Jan '07 part 24: As soon as she's finished her nativity scene, Loosh is going to knit each and every 101 Dalmation!

[2HipHopandHappy]

No, really

Quick hello from me.

When I bumped into Wilkie in Ikea I looked at her and thought 'she looks familiar' then realised it was cos I knew her!! As a result of our trip there we now have a door on our bathroom cupboard.

Went to a baby shower last night and came home with 3 presents for my baby which isn't bad. Got a growth scan on thurs so hopefully all will be well. And yes E&H the baby is still very active. Still, reassuring that its alive in there!

Gonna chill with dh for a bit now. Been in London today for a meeting and only been home an hour. Spent the journey home chatting to a lovely lady who lived near Rgee. Its a small world isn't it.

Speaking of Rgee - did you enjoy apprentice this week?

2happy - that sounded a lot of turf

MrsC - hope all ok x

High Vino I really enjoyed The Apprentice this week. I'm really into this series I just wish that awful Jenny would be out, closely followed by Clare and that Irish bitch. Can't remember her name now...

I've a question or two for everyone.

This might be a bit long! ( no change there then! ) Sorry, please read on though....

1)How many sleeps in the day are all the LO's having now?
a) what times, b) how long each sleep.

2. What time are they going to bed

3. What time are they waking up?

Just really interested to know if Izzy is doing about the same as everyone else, or if not getting enough, or too much ( which I'd find hard to believe )

Isobel is:

Wakeup: anytime from 05:30 to 08:00 she often gives us a lie in at weekends and wakes up at 09:00!!! - although neither of us are really sure she's not waking earlier and we're not hearing her. I'd be surprised as I do hear her every other morning, and every other morning she's up without fail by 8, usually earlier...

sometimes when she wakes really early, I can bring her in to our bed and let her have a br feed, which either gets her back to sleep, or she just does that for as long as I let her, and I sleep until i've had enough of her kneeling/standing (baby goat/deer/sheep style) up feeding, swapping from one side to the other, lays flat on her back shoveling my boob into her mouth some how or climbing over me to reach each side, kneeling/standing on my chest to reach either side... fiddling with the other nipple or boob she's not feeding from ( incredibly irritating and sore sometimes.... ) She also strokes my face and hair or chest or tummy in a really sweet, gentle way which I don't mind at all. Although she does eventually then get pre occupied with poking her finger in my tummy button - which i hate !! Sorry - I digress..

Bedtime: 8pm. I try to aim for 19:00, but its more often between 19:30 - 20:00 Occasionally a fair bit later, if she's fallen asleep too late in the day ( 16:00 or 17:00 some days if she's been in mums car ) OR if we are expecting DH home late, I try and keep her going for him to see her and put her to bed. Those nights its as late as 22:30!! I know, not good, but they both are so happy to see each other, even if I'm at my wits end by then!!

She sleeps through, probably 5 in 7 nights, and the nights she wakes, I now either give her little br feed, or cuddle her back to sleep.
( for quick results- its so in frequent and short that its not a problem any longer like it used to be. )

naps : Depends on when she wakes up....

If 05:30 -06:30, she'll be really tired by about 10:30, so goes for a sleep for a good hour or more.
Then I try to put her down for another sleep at 2 - 3 ish for anything up to 2 hours . I don't always achieve 2 sleeps on these days - then she is vile by 4.30pm!!

If awake at 08:00 then she just has 1 long sleep at 12:30 for 2-3 hours ( if I'm lucky. )

SO, i'm asking because she still doesn't really have a proper routine, and I'm not sure if i should be letting her have 2 sleeps on those days, or should I be trying for 2 naps everyday, you know, mid morning then mid afternoon?

Just that she has been waking, as in wide awake before 6 or close after alot recently, and someone told me it might be that she's having too much sleep in the day. I totally rely on her having a log nap after lunch as I join her and really need it! The pain is so much easier to cope with if I do. I just don't want to be being unfair on her, or 'forcing' her to have naps if she's too big for them now, IYSWIM?
She does sometimes refuse naps and stands shouting or crying until I rescue her. Very occasionally, she'll happily stay in her cot and read her books out loud to her her toys, or sing loudly and I manage a little nap myself... but i fid it difficult to relax if I know she's not asleep.

So, average day

Up 07:30
nap 12.30-14.30-15.00
Bed 20:00

(why could i not have managed it all so succinctly! )

SO sorry its so long and waffly, I hope you get what I mean, I'd really appreciate picking your collective brains on this one! Thanks in advance....

