AUGUST 2008 - Ladies & Babies Enjoying Life

[TwilightSurfer]

How's that?

oops, sorry Ann, i didn't bf him to sleep...below is the correct account of that first evening!

An average night used to be about 10 wake ups. It made no difference when we moved him from our room to his own. I tried early bedtimes, late bedtimes, lots of daytime naps, no daytime naps. i tried feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep etc etc etc

Basically i was a zombie and running out of ideas. DP was away one weekend and the Saturday night was awful. So Sunday I had a new resolve to crack it. My new 'rules' were once he was in the cot, he stayed in the cot until 5am (or when he woke up if later ha ha). I've just found one of my posts from the first night i tried settling him in his cot...

20:29
well, i'm happy to announce that DS is asleep, in his cot and he actually fell asleep in his cot tonight!!! woo hooooo!! It took almost an hour and a half and i've lost my t-shirt in the battle (DS is currently clutching it like the trophy it is!) but I won this one! My cunning technique was to lie him down again every time he stood up. He started getting really screamy so i walked out, posted a message on here and went back in again. I gave him a little cuddle and then lay him down again. This happened a million few times until eventually he gave up and just lay in his cot giggling at me. I managed to resist smiling, continued humming his lullaby to him and rubbing his back. His eyes started getting heavy and hey presto!
woo hooo i'm about to have a celebratory pimms
i'm sure my method breaks all the settling rules but hey, its worked and i figured it can't get any worse than having to rock him every night so cheers

20:51
arse! he's awake already

21:02
i'm having a screaming break already. he's got himself so worked up already. i find that if i leave him to scream for a minute and then go back in, he calms down. but if i stay in there he gets more and more worked up

21:11
stop the clock! he's asleep again!!! only 20mins this time!!!

21:23
DS awake AGAIN!!!!

21:29
stop the clock!
woo hoo 4mins that time! i like this game! he had a bit of a whinge, rolled over and went back to sleep! didn't even need to rub his back this time
he may be starting the battles but i'm winning them!

22:17
only a 10min settle needed

the following morning....
he slept from 10.40pm until 4.30am
longest he's ever slept!!!!!
my first thought when i saw the clock this morning was 'oooh, i can't wait to tell the girls!'

report on the following night:
i appreciate you're all on the edge of your seats waiting to hear how last night went..... He had a v late nap at 6 in the car so DP gave him a bath and he was ready for his bf at 8. 15mins of milk, 15mins of settling in his cot and he was asleep! I came downstairs, surprised at how quick it had been and i heard screaming. I went back up, he was standing and screaming in his cot. All i did was lie him down, rubbed his back for literally 5seconds and he was asleep again until 11pm! 10mins of settling/stroking. next one was at 2.45 (15mins of settling) and then next wakeup was 5.30. gave him a long bf and he then went back to sleep til 7

so summary.. not as good as the night before re periods of sleep but alot less settling was needed for each wakeup and there were fewer wakeups oh and i managed to snooze him til7. i'm marking last night as a success!

next night:
DS settled in five minutes woo hoooooooo!!

so as you can see from my above, it took alot of patience for the first night and i had to leave the room a few times, breathe and then i went straight back in again. Was this a very minor form of CC? possibly but i never left him for longer than a few seconds and i never let him get properly upset ie more than just a loud whinge. i actually find that if he's upset that its useless me staying in the room because he just gets more wound up that i'm not picking him up and getting him out of his cot. if i leave the room for a few seconds and go back in, he lies down calmly waiting for me to put my hand on his back/tummy (depending on what he's not lying on!)

i'm not sure how much sense all this will make but i'm more than happy to have a chat via phone if you would find it helpful. i'm by no means an expert but i really do sympathise... surviving sleep deprivation is no mean feat!

update: DS now goes into his cot awake most evenings and falls asleep by himself! (Some evenings he's so shattered that he literally can't stay awake during his bf) If you'd told me a few months ago that this is what it would be like, I'd never have believed you!

