Dec 08 babies are nearly one - PARTY TIME!

[EffiePerine]

As I accidentally filled up the old thread I thought I'd better start a new one

Hello Girls

My laptop battery is very low so I hope I get to write this message and post before losing it. It might be a bit rushed.

Thanks for all your thoughts on ibuprofen. I decided to keep giving it as it obviously made DD2 feel so much happier and as a result she has been an angel all week. The nanny remarked to me that she feels DD2 has turned a corner over christmas and I think she might be right (touch wood, cross fingers, etc!). You may remember my post of a couple of weeks ago when I remarked about her extreme temper and the fact she cries a lot more than DD1 ever did. Well in the last couple of weeks she has really made advances in her communication skills and now that she can get herself understood she is so much happier and even tempered. Obviously I do not mean she is talking but she has become a master at getting her self understood through pointing actions and the occassional word ("Muk!" (milk), "No!" (a favorite shout made in the direction of her sister) and "Buk" (read my book please mummy). I am falling in love with her all over again as I feel her real personality is emerging.

I have been following you all while commuting each day and just wanted to send Trace a big hug. As others have said you have a lot on your plate and older children may not be so energy draining as the little'uns but they are much more complicated and emotionally draining to deal with.

Connected to the challenge of older children I was thinking about Effie's earlier plea for magic ways to control three year olds. I know i am a bit late but I thought I would pass on a strategy DD1's nursery teacher uses. Basically DD1 came home from nursery a couple of months ago and started talking about everything in terms of good and bad choices: "mummy, Jude made a bad choice today and played in the toilets", "mummy, I am being kind and sharing my toys with DD2, that is a good choice". I realised this is how her teacher frames everything and at first I thought it sounded very false an forced. But I now realise it is genius. When DD1 refuses to co-operate I say "DD1 you have two choices. You can make a good choice and put your shoes on/eat your dinner, share with your sister... in which case mummy will be proud of you. Or you can make a bad choice and carry on saying no/throwing your food/making your sister cry in which case you will go to your room. Which choice do you want to make?". This works nearly every time as she feels she is in control and is making the choice and for some reason the good choice/bad choice framing really strikes a cord with her.

In other news I think I am feeling as broody as Urbane but have promised myself to wait until at least September to TTC because my best friend is getting married in Tuscany in September and is having a week long house party in a villa there leading up to the big day. I can't feel ill for that so I will hold off. Urbane has your DH started to relax his attitude to a third baby? I know that hyperemisis is a fear for you both. My neighbour had it terribly when she was pregnant with her first. For four years her husband has been desperate for another so eventually she said if she was to be pregnant again he would have to give up work and care for their DC1 full time while she puked her guts up for 9 months. He did just that and she is now five months pregnant and has not had a jot os sickness since 12 weeks. I keep seeing her and her DH gallavanting around in the show each day, with no jobs to bother them, and I am so jealous! SO you see, you might be lucky and avoid sickness if you get pregnant again (go on...)!

Spot I am sorry to hear you are having some bumpy moments as you come off your meds. Is a doctor supervising your withdrawal? And have you met some nice mums in Brighton so that you do not end up cleaning all day long?

And finally (before my battery goes) I just wanted to say to LadyT that in my original NCT group there were two babies who never put weight through their legs, never crawled etc. Both started bum shuffling at around 18 months and both were walking by two. Which is six months ahead of when I walked...

Oh and finally, finally, can anyone suggest any healthy recipes that are fun to make with kids and nice for snacks? DD1 and I usually bake while DD2 naps on Friday lunchtime. Right now she is raring to go but I am sooooo fat and do not want a yummy cake tempting me from the oven this afternoon.

I guess I should pop over to the fatties thread but I am trying to ignore the problem and hope it will go away. Or maybe I will sign up to that 5k run that Kayz and Veggie are doing. Does your sponsorship page have to say its a MN run? I don't want RL people to know I MN. If it is anonymous I think I might do it.

Aub no it just says it is a run that a group of friends are doing to raise money for Macmillan.

I'm having a real lazy day today. I'm lying on the sofa under a duvet with DS1 watching cbeebies. My brother has offered to have the boys in the summer so DH and I can go away. I have no idea where to go at all. I am tempted by London again as there is still loads we can do in London. I would also like to go to Paris or Rome but my passport ran out years ago so I will have to get it renewed.

