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[largeginandtonic]

Mornin!

Only got a peppered jacket potatoe here I'm afraid PJ but you are welcome to some. You are right though resentment does breed. It needs stopping or it will destroy the relationship. You need to decide whether it is beyond repair and get out or nip it in the bud and try to pull it back together. There is only you that will know that. I really feel for you PJ

Relate has a waiting list of between 5 and 18 weeks.

Right get yourself on it and talk to DH about going, this will be a positive sign you want to move forward and work at things. It is a positive step.

Pink what about a trial seperation? Now I know I'm just a wee 21 year old and am not married and you can tell me to shut up if you wish but, I have had some pretty horrid partners in my small 21 years.

Because of the way I am, and the way I think, I would not put up with it. At all. Yes people say things in the heat of the moment to hurt you, but why do you have to put up with that? You're married and have a young baby, you want the 'ideal' for your child. A mummy, a Daddy, a nice home, happy happy happy. Sadly it doesn't always work out like that though, and sometimes you're better off braking away and being happy as two seperate people, instead of one miserable couple. It may also work out better for Lexi as well, growing up in a home with two parents who fight, don't love each other any more and generally have very little to do with each other, is not a nice enviroment for any child to be in. It's been like this in my home for the pst 15/16 years of my life, it's not pleasant and playing at 'happy families' is exhausting when you're far from it.

I would, if you still want to, try and talk things out. Relate sounds like a great idea if you can get your dh to do it. My only concern would be the waiting time for it. But if there's a chance it can reconnect you both, then fab.

If things get very bad, how about a trial seperation? Agree with each other that during this time you'll have time alone, time as a family and time as a couple without Lexi. This will either make or break you but will be a great indication as to where your marriage is. If you think it's done you both good then great, if you feel like you both want to part ways, then at least you can try and do it amicably without being under the each others feet and getting angry at the whole situation.

Don't know if any of this matters/helps in any way, I'm not very good at this kind of stuff. I'm a huge relationship pessimist and don't hold a very sunny view on the whole. I'm sure this is setting me up to be a future spinster, but I've got my amazing dd, and so do you. That at least makes me

Thinking of you.

PJ sorry have been out all day at the dreaded inlaws. Have you both actually sat down and had a discussion about the way you feel about your marriage your friendship everything really or is it all resentment and then the awful argument in the car. Am wondering whether the problem with lexie's sleep had possibly been masking any underlying problems. I am sotty you are going through this I spent 10yrs in a relationship with someone I didnt love because there were problems that we never talked about and then it all escaleted into a hateful situation. All the advice I can offer is to communicate with each other and not when youare both spoiling for an argument agree ona time to sit down and talk together sensibly without recriminations for what is going to be said. I do think relate will help you both. HTH Obviously ignore if I am talking out my bum.

I beg of you the monster has just learnt how to climb into his tripp trapp if I have not had a visit to A&E in the next few days it will be a miracle.

I wrote a huuuuuuge long post and the computer wiped it, obviously thought it was a load of crap.

Sorry Pink that things are still awful. Please be reassured that nasty things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant. For example dh said I said something quite unforgiveable in front of ds1 last week during my strop and I have no recollection of saying that But I apologised (well sort of).

Get yourselves to Relate and speak honestly about how you both feel. Have you reassured him recently that you still love him (albeit in a slightly different way from before) and that he is doing a great job looking after you and L, and that he is doing a great job as a dad? There is no point looking back at what you both were before. Because life is not the same now, you both need to grow together into your new life and I agree that the longer it goes on the deeper the resentment will be. Perhaps one issue is the close relationship you have with your family? Maybe that makes him feel like he is not able to provide that extra bit of emotional support that you obviously get from them. Would a little more space between them and you help at all? They are your problems to solve together, not your mum's. (sorry I hope I am not being too harsh)

Fwiw I often think that being on my own would be the easiest option, but then I give myself a good hard shake and realise that it is perhaps the most selfish thing I can do and possibly even the coward's way out. I need to work more at my marriage, the way we were before no longer exists and neither does that situation and so it is time to replace that couple with a new couple who have grown out of a changing situation.

I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that he loves you very very much. Hopefully given the right opportunity he will tell you that.

Right, enough waffle from me. MrsJB good to see you survived your hectic weekend and I am so sorry you missed out on the filthy chat. I averted my eyes on my return.

LG&T, how are those boys today? No nasty reactions? Charley it is so lovely to have you back on here again.

PJ how you feeling my lovely?

There some amazing words of wisdom and experience written here today. It just strengthens my happiness in joning MN and the Due May07 group when I did. Personally I think we are a fab group of support. but it's true.

PJ, I can't add any more except to reiterate as I said in my post yesterday, talk, talk and talk to each other as much as you can. Even if at the end you both decide that a break is the right thing you will both know exactly how each of you feel, which in the long run will make things much more amicable. Not knowing is far worse than knowing where each of you stand.

Pink I'm so sorry you are having a rough time.

It sounds to me like you two love each other but aren't necesarily "in love" right now.

I think you two need to talk to each other and tell the other calmly what you need. What exactly do you want from him? Neither of you are mind readers and know what the other needs or wants, and maybe you are expressing that to him in a way he understands.

Make a list of things you want from him.
Look them over and think about your current situation: family, financial, etc, and see which ones are reasonable. Talk them over from him. Also understand that if you want him to change things, you may also need to change some things.

I hope you work it out.

Evening!

C had her MMR last tuesday and it didn't affect her one bit. Unless these injections make babies even more chatty/destructive/trouble etc. No? Just dd then? I swear, I've got a terror in the making.

