Dec 08 - 9 months in, 9 months out!

[jumpjockey]

Hope you don't mind the dodgy thread name but all our babies are 9 months old now or in the next few weeks

happy birthday jolly. hope you had a lovely day. 30s are great, honest...

oh and also to mr veggie. hope you're having a lovely evening

Hello! I was supposed to be coming back to post properly on Thursday but ran out of time. I went to a mate's book launch in a casino on Thursday night, it was surprisingly glitzy. I took DP. He was a bit out of control and just kept marching up to the most famous people he could see and introducing himself, which isn't really the done thing However, at least he isn't a wallflower, for which I am truly grateful. Since then (I only came back last night) I seem to have been variously tidying, writing and sulking.

Veggie, your Amsterdam relocation is SO cool. Moving to another city would be super exciting and I should think it'll be a smashing place to live. I hope Mr Veg had a good birthday. I sent my sister a hat she wanted for her birthday but the company got it all wrong and she took delivery of a suede old lady's hat, for a Mrs Brenda Button of Faversham. Can anyone really be called Brenda Button? Apparently they can.

I know it is officially Sunday, ZJ, but it is still Saturday to me as I haven't been to sleep yet, so happy birthday!

Lal - I know you are Urbane now but you will still be Lal to us, even though Urbane Warrior is a most excellent moniker - I heard that Radio 4 prog about school nurses and thought of Trace too! But what have you been up to, apart from listening to Radio 4?

Spot - pleased about the new gaff in Brighton. But sorry to be losing you from the Smoke of course (hang on, I don't live there either! I forget).

Effie - croup? My goodness, sounds awful. Poor little chap. It sounds so 1940s. Thank you, by the way, for your offer of a meet up last Mon but sadly I saw it too late - otherwise it would have been lovely.

Summer - hurrah for the bike trip. As for getting stuck to a chair, I think D. Brown is a nice man but find all his flim flam incredibly wearisome, so I went to bed. However, DP was bellowing for me to check he was ok (as if he might be immobilised by this hokum) and he was although he claimed his legs went briefly heavy. Mmm.

WG - I am glad you have got Millpond's help and I really hope they earn their money. But I am sorry it sounds so bloody gruelling still. However, having a plan has got to be good, I reckon. Thinking of you. And your DH! I can't wait for the time you come on and post that Madam has had a stack of sleep. And it will happen. Do you think she will talk soon?

Trace, it's lovely that your job is going so well. I am so super pleased for you!

Arti, I am sorry to hear your DD1 has been biting poor dear little DD2. I hope they weren't rough with you on the other thread. There can be a sort of jeery cynicism on here (not on HERE, I mean on the wider MN) which can be a little dispiriting. Also, I can see that a new nanny would cause anxiety generally. Hmm. When are you back at work?

I suppose I really should try to go to sleep. DP is away tonight as he was playing in a gig and staying the night at his friend's. He is not in my good books lately and I don't actually know whether it's me or him. This whole work thing has got me down (at the party the other night, people I didn't know asked me what I do and it was strange to have to say "Well, nothing concrete but I used to be a..." I miss London and I am just in a bit of a grump, I think. So maybe it is partly me, but DP is certainly not always the easiest of people. Also, romance seems to have left my life for good and I really don't like that. Tell me girls, should I worry?

Just looking in to wish Jolly and ZJ a fabulous belated birthday. All hell breaking loose here - will be on again later once everyone stopped crying.

ZJ am so sorry I forgot. I can't believe I did having logged on especially to wish you and jolly happy birthday. Am a clown. Hope you had a lovely day.

Just had a huge sunday lunch so feeling nicely sleepy. Although peace disturbed by wars over the brio again. back later

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, but it isn't my day til February! Nice to get a mini mid year celebration though

Sorry that's my fault I meant to wish JB a happy birthday but accidently typed ZJ sorry ZJ and sorry JB for not wishing you a happy birthday.