If you do plan to have a new strategy, tell us what night you're going to do it and I'm sure a few of us will be on here as moral support. sazzles was here for my first night and it really really helped

Leaving his room when you get worked up with it all is important as well. You need to be calm in his bedroom so if you're not, leave, he may cry for a minute but you can calm him down once you go back in

its ok guys, you can come back now, i've stopped posting mammoth posts....

perhaps you'll appear if i start offering higs....

FREE HIGS AVAILABLE HERE!
FREE HIGS AVAILABLE HERE!
FREE HIGS AVAILABLE HERE!

Boo!

Hiya Oops! you're now the proud owner of your very own hig! congratulations!

I don't really need a hig but will take anything that is being offered free

Am sulking because the lady forgot to put salt and vinegar on my fish and chips which means they weren't worth eating!

I reckon you out to design and sew some higs and give them to people who look like they need them!

ought - not out

I need a HUG!

And an OPINION please. See profile pics for WHAT I FOUND today!!! This is what I plan to be professionally photographed in tomorrow. I think Cyteen's pics got to me. I will be channeling June Cleaver.

TS - you look FAB!!!

miamla can I have a hig please? YOu are spot on with what you did with ds. Did you ever read the Baby Whisperer? That's pretty much what she recommmends.

ann I see a definate pattern here from unsettled babies. Night one is awful. Night two not so bad, night three = pretty much cracked it! Psych yourself up , and we'll all be here to suppoort you

ts sexy lady

oops at daft chip shop person. What kind of person doesn't put S&V on their chips

i am not here . You look fab, BUT i think you can get away with something more daring and vibrant. just feels a bit frumpy (and long) for your personality and figure. sorry

ann miamla speaks wisely from experience, worth a try (but a very committed one) IMO. Sorry things have been so shit . Oh, and i would also try and sort out daytime sleeping to ensure good night sleep. Not sure what miamla the guru has to say on this?

wow, yes I remember your sleep battles miamla I guess I'm just quitenervous of trying to keep my cool in the night. I don't do well with the protracted screaming in the night
I used to bf Seb upstairs with the landing light on before bed, but I've somehow fallen out of the habit. Problem I have is DP likes to have a play with the little man when he gets home (late) so wind down time doesn't generally happen. The other problem is that if Seb is refusing to sleep, DP just gets him up. One of his stock phrases is 'but look at him, he's not tired' The problem is I know that DS has reached that 'wide-eyed exhausted but still trying to play' stage. he's getting better and better at pretending he's not tired as well. And DP always just says 'there's no point trying to get him to sleep, he's not tired' It is quite frustrating, as I know that I won't get any help/support on this, as DP is always untterly convinced that Seb isn't tired. And when DP is convinced of something there's no swaying him.

Then DP deals with the night time waking. End of IMO. Sorry if that sounds harsh but he can't have his playtime with DS and then expect you to deal with the fallout in the night. Very unfair . And exhausting for you

Will chime in and second what Sazzles said, Ann, "when DP starts handling night wakes!"

Thanks ya'll. I like the dress too. Oh and Sazzles, I tried to find RED shoes to give it some kick but no such luck. For a one hour quick shopping spree at the last minute I do believe I scored the jackpot!

ann your dp is being very unfair.

My dh has often said that dcs are not tired they take after himself.

He needs to see that ds is obviously over stimulated and therefore can not settle.
Baby whisperer book is great for explaning about over tiredness.
Would dp read it do you think.

What sort of time does he get home and play with him.

I would bet if he didn't have this play time so late he would settle better.

I knwo this seems unfair when dp has not seen him all day.

I had to do it. Sometimes dh does not see dcs for over three days, as he they are asleep when he goes to work, and asleep when he gets home. Tis awful, and if it were me I would want to see them.

Also have to agree with sazzles that sleep begets sleep.