C down for the night although I think she's still awake.... She's so good now though, no tears or screaming, she'll just lie there and nod off listening to her nursery rhymes once she's finished her milk. I like it lots

My sister's friend had a wee girl the other day who they've called Rosie.

Am off for a run, will catch up when I get back. That is, unless I fall in the lake from exhaustion!

Oh forgot to add earlier, PJ, please don't feel as though you have to fix all of this for just L's sake. I'm not quite sure how you feel about all of this, but make decisions for you as well, not just because you feel L would benefit from them, iynwim? Yes, L's needs are very important, but so are yours and dh's. Any repairs have to be done for everybody's sake, not just so that Lexi can have her mummy and daddy under one roof.

I hope that doesn't come across as harsh in any way, I really don't mean it too. It's hard 'talking' and getting your tone across on a computer lol! I just mean that, be kind to yourself, and think about your own needs and wants in all of this too. x

Back later

Jam G can do that he yells to get out then climbs back in and looks so proud of himself.

TMAM thank you it is good to be back. Good advice for PJ, relationships need to be worked at and develop and evolve things aren't the same but they can still be good.

CAQL I echo this I would not have got through the last 16 months gosh almost 2 years without the support on here.

MKG good advice.

LATL glad C MMR was okay.

LG&T why are you sitting on your hands. Especially when DH will be back tomorrow.

impressive LG&T.

Off to take Granny to see the giraffes, lots of lentil weaving-esque craft shops and Karen Blixen's farm house at the foot of the Ngong Hills.

Wow you are so lucky to have all that on your doorstep Themaster.

Mini munch was going bonkers last night I was watching Maestro and I thought it was going to jump out of my fanjo.

Oh and my sister and the baby are home all going ok she seems to be feeding well and they got a 5hour stretch of sleep last night.

PJ how are you this morning.

LG&T you still on your hands?

He's just sent me this email. What am I supposed to say to this:

"I am scared, frightened and feel totally isolated at the moment - I could burst out crying at any time

I don't understand life - its purpose - and my purpose within it, our relationship and myself at the moment."

You're all too slow. This was my reply, albeit slightly copied from TMAM!

I really do love you, I hope you know that, however I fully admit that somewhere along the line, we have lost our way a little bit. You need to think about whether you really do love me or not, and whether you want to sort these problems out.

As far as the money goes, I am more than happy to change my account, I have all the information and was planning to do it this week. Hopefully that will ease the financial burden and pressure that you obviously feel.

I want to reassure you that you are a wonderful dad, and you are doing a great job of looking after Lexie and me, and providing for us. She loves you so much, she just doesn't see you enough. I know there isn't much you can do about that, but as she gets a bit older, she'll understand. At the moment, she's too little, and she comes to me because a) I'm her mum, and b) she's with me the most. Its not because she loves me more than you. And that is an awful lot of pressure to put on both of you.

As far as we are concerned, well, as above. You need to decide what you want. From life, from this relationship, to be happy. Splitting up would, in my opinion, be the easiest option, it is perhaps the most selfish thing we can do and possibly even the coward's way out. We need to work more at our marriage, the way we were before no longer exists and neither does that situation and so it is time to replace that couple with a new couple who have grown out of a changing situation.

xx

Wow Pink that is a brilliant reply!

Sorry i wasnt around yesterday to offer my support but i would have only said things along the same lines as the wonderful ladies below. I promise that on my next shopping trip (poss today) that i will send you some KK's

LG&T & Charley you should be receiving yours about now

TMAM, you are so lucky to have some many fun and exciting things on your doorstep.

I have just signed ds up to swimming lessons starting in September. Managed to get them for a Thurs pm which was handy. There only rule was that they have to wear swimming hats! Good luck with him keeping it on!

LATL, do you live anywhere the Knockhill race circuit? I think its Edinburgh way....

thats great PJ, the ball is rolling now, keep talking it through.

lg&t, I went to bed last night trying to work out if you were sitting on your hands because you were stopping yourself a, slapping someone, b, applauding someone or c, dying to bake a cake.....looks like I wasn't the only one wondering. SO what was it? Or have we missed something along the way?

Have a nice day TMAM sounds wonderful. I shall be mostly getting the house and guest rooms ready for the family who are decending over the next few days inc two blimmin Rhodesian Ridgebacks....let the fun begin!

TMAM have a good day. Stroke a giraffe for me.

Jam Glad your sis is doing ok with the baby. Hope mini munch isn't causing too much you to much discomfort.

PJ sorry only just got in and switched on. Glad you are getting the ball rolling and communicating, it sounds like he is just as upset and confused as you are and you both need to open up and get talking you are on the road to recovery. You are good together and can get it back. Well done you for putting in the effort. If it does not work out at least you know you will have tried your best. Love the reply, says it all.

AM I am sat at my desk in anticipation. Do you think watching the olympics counts as exercise? Swimming hats oh boy good luck with that one. I loved swimming lessons with DD she has so much confidence in the water she actually thinks she is a great swimmer have to stop her from drowning hersef everytime she goes near a pool.

My thoughts were slightly worse than that CAQL as to why LG&T was on her hands. [smirk]

Whats the story watsthestory? Should I follow with "in balamory" or "morning glory"

CAQL how are you? When are you about for a chat?

Hiya Watsthestory

lol Charley! They were sent special delivery so should be there before lunch, although i guess that depends on your postie. Just checked on track and trace and it says that it is out for delivery

LG&T why were you sitting on your hands?

Pink i will be back later. Well done though.

I am off to the midwife!

April i hope i dont miss the postie too!!!!! < sob >

Oooh LG&T I just love listening to that whooshy heartbeat. Good luck at the MWs how many are in toe today for that trip?

watsthestory are you up the duff?

Let me guess It is showofhands who is with child and LG&T knows but can't tell. [smug emoticon]