Aug 08 - odds on this one won't last as long

[dizzydixies]

new thread ladies

wonder why this one won't last as long

Not twice though.

Bums.

I was just saying to a RL friend that things were getting better.

Will it get better? Or will I have to develop superhuman patience?

Morning (afternoon?).

steaky - grr at dh.

sazzles poor you and emma.

Good night last night. ds slept 7.30 til 6 (stirred 5.30 i think). went in and he was trappe don his tummy . fed him,. he slept another hour ish. then dh got him up an left me (as ds had only fed at 6ish I didn;t need to do my milky duty - yay).

We are almost out of the hell that is Holy week. Dh has a service tonight then the normal 3 tmorrow then that's it. woo hoo. I think we've survived and although I've felt mildly strssed at times being on my own for bedtime every eve and doing all the stuff dg would do, it's been ok. Dh has 2 sermons to write and a video to upload amidst the service words on the screen for a children's slot tomorrow. Think he's feeling under control now.

morning ...need more sleep...can't get both eyes open...head hurts....body aches....feeling very very old

expectant i've done the "where did they go" bit on more than one occasion. i just thought it was my oldz-timerz setting in.

sazzles that's not a good feeling you have there. {{{hugs}}} chicken soup should fix you right up. poor Emma too.

albs you crack me up! "the hell that is holy week"...love it. i can imagine it is quite busy for members of the cloth. question: do ya'll ever get a vacation year...one where you just get to enjoy all the services but don't have to run the services?

reese just bashed her head into my mn desk. off to sooth the little crier.

2 years! Not sure I can last that long.

He just said that his parenting skills were better than mine because he interacted with her while she was in her high chair whereas I just left her to get on with what I was doing.

Of course I interact with her but it is a bit tricky when you are on your hands and knees washing the floor. Blardy cheek.

He's taken her out now as he said he needed a couple of hours away from me. Won't even admit he was in a bad mood this morning and defo can't see that he was snapping. Tis all my fault for leaving him to do the shopping with the baby. While obv not the most mature response I was at the end of my tether and so much better than me losing my temper at him.

Not sure what to do - I have his cashcard on the pretext of needing breastpads - well I do actually, how I hate those things. So will go into town but he has asked me to be back at 4 as we only have one set of keys.

Would love to do it some serious damage but that would be a silly idea. Ah well breastpads it is and maybe a coffee, magazine and pastry.

Steaky sorry to hear that your DH is continuing to act like a twat Methinks someone needs to grow the fuck up. Maybe next time he does it you could say, with icy politeness, "Perhaps that's how you behave at your mum's house but you're a married man with a child now, do try to act like it". [fans flames]

Also sorry to hear of pukeyness Sazzles Tis good that your DH is taking care of you though, allowing you to do the essential work of snuggling up to your sleepy baby.

We had a bit of a funny day here yesterday, all feeling somewhat under par. A decent night (awake at 10pm and 1.30am) and a lovely lie in for me, including laying next to Joe while he slept for over an hour, has made up for it Weather is crap though, as befits a Bank Holiday weekend, so we're all knocking around the house.

Sazzles - nope he is a thick skulled Arien, with Goat as his Chinese year. Whereas I am an ever balanced Libran with a Rat Chinese year - whatever that all means. I have a friend that is very into it all and tells me this is a year for patience.

Yes Cyteen I am always a step away from telling him to "grow the fuck up" though it would be deeply satisfying in the short term it would not be too clever for the long term.
He's one of those that can't stop his response at the correct point, ie before it gets personal.

I am quite an argumentative person but I really really do try not to provoke an argument and my tongue is seriously sore from being bitten the whole time.

Sorry that Chez Cy has been under the weather but the baby snuggles sound nice.

Tbh Steak it sounds like he has already got too personal. But then I appreciate that that's easy for me to say from my position of not being in your shoes/house/relationship, not to mention the fact that I talk a good fight to other people but when it comes to actually arguing with my nearest and dearest I am a total wet blanket and instantly get tongue-tied before bursting into tears

Ah yes the bursting into tears I do that too.