It looks like many a sunny Sunday has been disturbed by grumpy youngsters we were having a good one until dinner tonight. I made a kind of ribbon pasta stir fry thing with egg and a stir fry sauce that I make with passata and tamari sauce. The was some chopped up veg which DS2 absolutely loved and wolfed down but got grizzly because there was not enough of the veg, while next to him DS1 sat picking off bits of finely chopped carrot, cougette and green beans grumbling about not liking green zings (his TH's turn into z's sometimes). I ended up getting grumpy when DS2 started squealing at me angrily when I offered some ribbon pasta he clearly did not want and DS1 announced he was full and wanted chocolate. I got quite angry then and snapped at poor DS2 to shut up and told DS1 that he would be getting no dessert if he was too full for dinner he was too full for chocolate! In the end he ate a decent amount for fear of missing the tiny little chocolate frog we bought him earlier today and DS2 I gave up on and took up for his bath. I think his teeth are really bothering him and he found trying to chew the egg and pasta too painful. Poor thing I can see the teeth up top just about to burst through with gums around being quite red and inflamed looking poor thing it must really hurt.

Lady sorry your feeling a bit low. I do know what you mean about the work thing. As much as we might hate it we are defined a bit by what we do even if it just gives us a label to say to people, 'I'm a nurse', 'I'm a lawyer' etc but also when we feel we are quite good at what we do it's a bit of a self esteem, pride thing too. These days if I tell people I'm a SAHM they either ask me what I used to do and when am I planning on going back to work or in some situations move on to the next person or wander off because I'm clearly not very interesting. My old job title used to elicit real respect from people but my current 'job' at best produces sympathy, at worst a look of complete distaste. I do get the odd older mother saying they wished they had taken time out to be at home with their kids but that's quite rare. Oh and of course I get abused by working mums who assume that I don't agree with mothers working, which I have no problem at all with. Anyway sorry I've digressed a bit there Lady but I think you get my drift, just tell people your freelancing or taking a career break but don't beat yourself up about this crappy situation. For 12 years you did a bloody good job and you should be proud of that I think you have an opportunity now to take you good work ethic and vast experience and drill it into something new. In between all this you also have a bit of golden time with DD she will never be 9 months old (nearly 10 months) ever again.

Don't even ask me about romance but you have what you have and you can't change it but you can enjoy it.

Speaking of romance it was DH's birthday so after a lovely meal (and some bloody strong Mai Tais) we got down to business but DS2 woke up and in the end I had to put him in with us but DH was not willing to miss out oj his birthday right so I had to well erm hold DS2 hand to keep him settling off to sleep in the bed next to us while we erm well you know! I felt a bit naughty but I guess that must be what tribal people do in their group hut things, isn't it?!

Hello!

DS2 is in his cot. I think he might be asleep as the screaming has stopped. He was only crying for about 5 minutes. Fingers crossed it lasts.

Hope you are all well.

Spoke too soon, DH has gone up to him now.

Evening All

Many belated happy returns to JB, and a few very advance happy returns to ZJ .

Veggie - You make me laugh so much. Holding hands with DS2 while fulfilling DH - what a multi-tasker!

LadyT - Sorry to hear you are feeling a little wobbly about your DP and your new job status. You have had a stressful few weeks waiting for work new and living in flux puts a lot of pressure on your relationship. Is your DP doing anything particular other than failing on the romance side? Or are you just feeling generally fed-up? I think it is normal to occasionally view ones partner with a general air of fed-upness when you have a young baby. Life changes so much and romance and even conversation end up taking a back seat at times. I hope its no more than that.

I am feeling rather down too. I am finding parenting quite hard at the moment. DD1 is reacting quite badly to the fact that DD2 can crawl. Up until now she has generally been very sweet with her sister but the last few days she has bit her, pushed and screamed quite a lot. Its because DD2 can get to the toy box herself now and so DD1 can no longer control what she shares. Its really trying my patience. But its not just that. TBH I have found the last 8 weeks without a nanny pretty hard going - its so relentless with two kids and no help. A few times I have lost my temper with DD1 and I feel very bad about that. I wanted to be a lovely mum, I always thought I would be, but at the moment I am just an OK mum with occasional flashes of being quite a poor Mum. I have to admit I am really looking forward to my first full week back at work this week. And I feel very bad about that given how unsettled the kids are with there new nanny. But I am chomping at the bit to get back to my old life for a bit. I need to remember that the grass always seems greener but rarely is, no doubt in a few weeks time I will be sick of work and romantisizing being at home.

We seem to have lost PMK. PMK where are you???? And Indith?

Hello Arti I just saw your response to the toddlers in farms.

