December 07 - I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, no!

[Wizzska]

Hello people, is anyone there?

Hi everyone, another longish absence from me! Am at my parent's this week, god it is knackering! They have so many knickknacks around, some antique furniture, plants at floor level etc and ds is into EVERYTHING. Oh and the cat food. Means I can't take my eyes off him for a second-also makes me realise just how lucky I was with dd because we lived here the first 11 months of her life and she ignored all their bits and pieces for the most part. I suppose maybe she didn't really notice them because she saw it all everyday whereas ds is investigating and destroying everything. I did also have a playpen for her though which made life easier.

DS seems to have leapt forward though, surprised us by waving in context when I was leaving my friend's house (had never waved before, must have been saving it up!), took four steps on wednesday when he was chasing the cat and has quite a few words now: que= thank you, mak/boob = milk, up, mum, ela=dd, aaaaaah=cuddle. After two unsettled nights at the beginning of the week his sleeping isn't too bad either, mostly waking twice.

Skid at your brother, sounds a lot like SIL. She doesn't have children but just after dd was born she called to say she was coming over, we thought to see dd. Then it was oh and can you book us flights to germany to see our friend, when I asked her for dates it turned out the point of her trip was actually to see her friend in Germany but it was cheaper for her to fly into UK and back out again than it was to fly direct to Germany, she was only here 2 days and wouldn't have even bothered if it had been cheaper for her to fly direct!

Clara what an upheaval for you. Enjoy your holiday and hopefully it will all fall into place afterwards for you.

BT yay on the sleep! If you are anything like me you would have been lying there waiting for him to wake up all night though! Hope he keeps it up for you [trying not to be emoticon]

Teeth brushing-I've always done dd's in the bath, she lets me quickly do them and then does them herself. DS grabbed the toothbrush the other night and tried to clean her teeth for her, it was very cute! I have one of those soft rubber brushes you put over your finger for ds (think it was free with some bonjela). I just use that for now and will graduate to a proper toothbrush once he has more teeth.

Facebook-I do use it but not that much. I come on mumsnet far more often. I used facebook loads when I first joined cos I was really excited to discover loads of people I'd lost contact with years ago but it bores me a bit now. I do like having a nosey through everyones pictures though!

Anyone know where Lizzer has gone?

Cross post Suey. Sorry to hear that. Does she think breastfeeding is wearing you out then? Or is it because the ADs wouldn't be compatible? I was feeling run down but have started taking pregnacare again (I had a strip left over and they say for bf too) and feel so much better since I have been taking them. I've also been on the actimel but I seem to remember it didn't agree with you? Hope you improve soon

Hi clairey - I have been looking at your pics and videos on facebook (feel a bit naughty like I'm spying on you!) and they are both SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute. I love your DD's hair, I wish I had hair like that..
Wow at your DS's words and steps - this is where all those awful nights in the beginning pale into insignificance because you realise that he wasn't unsettled he was just far too clever to bother with sleep

suey - so sorry to hear you're feeling down - I had no idea - thought work was going great. I've heard that you can't take ADs and BF so that does sound like a difficult choice. But Millie has had nearly 10 months of the best so you shouldn;t feel remotely bad about stopping if that's what you decide. I am also working FT hours atm and finding it very very hard so hopefully going back to 3 days will help you feel a bit less stressed. Let us know how you're getting on x

BT - yaaaay for unbroken night!! DS has also been really good recently - lots of 7-7 sleeps (although 4 wake ups last night) - but the wierd thing is I don't feel any less tired - maybe our bodies are so used to sleep deprivation that they now crave it?

hi beckle! Hope DD is feeling better now - illness and going back to work is not a good combination. I keep meaning to ask if your DH has found a job - it was him that was made redundant, wasn't it?

wizz - I have also been feeling bad because DH has been doing the lion's share of the childcare recently but then I remembered that I did it for the first 6 months of DS's life - we are both his parents and we both need breaks and he is completely fine with it - I think it is just part of the whole 'I am a woman, I will feel guilty' thing that so many of us have

clara - have a brilliant holiday and hope all is sorted when you get back.

I was wondering about lizzer as well.. there are quite a few who have disappeared now. Could they possibly have better things to do?

