June 2008: Nine months in, nine months out

[Essie3]

Here's to the next nine months!

you are all lovely people thanks it does so much help to know others are the same(abdn), one always thinks everyone else has it all sussed. Thanks for kind words poppy, I always think I'm one of the rather more [ahem] self-centred posters on here so your comments were appreciated. Have a lovely holiday.

So sorry to hear about your sister Amber after everything she has been through, it's so unfair.

I second Rolf, I feel better on days when I am actually on my own than on days when it's both of us and I feel he 'should' be doing more than he is. It's true, he should, but it doesn't make me feel any better to be stomping around miserable, doesn't achieve any change and it's me and the kids who suffer. And Rolf your son is reading the Odyssey at 7? impressed!!

Feeling a bit better today, I woke at 5.30 with everyone else asleep so have had a bit of time to myself. Amber we have a toddler bed guard on my side but you could do the same thing by pushing chairs up against the bed. Caitlin won't wear a grobag so she is under the duvet with us , but with a grobag on you could just be under the covers yourself and have him next to you on the sheet.

I have also email inquired about a cleaning service. Dp is completely anti having someone in his space but if it's that or a cleaning rota I might be able to talk him round! (or do it secretly - one of my friends came and cleaned for me when I was very pregnant and dp never noticed - he must have suddenly thought my SPD had dramatically eased for the day )

Our gap is 22 months. It's tough right now, particularly because they sleep in shifts, but it was actually relatively easy when she was newborn as ds was still young enough to stay home all day if necessary and fit in around her, and I'm hoping it will be better when they are older and can play together properly too. Also family days out and things will be easier 'cos they will be into roughly similar things at similar ages. And childcare too, as they will quite soon both be in school on same hours. Neenz with our history of infertility we had little choice but not to wait anyway ... not that I'm pushing you or anything

sorry massive post - that's what comes of being up early!

Five my comment on being ancient at 36 was tongue in cheek after Neenz saying she was getting on at 32 - chill out woman, you don't half take on.

I realized this morning that I was pretty negative last night about my age gap... It's also great; DS1 is still young enough to sit in the buggy so there's always one way to get a bit of peace, they are starting to play together already, and at least we're getting all the baby stuff over with at once.

Amber, your poor sister! I put Fraser in bed with me but I only pile the duvet on me - he's just in his growbag with his head near mine (I put DH's pillow to the side so he wont roll out).

systems and rolf I do find it a bit easier when DH is home but also very frustrating as it should be much easier. I make him clean the kitchen each night though which helps. I normally have to check it though as he forgets things. I left him to it last night and this morning found he'd forgotten about the counters and a bunch of dishes.

I'm feeling okay about it though as I made sure while I was feeding Fraser in bed this morning to keep F on DH's side and sure enough he puked. Only a bit got on the bed (I'd put down a towel) but at least I wont be sleeping in baby sick tonight! (Yes I'm a slattern for not washing the sheets but I just washed them Sunday and it's just a bit of sick. Although if it was on my side I'd probably wash them...)

gosh my house really is in a state - I just found Daleks in my laundry basket! And people with mice think they have problems!!

Oh Amber your poor sister . How awful. There are just no words. Not sure how to best support her cos I think everyone reacts differently. Just give her the chance to talk if she wants to.

When E has been in with me she had a grobag on and I put the covers half over her (so they still covered me) and I lie her in the crook of my arm/armpit. But T doesn't like being in bed with me so much, he just wants to crawl off so Luke may be the same.

Aw, Rolf, lol at your DS reading. Bless!

Systems, glad you are feeling better today. Interesting all the thoughts on age gap. I had to take Clomid before so prob won't wait more than 2yrs to start ttc but then will hope for three years gap I think! Having the DTs out of nappies (and in nursery five morns a week) will be a bonus when a newborn comes along.

I heard from work yesterday, they rejected one day but have agreed to two days. Will prob be Wed and Thurs which is fine by me. I have been trying to work out childcare issues (never thought it would be slo complex) cos I do 10-6 and don't get home till 7. Nursery shuts at 6pm, might find a CM who'll do the extra hour but don;t really want them in childcare till 7pm cos that;'s when they go to bed now. So we are going to ask PILs to pick them up at 5pm, give them tea and DH can pick them up at 6/6.30 and bring them home and bath them. Now that's what I call a break! I am quite lookingh forward to it now .

Anyone see GMTV this morn - Britain's best mum - my friend Leanne and her mum were on. Leanne has twins 10 wks older than mine and was diagnosed with terminal brain tumours last summer . It was lovely to see them on the telly, her mum was so chuffed.