I'm sure you will miss being at home with your DDs when your at work because much of the time it's fine and often fun but there are those little incidents where we lose it and it's makes it so hard. Go back and enjoy work and then enjoy quality time with the LOs. I know what you mean about grumbles when they are crawling. DS2 adores DS1 so when DS1 is sat on the floor playing with his train track DS2 crawls up and tries to climb on to his back next thing I hear DS2 yelling at me 'mummy Jordan's on me and breaking my tracks' not sure how he manages to do it all at once. So then I have to pull DS2 off him which makes DS2 cry because he just wants to cuddle his brother. In other news though DS2 has finally mastered crawling our the back door and down the one back step which I have been trying to get him to do since he started crawling. I like leaving the back door open but before now he would try crawl out head first and it's quite a drop onto a brick path so a bit concerning. When out we only have a little garden do he can't come to much harm so now finally I can leave the door open knowing he will turn around and to out side on or bum first. He's quite chuffed with himself and crawls so fast out to the grassed bit and he enjoys picking the tomatoes. So far only red ones. Shame it will be too cold soon to leave the door open.

Hello!
I am here, it's really late and all are asleep except me! No real reason - just catching up on lots of stuff since getting the internet back on this week etc, and everytime I went to post, ds would be needing something - you all know how that is!!

Thanks for those who asked after me - hello Arti - i'm not lost! I have been occasionally lurking from the phone, but have forgotton most of what I read... Someone commentd awhile back on me type posts - I am the queen of not doing personals and I often feel guilty of that but it's a really bad habit that I'm working on However, tonight at half past midnight will not be a good example of my work so far

But....

Vegggie! Wow! exciting - how long will you be living there for? Aren't you moving to Australia next year? Are you delaying that at all? Would love to meet up over there, and glad you can get to London relatively easily too. Did you decide about the cat? I can totally relate to the cable thing - ds will dive on any electrical wire in sight - I turned my head for 2 seconds and he was wrapped up in my laptop cord earlier

Lady hope you are feeling bit better about things soon. It will all work out - The launch sounded fun. What's happening with the house? sorry if I missed that update....

Spot moving to Brighton sounds fun. Good that you are doing something like that because you can - a lot of people would fear change too much (not me though!)

Happy belated Birthday to Jolly, Sybil and who else have I missed?

Sybil, are you feeling any better? Hope so.

Kayz glad your dh was ok... sounded scary at first but then I figured you'd hardly be posting on Mumsnet if he was gasping for air!

Kiwi, how and where are you these days? I still have your dd's whoozit! lol

Right, I'm tired now so not even going to attempt to write any updates on me (boring anyway!) see how good i'm getting at these non-me posts

I will read back over tomorrow and be back!

Morning.

DH has just rung tax credits and if I give up work we won't get anymore money. It bloody sucks. I am really upset as I hate going to work. I just want to look after the boys.

Hope you are all well.

Hi everyone!

Veggie - Congratulations on the move to Amsterdam/environs! That is so cool.

LadyT - Hope that you are feeling a bit better about not going back to that particular job? From the amount of socialising, networking and working you seem to do, I am sure you are very much in demand! Have you said before that you are working on writing projects of your own? Could this be a chance to pursue those more full time? I have a delusion that if I had more time, I would write more...of course, I suspect that the more time I had the more I would procrastinate (MNet anyone?) but that's probably just me! Oh, and romance...what's that?!

Urbane - Your asthma on holiday sounded really scary. I have asthma too and there is nothing like the panic of not being able to breathe.

ZJ - Love the stories about your DD and your Mum...hope they are building a truce! We had friends come over yesterday and as soon as they walked in the door, DS took one look at them and SCREAMED like he was being tortured. He has never done that before...I had to take him out of the room to calm him down. Funny little creatures, aren't they??

Arti - Sounds really difficult right now. I saw your thread about the biting and I would have been livid too. I am going back to work in early November and a large part of me is starting to get excited about the commute (loon! But I like reading on the train!) and about having some time to myself again.

Happy birthdays to the birthday ladies!

News from the MOM household is that we found DS a childminder that we are delighted with! Still need to check references, but the place seemed lovely. We've been on the waiting list for ages and I didn't think it was going to happen, but amazingly a spot came up. I don't get to choose the days (we have Mon, Tue, Thur, 1/2 day on Fri) but we'll make it work. I was starting to panic about the childcare situation...am sure it is everywhere, but in East Dulwich childcare is a joke. We almost got to the point where a nanny share was going to be the only option and that was going to cost 70-90 per day per family. Whaaaa!! At that rate there is, financially, no point in me working but I haven't got my head around the idea of not going back to my job....so luckily the childminder is more reasonable and seems great.