Evil brother arrives tonight - not sure what our plan is - but like the idea of having a night out with DH while they babysit - will see how confrontational and stroppy I am feeling

Suey, I hope you start feeling better. I'm bf morning and evening too and it works for me. Hope you don't have to give up if you don't want to.

Ooh Skid, hope you get a night out . And yes, I am sure there is a large helping of I am a woman and I will feel guilty for everything! DH always tells me off for thanking him when he does something and says its his job too, which is very nice of him.

Clairey - yep you were right, I did spend hours lying awake, waiting for ds to wake up...
and Skid - I think you do get used to the sleep deprivation!!
Suey - sorry to hear you have been down but glad that it has been spotted!
Beckle - enjoy your night out, don't forget childcare is as much your dh's responsibility as it is yours! And I'm sure that he is loving the extra 1-2-1 time with your ds.
Dh has already mentioned to me how much he loves being able to put ds to bed

I haven't time to read but just noticed... suey you can take AD's and bf!! I did with ds1, if you feel down the last thing you want to do is have to choose between the two especially if you are enjoying bfeeding - I was taking lofepramine - speak again to your doc about this, I had PND and started taking it when ds was 5 mo till he was 10 mo (fell pg again) I gave up bfeeding totally when he was 7 mo - if want any more info please give me a shout - other side of it is when I did stop bfeeding ds1 I did have a lot more energy, that didn't kick in till I had completely stopped and wasn't producing any milk, when I stopped feeding ds2 the milk took longer to go so it took a while before I felt back to my old self
I hope you start feeling better soon x x

also wanted to echo what skid said - don't feel guilty if you do want to cut down bfeeding or stop - doing 10 months of bfeeding is awesome!

Insy - pg when your ds was 10mo! That would be me now. DS was 10 months yesterday. Must admit am v. broody and am humming and ha-ing about whether to start trying again. Thought did cross my mind as am sure I was ovulating yesterday. DH and I too knackered to do anything about it . I look at DS and want another but am only just beginning to feel normal again and would like to get better fitness levels before going through it all again. I want a summer baby this time though.

second that, wizz! We were going to start trying at christmas, but i think i had better sort out the work/life balance thing first.

Thanks for all your support guys. I honestly think i am just knackered and i will bounce back now i am fully staffed again. The problem is what happens the next time: I am the owner with no partners and the buck stops with me. I have 6 people who rely on me for their livelihood, a wee baby, a husband, a slowly dying father etc etc and i don't think it is a huge surprise that it is overwhelming at times. I am sure some of you can empathise with that!

My plan with the business was to earn enough to contribute a certain amount per month to our household expenses: that was the deal when we discussed moving. Now that i have had to ask for enough money to pay the nanny i feel a bit of a failure. DH pays for the mortgage and now the nanny too. He insists it is not a problem and he is earning a lot right now, but I feel terribly deflated by it IYKWIM. But i will get over it.

I guess this must happen with many couples when they have a child. We don't have a joint account (and don't want one) and there has to be a redefining of roles within the relationship. The priority for me is to be the best mum I can first and foremost, with everything else second. I guess that dh's primary role is to be the provider.

Re BF- my supply has dwindled of late and DD has definitely wanted more than i have produced, so i think formula at lunchtime is the way to go for me. I tried her out today and she walloped down 200ml- she would normally get 120ml. So I try that first.

Once again, thanks you guys: sometimes it is only fellow mummies who really know how difficult it can be at times

Quick hello to everyone

Was back at work today and it was fine. I was so nervous about going in but it was good to get back in to it

BT - great that ds slept through. A full night's sleep makes everything OK!

Suey - hope you get the help you need. You certainly do have a lot on your plate. I have to say, I gave up bf at 5 months as I was feeling depressed and anxious, tired all the time, run down, ill and was losing loads of weight. I think it just didn't agree with me and I felt a failure for not making it to the magical 6 months but made peace with myself when I started to feel well again for the first time since dd was born.

You have done fantastically well to bf for 10 mths!!!