Hi all, a quick and not very good post here!
I'm not very well at all - it's just a cold but it's a real stinker. This morning I really wanted to ring nursery and ask them to pick up Iestyn... But because Tim went yesterday evening for an unscheduled court appearance and I thought he'd be around until Weds by which time I'd be better.
Iestyn is better and did not appear to have an ear infection. But we went swimming yesterday and he hated it! Pool was v. cold (morons! I was goose pimply in it!) but he just had a total freak out from about half way through and clung onto my neck with his hands grasping my chicken loose skin and even his mouth clamping on too! But will try again later this week without waterbabies.
Systems really sorry you're having a rough time. Are you one of the absent partner club on here? (Welcome, Amber, btw!) I was going to suggest a cleaner too - you can get a really cheap one like me (illegal as well ) and we would go without things to have a cleaner. I tend to feel better when the house is clean and tidy. Especially if someone else has done it and not me... Also good luck with the counselling - mine starts tomorrow.

Will post again when I'm feeling better.

Please don't patronise me.

OK Amber and Five time out for you two please! Please - no rucks on here

Amber - so sorry to hear about your sister after all she's been through

Age gaps - 2 years is good in my experience, hard work when they are small but my eldest 2 are such good friends now.

Perhaps I'll have two years between baby 3 and 4 then. The twins already have each other, so might wait longer for no 3. Every time I watch Brothers & Sisters I think I'd love to have five kids but have to keep reminding myself it is FICTION and real life is not like that!

Essie, love the about your illegal cleaner. How on earth do you get illegals on Anglesey (or is it your London house? Yes is prob that, isn't it!) I love it when my house is clean, I even enjoy it when I am cleaning, but somehow it never seems very appealing and I usually only do it when it is so gross that I can't sit in it any longer (or when someone is coming to visit!).

Hope you feel better soon, E. Just keep taking the paracetemol.

Not patronising Five just wondered how you could say in the same breath sorry about my sister losing her twins and then tell me you are annoyed with me over something ridiculously trivial (and swear at me). Not what I need after the night from hell or in fact at any time.

Luke had a hideous night - what is wrong with him?!!! He screamed for over an hour at 3.30. I tried to take him to bed with me but he screamed even more! I did eventually get him to sleep at 4.45. He started grizzling at 1.30 too. Gave him a bottle with calpol which he drank and then cried when it was finished. Nice of him to wait for Mark to go away little blighter. Hey ho. Had to deal with a very upset sister this morning (which upset me too) on top of a disrupted night so safe to say I am not in the best of spirits. Anyway - maybe tonight will be better - hey it can't be worse right? At least the sun is shining.

Quiet on here! Amber scared us all off... (I also found it hilarious when Neenz complained about her old age at 32...!)

Really sorry to hear about your troubled night Amber. It's awful. I don't know if it helps (probably not!) but I can't do the co-sleeping things with Iestyn. Doesn't seem to work for either of us. Good in a way? Can't believe you're still positive though! I'm miserable as hell with my cold and feel that the sunshine is just spiting me!

Oh, meant to ask you - or anyone - you mention putting Calpol in the bottle. Is that because Luke won't take it? Iestyn won't. Not off a spoon or from a syringe. Anybody got any suggestions?

Neenz counting the hours to next paracetamol... Illegal cleaner is here in Wales! (Tim would never ever entertain the idea of illegal anything what with his job but here is my domain...) A bit of benefit fraud etc, but it's a long story and there's very little she can do with 2 young children, one not in school; no maintenance for them (one has an unknown father, the other is the child of a married man who can't be named ), no money to pay for childcare etc. And it's not like I'm keeping her afloat - it's only pocket money and it means the kids get better Christmas presents.

poppy34, I stumbled across one of your posts and hunted you down to here. I used to be Hopeitwontbebig on the Sept thread, I hope you don't mind me coming on here I just wanted to say hi, and see how you are and to say MASSIVE congrats. I'm currently expecting again, baby due in Aug. xx

Is that congrats to Poppy about Edie or is there something Poppy is not telling us ?

lol at Tim not letting you do anything illegal Essie! DH is the same. We went to Prague once and my sis asked us to buy some fags for her. We brought back about 20 packs of 200 but when we got to Manchester airport there was a big sign saying Czech Republic was outside EU for fags therefore you could only bring in 200 each! I baulked at the idea of giving up £100 worth of fags at customs so just said 'let's go for it' and went through 'nothing to declare'. I was fine but DH (with six boxes of fags in his case) was stopped! Luckily they didn't search him (just asked where he had been and why etc) so didn;t find the fags but he was so annoyed at me for making him do it. Not surprised really, it was really scary and I wouldn;'t do it again. It was his own fault anyway for having a guilty face as he went through customs!!

E hates having Calpol too - I just grab hold of her face and stick the syringe in . If you get the syringe right to the back of their throat they spit less out

They do better with Calpol when they are in their high chairs and I use a spoon.