Other less exciting news...annual flow has returned. I think? It was very very light and just for a couple of days. Did anyone else have the same?

Had a pretty miserable week last week with the DS. He had a nasty cold and fever, was so grumpy and fussy. Very unlike himself. Think there are also some more teeth emerging - the top two are taking ages to break through the gums and there may be some other teeth action. What happened to the promise that the first two teeth are painful but the rest are a breeze (until the molars)? We seem to be having a misery with each and every one.

Hope everyone is well! DS's cold seems better so we're going to go swimming later today. And maybe to the local 1:00 club which is fantastic (went for the first time last week).

My DH is away all week, so lots more time for Mnetting I hope!

Morning all (though it feels like the afternoon). Poor DS2 had a terrible night was unsettled until about 9 with painful gums, then woke screaming blue murder at 2am we shoved everything we could down his throat calpol neurofen, remedies all but milk which he refused I think everytime he started sucking my boob it hurt, even his dummy seems to hurt him. He screamed for ages then finally fell asleep then woke at 5.45am again in pain but it was too early to give him anything so just had to hold him, DH went off to work at 6am (feel a little sorry for him having to get up so early with no sleep but he gets a nice hotel bed to himself tonight so not too sorry for him). DS2 cried intermittently until about 7 when DS1 woke and distracted him a bit and by then I could give him more drugs. Then with DS1 off to school he was ready for his morning nap but was hungry because he refused his breakfast and was still refusing the boob so we cuddled for a bit but he just cried so I bought him downstairs made a coffee and my breakfast with one hand then sat down to watch TV with him on the couch. Finally he took the boob and fell asleep so I have left him here on the couch next to me. I don't have the energy to tidy the house so I'm onto my second coffee next to him. Luckily I got my ocado delivery so have the times to read. There is an article on Anish Kapoor at the RA might have to dump the boys with DH when we are next in London and go see it, we are going down for a friend of DH's party on the 4th so I might go then. Oh and will be staying for a few days as my niece is flying in on the 6th October so will take her back with us.

Nice to see you PMK how is the new house? How is the hound coping with the move. We are not sure what to do with the cat, we will have to give him away eventually as we are still planning to go home late next year but we are suddenly feeling a bit guilty about sending him away.

Kayz sorry about the tax credits thing. I always feel incredibly lucky that we can afford for me not to work (not that we lost out much after childcare costs) it's so unfair though that not every women has this choice. There is all the crap in the media about women having more choice about motherhood and careers these days, and working mothers wanting it all, but it's clearly a load of crap, being a SAHM has actually become a luxury, oops Ive popped up onto my soap box again haven't I. < veggie steps down of said box and wanders off in search of more coffee >

< veggie suddenly remembers something and drops coffee and runs back in>

Mom fab news about the child minder, when do you start back? Also my DH is away all but Wednesday so we can be home alone together.

Veggie - I'm back to work on Nov 9th but my parents are coming from Canada to cover until after Xmas (DS needs to be over 1 to go to the childminder). Sorry your DS2 is so upset. Hopefully those nasty teeth cut through soon and give him some respite!

My DS is totally off solid food. Very unlike him. He will only eat blueberries, porridge with blueberries in it and yoghurt smoothies. [hmmm]

hello!
I've only got 3 minutes...started work early so finished work early so came home between work and getting Lu from school.

mom My flow has not yet returned but I'm still BF so don't know when to expect it. But I have heard that the first ones are particularly heavy and painful - a light one could mean a pregnancy

Veggie poor little ds2. P is doing lots of crying too but no sign of any teeth. Her eczema is awful today though so we've added in the steroid cream. Poor thing - that might be why she's been grumpy at night? I'm thinking of every excuse I can for her, but I bet really she's in a bad habit and likes the attention!

ah my time's up...will try to pop back later. Off to in-laws in Leeds as it's MIL's birthday.

bye xx

veggie - oh, poor you and ds2 - sounds awful.

trace - ditto

mom - i had slight bleeding when madam was 8 weeks old as she was going 8 hours a night wihtout a feed (ah, those were the days...) but it wasn't a proper period. i had, though, a proper period at the end of july when she had started eating properly, but nothing since then. dh and i did do the deed the other night, having "pulled the goalie", but i doubt v much that we are now preggers, although i would be pleased/terrified. i think if you are bf, it could be a while.