Hope everyone has a good weekend

suey2 - glad you're starting to work it all out, sorry I went off just recommending AD's straight off when it sounds like you don't need them, I just wanted to make sure if you needed to go that route that you had that info as I wasn't on MN when ds1 was born and its been a life saver at times, it really bugs me that people are told all the time you can't take AD's and bf, when it was all going to shit for me I did feel that bfeeding was something really positive I could do and it wouldn't of helped my mental health to have had to stop, I'd have felt really guilty and like a failure.... anyway I digress!

hi wizz - I just thought of it in terms of having a 19 mo age gap - it seemed less scarey I'd love same age gap again but that means conceiving this cycle and it doesn't look hopefull... plus my line manager will hate me... in fact I think he all ready does, I hate working with only men cause I'm sure my line manager see's me as a drain on his resources (he has to pay for my mat leave from he's dept budget, it should be centralised but isn't which is rubbish) dreading going back knowing that I want to get pg again and have to tell him

Insy - F*ck your line manager (not literally , do what you want to do for your family. He'll just have to get over it. Snap with my bosses, but I'm sure they're half expecting me to have another or leave.

Suey - you're doing a great job by the sounds of it, and your life is full on at the moment. Don't feel guilty about your DH having to pay a bit extra, you are a family, and he's the father. You all chip in what you can to keep going, you're a team, that's how it works. Try to give yourself a break and realise you're giving yourself a hard time and you don't need to. It's the female guilt thing we're all so familiar with, we all think we have to do everything perfectly. Sorry, I hope I'm not preaching.

DH has been wonderful lately. He looked after DS thursday and friday nights as well as full time all week while I was working. Friday I went out with my NCT girls and had cocktails and a curry which was really nice. Then I woke up the next day to find DH had bought me chocolates. He then cleaned the house while DS and I slept in our bed until 11am!! He then cooked scrambled eggs and bacon on toast for us! 10 gold stars for the husband!

I am still here - finding it difficult to post as evie wants to help but still reading altough I am feeling very far behind. I got behind when dh was away last week and I was too knacked to read anything.

Still no AF - HORRAH!!!!!! Still feeding Evie although I am aale to express less and less . She is now walking across the room now but no words.

Suey - welcome to the world of working parents - I find everything is a balance and I am never able to do anything really really well - but I do it the best I can and that has to be good enough. that would drive dh mad.,..he only does things if he can do them 100% - well I am not like that.

is anyone pregnant yet?

Wow cazzy! Think Evie is our first proper walker

Insy that is exactly how I thought of it too, when I found out I was pg with ds my mum said to me 'don't think of dd how she is now but how she will be, 9 months is a long time in a baby's life and an 18 month old is hugely different to a 9 month old' -she was right! However unlike you I DO NOT want the same age gap again (although I am v broody!) it would be just my luck to end up with another high needs screamer like ds and I think 3 under 36 months would be hard enough without throwing that into the equation!

Suey it is hard to adjust to being the lesser earner, especially if you are used to things being more equal financially. Before we moved to the UK I was the one working and dh was a student, then we came here and suddenly I was dependant on him for everything. My only income is the CHB and CTC (we also have separate accounts because they made it so complicated for us to open a joint one when we came back that we just never got around to it) and I buy all our food from that as well as pay council tax, tv licence and a couple of other minor bills so you can imagine I don't have much (any!) left over but I still always feel really guilty if I have to ask dh for money to buy something. I'll probably just get used to it then go back to work!

Louise glad work went ok, first day must be the most daunting!

Wizz can I borrow your dh for a few days?! Chocolate and a lie in, can't get much better than that!

wizzka - I know I should just ignore him but its hard isn't it when they could potentially make life difficult for you... I sent him an email saying I'd like to meet to discuss my return to work and got v formal one back saying it would be easier if I phoned, I have about 30 mins to myself when both boys nap and he's never at his desk then! am going to have to phone tomorrow and don't want to, I don't really want to go in, I'm going to make sure both boys are whinging at the time so he realises how difficult it is, some men just don't get it - I wish I had a wife...
I thought my dh was fab - yours is amazing (am going to show dh your post!)

clairey - I have two relatively easy going babies (dh genes not mine!) they haven't been a complete nightmare nor really placid but both reasonable sleepers so it could be ok, just day dreaming at mo tho as not pg yet! if I think too much about it I can't work out how I'll be able to cope but then I didn't know how I'd cope with 2 so I guess it'll be on the job training!

cazzy - there is a thought that they are either walkers or talkers, which imo holds pretty true, ds1 didn't walk for ages but communicated really well, I guess if they can't get it themselves they have to shout for it

Congrats to Evie for her walking and to Dougie for his talking - sounds like he is going to be quite an early chatterer if he is saying that many words already!