Hello everyone,

Brrrr it is cold here. There is so much snow. It is very pretty but not much fun to try and get anywhere in.

trace Happy belated birthday! Sorry you have been feeling low but you have had so much to cope with over the past year plus missing some meds (naughty, naughty), no wonder you are not feeling yourself. Can you arrange to see your CPN more regularly until you are feeling better?

sybil at tits end!

rub My arm was terribly sore after the SF jab but DD never seemed to bother about her leg. I couldn't work it out! It takes a few days for the soreness to go.

arti I feel reassured by the story of your neighbour with hyperemesis (sp?). I'm worried about being so sick and having to cope with DD. It is good to hear that awful sickness doesn't necessarily come back.

I second what everyone else has said re your DD's lack of movement ladyT. I know several people who didn't walk until they were 18 months 2 years.

Right, best go do some clearning up before DD wakes. Bye all.

Aub: that is really helpful, thank you. I do give DS1 choices, but have just realised I don't tell him explicity which one is good or bad! I think part of the problem is that he is very good verbally so we end up treating him like a mini adult rather than a developing 3 yo trying to make sense of the world. One of the HTT things i do find helpful is the 'give information' bit, rather than assuming he knows why running into the road/drinking his bathwater is not a good idea!

I have to say the thought of 3 children fills me with terror, so respect to those thinking of TTC!

Still bloody cold here. Am thinking of heading into town tomorrow to buy an electric heated pad (for me) and some fingerless gloves (for DH). Brrrr.

Ooh clearning - that must be a cross between clearing and cleaning!

I did it myself I'm afraid Aubs , which I know isn't probably the best idea. But am feeling much better today thanks to revival of caffeine and chocolate rations. I have met some lovely mums here, and I feel like we're gradually getting into the swing of things, though it is taking a while. I realise what I really need now is something to do in the evenings (other than write my book and watch TV) - must did out a local FE college prospectus and see what evening classes are out there. Am v much up for a S London meetup though, I come into London Bridge or Victoria if that's any good for anyone?

And am v impressed by your DD2's verbal skills. And so pleased she seems happier now she can communicate things . It's so lovely when they turn a corner, whatever it is.

Kayz, renew the passport and go to Paris or Rome! It'll probably cost the same as London anyway....

Quick q - does everyone else's LO eat on their own with a fork/spoon? i took T to his nursery this morning (have 2 sessions left so I thought I'd just go along and stay there and treat it as a playgroup). When it came to lunchtime they all sat at the table and ate their dinner on their own. T demanded a spoon and would only use it to fling food around and wanted me to feed him with my hands. Apparently when they move into the toddler room (at 14 months) they're not given any help, just their cutlery and expected to get on with it. Now T's moving nurseries and his new one doesn't have them moving up until 2 years, but I am wondering if I've been really slack in not getting T to eat properly (though I feel there's not much more I could have done) and he'll go hungry in the new nursery if they expect him to eat by himself with cutlery. Any tips on how to get him to do it?

Spot, DS2 is given a spoon and fork but really he uses his fingers. He tends to stab his food and then he pulls it off his fork and puts it into his mouth with his fingers.

spot nope, he's nowhere near eating with a spoon by himself. Would fling food around with it and drop it on the floor.

He's not even very good at feeding himself with his hands to be honest.

Oh and my DS frequently does go hungry at nursery as they don't seem to be able to get him to eat stuff, even with them feeding him with a spoon.

Trace I?m sorry your birthday wasn?t such a great day ? but you had a lovely morning with both your girls, so not all bad. Didn?t you say you have your period this week? That plus, missing a tablet or two is bound to leave you a bit skewiff. Is there any way you can try to spend more one to one time with L, as you both sound to benefit from it? Could you collect P from nursery a bit later, so you have an hour with L first? Or even move L?s car seat into the front of the car next to you, so you get to chat? These might be really stupid ideas, as I don?t have 2 children to deal with, so I?m sorry if they are. Please keep posting and letting off a bit of steam here ? the basket hasn?t even begun to take any strain yet!

