June 08: I see it, I want it, it's mine!

[spongebrainmaternitypants]

Welcome to our new thread .

viva, thank you for tracking me down on the baby names thread - and for your positive comments about Keir. Still really liking it, dh not so keen .

I love the name Nicholas, but unfortunately I used to have a friend called 'Nic' (female) who I fell out with catastrophically a couple of years ago. She caused me untold distress over my pg and various other things, and I really can't get past that with the thought that I would have to use that name every day for the rest of my life .

Have to say that George is moving up the list too!

sorry sponge , knew I would leave someone out (although maybe you just weren't moaning as much as the rest of us )

Keir is a lovely name sponge - fight your corner! Although of course, I still like George too .

Apologies for being so ranty yesterday and dispensing with unsolicited advice (I had my HR hat on allnew so I hope I didn't offend you yesterday when commenting on the situation with your boss). Thanks again for all the supportive comments about weight, it really makes me feel better knowing that there are quite a few of you in the same boat and it's perfectly normal for some babies to drop down the centiles.

Sorry about Ethan's stroppiness Deb how is he now he's back home?

Thanks for the comments re: finding my Father. I'm not sure what I want to come of it, my expectations are pretty low actually, which I think is probably a good thing. It was a new search engine that prompted me (yasni.com) I typed his name in, which I do occasionally on facebook, etc out of a vague sense of curiousity, no burning desire. This time I got a few results incl a couple of pictures. When it came up with his work details, I saw that he'd moved back to the town I was born in, which seemed like a strange thing for him to do. That fact and the possible NZ move made me think it was now or never. It might still be never though as he hasn't replied yet. I said in my email that if I didn't hear from him in a week or so I'd assume he didn't want to make contact. Which wasn't meant to be as manipulative as it sounds, it was just so that I could then close it off in the "Oh well, I tried" category and get on with my life.

Sponge - YANBU at all! Someone said to me the other day "is she a girl" I said no, she said "yeah I thought he was a boy"! Then why did you ask if he was a girl then? Some people just say the most inane things about babies genders.

Ryder's feet have gone up a whole size in two months. Back on ebay for second hand clarks shoes for me. Got a few 4.5G's if anyone's interested?

Allnew - Of course you must be flexible, but your employer doesn't need to be! I'm getting a bit fed up of hearing about lots of companies really pushing their staff with the underlying threat of "you're lucky to have a job right now2. Sorry, that may not be the situation you're in, but it does seem to be a bit common ATM.

Essie - I'm sure you're building up calf muscles with your treadmill runs, so maybe you'll have more choice of boots soon. I do like those shoes still, but much better in red.

Drama - Your HV sounds really, really crap.

Sponge - loving the word "Twunt".

I read that metro letter Allnew - didn't he also say that we chose to live in London and get the tube? I remember thinking that if there was an option to move out of London for the 9 months of pregnancy I'd have loved it! He made me so paranoid that I never asked anyone for a seat even when I thought I was going to pass out.

Deb - Glad you all had a great holiday, think the screeching thing is affecting a few of us now.

Allnew - great summary. Is there any chance you could offer to take work home rather than stay late?

sponge not sure an angry canadian sounds very scary I really like the name Keir.

Fraser's a shrieker too. We've had some dirty looks from old men in grocery stores but there's always a couple women laughing at me and saying "I remember that stage" which makes me feel better.

I really like the name Keir.

yes penguin he did indeed say that - as if people have a choice about how to get into work!

On the work front - bdq, no , not offended at all! PP yes, there is always the underlying thought that in the next reorg they'll use any reason to get rid. Also regardless of employment law, I certainly feel (or maybe am made to feel, not sure) that they are doing me a favour somehow with flexible hours, even though my contract has been changed to the reduced hours and I'm paid less. Ridiculous I know. So atm I'm sitting around waiting for my manager to come out of a meeting, at which point I'll find out whether or not I need to make changes to a document . Of course I'm not actually invited to the said meeting, and so any required changes will be relayed to me 2nd hand and I will be required to interpret them and stay late making the changes

Keir is a great name. Love George too though now firmly on the no list. We are holding steady with:

Theodore (Teddy)
Annabelle (Belle)

Thanks for the support. TBH feeling quite distraught and emotional at the mo so might linger/lurk.

