Nov 2008: Spain, France, Leeds or Brum, wherever we are we're still mums

[juanitad]

Hope this works! I'm a techno-idiot!!

of you sunbathing ceebee not sunny here today!
Clever Sam feeding himself, when i give E anything he thinks its a toy and waves it around and bashes it! We have bits of food everywhere at mealtimes.

Meant to say welcome back to obs and autumnlady

Hi Autumnlady; good to hear from you. So that you have had to go to court to get your ex DH to stump up maintenance, but glad it's sorted. I was a single mum with DS1 for the first three years and although I found it hard at times, we generally muddled along quite well.

ceebee, we do a mix as well as bumble has weetabix for breakfast and we often have soup at lunchtime. He gets bits to feed himself at ither mealtimes and we spoon stuff in as well, but it's basically what we have chopped up, not even mashed. He is game to try everything though, always has been, but he is definately lazy and prefers us to hold it so he can gnaw away...I think he gets fed up dropping things all the time.....darn food getting away . tegan I think some babies like lumps, and some don't. DS1 wasn't overly keen, but I just persevered and he got there eventually.

hot hot hot here, although the sun has disappeared now . I love the heat and the sun, but not when BFing.....my cleavage smells like the bottom of week old milk bottle....nice

sorry, choc . Mine always pull at their ears of there is anything going on in that department. Bumble has had a wicked cold and is teething and has been yanking at his for the last few days.....he doesn't have a temperature though so not too worried; I just give half a spoon of calpol at bedtime to help him settle if he seems overly bothered by it.

Thanks daisy he has been rubbing his ears, i have been putting it down to itching is eczema though but i bet it is sore ears.

I am away to London tomorrow for Britney concert but might get MIL to take him to drs so they can have a look in. It all makes sense now, when he wakes up crying overnight, sucking the bottle helps settle him although he only takes 1/2-1 oz of milk. Like sucking a sweetie on a plane helps i guess. Bad bad mummy for not realising Geez, my poor patients when i go back to work!!!!

Hi just checking in will be back later

evening all - lovely to catch up with you and hear what everyone has been up to, but as of tonight, I will no longer be using MN . You may have noticed that I have not been posting as frequently, and you may also remember that a so called "friend" was sort of cyber stalking me on here - eg I was posting very personal things, and a few days later, she would say "Oh how is so and so". At first I thought maybe I had told her, but as time went on, I realised that I hadn't. Have even posted (on other threads) absolute nonsense to "test" her and see if she really is checking me out. She is. I could come back under another guise, but TBH, I really feel betrayed. I have loved MN and you guys especially, but I do not like the thought that everthing I am writing is being read by someone I know. It is almost akin to reading my diary I feel!

The straw that broke the camels back was quite literally another friend said "Oh I heard that X and Y happened". I said "who told you" and she said "Miss Z".

choc has suggested that I name change, but to be honest, how would I ever remain anon??

I am so but want to remain anonymous. The lesson to be learnt is never, ever post personal stuff if you don't want to be stalked.

I will of course be lurking, can't possibly not see how my Tallulah's buddies are doing.

Love to you alll....xxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Dozy that's awful, perhaps break and namechange and we would know who you are. Really sorry that's happening.

I will be one of many who will miss you.

Love to you and your brood. X

Dozy so so that you are leaving - will really miss you. Tis a real shame that it has come to this but I do understand where you are coming from - it really won't be the same without my weight loss buddy here xx

Dozy, so sorry to hear that you are leaving us. I can understand how weird it must be for you that this girl is following your every move. Could you still maybe check in once in a while just to say hi and let us know you are ok?

Aww dozy I will miss you too. I hope your so called friend is Reading this thread and realises how it has made you feel

Hopefully still see what your up to and how Tiger is getting on via FB.

Found you all - DOzy you keep lurking on here we will miss you but understand ...
What a horrible person ...
Justa quickie as have the ironing to do .
We do a mixture of purees and lumpy bits she is a lazy so and so and has no intention of feeding herself I give her bits of toast and baby biscuits but she wants me to hold them !!!- Won't be doing banana again soon took me ages to get it out of her , her nose, ears, the chair, the floor and my hair! The basta*d stuff sticks like glue when it dries! She wacks her baby safe feeder with apple / pear in rather than eating it anyway will see how things go . Gotta go Iron beeped so its readt for me !!

Hi everyone,

I have spent the day in the lakes today had a BBQ right by Ullswater with my whole extended family it was lovely both DCs had a whale of a time and zonked out almost as soon as we got home, very very sunny up here again today

DS1 has Balanitis poor little thing and is on ABs and antifungal cream - Doc said it was very common!

Obs welcome back, glad you had a nice hol

Dozy but you have to do what is right for you.

Ceebee glad you are getting your naps sorted out hope it continues.
I have moved Jay onto stage 2 food and he is fine with it, no problems at all.

vbab hugs to you, I know where you re coming from I get that way with DS1 too, it makes you feel like sh*t, he too is the provebial angel when he is anywhere else but pushes and pushes when he is at home. Stay positive you are not a bad mummy!

