if that has libido-squashing properties?

Routines.. Hmmm not v good at them but v v roughly

anywhere between 5.30 (ugh) and 7am- up, DH fivers her huge bowl of porridge

Bf after that

10.30ish if she was up early - 30/40 min nap

bf after that.. And frequently before it if she's fighting sleep as per usual (as an aside does anyone else have a baby who still has to be either pushed in buggy or fed in order to nap??)

11.30 lunch (that's when nursery give it)

2ish nap (40 mins maybe)

4 hot meal if at nursery, snack if at home (fresh or dried fruit usually)

5.30 casserole type thing if at home, snack if I've just picked her up from nursery

6.45

Sorry for dreadful iPhone related typos there..

Meant to add that when she's at nursery I send her with 5oz of expressed milk (we don't really want her having cows milk cos DH and loads of his family are intolerant.. And they can't digest lactose haha)

when she's w me she still bf whenever she wants but eats well too. Nursery said today she ate all her lynch and TWO portions of tea. God knows where she puts it all, must have an amazingly fast metabolism because she's soooo little. If she stayed still ever during the day she'd probably weigh 5 lbs more...

Lynch??? I mean lunch, clearly.

Oh forgot to add naps. He has one in morning around 10 or 11 and one in afternoon around 2 or 3 anywhere from 40 mins to hour and a half.
Kiwi I have the opposite problem. If we are out he just wants to sit up in the buggy and look around so won't nap

Hello everyone,

sybil That is sad news for your friend. It must have been an incredibly difficult decision.

Re the lack of sex drive beans I was reading the other day that having sex even when you are not feeling particularly in the mood can help your libido as you get into the swing of things and remember that actually it is rather fun. Must try that theory out sometime .

trace From what you say about lack of desire, perhaps it is down to the PND along with the other things, dreams etc. Can your CPN see you more regularly? Lots of 5 year olds have tantrums like that, you do seem to feel you are to blame in some way when you are not at all!

ladyT To add to the science I think implantation starts 7-10 days after the deed and testing can be done 10-14 days after that. Some people do swear to v v early symptoms though. When we were ttc I used to look at site www.twoweekwait.com/web/ which has hilarious examples of early symptom spotting - some of them are just barmy! I hope you get the result you want. I think some of the ladies have given some good reasons to throw caution to the wind and try for number 2 even if you are not pregnant!

Rub That is a difficult situation but there doesn't seem much point in rallying against it really. Sad as it is as ladyT said they are caught up in their bubble.

Reading about these routines is very intersting.

Wakes anywhere between 7-8. Cows milk 4ozish

Breakfast 8-9ish weatabix/toast

Lunch 12

Sleep 12.30-2.30

Cows milk and snack 3.30

Tea 5.30

Bath 6.20, milk 6.45, bed 7pm

She doesn't have that much milk I suppose but does eat plently. I only think she has about 4oz, I just slosh it in the cup .

Oh veggie I was impressed by your DS2 helping with the washing, you train him up well . DD would remove washing but certainly not help put it on.

Just out of interst kiwi are you going to try DD with milk or get her tested? I was very milk intolerant as a child but grew out of it. DD has been fine with milk (fingers crossed) but I was worried when I first let her have some.

We need a new thread title soon! Any ideas anyone. I do think it should feature the phrase tits end .

Well if I base it on my ds.....
Dec08 - tantrums, walking and almost talking!

syb sorry to hear about you friend, they must be devasted, I hope they can have another round of IVF soon, if they can face it.

LadyT I knew I was preggers both times just a few days before I tested but I do have very short cycles, so could have implantation on day 17, but even so the symptoms seem a bit early. And if it helps, I am slimmer now than I was before either baby (not quite slim enough though!), and my body isnt in much of a worse shape after the second. A second pregnancy doesnt always makes things worse in that respect, I know I thought that before I had one and have been pleasantly surprised !

Hello to everyone else, Kayz I hope your DH gets a new job sorted, and trace I hope that you get some time to put your feet up tonight.

BTW, I have little desire for horizontal tango either and am still BF, but I think with us there are a multitude of more complex reasons that add to it. I dont think I got my mojo back after the first for at least 12 months.

