The one where they put their best feet forward

[Soph73]

There you go Ellie

Morning ladies - I'm back ... bet you're all really pleased about that We had a great week off, although DS1 still isn't 100% The weather was great and we went walking every day, went to the beach & DS1 had a birthday party on Sat and met his mate on Sun so he was happy.

We've finally had the date through for Sam's assessment for state help. It's on Tues 17th so fingers crossed we'll get some dosh. Sam also found his big voice last week so we're getting lots of da da da's and mu mu mu's at the moment it's great He also laughs to himself which is very amusing and thinks that his big brother is hysterically funny, it's so cute.

DH's interview is tomorrow. It was supposed to be this evening but was changed because one of the applicant's pulled out today even though they're already on the island - bit strange but less competition for DH. I think I'm more nervous than he is.

Anyway, I'm now going to try and catch up on what you lovely ladies have been doing all week

He's understanding to a degree, never pressures or anything (I think he's given up but I know it does bother him.

Hello

Denny you are very useful

Hi Ellie, and Sal

knitter - if diabetes affects the male sex drive then i don't see why it cant affect the female one too. plus females have the added extra thing of pg, birth, their self esteem, all the extra emotions etc that men dont seem to have! Have you talked to DH? Could it be a case of having a try again and kick starting the emotions again? Whatever happens i hope you cheer up

DH is going in 4 weeks, eek. Mimi has grown and i needed to buy her a whole ton of new clothes (shame!)and i swear she is trying to say 'cat'. Our cat is so soppy and lets mimi pull her all the time, lol. I am doing ok, a little bit sad in RL, loads on my mind.

Thinking of buying a puppy when dh gets back. Oh & have any of you been to Malta? I fancy it for holiday this yr.

oophs sorry Soph i left you out - very good luck for my future SIL on tues 17th.

Hi Scorpio & thanks, I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me Hope you feel happier soon. You've been through a lot recently so you've every reason to be feeling sad. I went to Malta once but I think I was about 10 so twas a while ago now .

Talking about libido, after my c-section with DS1 it took about 8 months before I was brave enough to even try. With the natural childbirth & even with stitches I would have jumped DH's bones the moment I got home. It was a very weird feeling as I've never been the sort of person who's "gagging for it" but that's exactly how I felt after Sam was born. DH was so surprised that I think he felt quite intimidated by the whole affair I hasten to add I have calmed down a lot since then (much to DH's relief) and now we're back to our usual once a week if we're awake enough

The thing is with giving it a try Scorpio, we've tried before and it gets to the stage where DH is getting all excited and I don't feel anything and I either have to tell him to stop or shut up and put up (not nice) so it's all a damp squib really. It's no good 'on my own' either so pretty sure it's nerbe damage caused by the diabetes.

ahh knitter, i was going to ask about alone time as well. it seems like you know what the cause is. Also if you are on ad's (i dont know if you are or not btw) they can dull the libido too, as does the pill in some cases. I bet BF hormones have a role to play soon as well!

Thankyou Soph, i have had alot on my plate yes, but i dont know, feel like clearing out the bank accounts and running, tbh. (i won't though)

anyway i dont want to talk about it all on here, i will make everyone down with me!!

Was Malta nice then, though? I'm also popping off abriad in june with some friends, just ME & friends, YAY!!!!!!

No, talk to us Scorpio, it might help?

I'm not on ADs or the pill.

Scorpio - I'm sure everyone has felt like that at one time or another, I know I have. Hey you won't get us down you know that. Great that you're going away with friends though, that would be fab. As far as I remember it was lovely but, like I said, it's been a long time since I was there & all my childhood hols were great (except 1, shudder) so I'm probably not the best person to ask

Knitter - sorry to butt in but I didn't realise that diabetes could cause nerve damage. Can anything be done to help?

Well, time to go & turf the kids off the computers and go home. Remember ladies DH needs all your good luck vibes for tomorrow afternoon. He'll know by 4pm whether he's got the job so I'll either be the happiest bunny on the island or sobbing over my keyboard! See you tomorrow

Thanks Scorpio Have really got to go now.

Right, this is me then.

I feel like im living a half life, really. I have identified things i need to not feel this way though -

1. more friends, and more confidence with people i know ok-ish to take that further step to meet ups, etc

1. driving lessons - sorted, after dh gets abck from thailand this is happening

1. a job - I am jacking in my degree, amd going to work in a nursery. oh yes. i am VERY sure. Only ever did degree cos of others expectations NOT for my needs or wants or loves

1. a hobby - i think me and my ddddddddf are going to start thai boxing, the ladies group. my other df and i may go to a knitting group on another night.