Daisy, your poor MIL, I?m so sorry. Relieved to hear your DH is taking it ok. I hope your MIL?s next few weeks are comfortable and happy for her

WG I seem to remember having a 16 week appointment with the midwife, and hearing the heartbeat for the 1st time then. My friend had an IVF baby and she was signed off the IVF clinic once she?d had her 12 week scan and from then on just had the normal midwife appointments/scans ? although she only had one baby, not twins

That?s great progress at nursery Kiwi, yay for baby Kiwi and the lovely nursery nurse. Your sister probably is a bit wrapped up in herself at the moment, so you need to gently break it to her that it isn?t that easy. Could you suggest that you go over on your own, as DD doesn?t travel well, but it might not be straight away as you?ll need to wait until your DH is free to have DD?

Spot I am very of Iceland, I?ve always fancied a trip there. I?m sure your flight will be fine ? the pilot will be quite used to dealing with snowy runways at the other end

Your post has made me feel all warm Aubi, it was so lovely to read about how you and DD2 are doing

You are a genius Sybil ? tits end is fab! It has trumped my previous favourite typo, which was an answer on a questionnaire I did at work about sanitary towels ? someone had written ?the one with wigs?!

On dealing with toddlers, I?m currently reading ?how not to be a perfect mother? (think it?s fab, and it just my style of parenting) and I love the tip in there on dealing with clingy babies and toddlers ? which is to give them cuddles, kisses and tell them you love them when they least expect it, you cannot over do it and it makes them more secure and they remember it when you do have to leave them. As cuddling and kissing DD is my favourite hobby I am doing this lots. (I also love the tip to sit in the playpen yourself to read the papers without someone ripping them to shreads! )

Spot occasionally DD shows some interest in using the spoon, but I have to load it up for her. But if I just offer it she gives it straight back. A mum friend from my ante natal group just gives her DS a pot of yogurt and the spoon everyday since he turned one, as she thinks he?s old enough to deal with it, but apparently it is very messy. As DD doesn?t have the biggest appetite I?d prefer to know she?s eating food rather than learning with the cutlery, all in good time.

And talking of DD, she?s outside fast asleep in the pushchair with snow piling up on top of her (the rain cover is on) ? she fell asleep when we went for a walk and I didn?t like to wake her, but its blooming freezing as I?ve opened the window so I hear her when she wakes. I can hardly see her for all the snow on her! I will make her a very warm milk for when she wakes

Spot ds sometimes tries to grab the spoon off me but it always ends in disaster. He's never interested in eating it if he's allowed to play with it. he would just bang the spoon on the table like he's playing drums whether it was loaded with food or not. In fact, i'll try it again tomorrow (perhaps not this evening as we have guests for dinner) and i'll report back

lol at baby Zoe sleeping under a snowdrift!

Re: feeding, DS2 refuses to be spoon fed most of the time, he just grabs the spoon from me and waves it around. He'll tolerate me loading a spoon (gets messy) or food placed on his chair to be perused, picked up, bashed a few times, stuck in mouth, spat out and flung across the room. Unless it's peas or beans - they get shovelled in in handfuls.

Just a quickie as I am in the middle of some work I must have done by tonight - being a last minute Larry as usual!

Daisy - I am so sorry about your MIL What a foul disease it is. I do hope she can enjoy some time at home and that everyone gets lots of support.

Spot - DD is light years away from feeding herself with cutlery. Either I feed her or she has finger foods. Oh no, another missed developmental milestone to worry about!

Thanks folks, your responses make me feel a lot better, i guess at nurseries they just can't give the one to one attention you can at home, hence the drive to encourage independence, I was just shocked at how many babies of T's age were doing it.
Get to work, LadyT

A very quick hello, as I am currently paying for my recent slackness.

Daisy - to echo everyone else, so sorry to hear about your MIL.

Trace - I hope a day later things are a bit different and that the funeral gave you some comfort.

Spot - my 2.5 year old won't feed herself, never mind DS!

SL and LadyT - thanks for answering the call. Trying to meet him might not be a bad idea, we did fix childcare for the day as couldn't face the day jetlagged with jetlagged kids.

Oh and WG meant to say, though I couldn't make the LSO date anyway, it looks fab and I will look out for other events. I think GPs would love to go along - my dad has been itching to take DD to the Children's prom since she was born.