Hi Girls,

LadyT - at least it sounds like you are up for it, unlike many of us! Sorry it's potentially got you into trouble though. However, as others have said it's WAY too early for symptoms so your sore boobs were probably pregnancy related.

And Beans I too have a much reduced libido. I put it down to tiredness and constant viruses but I do miss wanting it IYSWIM. As someone just mentioned the more I do it the more I want it so I must get back in the swing.

Rubes - I really feel for you and know how hurtful it us when family don't bother to make the effort. You could leave them to alienate themselves but might that make you feel worse? Is it worth trying one e-mail as LadyT suggested just so you know they are making an informed choice and are aware of the impact of your behaviour.

Veggie - how did DS1's day go. I am sure he will pick up Dutch quickly and integrate mire but it must be hard watching him struggle.

Sybs - so sorry for your friend.

Jolly - I too used to obsess about that 2WW website.

Routines all interesting. Ours is:
7am(ish) - awake and given BF
8am - toast and yoghurt
10am - snack (apple, rice cake or breadstick)
12 noon - lunch (usually pasta & gross amounts of it!)
12.30pm - 2.30pm - nap
3ish - snack
5ish - supper (again she eats a gross amount, tonight it was a whole salmon steak, four potatoes and brocolli)
6.30 - 250ml formula
7pm - bed

I seem to be offering a lot less milk than most of you. One BF and one bottle. I wonder if that is too little. DD2 is huge. She wears clothes DD1 wore at 2 years (& DD1 was not small for her age). She can't walk but crawls and cruises mainly in a bid to reach food. If food isn't involved she hardly bothers moving! The child is always hungry. Maybe I will reintrodue a post nap bottle.

Well, despite Sunday's antics I am much less up for it than I used to be, though that is largely because I feel wobbly and giant and not as foxy as I used to feel. Plus, any little noise from DD upstairs kills it for me...I think there is something in what Jolly says about having sex when you're not really in the mood and thinking, this is quite good... I suppose you don't feel like getting sexies undies at the moment really. I think I wouldn't worry about it too much until your DC2 is born as pregnancy puts a huge dampener on things as I recall, although in my case it was DP who was putting the brakes on - he found the whole pregnancy thing a real passion killer. You could always just sort your DH out. Er, I don't think I was very helpful, really. But it's nice that you are worrying about your DH.

Syb, I am so sorry about your friend. My DD had no discernible nasal bone when I had the nuchal scan and so I had a CVS, and we honestly couldn't decide what we might do. That is very tough.

I will check out that site, JollyB!

Trace, I do worry about you, you know. Anyone would feel crummy with bad sleep, bad dreams, and a 5 yr old old who is going through a phase. Hope you get on well with the CPN tomorrow. Are we going to have to start calling you AceTrace? (You are).

I see from others routines that DD is drinking quite a lot of milk. Probably explains her dinky appetite!

Aubi, have you sorted out your bookings for Sweden yet? I think we are going Thurs to Tues but we are now taking O (not to the ceremony of course). 'Twill be lovely to see you.

Rubes, when are you coming to Reading to meet me? You sound like you need a gossipy lunch although I guess you are at work...

And wasn't there talk of a London meet up - maybe even evening drinks??

New dishwasher coming tomorrow. I've been without one for nearly two months!

I don't know what 'sexies undies' are, above.

That's what the Meercats on Compare the Meerkat would say. Sexies!

Oh, and Kiwi, I have deffo read that bf can put the kibosh on kibido but not having bf I don't know whether that's true.

Hi everyone, I hope you all had a nice weekend? The snow has nearly all gone so I?m back at work this week, tut

I finished that book ? how not to be a perfect mother ? this weekend and not only is it the first book with useful and realistic advice, it?s actually quite an enjoyable read too. It?s by Libby Purves and I think it should come free in the bounty bag! And now I?m onto LadyT?s DH?s book ? still only chapter 1, but so far I?m really enjoying that too, despite being a proper cricket dunce

I think that sounds like a great book Spot, good luck with getting it finished. I would love a book on infertility and IVF for people who don?t need it, if that makes sense? My best friend had IVF (fortunately successfully) and I didn?t like to bombard her with questions as I thought it?d be insensitive, but I really didn?t understand what she was going through and desperately wanted to be able to say the right thing

at those considering haircuts for their LO?s, DD has only just graduated from ?bald? to ?wispy? (actually I think Kiwi and I have the same child ? both petite little girls, who don?t nap and have very little hair, oh and beautiful and intelligent too . And DD has been standing and cruising furniture since September, but has no intention of walking, she only just worked out that her baby walker moves this week)

Welcome back Mom!