I feel i let DH do much more than i am comfy with - re going away so much. I want to go with him more.

I have no self confidence. I'm fat and ugly at the moment. I miss BF and my baby that was in my tummy. I think the mc has contributed alot to this. #

DH is being very helpful, saying he will do kids whenever i need and pay for whatever classes etc i need, but i need to find some confidence to actually start TB and driving.

scorpio - please don't be so down on yourself. Don't get me wrong, I think is fantastic that you have identified the areas you feel are making you unhappy and need to change, and have action plans for them. However, please don't feel that you are failing in some way for not having all these things achieved - look at what you have done and what has happened to you recently. It's no wonder you are feeling low, anyone would be. Please don't beat yourself up for not being able to do everything at the moment. Please be kind to yourself.

Re - thai boxing - I used to thai box 4 nights a week (pre children) and I LOVED it. Most amazing level of fitness I have ever had, and I felt amazing. The moment I feel I can, and am fit enough, am going back to start it again if possible, so go for it! Will help with feeling a bit isolated too and meet a whole crowd of new mates.

Re - knitting - would so love to start this, my sis has started a class and it really chills her out.

And degree - well - what you've done is not wasted, you know what you want and if you don't want this, then no point. Social work is a shit job anyway. Honest, it really is. If I had anything else I could do I would do it, so if you fancy something else, do that. You can always pick up studying later on anyway.

Hope you are feeling better soon lady - can you take a break from the kids for a few days?

soph - LOADS of good luck for your DH

denny - sorry to be a pain - have been concentrating on how back hurts more today and is defo across the middle, getting worse throughout the day as lugging the hefalump around.

knitter - that's a PITA. However, I reckon there's more important things meself - like closeness and intimacy and being best friends and sharing stuff and cuddles and enjoying time together. And hopefully you have all that aplenty.

Hey everyone else

Where's VS these days? She alright?

Anyone heard from PFJ?

Scorpio, I'm sad for you that you feel like that. It's so hard isn't it, finding time and energy apart from anything else to do something for just us?

Does DH know yet that he goes away & stuff more than you're comfortable with?

I might be a little teensy bit biased but definately go to the knitting group! It's a lovely way to just get out of the house and relax with a group of friendly people, and the fact that you're all there for the knitting means you don't have to find other stuff to talk about if you don't want to.

I can sympathise with the BF thing, and have no idea how you must feel after your loss, but I think that only time will start to heal that. Do you think talking to someone would help with any of that? I don't mean a counsellor, maybe a good friend or even one of us who you can pour your heart out to?

If you go to work in a nursery you'll have so much fun, and as you know with children, they make you feel like you're the best person in the world being so trusting, that would help with your confidence?

Please feel free to ignore if I've said the wrong thing anywhere x

Ellie and Knitter, thankyou so much

DH does know, we had a chat the other day, he has to see Zac for a weekend before Thailand, but yes, he has said we will go away to shows etc more together, and he did turn down a trip to Norway without even really asking me, as he knew it was too much.

Knitter i am hoping that time will help me a little more with my mc; i dont get sad about it anymore but i think it is underlying issue to alot of these feelings - i thought i would be having another baby, not all of this iyswim.

Ellie, i do like the social work on paper, but in rl i am starting to hate it more & more and i havent even qualified yet! I want to be hands on with caring & loving babies and children - not some of the stuff i have had to see/watch/observe someone deal with/read about. I wish i never knew half of what i do.

Ellie i do feel proud of what i have acheived but i need these 4 things in my life; and really they are not anything that other people dont have. i think driving is a useful life skill, and ditto making more friends - i really do have few friends, especially ones with babies & that needs to change. I also think a job (PT btw) will help me with the social aspect i need in my life. A little hobby (1 or 2 evenings) will help me get through the days with something to look forward to, also some exercise is good for everybody isnt it!

Knitter it is hard finding the time especially as dh works 8-6 for mon-fri, and what with nursery pick-ups, nursery and school clubs it feels like i couldnt do much even if i wanted to! Then evenings dh trains (i do not want him to stop) so where is the rest of the time???

I'm glad i have found what i need to do, I'm doing little steps towards it and i guess thats good?

VS is ok, yes, just busy, i fb her & text her, she's cool.