Been so busy on here, sorry not to catch up properly.

Spot I'm afraid DD just eats with her fists. Nice. DS can't really use a fork properly and he's 3 in a couple of weeks . I was giving them their tea this evening and DS had put his enormous winnie the pooh teddy in a chair at the table (present from my Gran...) and I said 'do you think winnie t p would like some rice' and I got the most withering look and 'no mummy because he's a bear and he doesn't have a proper mouth or a proper tummy for the food to go in. tch. honestly'

'honestly' .

DD in a bit of a grump all day. Think it might finally be teeth. All her baby mates seem to have loads more teeth than her. I started to worry that maybe she had been born without teeth the other day . Am such an idiot.

Daisy am so sorry about your MIL. It's been so quick. I really hope she and your family get some peace in these next few weeks.

Trace was thinking of you today.

Invis I can't remember if you said you'd got your DH a present yet - but maybe if the day itself is going to be a bit rubbish then get him a great present? Is there a band he really likes that you can get tickets to (and an overnight babysitter)? Or I bought DH a watch from the year he was born for his 30th. And a really lovely cufflink box with his initials on it from smythson last year. In fact. I buy him lovely presents. The lucky man .

Wg I checked with my mate who had twins last year - she just had scans at 12 and 20 and then slightly more regularly after that I think.

ZJ that book sounds brilliant. In fact if I wasn't such a lazy ass that sounds like the sort of parenting book I could write (the bit about reading the paper in the playpen anyway). I do think surrounding children with love is the way forward. The adults I know that are the most sorted are those that know in their core that they are loved - and I think that comes from these early years [Lal outs self as hippie].

Yes - Veggie where are you. My DS is excited about sending the comic and it's wrapped up to look like a Thomas encyclopedia.

Hello Aub - am going to pass on that hyperemesis story this evening . Poor man. Nice presents but nag for a wife. If you did find a healthy baking recipe? Do share if so. We just made smartie biscuits.

Also in one of my not so bright ideas I took DS down the cellar today so we could see if the playdough versions we'd made of creatures at the bottom of the sea liked the dark. Oh dear. Now he keeps telling me that he doesn't like the cellar. Not unreasonable. I am such an idiot part II.

daisy I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL. Am praying these last weeks and days are as peaceful as they can be for her and your FIL and DH.
spot P eats everything with her fingers. I can feed her some things with a spoon but she tends to grab the spoon and pull of whatever is on it and shove it in her mouth with her hand. If I give her the spoon she waves it everywhere and occasionally gets it in her mouth, but by that time it's empty.
Thank you all. Your words and your outlook and wisdom on things are truly helpful and very much appreciated. Daisy thank you for the wet fish - I think I needed it. And ladyT I thought today of living a bit extra for my friend. The funeral was so difficult but strangely I was mainly dry-eyed. Odd that I have spent days in tears over comparatively trivial things, then switch off at such an emotional and very sad event. It was heartbreaking (although that is too weak a way of describing it) to see her dh and her little boys there. There were so many of our work friends there though - she was very loved.
I took the step of admitting to DH about how I've been feeling today. I've been trying to protect him but thought I ought to let him in, so I feel a bit better that I'm not hiding things from him. I was supposed to see my CPN on Wed but I cancelled her because Lucy was home, so there would have been no point. She's old enough to hear and understand what I'm saying now, so we've rearranged for next wed instead. Hopefully she won't get snowed off school again. They finished early again today - it's getting to be quite a pain all this snow.
aub so great to hear that dd has picked up.
ZJ that book sounds really good - who is it by?
Think I'll go to bed soon. I'm sleeping badly at the mo - crazy dreams and just lying there with my head full - and P had me up 4 times last night - I think she's teething, she's got red cheeks and keeps pulling her ears and shoving her fist in her mouth. Poor thing. Here's hoping for some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzs...

spot DS is nowhere near capable of feeding himself. He can eat a bisuit without wasting a crumb, but give him the spoon and all hand to mouth coordination goes out of the window!

urbane you really do buy lovely presents

DS in a right grump since his jab this afternoon. Wouldn't mind but he never even cried at the time

Oh and trace I am well and truly at my tits end with DD today.........hope today went okay for you.

