Thanks for the encouragement - tbh I am not sure that going into our own place will make much difference. It is why I wanted to deal with it prior to then, fresh start and all.
He used to come and sit with me while I BF DD to sleep, then he would settle her in her cot. When we decided this I explained how much it helped me, moral support and all. But over the last couple of months he has gradually cut back on this and now just pops his head round the door and then buggers off. I asked him why he had stopped doing it, he said because he found it "too heavy after a day at work"
I tired to explain that it had been helpful and it was upsetting that he would stop even after we had talked about why it helped me etc.
Anyway, turns out I have actualymarried a 1950s throwback as 8 hours doing data entry at the bank is work and therefore he shouldn't have to get up in the night, whereas being on call 24 hours a day feeding, cleaning, educating and generally making sure the baby doesn't juggle knives doesn't count as work.
I asked him if we paid for childcare (24 euros an hour here - more than he gets paid) if he thought that person would be working - yes he said - but he doesn't think that I am working even though I am doing the same tasks. No he said. Why? Because I am a mother. I wasn't fast enough to say that as he is a father then he should get up in the night.
What I did say that it was unnacceptable that after 4 months of being here (he was more helpful before) that he has decided not to share nighttime childcare because he doesn't want to. I haven't slept properly in over a year (slept v badly when pg) and that I am beginning to resent him for it. Even worse that he also gets shouty and abusive at night and that something had to change otherwise it would have a detrimental affect on our relationship.
This is when he said he couldn't be bothered to make an effort. [sigh]
However he did say he would help, because I had asked not because he wanted to, that is when I lost it and said he was hugely arrogant and stalked off to sulk relax in the bath.
However, after all that he did get up in the night when I asked for help. So small mercies and all.
PILs are very Switzerland in all this which is a big help.
Will try and catch up on the rest but we are braving maman et bebe again today and also picking out paint colours - white white and more white methinks.