and our news is that madam slept (for her) really well these last 2 nights - waking for feeds twice and went back easy peasy. yay! however, i am under no illusions that it may all change. we talk to the sleep person again this week to see how things are going and where we need to go from here - we've bgot 6 weeks' support from them.

also , madam is getting another tooth, so that may have explained the HELL she put us through last week. who knows???

invisible - sorry missed the post about getting head hunted - sounds great

ladyt - ugh ugh ugh about work, relationships and all. it is so hard having a little one and it plays havoc with our self-image, our relationships and all. friends tell me it is heads down to the grindstone and then you emerge about a year later to find everything easier. and then you go and have another and it allstarts again.

madam is now waking up from her - drumroll, pls - 1.5 hour nap. must go and wipe myself off the floor with shock.

Hi everyone! I'm back from holiday and back online on and off. my laptop is so slow, I actually find itpainful to go online!

Re the work discussions - I would LOVE not to go back to work, but it makes sense financially and so have relented to DH and said I will go back 3 days a week and work have agreed. Hurray sort of. Re the labelling and being defined by what we do, I'm a secretary, so I think that saying I'm a full time mother is actually a damn sight more interesting and fun than typing all day!!! We're trying to sort out childcare at the moment - a nannyshare or local nursery as all good childminders seem to be full around us!!! Battersea - bloody nappy valley! hee hee! Starting in December, so it's starting to be a bit urgent now.

Anyway, all still well here. Cornwall was fantastic and I feel like our marriage is coming back on track, having had a few dodgy moments with lack of understanding from DH and lack of willingness to compromise on routine from me! I completely understand how you're feeling ladyt and feel romance has pretty much gone for us - although starting to come back a bit. Sometimes I have felt so lonely since having DD, which I just wasn't expecting. And other times I have been lying in bed with DH next to me, thinking how much I hate him! Terrible, but true. But think he's now helping a bit more because DD is more interesting and interactive. So I'm feeling more relaxed and happier with him. But am sure more hateful moments to come!!!

DD also isn't crawling yet, which is a bit of a worry - anyone else in same boat???!

Beans DS2 doesn't crawl at all. He commando crawls everywhere or walks if we're holding his hands. I just think he will never crawl and go straight to walking everywhere.

Thanks Kayz - DD doesn't even commando crawl. Although she will totter around if we hold her hands too - sounds similar!

Must go & do supper for DD!

Cheerio for now to all .

xx

Hello, I'm on on my weekly working-so-access-to-the-computer post . Thanks for all the support, DS2 is much better now. He had a couple of doses of steroids and is breathing much better, though he still has a hacking smoker's cough. DS1 has been a bit unsetlled as well, I suspect a combination of DS2 being unwell and me being at work for a few days. Hopefully it will pass. Oh, and DS2 is only commando crawling as well, he tries to get up on his knees/feet then collapses!

Arti: I know what you mean about work, despite abandonding the boys I've really enjoyed being in the office for the odd day. From experience, three days a week will be great (that's until Christmas), four days less so. I was really worrying about coming back, esp as it's hardly worth our while financially, but I've remembered that there is a reason I've been doing this for 10 yeras: I enjoy it and I like to think I'm pretty good at it. On a shallow note, it's nice to do things and get some praise or acknowledgement when it goes well, something that rarely happens when you're a mum.

WG: the sleep thing sounds great, two short wakings is brilliant.

LadyT: hope you're feeling brighter, but please feel free to vent if not! I'm back in the city on a more permanent basis from mid-Oct so if you fancy a civilised cup of tea or something then let me know.

On a sad note, I had a phone call from a friend and long-term colleague this morning to let me know her husband had died . He'd been ill for some time but I'm not sure that makes any difference. So hard to know what to say. I've sent her a card and an illegible note (does anyone write any more? My handwriting would shame a seven year old) and am trying to work out who I should tell and who she'd prefer to contact herself. I am really bad at this stuff, but she has been a good friend to me so if anyone has any suggestions as to things that might help her I would be very grateful.

not sure that last post made any sense and in fact sounded a bit insulting: what I meant to say is that he was retired and had been suffering from ill-health for several years, but obvioulsy it was still a huge shock for her.

DS2 is in bed. He is not a happy bunny but it has to be done. DS1 has just gone up to bed with DH so hopefully DS2'll settle down.