Nov 2008: Spain, France, Leeds or Brum, wherever we are we're still mums

[juanitad]

Hope this works! I'm a techno-idiot!!

VBAB I second Ellielou, please don't think I am speaking out of turn but perhaps you also need to speak with your HV / GP. There is no other way of asking this..

Do you think you could have a bit of PND as if you do its nothing to be ashamed off and it can be sorted with help. I am sure many of us here can raise our hand and say they have perhaps suffered / are suffering. X

Thank you ladies. Dont know how to get out of this slump or even if I have the energy. Just plodding along until some miracle happens and I am something like my old self. Dont want to go to gp as dont think what I am feeling justifies it and being the independant person I am I dont want the professional help or the tablets. Also sort of makes EVERYTHING my fault not a mixture of things.
Thanks again will try and not post stupid self pity crap for a while.

vbab I know I am meant to be "doing the orf" but haven't got around to that yet, and wanted to respond to your post as you sound so sad . Remember, deep breath, and count to 10 before you react to anything he does. What was he doing that was so bad???

There are so many different coping strategies out there, you just need to find the right one for your DS. Howa re you feeling about things now??

I think you should go out for a run tonight - you are an ex X country runner, so will still have it in you, In Jan I could barely run to the end of the road, now I am running 10 miles. You will be surprised how quickly it comes back to you. Please, get your ipod and do get DH to watch the little ones....Start of running 3 mins, then walking 1 min and see how you get on.....I absolutely PROMISE you will get endorphins released which are the "HAPPY HORMONES" AND will make you feel better about a lot. Like *cveebee( I am also a gym bunny, I really need to do a combat class to let out all my frustrations

Choc howe goes it today???? Are you sneakily MN at work

pinky you are amazing making things! I wish I had your talent! Speaking of which, would it be possible to make me a comfort blanket (muslin sized) for Tiger?? Same pattern would be fab...can you FB me if that is possible??? She has taken a liking to your blanket but it is obviously way 2 big to carry around everywhere!!!

vbab just read the other ladies comments, I have also wondered about you being a touch PND? (which is nothing to be ashamed of in the slightest as it is not something you can or can't control). Have you thought this yourself??? Come back and speak to us, I am around for at least 20mins....

But Vbab what you describe as "not being able to get out of the slump or energy" is a commom feeling when you have a touch of PND and you have been feeling like it for a while.

You know from my previous posts in the past how badly I got it after DD1 because I refused help, thought it was me etc. Please see someone, you are worthy and you are not a bad person. PND is not your fault it is caused by an chemical inbalance of hormones and the pills they give you help to correct the balance or failing that councilling can help to discuss how your feeling.

Sorry if I have over stepped the mark but I honestly feel that going to your GP may benefit you and therefore your family.

Hugs Hun. Keep posting. X

I sometimes wonder about PND then will have really good days and think it wasnt. I have always been a highly emotional person and good at crying and even making myself feel worse but never NASTY. Prob DS pushes the right or in this case wrong buttons. Cant chat now. Will try to get on tonight. THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU LADIES HELP ME SO MUCH. YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO TALK AND GET ADVICE FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE IMPARTIAL AND DONT JUDGE. xxx

vbab don't beat yourself up, I have no idea how trying a toddler can be but I know from your posts that you are a good mum who is having a tough time. Do try and get some time away for yourself to have a break - it will make you appreciate the time with the kids even more. Hugs to you.

Well I am at work - and missing M like crazy. But its not all bad as I can access MN! I found this poem ages ago on MN I think and just found it going through my e-mails. Its such a good reminder to enjoy this period and I already feel it slipping away:

Lord, help me remember, when I feel It's a chore,
the time will come when I'll hold her no more
asleep on my chest (the crib refused,
the blanket, the pacifier, gone unused).
What better place is there to lay her head
than against my heart, my arms her bed?
For infants grow up and leave us behind
with only memories left to remind
us of midnight walking and predawn rocking,
of soft, helpless babies unable to sleep.
So, Lord, make me patient and keep me awake
while I cradle this child, and don't let me take
for granted the moments I spend in the night
with this baby--Your gift, my joy, my delight.

Thats a fab piece choc, I wonder whether its something I can use at the christening?

we had that at DS1's christening! CHOC KNEW YOU WOULD BE POSTING Today!! Glad M is good, how is work?