It just feels like we are going round in circles and I am fairly sure he feels the same way too. But we do have some lovely times too and I can see he is making an effort to be kinder and gentler with each other, as am I. But it is just so blummin hard sometimes.

I mean how much do you let someone grump and bitch without reacting to it before you realise you have turned into a doormat?

And I suppose the thing I really need to know is how to react to ignore/abort the grumping without things turning sour.

It is tricky...I've seen a sort of calm disengagement advocated on other threads, where when he's being rude you just say (in a firm but not accusatory manner) something like "it is not okay for you to talk to me like that" and then leave the situation. But be happy to talk should he come back calm and reasonable.

Sorry to hear of poorliness in your households sazz & cyteen - hope you are all feeling much better and brighter v soon.

albs I am also laughing at 'the hell that is holy week'

mum has taken the boys out whilst dh and I have emptied the loft. My what a lot of crap dh we horde. I got my Inglesina zippy pushchair down, complete with carry cot and car seat - took it to the charity shop, who can't accept them for health and safety reasons!! It's still in good nick, especially the carry cot, it's virtually unused!!

that's odd cc. I knew about car seats, but the charity shops round here always have pushchairs...

Yeah I can see why they wouldn't want to take car seats, fair enough. But a pushchair? Odd. Might just freecycle them - unless anyone else can think what I could do with them?

Currently surrounded by boxes and we don't even have a moving date yet!

HI EVERYONE I AM HOME

Sorry for shouting I have missed you all dearly, took me a while to read a weeks posts.
steaky for you with your dh, but when you mentioned earlier if it would BU to still go off for a few hours when french class is cancelled. i say yanbu. Go for it.

sibh so pleased you have an answer, it was very scary for you and I hope you get the right treatment. I have tried lots of different medication for mine as I said before.

sazzles hope you are feeling better. its awful when you feel like you are waiting to be sick.

ts lovely kitchen I bet you are glad its finished now.
btw the pic of Reece is gorgeous.

vg congrats on aunty
Very pleased about all these babies sleeping through.

Had lovely time away with dsis and our kids.
I slept in bed with dd and ds as travel cot wouldnt go up in bedroom and was too cold to leave him in the room on his own.
I always feel scared to co sleep, but it was nice ok.
He was laid on his sheepskin in a gro bag and we had 2 quilts and a blanket and in the crook of my arm.
I am usually terrified of overheating so he normally has no covers at home.
I did feel like I constantly was telling dd to say 'sorry' to ds though as she hit/nipped a lot.
He had potty/meal tray/and dustpan thrown in his face.
It sounds like I am irresponsible and not watching them but believe me she is so quick and its just when you least expect it too. sometimes on my knee. i am thinking its jealousy/attention.
One was when I was giving him breakfast, potty was thrown on him when playing in his travel cot etc.... (potty was empty btw)

Christening went well, and thankyou for compliments.
I am very though as I had some lovely pics which I forgot to take off camera and I lost the camera while we were away. I was wrestling to get dd in her buggy and I think it must have fallen out of my pocket. Not sad about camera just the photos.
I only have a few on Facebook what BIL put on, but I had some of me dh and dd and ds all on together which were lovely.
Also some with all my family. gutted. Oh well.
ann I know how you feel losing them pics for you.

oops I missed a whole page.
steak It must be so hard for you especially not having any close friends to socialise with and let off steam too. I know we do it on here but sometimes you do need the face to face company.
I think you do so well to bite your tongue. I think he does need telling,but a row is the last thing you need as I imagine it will only be you that gets upset/wound up by it. I kn ow it s not always worth it.
Feel for you though. You do an amazing job with your dd and I think it wouldnt hurt him to tell you that and appreciate it.
I honestly believe that some men dont realize just how hard or tiring it is.
My dh asked if I had a nice time, I mad e apoint of saying yes but dont for one minute think it was relaxing, as he pointed out how he took 4/5 hours to clean the entire house/clean carpets.
Also glossed evry door, hallway/bannisters etc... and he was on nightshift the days he did this.
I would love to see him have dcs on his own day AND night for 1/2 days. However he already admits he wouldnt like it so dont really need to prove a point.