Tim found that technique too, neenz, the calpol I mean (lol at guilty face though!). He says angle it so it's aiming for where wisdom teeth would be and it's straight down and they can't spit it out!
Iestyn used to take it on a spoon but won't now. I think he doesn't like the taste - don't blame him really, it's yucky!

Oops, sorry, just saying congrats for having a LO

how is your sister Amber?

Hi, really quick post from me as I'm on my dad's PC which is sooo slow!

Rolf, thank you for saying that 17 mths is a great gap to have between kids - I was starting to panic when everyone was saying they weren't coping with babies and toddlers .

Amber, I'm too gutted for words to hear about your sister. Stupid question, but does she know she's losing both? I assume she's had a scan? I just cannot imagine what she is going through right now - you think you are out of danger when you see the HB (at least that's what I always told myself ) but how wrong you can be.

Hi to everyone else, and cyber slap for Neenz for telling us she's old!! I'm also hoping to ttc again next year at the grand old age of 38 .

(Remind me of that in November!!).

Go Sponge! Planning your next round of ttc already .

I didn't mean I was old , I just meant as fertility declines after 30 and none of us knows exactly how fertile or not we will be as we get older, we don't have the luxury of hanging around waiting for the perfect time to have the next DC! Especially as I already needed Clomid to have these two .

Evening. Well my sis has a scan tomorrow so we'll see but she's adamant that it's over and to be honest it doesn't look good with the torrent of bleeding she had. It was heartbreaking to speak to her last night in the midst of it and this morning when it had sunk in. I think she feels better now she has booked the scan so she's not in limbo. It's only now that I realise the devastation TTC and not getting anywhere can bring.

Re the calpol, Luke hates it so I mix it in with milk so basically serves two purposes, gets rid of potential hunger and pain. Thing is only works for a couple of hours! What about brandy mixed in with formula - maybe that'll have more of an effect! Please god let Luke sleep tonight! He has started being a real tantrum thrower even in the day when he doesn't get what he wants.Has anyone else had that? Screaming when he wants to be picked up and isn't, screaming when the bottle of milk is finished, screaming when I put him in the pushchair (which he hates). I think that's why he's screaming in the night. More reson to ignore. Ignore bad praise good that's right isn't it? I think he's too young for the naughty step!

Wow Sponge - planning number three already eh?!

sponge oh! I didn't mean to worry you at all! You will cope fine (we all do) and I'm still super thrilled for you. One of my best friends has a 15 month gap and although it was tough, her youngest is now 15 months and she's really enjoying them while I'm jealous that she's moved on from the sleepless nights!

Amber your poor sister, it must be so tough after celebrating the twins on the last scan. I hope she's okay and fingers crossed (even if it's a small hope) for tomorrow.

But don't try brandy. My parents tried rum and said it was a disaster. Plus then you have a drunk screaming baby so you can't take them to a doctor

Amber I'm so sorry about your sister. That's awful.

I deal with being 36 by telling people I'm 35. I do it ALL the time. Not intentionally - I think i'm in denial I just forget

Had first day back at work today and am bloody knackered! Enjoyed getting dressed in grown up work clothes and walking through town with all the other suited and booted folks at rush hour though

We had a terrible night last night. S woke up about midnight and was absolutely screaming. He really seemed in distress - wouldn't take a dummy, wasn't soothed by cuddles or anything. I was a bit freaked out tbh. Took him into bed with us and he eventually settled down. Did the same thing a few hours later. Been fine today although since he got his rash he's been having loads of naps.

Right, I'm only on here to avoid my latest assignment so I really should go.

Good luck with the assignment BDQ. It's worrying when they act weird in the night - and then when they are fine in the morning you think 'the buggers!'

lmao at not being able to take a drunk baby to the doc

Amber, yeah, I was just thinking today how Theo's behaviour has become very tantrum-like recently. Like when he is having his nappy changed, he tries to flip right over and screams when I try to put him back on his back. He used to laugh, now he just screeches. Sometimes he is good as gold though . I think Luke and Theo are quite similar. You need Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green, I am reading it at the moment. It says 'for the first four years' but I think it is for mainly 12m+. I have only read the sleep bit tho so far .

Yeah they say praise good behaviour and ignore bad and I always praise T when he is good for his nappy-change, but when he is flipping over I say a firm 'No' and put him back onto his back cos I think they do understand that now. Oh the joys!

neenztwinz, just want to say a quick hi to you too, you were on Sept aswell weren't you. Hope you're doing well. I used to be hopeitwontbebig x

amber so sorry to hear about your sister. I was going to say the same as sponge, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for her scan.

I'm feeling very young on here today... don't know how all you older women cope... [JOKE ]

BDQ you don't look 36!

SA a nasty case of dalek invasion? can you get a cream for that?