Welcome home Debs
Viva- get back to work
PP- great news about your dad. Fingers crossed you get made redundant (how wrong does that sound).
Amber- hope the move goes well
Hello to allnew (great summary) BDQ, abdn, ktpie, ali etc xxx

Puree sorry you are finding it tough. Is it just the house guests?

The thread picked up speed yesterday and I have now lost track of all the things that I could say. Apologies for those neglected:

Deb glad the hol was good. P has been quite hard going in the afternoons over the last week too. Very shrieky. I have stopped the afternoon BF though and I think on some days he is really missing it. On other days though he is fine without. Now down to just one feed first thing.

Penguin well done for emailing your Dad. If I was in your shoes I would be checking my email every five minutes and driving myself into a frenzy. Hope that you have more self control than me.

Amber I thought of you yesterday. I met up with friends on the South Bank for lunch. Despite a lengthy walk P refused to sleep. I think London was just too stimulating. Anyway, P got increasingly distraut in Tate Modern and we had a bit of a hellish journey home, followed by screaming instead of eating tea. Eventually I put him to bed at 5.45 without any tea (I did try to offer it) and he conked out for 11.5 hours. For some reason I thought of you and Luke last summer. Good luck with the house move, and hope L is feeling better.

Aberdeen I watched "Location, Location" last night. It was from your neck of the woods. What a lovely place you live in. When they were with the couple moving to the countryside I could visualise you and your boys making mud pies in the woods. Sorry to hear about your DH's job offer. That really is very poor indeed. Hope he is able to hold out for an improved offer. Allnew sorry to hear about your boss being a "twunt" as well.

Sponge I seem to have revived your name thread. Ignore me being daft with my Socialist suggestions. Also ignore Robert, probably too dull for you if you are wanting something with more va va vroom. I went to a new music group this morning and one of the boys is called Phoenix (to begin with I thought it was Felix but then the name badges went on!! Does that appeal??

Rolf are you back from your hols? How are things?

Hi everyone, Ethan is still moany today, don't know if he's not well, have resorted to calpol this morning. Ali - Ethan was a milk monster on holiday but as it was quite hot I just went with it, now is the time to start cutting down and I don't think it's going to be easy.

I was also thinking about Rolf today and wondering of she'd been on whilst I was away. ROLF - where are you? Hope your holiday was good, boys back to school now?

Tristan got his glasses today and he's so excited about them, photo going on FB when I can get it to work, he's not so excited about having to wear a patch every afternoon

Puree - sorry to hear you might be lurking, we're here when you need us.

bugger, got to go, just got distracted by this and have very soggy carrots for tea now, be back later

Welcome back Deb, I peeked at your pics on FB, looked like a great holiday and the photos of you and your boys are lovely.

Our mortgage is sorted. Hurrah! All being well, our house should be ready in two months time! Which means packing... Urghhhhh. I feel a big clear out coming on. I did get round to listing some baby stuff on Ebay this week, despite their ridiculous fees and PayPal fees. I'm not expecting that much, but I'll be glad to get rid.

I took B to nursery today to try and 'acclimatise' him - at least get him used to the building. It was quite strange, a nursery with no children. He enjoyed himself getting stuck into all of the new toys, and cried when it was time to leave, so I don't think we're going to have any problems with him. Just keeping my fingers crossed that it will be open by the time I start work.

MMR for B today, and a booster (bad mum, I can't remember what the booster was for), all seems fine so far.

Puree, I love Belle, one of my aunts was called that.

Allnew, sorry you're having work problems.

BDQ - yes, that HV sounds like a complete arse. I'm sure you've got nothing to worry about with S - he is a lovely lively boy.

Puree - I understand the lurking. Thinking of you though. If you need/fancy a Wimbledon meet up, let me know. I love the names, we liked Belle too. Re: the gender thing, the only reason boys are better than girls is they are much easier to name (in the penguin household anyway).

AliP - I don't have more self control than you. I think it may be the reason why I'm lurking on the internet rather a lot today. He's just replied, so thankfully that's the waiting game over. Now I'm wondering what I've started!!! It was a nice email in which he understandably said he was gobsmacked but really happy to hear from me. He guessed by my surname that I was married and asked if he was a grandfather. For some reason that pissed me off a bit cos he's not been a father, so I don't think he can be Ry's grandfather yet. Does that make any sense at all? He also signed it with his name and (Dad) in brackets....which is also a bit much, just for now. But I'm nitpicking. It was a lovely message, I do feel like I've opened a can of worms though. I honestly didn't really expect him to reply.