Can you split evenings? You have a couple so you can go and thai box & knit, and he still gets to go out and train the other evenings? Or is there anyone who could babysit for a couple of hours while you go out? The knitting group that I go to is only 2 evenings a month for 1.5 hours, but it makes such a difference going out on my own and doing something for me. To be honest though I'm normally so tired that I don't do much knitting!

Soph, massive good luck for DH for tomorrow.

Complications of Diabetes (C&P from wiki) : Diabetes and its treatments can cause many complications. Acute complications (hypoglycemia, ketoacidosis, or nonketotic hyperosmolar coma) may occur if the disease is not adequately controlled. Serious long-term complications include cardiovascular disease (doubled risk), chronic renal failure, retinal damage (which can lead to blindness), nerve damage (of several kinds), and microvascular damage, which may cause erectile dysfunction and poor wound healing. Poor healing of wounds, particularly of the feet, can lead to gangrene, and possibly to amputation.

All good fun huh!

yes i have a friend who can babysit whilst i knit with other friend, and then thai boxing for ladies is fridays, a day dh doesnt train (obv as he is a boy,lol) I need to start getitng some confidence to start these things NOW. I don't know where to start, i have no self esteem, feel like fat ugly troll at mo.

Knitter isnt it odd how so many people/diagnoses/etc put so much concentration on erectile dysfucntion, but if you have a fanjo no mention of anything like that!

Listen here lady - you are NOT fat, you are NOT ugly and you're definately not a troll! You're unhappy. It's catch 22 though isn't it, going out and doing stuff will give you confidence, but you need the confidence to go out and do stuff... Ummm, right, this is my plan of action for you.
1)Arrange a night with lovely friend to go knitting.
2)Ask other lovely friend to babysit.
3)On the night, go with lovely friend to knitting group via the pub.
4)Swift pint - down!
5)Off to knitting group, attempt to cast on through beer goggles.

Everyone there will be lovely and friendly and welcoming, and you'll look forward to going next time. Do you have an email address for the person that runs it? Would it help too contact them before you go?

How about we all get cheerleader pompoms and dance you out of the house, shouting encouraging cheers???

I am going to research a group tomorrow, and will contact them & report back. Yes encouragement will be welcomed

Sorry - break for putting children to bed - how very dare they get in the way on my MNing!

Scorpio - didn't mean to imply that you weren't counting your blessings or anything honest - what I meant, very clumsily, is that I think you've been through a lot, and need to go easy on yourself. But that said, I think your plans are really fantastic, and may steal some of them myself. I really want to learn to knit - might try and find a group too! Also nursery work would be great - you are clearly nuts about little kids and have so much experience - why not put it to good use? Plus would be child-friendly working, or should be! Would join you in that one too but am stuck in my rubbish horrid job of miserable-ness. Saw a guy from work today and he said it was as crappy as ever

knitter - bloody hell it does make you realise diabetes is not a simple thing is it? My Mum has type 2 - not massively badly - but I didn't realise all these complications could happen if not managed correctly. Sorry if sounded patronising before - read ,y post and I think it did - didn't mean to x

Hi all - Soph huge fingers crossed for your DH, ooohhh i feel all nervouse on your behalf!
Knitter, it's good your DH doesn't pressure you, but does it ever piss you off that he doesn't? Sorry if that sounds odd but when I was going through my 'not interested' stage, it got me down partly because I didn't feel like I thought I should feel, but also because DP was being such a gentleman about it and not 'bothering' me, I felt that he wasn't bothered because (obviously) I was so unattractive he'd rather not sleep with me so it wasn't a problem for him. This is how my brain works. So even though I did't want to. I wanted him to want to. Even though that actually would have been a bigger problem.

Scorpio, you've done so well at working out some concrete steps...it's hard when there's a general swirl of unhappiness around, to actually be able to identify any particular issues or reasons. I did feel after my mc that a general dullness descended. I just didn't feel that I could be properly happy again because I'd experienced this incredibly painful (emotionally) and unfair thing. I can't describe it properly. Hmm, ok, if you imagine a balance scale, it was as if the bad thing was so big and sad on one side, that all the happy things I could experience didn't 'weigh' enough to balance it out.
It only took time really. Not for me to forget, but for the memory of how much it hurt to fade a bit, and maybe for enough good things to pile up on the scale to tip the balance over.

I don't think this is remotely helpful. I just wanted to let you know that I admire how you're coping and will also cheer you on