Oh no - I have to go to work tomorrow and I am scared. How am I ever going to get us both ready, find some clothes that fit and spend the whole day without my little boy?!?!? [scared]

HELP!!!

PS - hello all!

Buzz your day sounds idyllic especially in the sun No idea what balanitis is but is DS1 in pain? Poor little chap

Choc you will get through the day and the smile M will give you when you walk through the door to pick him up will melt yor heart As for getting you both ready, what I used to do is get up at 6 so I could have a shower, dry my hair and put my make-up on before DS1 woke up (well that was the idea anyway - he often woke up whilst I was in the middle of it ) but I didn't get dressed until after I had given him his bottle and was sure he was going to puke . Once he had had that, both upstairs and got me and him dressed and out the door - oh and make sure you have everything ironed/packed tonight. This is so clearly not going to work when I go back to work in September when I have 2 of them to get ready - DH keeps joking that I am going to have to get up at 5 to be out the door on time and I think he may be right

Sorry - that should have been 'sure he was not going to puke'

Aw dozy, I don't want to put any pressure on you to stay if you really think it's best you go,..... but please think about sticking around in some form or other. Have been racking my brains thinking what you could do.
a.lurk and ocassionally post how you're getting on
b. change your name and carry on
c. confront her and tell her to stop
d. carry on posting updates through the FB group
e. start cyber stalking her to see how she likes it.

Sorry, last one wasn't serious. But seriously, what right has she got to spoil your fun/need/enjoyment of something???

Dozy that we won't be hearing from you as much and that a "friend" can stoop to those levels. Can you get MNHQ to ban her? Why should you be penalised because of someone else's fanaticism? If she is reading this, then I hope she realises that she has bitten off her nose to spite her face as you are definately not going to be friends with her now are you? Why can't people just butt the fuck out where it doesn't concern them?

We will miss you lots (in fact have been doing so already) but hope fully we can keep up to date via facebook. Take Care xx

Luckily DH does the CM drop off and pick ups as that helps getting ready - sadly I won't see M on the days I work as I work in London and probably won't get back till 7 so he'll be in bed. We are still doing the 10.30 dream feed atm so I will def do that! Its only one day a week until september (then 4 days) but I am still worried about it. Gosh ceebee getting ready with 2 - I think you should just skip the sleep altogether!!

Please all cross your fingers M doesn't wake up tonight - he is so inconsistent waking for a 3/4 or 5am feed about 2/3 times a week.

PS - farewell Dozy - although I am a luckier member of our clan as I get to see you IRL. This thread is definitely losing out though.

Dozy please don't go. Namechange or something.We will miss you so.

vbab hugs to you. You sound very down. I wonder if I can give any advice, maybe tell you what I am finding works for us?

Can I suggest you completely forget the notion that your son is badly beahaved?

Forget about what happens at GP's.It's dead easy to give a child treats and have them behave well for short periods of time.

Your son most likely feels very secure with you, which is why he feels he can express his anger and frustrations.

Have you ever read him the book 'no matter what' by Debbi Gliori? My DC love it.

You are a lovely mum. You sounds very sad at the moment.

My DD1 is throwing things here there and everywhere at the moment, and biting and hitting.

It is very frustrating. But I do find things diffuse much quicker if I detach from the bad behaviour. I just clear up whatever has been thrown or spilt and say oh dear. I tell her that we don't throw things, that empty plates go in the sink, that unwanted food goes in the crock or the bin, etc. etc. I hold her arms gently and explain why it is wrong to hit etc.

I know that lots of children do these things- it is a phase, it is not her.
Sometimes she feels better just because she enjoys putting things in the bin.
I usually just ask her if she would like to do playdoh or whatever and she is happy to get on with things. I want her to know that I love her unconditionally that no matter how far she pushes I will always love her.

She has started to talk about her feelings- she tells me when she is feeling sad or angry or scared or happy and we talk about it. DS is the same.Sometimes scribbling on some paper or making some loud 'music' on their instruments is a good outlet for negative feelings, or just exuberence.

When my anxiety is bad, my children's behavior seems bad. I don't know wether it is or not- it may just be that I see it that way when I am anxious, or it may be that they are reacting to me. I don't know.

I have met you and I think you are very kind and caring, and your children are very lucky to have you as a mum.

I have no idea if this is of any help, me rambling on.

thank you all so much for your lovely words. Means a lot, it really does!

vbab what Pinky has said is absolutely true. DS1 was a real little PITA at times at this age, but what you need to realise, is that is his behaviour that is bad not him. I found that consistency was (is!) key. He is very much "my son" and we clash personality wise. I bet your DS is your double as well!!

Another "strategy" that I use is to 2pick my battles" Is it really worth arguing the toss over what shoes DS wears (as an example, I used to say put on your blues shoes, he would say "No, I want the red ones" and we would end up going around in circles with me getting frustrated. Really, i came to realise that it really didn't matter what shoes he wore, so long as he wore some shoes!!!!