AliP - We're having trouble with eating here too (Ry that is, not me unfortunately). Egg and raisins are the only food he will definitely eat. Any suggestions welcome. He still drinks far too much milk, so we need to cut down on that in case it is filling him up too much I think.

Deb - Your photos on FB are lovely. You look so young and happy in them. Your boys are so photogenic and they look cheeky and smiley which is lovely.

Oh bugger - I'm a bit gobsmacked here...it's gonna be a rollercoaster 2/3 months before NZ now. As if the last year hadn't been eventful enough!!!

PP, no wonder you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by his response - and I can understand you're mixed feelings about him referring to himself as dad/grandad. So hard for you both. What does S think about all this?

Ali, thanks for your name suggestions - I think I'm definitely decided against Oliver cos of it's popularity. I do like the name Robert, but he was my mum's adored little brother who died in tragic circumstances when he was 19 (40 years ago). Mum has never really come to terms with it and I think she'd find it v hard to hear his name all the time.

As for Phoenix - hmm . . . Alex and Phoenix? Doesn't really work for me!

whinegums, your house looks fab .

puree, big hugs.

allnew, your boss is being a major twunt now!

Deb, love your photos .

AH, lol at scary Canadian not being that scary.

BDQ, have you made a doc's appt yet?

Thanks PP - do you mean I look younger than 40 - if so then yippee!!!
I can see why you're a bit put out by the Dad/Grandad thing but I don't suppose there's a right way to go about something like this,if he hadn't asked if you'd got children you'd probably be wondering why he hadn't. As you say it's going to be a rollercoaster! ((hugs))

Whinegums - that's great news about the mortgage

PP, that is massive news, very exciting and understandable scary too. Am I right in thinking he may have wanted to be a part of your life but your mum wouldn't allow it? I know what you mean about the dad/grandad thing but if he never actively avoided being a dad for you can understand why he might still think oi himself that way. Does he live near you?

Allnew, I definitely think you need to be quite firm with your boss and say you were mistaken in saying you could work late/be more flexible. Maybe say you thought your DH would be able to do pick-up but can't therefore you have no choice but to leave when you have to leave. Is there any way you can take work home? Not that you should have to but if you felt that you would stay late if it were not for the baby then doing a bit of work at home is a good compromise and shows willing with your boss. He is being a prick though IMHO!

Puree, sorry to hear you are feeling down. I hope you haircut has cheered you up.

Abdn, good for your DH fighting for more pay. If he is good and they need him they will always be willing to pay a bit more.

At my place they are making redundancies, but in the London office (and Glasgow), not our office. Which is great for us, not so great for everyone else and gives us a dilemma in terms of the union support we give them cos if they take industrial action most people (well, I think everyone apart from me ) would refuse to strike because our jobs are not at risk. But the thing is, they are not at risk now, next year they could be. I'd go on strike, that's why the owner is not cutting jobs at our place, cos we went on strike last year and he is scared we would again. Divide and conquer . I think the owner thinks he can produce newspapers and mags without any staff .

Debs, your holiday looks amazing!

Whinegums, your house looks amazing!

wrt tantrumming toddlers, T throws some right strops now. He loves his beaker of milk in the morning and usually scoffs the lot in one go, but the last couple of days he has whinged and thrown it on the floor. Yesterday it became clear that he wanted a different beaker. I poured the milk from the blue beaker to the black and white beaker and he drank the lot. At first I thought well I am not having that, he can have whatever beaker I give him, but then I thought well, if he prefers one over the other then what's the harm in giving him the one he prefers, especially as he can't yet understand yet why he can't have the beaker he really wants. When he is older I will explain that milk is milk and if he doesn't want it from that beaker he can't have any. What do you think?

Fraser's been diagnosed with an Inguinal Hernia and will (almost certainly) need surgery. His bowels are slipping out into his groin when he poos or gets too upset and then slip back in when he relaxes.

I was very calm at first and I understand that it's a minor surgery and very common, but it's 10pm now and I'm a bit teary - he's so little and surgery and hospitals are scary...

We now have to wait 2-4 weeks to see a specialist which makes me upset because I first raised this with the HV three months ago and I took Fraser to a doctor ten days ago who dismissed my concerns. Fortunately we weren't happy with that so DH took him back today. I hate the fact that I could have seen the specialist (and he'll have an ultrasound) already and we could have known how bad it is and if he's at risk for a strangulated bowel.