Awww, that's lovely Choco! I miss J like crazy when I'm at work and spend about 30 mins just cuddling and kissing him when I get in I have pictures around my desk of him but just miss being with him all the time as I used to be. Unfortunately I have to work to pay the bills due to divorce which I hope he'll understand when he's older. On the upside, you get to MN on someone else's time.....

Vbab - chin up honey and keep us posted.

Work is ok - it almost feels like I never left. I really like my job which is good but I hate the fact that on the days I work I won't see M at all apart from half an hour in the morning. I think there will be lots and lots of cuddling autumn when I feed him at 10 tonight!

Dozy its nice to know we are all irresistable !!

AL glad the whole court thing is over and you are able to move on can I bash ExH too
vbab as you prob know I had pnd with DD1 but it was brought on more by anxiety, I was a bit embarrased by it (when I was a bit better and looked back) but the more people I spoke to I realised LOADS of people have had it in varying stages. My GP was lovely about it and spent alot of time with me never rushing me out, and I do believe the hardest part is admitting it, I am not saying that it is what you have by any means, but do talk to an understanding gp. I remember feeling at my lowest point thinking I was just a fraud a crap mum and everyone would be better off without me, I am not making any comparisons but i know if I am having an off day by dd1's behaviour. Do keep posting as it does help to clarify your thoughts and feelings (and the support we get from this thread is fantastic), and dont feel bad for writing me posts as they will help you too. It is hard with 1 child let alone 2 I for one feel guilty about how much time I am spending with one and not the other. It is hard when dh is away but then I feel we are lucky as he is home for a month and he is there all the time. Also if you are diagnosed with pnd I know up here there is a scheme called exercise on prescrition so you could go to the gym for free ( i didnt know about it at the time).
I have rambled on enough now but as someone else said keep yer chin up
Daisy ouch at car bill.
DH is home but like a man possessed but he is sleeping now!! Hence why I am on here lol

that was meant to be precription

and choc glad work is good and your getting to MN

PRESCRIPTION lol

Booooooooo - I want to win the lottery, I miss my little boy

Evening all

Chocorange for you - it is awful missing them so much isn't it? He will have been fine though - it is just us that suffer

Vbab as Coolkat said, your phrase of having no energy and being in a slump is indicative of depression/PND - I would say it is definitely worth a trip to your GP's to talk it over and he/she might agree it isn't but surely it is worth a try? Another thing I was thinking (have been worried about you today so thinking of things that may help) is I am sure you have mentioned before about being very houseproud etc - I hope I am not speaking out of turn but maybe you need to just let some things go for the time being which may give you more quality time to spend with DS? I am wondering if his behaviour is a cry for attention maybe (am fairly sure when DS1 starts being naughty, it is almost always because we have been focusing on Sam or other things).

Oh yes, another thing, DS1 hits (me, DH and Sam!) quite a bit at home - always when we have said no to something or he isn't getting his own way. I mentioned it to nursery a few weeks ago when he started doing it - and guess what....he has never done anything like that there so there probably is some truth in what the other ladies are saying that they feel comfortable at home to express/explore their feelings.

Right have 'tanked' Sam up tonight with a full Little Stars yoghurt, 1 and a half biscottis and about 8oz of milk - fingers crossed that will see him through the night

Hope so Ceebee that or he will bring it all back for you !

Hope your day went well, choco.

AL hi! hope all is going well.

ceebee is he stil asleep??

I get very tired at the moment. My mind is doing so much overtime trying to make sense of situations, trying to think objectively, work out what is real ad what is me reacting to the damage that has been done to me. It is exhausting.

Vbab- re the plate thing-Don't be a afraid of telling him when you are upset or feeling angry- it is good for him to know mummy has these feelings too, that they are ok and normal- sometimes describing in detail how something that has happened makes you feel is a good way of diffusing a situation.

I sometimes ask DS to look for the steam coming out of my ears.

Last might, for example, I was getting very stressed because they were being very boisterous in the bath. I said I was getting very sad because they were making such a mess and I was worried they were going to get hurt. DD1 said oh are you upset mummy and gave me a big hug. I felt so much better, and they calmed down a lot.