thanks for the info re: twins. just had some great news that a friend doing IVF has successfully conceived first time and has seen a heartbeat at her first scan (7.4 weeks), so that is amazing news.

and if anyone is still wondering about the LSO concert, i rang them and they have now put more seats on sale at the barbican box office. i have now booked all my tickets and am v excited that Urbane and poss Syb will also be there.

here is a question... madam is now one of the happiest babies i know (remember those early weeks/months???). both yesterday and today i put her down for a nap after her afternoon bottle (around 3pm). she woke after 45 mins/one hour which is normally fine. however, both yesterday and today she went MENTAL - and today even more mental than i've ever seen her since she was little. she screamed and screamed and screamed for an hour, non-stop. sometimes she has a 10 min grizzle after waking up from a nap, but this was terrifying. we tried food (normally reboots her), neurofen (quicker acting than calpol), tv, you name it. in the end she pointed to the yellow cushion i use to bf her and so i gave her the boob (whcih is normally only morning and pre-bed). thereafter she was absolutely fine. as if nothing had happened. of course, she had her milk when she was supposed to eat supper, so the eating this evening has somewhat buggered up, but anyone have an experience like this? i was really scared - a bit like the early days. do you think it was because i gave her a bottle and then put her for a nap about 15 mins later? should i give her a bottle post nap? or, do you think it was because i am beginning to mix whole milk with her formula to get her used to it? she has milk with lots of food, cereal, etc - surely we would know already if it were an issue with milk?

any thoughts greatly appreciated.

oh, and trace - i can only reiterate what the lovely ladies on here have said. you are a great mum, a great wife, and i hope the funeral went ok.

i loved what you said, ladyt, about losing people you love. brought a tear to the eye and makes me resolved to live live a little bit happier. you should write a book. oh, yes, you have...

I popped back because I realised I didn't tell daisy how sorry I am to hear about her MIL. I do hope she gets home soon so you can all have some time together. Hospitals are unpleasant places at the best of times and I am sure she is just keen to be home. Hospices are a close second to being at home and oddly not as hospital-ish as you'd expect.

WG I'm afraid I have no ideas what that could be unless she had pain, perhaps teeth, but got worked up so that even when the painkillers kicked in she needed the boob to calm down. That is great news about your friend. IVF is amazing.

zoe That book sounds great. I agree on the cuddles and love thing. If we had a playpen I'd read the papers in there for sure!

On the spoon thing, DD is just getting the hang of it but much of what she is eating ends up down her front. She gets very angry when we try to feed her though so I just let her make a mess or use her hands. I wouldn't let her have a fork yet, I'd be afraid she'd stick it straight into her eye.

trace Hope you manage a good nights sleep.

Night all.

Just looking for your opinions ladies

Is this a good present for a 1st birthday or do you think it is suited to someone older?

Wow, has been a while since T pulled an all night screamathon. Don't know what the matter is but he's not responded to any of the painkillers or milk i've given him so we're downstairs watching ITNG and am dreading today as have to work and interview people looking normal! Anyone else had unexplained all nighters recently?

Morning,

Spot Sorry for your bad night. I hope it was a one off.

Can I ask what naps the LOs are having? DS2 is still having a little nap in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon. But this morning he doesn't want to nap even though he is acting tired and grumpy.

spot could it be teeth? Did he settle with the TV? Hope work is ok for you. I think they just have off days/ nights and we can't always get to the bottom of it - we just have to love them through it. Plenty of cuddles and fingers crossed for a better night tonight.
wg I wonder whether Madam could have a little bad dream? I wonder how young that can happen? Or something just unsettled her and she just wanted the thing that brings immense comfort...mummy and her boobies. P has days where she barely sucks if I put her on, and days where she's virtually ripping my clothes off to get in there! I'd just go with it (sys the person who 'goes with it' to the extent that I've had 3 nights sleep in the past year - perhaps my technique is not one to follow!)
Nappyadict - it's a lovely gift, but I think it depends on whether really you're wanting to give something special to the parents or the child. A one year old would not appreciate/ enjoy/ get any use from it now, but might love it in the future to look back on. So you could give it to the parents and get a little 'here and now' gift for the child - a soft toy? a little toy? some crayons? I would have loved that for my dd's birthday, but more for me than her, IYSIM. Hope that helps.