Gosh LadyT, what a dilemma, I really don?t know what to say for the best, and I suppose until you know the outcome you don?t even know what the best is, but I think there are plenty of pros and cons on both sides that people have already mentioned

WG we?ve been giving DD a rice cake or biscuit at bedtime along with her milk (and brushing her teeth afterwards of course), as a few weeks ago she started waking up hungry. But the last couple of nights she?s refused it and is sleeping better, so I?ve concluded a growth spurt (do they get growth spurts at 12 months? This time last year growth spurt was the answer to everything!) During the rest of the day she has
breakfast - porridge, fruit puree, some toast and milk
mid morning snack - toast at nursery or a rice cake at home
lunch at about 1230 - normally her big meal of the day, with fruit and a biscuit/chocolate treat to follow and more milk
afternoon snack of some fruit (yogurt coated raisins are a new favourite)
tea she tends to have something a bit lighter (sandwiches, scrambled egg, soup or similar), with yogurt and milk
She has massively increased her milk intake since she?s gone onto cows milk, from about 8oz formula a day to easily a pint of cows milk or more. We have concluded she didn?t really like formula

Rubes I?d be mighty peed off with that situation, and I?m not hormonal and pregnant, so you have every right to be. Are your IL?s good fun? Will it still be a great Christmas with DH?s family? As nice as it would be to have your family there too, if they?re just going to moan about the price of everything maybe it?d be more peaceful without them?

Beans DH and I finished off the box (of 12) condoms we got after DD was born, only last week . And I think I?ve only actually wanted to do it and enjoyed it the very last time, all the rest have been courtesy shags. I feel a bit sad too, but DH is so very kind (too kind maybe, makes me feel very guilty) and wish I had a bit more desire. Occasionally it leads me to start to wonder where our marriage can go without a sex life, but I try not to dwell on that. I put lack of libido down to BF, but it?s not really improved since I stopped ? can anyone with older DC?s reassure me that it?ll improve in time?

Sybil how sad, and what a tortuous decision to have to make after all the difficulties involved in conceiving in the first place

Trace I hope the CPN can give you some reassurance tomorrow. Have a big hug from me to keep you going until the appointment

LadyT at meercats saying ?sexies? LOL!

Oh no, big thud from the cot and a cry, must go and check. Night night everyone xx

Ah, Zoe, scrambled egg: that's a good idea. Thank you so much for reading DH's book. Hope you like it. I am just organising our next tour - a mini one to Switzerland. You can skip over any technical crickety bits but it's actually more of a character piece and travel book. With the occasional showbiz anecdote (he was delightfully indiscreet)

Morning,

Syb I am so sorry about your friend. It must be heartbreaking for them.

Beans We hardly ever do it. I am just too tired. We really only every do it in the middle of the night if we wake up or in the morning. Must get back into it really if we want another baby.