Anyways, we are supposed to be going away to Aviemore tomorrow which I now don't want to do but DH does (he's packing right now). I just want to curl up and cuddle Fraser! I know I'm probably overreacting and it's minor in the scheme of things, but it's so hard to be sensible when it's your baby...

Oh, abdn big hugs! Poor wee mite. Knowing its common doesn't make it any easier. And at your health care professionals on your behalf. Perhaps a trip away will help take your mind off things though?

PP I found it very emotional reading your post earlier! Your feeling about dad/grandad sound pretty understandable to me, but I couldn't help but think this could be the start of a journey that could eventually bring some extra happiness to all of your lives. I certainly hope so.

Puree sorry you're not feeling the best. I hope the sun shines a little brighter in your world soon.

Whinegums great news on the mortgage. My (not quite as) exciting news is that I flogged our easybase on gumtree. And they ended up taking the car seat too. Extra pennies for my christmas shopping fund. Yes, I'm talking about the C word again, I can't help it, it's my favourite day of the year

Neenz I'm clearly no expert, but I'd give him the beaker that he wants. Plenty of time to teach him to 'get what he's given' when he can understand. S can get a bit tantrum like at dinner, but it's usually frustration.

Hi to everyone else!

Oh Abdn, poor wee Fraser, not surprised you feel like that. But - aren't we supposed to have some nice weather tomorrow, and a day out would do you all good I think? As would cuddling your baby of course - do what you feel you would enjoy the most.

Neenz - I would let him have the beaker. Pick your battles. Added to which, I like my coffee out of my favourite mug, so why shouldn't T like his milk from his favourite beaker? I would get quite peed off with DP if he made me coffee in the 'wrong' cup!

PP - as yesterday - I hope it turns out the way you want. I would take it slowly, and not expect too much. Very emotional though.

BDQ - well done on gumtree. I did eventually get a reply on [whisper again] netmums. But it was a cheeky bint who asked if she could have all the car seat stuff (seat, base, footmuff, raincover) and a LOAD of other stuff I'd listed for less than I'd listed the car seat by itself. In the meantime I've passed the seat and base onto someone DP has been working with anyway. Ah, another Chrimbo fan. Have you got the iPhone Christmas app - one of my friends has it, and it tells you how many sleeps til the big day...

Just got my Christmas countdown app it's 106 sleeps! There's loads of apps for Christmas shopping lists - electronic Christmas stationery porn

what a cheeky bunt on netmums btw! That'll teach you!

Bint, not bunt! Naughty iPod.

Abdn that's awful, really distressing.

PP the whole 'dad' thing is a bit odd - like you needed a reminder or something! You wrote to him, and to you he's just 'John Smith' (or whatever), no pet name/relationship marker etc. Grandfather - maybe it was just a nice sort of way to ask if you'd sprogged (without using language like that ). But then... I think it's quite exciting. My mother never made contact with her birth mother (last saw her when she was 5) and regrets it to this day. But that's a much much longer story.

Neenz don't ask me about beakers. I'm the one with the fixations here, not Iestyn! Today, I found a navy blue - yes, navy blue! - TT beaker. I'm abnormally excited. (I do have mild OCD. Actually, judging by that it's not at all mild, it's raging out of control!)

Puree hope things get better your end. But darn, you've vetoed Verity. I'm going to have to change your mind somehow! Ali funny you should say that - I met a couple at church and asked their baby's name, and I thought they said Felix but no, it was Phoenix. But get this, it was a girl! I've been waiting for the right moment for that one! I'm totally non-judgmental about names and open minded, but that one I struggled with. It was all I could do not to blurt out 'you freaks' or 'Christ what a stupid name' etc. And then Tim wandered over and said 'oh cute baby, what is she called' and I had to do frantic DON'T say anything faces behind the couple's back in case he thought it was a joke...such a minefield.
Sponge Keir - I like it. But what is it? I'm aware of Keir Hardie (I was at Swansea Socialist Institute - no, sorry I mean the University! ) and it's making a comeback as a name. Is it Scottish? What does it mean?

Hi to everyone else - where is Rolf?

Googled it. Keir is Celtic (but Q branch not P) and means 'dark-skinned'. Can't work out how, though.