Insy, as you seem to be the only one on here ttc, you have to share. We can all get nostalgic for the good old bad days of waiting for those two weeks to be up. Unless someone else on here is trying for another and just keeping quiet?

Not much new here, just trying to get up the enthusiasm to start packing. My dh has organised a big lamb fest on Friday night, some old bloke from the northern regions comes down, slaughters a lamb and then roasts it and serves it up in about 30 different ways. He had this meal shortly after we arrived and hasn't stopped talking about it so I hope it lives up to its billing...

Oh, does anyone else have problems with early waking at the moment? Dd2 is up at approx 5.30am every day and it's killing me! I remember dd1 doing this and she grew out of it but not sure if there is much I can be doing to improve matters. We can't put her to bed any later as she is so tired in the evenings. Maybe we can do something about it when we change time zones.

thanks cazzy, clairey and insy. Insy, I may still go the ad route, but I am grateful my gp gave me two weeks to sort myself out. I have tomorrow off work but have the nanny, so I am meeting a friend for coffee and have booked a seeweed wrap in the afternoon. Totally self indulgent I know! The formula at lunchtime has gone down well and it will save me half an hour when at work. Still feeling a bit guilty, but work is v busy now and it is just not doable. Dh away on business until Friday.

oh and insy, don't feel bad about your boss. If you are on the standard mat pay, he gets 97% back. He needs to suck it up

Morning all,

suey - you really have got a lot on your plate and no wonder it can all get a bit much. What I would say re feeling bad about not contributing as much as you'd like financially is that if you asked your DH if he's like to swap roles, what do you think he's say? Would he be happier working more and doing less childcare? if that is the case then you are both doing what makes you happiest and you are both doing each other a favour - you are spending time with your daughter and he is bringing in more money. Sounds very equal to me. Anyway you sound much better and great that Millie is taking to her daytime formula.

cazzy - wow congrats to Evie - definitely our first proper walker..

Wizz - your DH sounds lovely - I'll borrow hom after clairey please!

We had a nightmare w/e with my brother and family which culminated in SIL screaming at us, 'you obviously hate our children' and storming off I managed to sort things out with my brother I think but I don't know what will happen now. My SIL has already fallen out massively with my dad's wife and won't have her in their house (and her own mother as well along with quite a few friends) so she's not one to bury the hatchet. I think she might bear a grudge forever and who knows what that means for my relationship with my brother and nieces... - I thought we might have words but it wa so much worse than I imagined

Skid at your SIL. You're right to try and speak to your brother, sounds like she's too much of a nightmare. I hope he can see sense and gradually bring her round. What a nightmare. Remember, you weren't the unreasonable one here.

Cazzy - walking already, wow. DS not there yet, but cruising round the place and crawling like a clockwork toy. No proper talking either but lots of babbling.

Suey, enjoy your pampering session, you deserve it.

Morning all

Skid sorry you had such a nightmare w/e and at your SIL's behaviour! Hope you manage to sort things out with your brother though. Yes it was my DH made redundant and he is still out of work. He did take on a renovation but the building turned out to be listed so now they have to wait for all the planning stuff which could take months . He is still waiting to hear about another job he applied for but there is less and less about in his industry at the moment.

BT yay for Daniel sleeping through! Is he still doing it?

Suey, you sound like you have loads on your plate at the moment, I am not surprised you are feeling worn down. Please don't feel any guilt about the formula, I wish Evie would take some! Nearly 10 months of ex/bf is fantastic!

Cazzy well done to Evie for walking across the room!

Well all my children are poorly today and I am so so tired as I don't seem to have got much sleep for the last couple of nights. DS1 has a chest infection, DS2 has a chesty cough and DD has a nasty cold (less than a week after her chest infection cleared up - poor thing). Got to work this evening and don't know how I am going to stay awake, will have to try and snooze this afternoon, trouble is I have too much to do!

Complete change of subject, has anyone made up a 'treasure basket' for their LO? After DD was playing with one at a playcentre I decided to make one up for her and she loves it! (so do her big brothers...)