DS loves saying what a big boy he is, but he loves getting kisses and cuddles and spinny rounds and tickles, and having the towel swaddled round him when I pick him up out of the bath. Having another baby does not make the child that is already there grow up, but it can raise your expectations of their behaviour. DH and i were discussing this not so long ago. If he was our youngest, we'd still think of him as very much a little boy, he's not even at proper school yet.

Some of the best advice my therapist gave to me was to make sure I keep my children together, don't split them up, by age, ability, interests, whatever. Include them all wherever you can. It's one of the things I keep in my head when trying to work out what to do.

Love to all x

Dozy will FB you.

Evening all - thanks for nice messages, I just wanted to share that I am on my way to wake up M for his dreamfeed and I am SO SO excited about giving him a cuddle!!!

Night all, hope Sam doesn't wake ceebee

Bless Choco....I hope you get a nice long cuddle. It gets easier.

Been to Toys'R'Us this evening and got DD's pressies sorted out for Friday ....Although we aren't doing her birthday till Saturday when we can be relaxed about it rather than rushing out to work/school.

Pinky, lots of good advice there, especially the bit about involving all of them. I need to keep that in mind, as well as remembering that DS1 is only just seven. We tend to have pretty high expectations of him and often tell him that he should be setting an example to the wee ones. Maybe too much on his young shoulders?

ah Choco well done for getting thruogh the day!

OOh what did you get for DD, Daisy? I love shopping for birthday presents. Will she be having a tea party?

lol I don't know if I'm in a positon to give advice, it's just things I have been working through myself, really.

DS likes to be the big brother, too. He likes helping me take care of Mimi, and he helps DD1 if she needs it (if she lets him).

I try really hard not to compare their behaviour etc. It's difficult. Sometimes I hear myself saying things like 'look, your sister has put her socks on already' and I wince, because I don't think that is a good idea.
I am just trying to really see my children as people, and to listen to them, their ideas, feelings. I want to be able to say yes to them as much as possible - I suppose I'm conscious of it because noone in my family ever did this for me, it was always an automatic 'no', or a dismisal of my input or feelings.

I am very aware that inside, I have very high expectations of my DC's behaviour- it is a hangover of the fears of my childhood- that noone will like me/love me if I do not get things perfectly right, but I am trying hard not to give in to these feelings.

Argh listen to me rambling on.

Mimi didn't get her BCG again today, because she still has too much of a cold. But she is much happier in herself today.

Hello all i'm back.

choc congrats at surviving the day without m, it must of been hard.

Spoke to hv yesterday and he has asked me to give O finger foods and let him progress to lumpy food (still on purees only)

hv came out last tuesday and said O should be having half his 24hr milk intake and 3 to 4 meals a day, so i have done this and O lost 8oz this week and he still isn't really bothered about food.

Everyone i know says i am holding him back but when he has food he will only have about 2 teaspoons and wear most of that. Also since he is a gaggy baby i stress about him having anything that could get stuck in his throat.

I was never like this with my dd's so why oh why do i stress over O so much?

Morning all

Pinky I think your advice re parenting is brilliant and I do try and put what you say in practice as it seems such a nice gentle way of parenting

Tegan now I am no expert but imvho, I am a bit about your HV's advice. Mainly because milk is still supposed to be the main source of nutrients/calories etc until they are 1 so to suggest cutting in half at 6/7 months old seems wrong - the phrase I always bear in mind is 'food is fun until they are 1' - at this stage it really is just to get them used to tastes, textures etc. And if Sam had lost 8oz in a week, I would be a bit concerned and definitely upping his milk again. If O is not interested in food, it may be that he is just not ready yet - you are definitely not holding him back!! DS1 was about 8-9 months before he get really interested in food and despite people telling me that I was going to miss some fictional 'window of opportunity' if I didn't wean him quickly, surprise surprise he is nearly 3 and eats normally (admittedly not much although he has had 2 slices of toast and a banana this morning before nursery - and he gets his breakfast there aswell )

Anyway am rambling a bit but I am sure if you started a post on MN about your HV's advice you would get some proper advice rather than my wafflings!!

Chocorange hope the cuddles from M are making yesterday a distant memory already

Meant to say that Sam slept until 7am this morning (apart from a little bit of moaning in his sleep at 5 which was soon sorted with a dummy!)

Maybe Tuesday night was a blip (fingers crossed!)