Essie you see I think Phoenix is almost better on a girl. I am afraid that I am totally judgemental about names. When I was PG I thought there was money to be made writing a tongue in cheek book called "The totally non PC guide to naming your baby". It would have chapters like: if you want your baby to fit in here then use one of these names.... However having read the thread this week on what teachers associate with names I realise now that I would probably be sent death threats by MNetters, so it is probably not worth it . This may be the social scientist or just the bitch in me, but I think that names and how they are used is completely fascinating. For example, at my school there was one Imogen. She was the daughter of a very academic, musical slightly unworldly family. Today Imogen as a name is seriously popular and is the name chosen by the glam blonde one from our NCT group. I cant think of two more different families. I also wonder whether the meanings attributed to names are sometimes bollocks. I have had a mug for the last 20 years that declares that my name means "truthful". I think I have lived up to this though as I find it very hard to conceal what I actually think about stuff!

Sponge I think that if you like Keir, and your DH is happy(ish) then go for it. However, I should mention that when I discussed this with my DH he said:
Never heard of it.
For a girl?
Short for Keiran?
So my DH is a bit dopey sometimes, but I think what I am saying is that it might be one of those names that needs explaining (to dopey people) a bit, which may or may not bother you.

Puree forgot to say well done on getting down to two names. Pleased that you worked out a route to Teddy without needing Edward. I knew there was such a name, but couldn't remember it was last week . The only Annabelle I know is a stylish gregarious anethetist, I think it goes with DD1's name.

PP how did you sleep? I think it is good that you got a reply, it shows that it isn't as though he doesn't give a shit. You also got a reply quite quickly, and I am sure that he would have found it hard knowing what to write, so that may be why the wording is a bit off. The other thing that I thought over night is that you say he knew you till you were 18 months. Well, if James were to lose contact with Peter this Christmas then I am sure that he would still think of himself as Peter's Dad no matter what. Agree with Essie that the grandad thing is just a way of asking if you have sprogged, it doesn't have to assume a relationship.

AH so sorry to hear about Fraser . I hope to get away today for a change of scenery and some quality time with all three of your boys.

Exciting morning here for us. I am putting P in the creche at the leisure centre for the first time whilst I do an exercise class. I decided that it is time he tries a bit of time away from me, and time for me to get some head space.

Sponge also meant to say how terribly sad that is about your mother's brother. Makes sense why you couldn't use Robert. Would your Mum struggle with alternative nick names for Robert that her brother wasn't called? Robbie, Bobby etc. Sounds as though the whole thing would be too sad for her. My friend called her DD Alana after her Dad who was an Alan and had died 2 years beforehand. I think she found it quite therapeutic.

Abdn - Poor little Fraser, although I am sure he will be fine. Poor you! I would be wobbly about it too. Well done on persevering.

Ali - How did Peter like the creche? I have replied to my father and as part of the reply asked if we could not use "Dad" or "Grandad" just yet, in a nice way. Back to waiting for a reply...tick, tock, tick tock . My sister is coming to look after Ry tomorrow (yay, a day off!). She knows I've found my father on the internet, but doesn't know I made contact. He's not her Dad, but was her Stepdad until she was about ten. Obviously she remembers him and is quite curious about the whole thing.

I quite like the name Phoenix, for a boy or a girl. I wouldn't use it, but I like it.

Sponge - DH is being amazingly supportive over the father thing, as usual. Couldn't have got through this year without him, and I used to think I was the strong one in our relationship! I could be completely wrong here, but have you asked your Mum about using the name Robert? She might surprise you and be really touched. It could be a lovely way to remember someone.

Neenz - He may have wanted to be part of my life indeed, time to hear his side of the story. He lives in Hastings, where I grew up. (I think he moved away when he split up with my Mum and has moved back recently). Agree with Whinegums re the beaker, pick your battles. We still let Ry have a bottle for his last milk of the day, bad habit but happy household.

Essie - at the navy TT cup. How sad are you gonna be when I grows out of TT cups?

Deb - In the back to the UK program I'd have put you at 36-37, in your photos, closer to 31-2. I'm hoping that you are 40 and that I haven't just offended you greatly.

Right, I am planning on limiting my internet time to a max of 2 hours a day. We gave up most TV and I've just replaced it with the web! So, I may not reply for a bit. (And it will stop me checking my emails for a reply every 5 mins).

Hugs to Puree if you're lurking today. x