Sorry for rambling but I am having some piece as dd and ds both asleep in the carseats still. Door is ajar and I keep checking. never done this before.

It is my dh birthday today, However he is working till 8 so will be eating when he gets in.
Was hoping dcs would be in bed for 7 but seeing as they are still asleep I very much doubt it. I just needed a break though.
cant win sometimes.

Oh and one more thing the whole absence makes heart grow fonder thing
pah not here.....
so thats nearly 17 months and only 1 bedroom activity IYKWIM
I got dd in her own bed from 7pm and she woke late ish when we were watching a film and he jumped up to see to her as he not seen her for few days, he came back down and said he had let her get in our bed.
He did carry her back to her own when we went up,but still let her get back in during the night.
pf was it you who said your dh will also not do the cc thing????

VG I also forgot to say congrats on being an Aunty. I have 2 DNs and I love being an aunty, tis great fun.

Thanks, again, for all the kind words.
No1 - sorry you lost your photos and thanks for taking the time to read my -bitchin- posts.

He's gone out again, I told him I would be upset if he went out, he said it was blackmail, I burst into tears, he sad FFS and offered to stay, I did the classic "don't stay if you are feeling blackmailed, stay because you want to"
I feel like such a cliche.
I know that I am a mardy mare with him sometimes and that must be hard, but come on if your wifey is in tears surely it isn't that hard to give her a hug?

BTW I have half a bottle of red on the go and I'm not sharing.

I just feel so lost sometimes, like I'm fading away. I do try to make the best of things, we have a lovely little apartment, we live in a town that looks like it is out of a picture postcard, we have family that are close and can help, as well as the family that are far and while money is tight we aren't destitute yet. And the baby is happy and healthy, we are so lucky but we seem to be in this bog of a mess and whatever I do just seems to make us sink faster.

I am so scared that the love will get worn out. I'm not scared of being alone with the baby but I really don't want my marriage to end.

I can't believe I'm telling this to a load of people I've never met.

And yes I am crying.

Steaky - {{{HUGS}}} I'm not a pro but you sound like a friend of mine who had PND - it only started about 5 months after her DS was born, please keep talking to us and if possible can you see your GP? You may not feel it's that bad but if you think you are sinking you may need help. Feel free to ignore me or slap me if I'm out of line.

Ah Steak I don't know what to say Apologies for my rantypants outbursts earlier, I didn't realise things were that serious.

I know an awful lot of people go through relationship hell in the first year after a baby is born...how were you guys for talking before your lovely girl was on the horizon? Has he ever been one to open up or do you always have to push him? Because the one thing everyone says helps the most during relationship hell is honest communication, even though that is always the hardest thing to come by.

What do you think he would say if he knew you were contemplating the possibility that your marriage might end?

Lots of hugs for you from rainy old England x

Cyteen ah don't worry about being a rantypants (great word by the way, I am keeping it) I wasn't offended at all and it made me smile, you reminded me so much of my v good friend that I have managed to talk to about this.

I had always been scared I would have PND and DH also worried about it too. Though I don't think it is just the baby. There is so much at work here.
Asside from issues around marital roles, sharing of childcare, body image/sex life, defining yourself as a woman not just a mum/milk machine, well I guess all the usual. Add to that living overseas having moved from where I had a couple of friends to having no friends, to somewhere where I cannot work and cannot communicate effectively - yes my fault, but I'm working on it.

I feel like I did when I was a teenager, like I did at the end of previous relationships. And DH is by no means heartless or intentionally horrible - just a bit crap really.

As for how were things before the baby.
Well baby was actually concieved during the biggest strop known to man. In Aug 07 I left DH to go back to London and get work. I went back to Spain for 3 weeks in the November and the result of that is asleep in the other room. I peed on a stick on the boxing day and went back to Spain at the end of January 08.

The pregnancy was actually one of our smoothest times, despite the madness that is the GC ante-natal system and losing our business.

I get a very strong feeling that DH is feeling "this isn't what I signed up to" and I am giving off a strong smell of burning martyr.