Hi everyone, hope you all are well.

Suey2 - you sound like you have a hell of a lot on your plate! But you are not superwoman (though pretty darn close!) so it is okay to say you can't do everything. So for your dad.

Skid - your SIL sounds a right nutjob! Bet you are glad it's over but hope you can mend things with your db.

Claraq - Lambfest sounds amazing, just keep concentrating on your lovely holiday. My ds is also an early riser, often waking up at 5.30-6am. At weekends, we sometimes manage to get him to sleep a bit longer by putting him in our bed, but he often just crawls arouns and pulls himself up in the bed guard If we try and put him between me and his dad he then starts pulling dad's chest hairs hence the bed guard!

Had a pretty horrendous weekend, had a really bad migraine, culminating with ds teething really badly and when he fed he would latch on, sucks a couple of times and pull himself off, scraping my nipple with his teeth I was in tears at one point Eventually it took lots of bonjela, anbusol, Nelson's teetha and nurofen to soothe him so he would feed without discomfort (for both of us!) and sleep. He seems a lot better this morning.

I do wonder though if my migraines have an affect on him becuase he seems so much more unsettled, grumpy and clingy when I have a migraine

Oh well got my dinner dance on Friday to look forward to, still need to get some tights!

Beckle - what's a treasure basket?

Bouncing - poor you, what an awful weekend. I thought those times of crying in pain when bf were behind us. [shudder] I don't think I could face that again - perhaps with a new baby it might be worth it. Thankfully DS hasn't bitten me much when teething and he stops when I yelp.

bt - poor you and migrain, I had my first one in years a couple of weeks ago they are horrible, ds prob picks up on the fact you aren't feeling well, when I'm not 100% ds2 gets more demanding as I pick him up less, tend not to want to play etc plus everything gets twice as diff when you feel ill, I think how we feel generally has an affect on lo's - hence happy mum happy baby (its my tag line )

suey - the pampering sounds great, you deserve a bit of me time. as for work, I work for a v big company and get full pay for a year, the company as a whole claims back the stat pay but all my manager sees is my wage taken out of his budget for a year - its a fault in the system really but he gets pissed off as he has to pay for a head that isn't working for him for year then just gets pissy at me I think, its golden hancuffs as I want another baby and the mat leave is too good to stop working there...

skid - what a horrible situation to be in! really hope it doesn't stop you seeing your bro and nieces

beckle - sorry to hear you're all ill, we have colds here too, they are dragging on and on, I'm convinced if we all got some sleep they would be over a lot quicker - hope you manage to get some rest even if its just putting your feet up with a cup of tea!

we have a treasure basket - I did one for ds1 and dug it out when ds2 was born. Wizz - its part of 'holisitic play' I think they call it, its basically a basket of household objects we have, old mobile, old tv remote, hair brush, wooden spoons, tin foil, ball, measuring spoons, shells, plastic mirror.. the list is endless. Its great because lo's get to explore different textures (most baby toys are just plastic or soft toy) and if they are like mine all they want to do is suck the tv remote anyway!

clara - am I really the only one ttc?? offically (well by my reckoning) 8 days post ov so just counting the days and trying not to get too hopeful as this is the first month after all!

Just had a FB message from Fifi, she said to let you know that all is okay with her and the boys but her laptop is broken and for some reason she can't get onto MN from her phone. She's back at work p/t and loving it and will post when she goes to her Dad's and has access to a proper internet connection!

BT, poor you! DD's teeth used to scrape when she first got them and it was very sore for a few days but your nips will toughen up and you won't notice anymore!

Wizz a treasure basket is a basket full of everyday items mostly made out of natural materials (wood, metal, fabric etc). It is supposed to help them learn about things for themselves. I have put wooden spoons, bath puff, loofah, largish cowrie shell, ribbons, juggling scarves, honey dipper, small collander, wooden egg cups, wooden eggs, bottle brush, whisk, metal spoon, pastry brush and some other wooden utensils in there. As they get older you can add cardboard tubes, dolly pegs, empty cellotape reels and all sorts of stuff! Obviously I need to be nearby to keep and eye on her but it keeps her mightily entertained while I am cooking or sorting paperwork (2 of her favourite activities to 'help' with).