Zoe, and everyone actually, thanks, I'm so grateful for all your thoughts on my family drama. It;'s difficult to describe it as there are so many elements to it I suppose but you get the general idea, which I have not at all exaggerated, so it's nice to know i'm not overreacting. And yes, there has been times in the past when they have not budgeted for trips over here, and we've wanted to go to pubs etc just generally do stuff rather than sit inside and not spend money, and there has been constant comments from my mum about they can't afford to go out so often yada yada yada, they don't get much for their dollar etc, and we end up paying if we want to do stuff, so I actually said to them (when the Sept plan to come was on) that they shouldn't bother if they've only budgeted for their long 7 month trip and not for over here to which a kind of "oh don't be like that" sort of reply came back....My mil (it's just her, and there's a whole other subject about fil I need advice on but unfortunately don't want to write about it on here mainly cause it's too involved etc) but mil is like a textbook grandparent - very "English old school" I would describe her, but pleasant, loves ds to bits, always asks me before she does anything at all or buys him things to check if they're suitable, and constantly sends me nappies, wipes, baby shampoo, clothes etc infact I really wanted my parent's to be here at Christmas to take a leaf out of her book really! Now the US lot, well they are a laugh (uil to me I suppose?) they are British too just live over there. Just more fun than anything - he pretty much was my wedding planner and has done so much for dh and I, so it will be a fabulous Xmas. he has just asked me to book the place for the week and it costs more than my annual salary!!!! I can't wait.
Lady, we so badly need a gossipy lunch! I am about to call the hospital maternity admin to make sure they have finally received the referal and see if they will tell me the scan date over the phone. I will def let you know to see if it's possible to catch up.
Anyway, must sort out ds... he's a bit whiney thismorning. My diswasher has flooded the kitchen - again - I actually vomited thismorning, and ds answered me back with a "no" when I told him "no"!

Thank you very much everyone for all the kind words about my friend. I feel a bit better today. She's going in tomorrow and will be out of action for about 10 days, she thinks. House will no doubt be overrun with flowers - what could I send to let her know I am thinking of her?

Nookie bear - not often here at the moment. Usually when I am a bit pissed. I had a much higher sex drive than DH before children but I managed to persuade him into a respectable 3/4 times a week. Now, I am mainly mojo free. I suppose I have been either pg or bf or both for the last 5.5 years so I suspect that may have something to do with it. I definitely think hormones in BF can change things. It is true that if you do it, you feel like it more, so I must get back in the saddle, so to speak.

Aubs, has your DH gone to Afghanistan? Hope you are OK.

Lady T, I don't wish to worry you but I did know with both DD2 and M that I was pg shortly after the deed was done. With DD2 we were actively trying and I just felt that something was up in the 2ww. With M of course, I had not had a period in aeons and was def not trying but I just knew as my tits felt so strange. I can vouch for having 2 close tog if you are, and I am living proof that your fertility need not decline with age if you are not.

Trace, I hope your CPN is able to help today. Please do look after yourself.

Rubes, I think families are often so complicated and to be long distance and in different time zones can only add to the difficulty. Am thinking o you and hoping you can work something out with them. My MIL is a nightmare and very tricksy about visiting etc so I can empathise.

I realise I never told you why my MIL pissed me off so much when she was here. She hugely favours my DD1 and M over DD2, and whilst DD2 doesn't really notice, she's nearly 3 and soon will. Anyway, I notice. For ex, she bought DD1 a dolls house, furniture and a few other bits and DD2 a costume which she told her she had to share. I said that the dolls house was to share too but MIL said, oh no it's just for Lucy. I realise that the pounds spent do not equate to the joy the gift brings, but still, so much thought for L and so little for T. She also stirred a lot between me and DH, which was deeply unhelpful.

However, the main problem was on NY day, when I was in the bathroom and DD2 and M were both crying. M was in the cot and T was stropping about which clothes to wear but both were safe and so I figured they could wait whilst I finished. MIL came storming up the stairs, demanding to know what the noise was about then said to T "stop making that dreadful racket, you stupid little girl, no one wants to listen to it". I came out and suggested politely that she might inquire of DD2 why she was crying rather than shout at her. She retorted that I shout at her (which I do) but I am the person whom she knows and loves best. She saw MIL twice last year adn could not pick her out of a line up. I said that she was not to call my daughter stupid and that perhaps she could cuddle my 13m baby rather than shout at him too. What a bitch. I had to repair to TK Maxx to calm down. Twas too early for a sherry.

Am enraged again now, but must channel my energy into work now. Hope you all have a good day.

ZoeJ LOL at us having the same DD, fancy doing a timeshare? You can have her at night

Jolly No I hadn't thought of having her tested. To be honest I'm quite happy expressing for her, but that may change so I might think about it when she's really setteld in at nursery.

Talking of which, they have just rung to tell me her eye is worse and gunky and if they have to wipe it again she'll have to be sent home. Agh. Luckily DH is off today!