Hope that helps!

Just wanted to wish Choco lots of luck at work tomorrow. Even though it is still a while yet for me (September), I am dreading the thought of it - the logistics of getting us both ready (but Ceebee's plan sounds like a good one) but also missing my boy the whole day. I went to visit my CM today and I honestly think she is the best thing since sliced bread! P will be fine with her I know, but I'm going to miss him so much!! I'll be looking out for that smile at the end of the day though ceebee!! Anyway, good luck Choc, let us know how it goes.

Hi Everyone,
Have had a quick catch up, been quite busy these last few days, DH coming home tomorrow so am very happy about that!! We had our garden monoblocked last year so me and DD1 have been having some fun planting in troughs and baskets.
dozy am sorry you are being put in this postion, you will be missed on this thread, I only joined in December but always enjoyed reading your posts and any advice that you gave, but will keep up with you on facebook! Perhaps you could as the others have suggested name change and you can lurk.
vbab sorry you are having a hard time with DS and generally feeling a bit low, pinky gave some lovely advice, I cant really add to that but I have always believed that when DC behave like little angels for everyone else but not for you it is because they feel they can express themselves fully and you should take it as a compliment . Is there something you and DH can do together a hobby you both share or time at night that you can just chat about the day and share ideas about how to deal with problems with DC? I prob shouldnt write this but since we got our new bath we have a bath at night (together) we talk in there more than we would sitting in living room!!
Ceebee I think I will be up at 5 too in order to get 2 children out the door and me to work!
Choco good luck tomorrow you will be fine and will prob feel like your getting a bit of yourself back again although you will miss M like mad.
choc sorry your still having bad nights hope it gets better soon.

THANKS to all you ladies for your nice messages regarding DS and my bad feelings. I also forgot to put that I told my mum "i would leave if it would make DS happy again" . She of course put me straight on that one. Feel ok my mood sort of goes from bad to ok.
chocorange - Good luck tomorrow. But honestly you will be fine. I need to decide what I'm doing about work but so many factors to consider. One factor is DH is looking at other jobs so he needs my car so no car for me or we would have to factor in the 2nd car. After childcare, deductions and so on but not even considering a 2nd car I think I come out with £200 a month for 1&half days work a week. WORTH IT? I know £ is £ but just feel that for all the messing about, other negatives and rushing 30 mins down the motorway to work it is s*t. dozymare - THAT MATE (?) IS A S*T and needs to get their own life. Cant you say something to them if they are a mate? Will miss you. Take care.
dozy & pinky - THANKS ladies for your very wise comments. Read them out to DH and nearly cried reading them because they are so spot on. Dozy yep DS is like me in that he is very independant in doing stuff, stubborn and doesnt like to be told how to do something. Saying that DH is the same so the poor kid has got a double dose of being strong willed.

Pinky, it has helped me a bit with my issues with DS1

Dozy....it's for words like that that you categorically CAN NOT go ...you are the voice of cool calm reason on here!!!

We also have some clashes over things like shoes...I say put your trainers on, he kicks off saying I'm not wearing my trainers I want to wear my crocs, argument ensues. Now I just say put something on your feet and let him choose. We are learning to pick our battles as well.....and true to form, DS1's behaviour is getting worse before it gets better . My reaction to him is worse when I'm having a bad day as well Pinky; I'm sure he feeds off my anxiety.

Vbab, I hope you are feeling better about things reading all these lovely words. What struck me about you was just how much patience you had with all the babies when we met up and how you wanted to tickle and chat with every single one of them. Also, A was so happy and content when you went to get Pinky, so obviously is a very secure and happy baby.....and that is your parenting that's helping her be like that. DS1 is, I'm sure, just as secure and happy....and pushing the boundaries. You'll get through this, I'm sure. My BIL once said "they tell you about the terrible twos; what they forget to mention is the troublesome threes and the fucking awful fours and fives"...so so true . and I can add the "stroppy sixes and sevens" to that as well

Ouch for DS1 ladybuzz; I hope it clears up soon; bumble seems prone to having a cheesy willy, so I keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't develop into anything like ballanitis. DH didn't dry his creases well enough after his bath last night though and he has a nasty red raw weeping crack in his thigh crease....looks very sore. He just laughs though, bless him.

ellie - just read your post ... just said to my DH about what hobby or interest we could do together he made rude comments . Trouble is DH is pretty much up for it all the time and I would like to feel the same way but just dont. Seem to have lost the urge. RE: bath together done that and even in our wide bath me and DH have little water left to relax in (he's 6ft 4 and big built) and DH wouldnt want to relax . Hee hee.
QUESTION - Should I be pleased that my DH keeps going on about me joining a gym on their 3 month offer of cheaper membership? He says he wants me to have something for me and to help with body image stuff. Just that £ is tight and if I dont go back to work even worse so I think £35+ a month on gym is BAD even if I dont have anything else. But he doesnt see my point. Also we have done the gym thing before.