My dsis though never let her dcs to nap in the day after age 2.
(but she didnt mind her dcs falling asleep on the sofa when very young)

I however need them to go to bed.
and find that if they don't sleep well in day they can be more difficult to settle.
Overtired/overstimulated.

ts I think the dress is fab and you look great, I agree with sazz again. Could you perhaps add a splash of colour with some jewellery or something.

In fact what do I know I only ever do black.

CC course you can my dear! nope, a friend lent me the baby whisperer but i never got as far as reading it

TS sorry no hugs available, just higs here i'm afraid! That outfit is gorgeous but i have to agree with Sazz, you come across as a brightly coloured lady, not a black covered one

oops you may well have something there

ann sazz mentioned daytime naps... i was always really lucky with these. DS was like clockwork, once he'd been awake 2 hours he was then ready for another nap. Now is a different story, he's having one nap from 10ish to 12ish and that's it!
Right, if your DP isn't on your side as it were, could you send him off to his mother's? Mine was away when i took the bull by the horns, it was partly him being away that forced me to sort it out but it was good he wasn't here because i could just get on and try it (I obviously didn't know back then that it would be such a success!). If it didn't work, nothing would be loss. As it was, it did work and DP was amazed at the change when he got back a day later. Also, you need to be firm with DP. Its not fair on Seb that he's going to bed so late and its not fair on you. If DP wants to see Seb then he has to get up in the morning and play with him then (apologies if he does this already). Right, i'm getting down off my soapbox now!

DS poorly with a horrible cold and has got three molars showing their heads at the same time. Tonight's going to be another looooong night. Last night the most consecutive number of minutes of sleep i had was thirty

What more can i do to help him? i've raised the head end of his mattress (with a pillow underneath it) and i've given him calpol. Not sure we've got any but if i find some, can i put some vix on his sheet? the poor little thing keeps waking up because he can't breath through his mouth

miamla i use olbas oil on the sheet - about 4 drops around the cot. Raising teh head is good too, although DD2 always ends up doing a 180 degree swivel, so not sure raised feet help

Ann i agree with No1, if DP is not home in time to see the DS before bed, he misses out (this is what happens here). They go to their rooms at 7.50 for dimmed lights, milk, stories and poems for DD1. In bed asleep by 7.10 at the latest. DH is away a fair bit and i HAVE to have this routine, and I believe it is good for the girls to know what is happening, and when as well. Sorry if it sounds like i am having a go, i am truly not. Hopefully we are supporting your thoughts as to what it is like dealing with an overtired DS, and will give you more strength to be able to stand your ground with DP

Miamla that's how Reese was last week. I did all that you're doing (minus the vicks...didn't think of it at the time). It ran it's course.

I promise to go vibrant another time. I'm a background ornament in these photos tomorrow. DH and I will be in front of either a brick interior wall or a red sofa. The girls will have those houndstooth red/black/cream outfits. That only leaves cream, grey or black for me. Since the style of the black looked best; black it was. I'll try to find my photographers website and show off her work.

Wotcha all.

I'll have a hig please Miamla

Ann un-supportive DPs are a pain on all levels over the sleep. Not just the not-helping practical bit but the general undermining of your experience and knowledge of the child you spend all your day with.

It is worth trying to get a plan together - when mansteak and I worked together it made a huge difference to how easy to settle DD was and how calm we were.
But if you can't it will probably be easier to change things whith DP packed off to his mum.

Though perhaps you should go off to MILs and let him deal with Seb for a night.

Here's my photographer's website.

TS you look amazing in that dress Find some sassy red shoes and you'll be a seasonal stunner.

Ann sorry to hear of your continued woes. I do agree with Sazzles, it's not good enough for your DP to have his cake and eat it like that If he wants his fun playtime with DS (and I can totally understand that he does), then he has to deal with the fallout too.

Also agree that night weaning could really be your friend here. It made such a difference to J's sleep and took the pressure off me as well.

Chin up chuck