I've had 2 hours sleep AGAIN. Freddie has been up since 2:30am AGAIN. It's been a week now since he decided he doesn't like sleeping a night and I haven't had mre tha 4hours sleep a night since last weekend. I just can't do it anymore!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!

Sorry it's been ages since I posted, I do check up on you lot when I can, but life is just crazy busy and when I'm not working or busy with something I'm sitting up with Freddie for most of the night.

I just feel like I can't keep hanging on anymore.... but I don't really have a choice do i?!

Oh shimmer - thats shite, do you think he is coming down with something or teething or just 'trying it on' I have given in and as Hattie still seems to wake at leats once a night she just walsk into our bedroom and then I plonk her in bed next to me she fidgets for a bit but thens ettles so I get some sleep (although broken) I can't remember the last time I woke up in the morning and one/both of them wasnt in bed with me

I am in a foul mood today and I dont know why, not due on but am so irritable and I have shouted at the girls already, have got soem toys down from the loft to replace some of Hattie's 'baby' toys so they are both currently happily playing with them, when the grass has dried a bit they can go and play in the garden. DH at work today so just me and them all day again

Susie - Have to say Hattie is in a routine but with 2 of them I need a routine plus I have to know they'll be in bed by certain time to save my sanity some days, she follows same routine that Ellie has always had

6-6.30-wake up (whoever gets up first normally goes and wakes the other one up)

somewhere between 10 and 11 she'll have a nap I'm lucky if she sleeps for an hour

Dinner at 4.45-5

Baths at 5.30

Bed for Hattie 6-6.30
Bed for Ellie 6.30-7

Very very very occasionally she'll fall alseep taking Ellie to preschool (9.30) so she may have a 10min catnap around 2 but most days she'll either sleep when we get home from dropping Ellie off or in the car on the way to pick her up

Hi everyone - sorry i've been so shite at posting, i've just been catching up with the last few posts.

Shimmer - that sounds really bad, will he take Calpol/Nurofen? i'm afraid that if Z's awake for more than an hour in the night he gets one or the other (well he must be in pain, otherwise he would sleep, wouldn't he? )

Susie - we follow the same routine at home that Z has at nursery, so wake up 7:30-8 (9 at the weekend cause i let him stay up late) then nap at about 12 till about 2, then sleep at about 7.

I was just wondering if i could pick your brains as well? What are your lo's eating at the moment? Z seems to do nothing but eat! On thursday (the last day i was with him all day) he ate:

2 Weetabix and a banana for breakfast.
Croissant at around 10
Packet of raisins at 11 ish.
Pot of beef casserole and a yoghurt and half a banana at lunch.
Packet of Organix crisp things at around half 2.
Crumpet and butter at 4.
Another big helping of beef casserole at teatime, a chocolate pud and the other half of his banana.
Big bowl of porridge just before bed. (which was the only thing i could think of to give him to fill him up but not make him hyper!!)

As well as all that he still bf's during the day so he must've had a big feed before naptime!

Is that too much? We BLW'd and breastfeed on demand so i thought he would regulate his own appetite! Maybe he's having a growth spurt? He's like a little barrel at the moment. A very tall barrel with a cute little pot belly!

I'll try and get some new pics up on my profile at some point...hope you're all ok. xxx

Hello Urban - nice to 'see' you

H eats

7.30 weetabix/cereal and taost for breakfast

10ish biscuit or banana or raisans etc around

12ish lunch sandwich (1 slice of bread) or small roll, cubes of cheese or some ham/tuna etc crisps, cucumber sticks or chopped tomato
yoghurt

2ish - biscuit or small pack of buttons or breadstick etc

4.45 - dinner (ie meat & veg, pasta etc)
Pudding - rice pudding/custard and fruit/yoghurt/ice cream

Plus she has a beaker of warm milk when she wakes up and weak tea or hot chocolate before bed. She often 'steals' other bits of food from Ellie or my plate and she can get into cupboard where breakfast cereals are so have found her there eating cereal out of the packet

Thanks both of you for your replys! I think I need to get a little stricter with the bedtime. Seems that she's about the same with naps then. Will be interested to see what the others are doing....

UD: Izzy went through a phase of eating like a horse about a month ago. I was so pleased as she usually eats like a little bird.

Breakfast: 07.30 a HUGE bowl of cereal, like honey nut shreddies, or cheerios. At weekend she has toast with Daddy.

Snack: 10/30-11ish - packet of raisins or a couple of mini rusks, or a fruit bar.

Lunch: 12.30 - main meal, so something cooked , with a yogurt or jelly or fruit pot.

4.30 ish: maybe a bit of fruit or raisins, or little packet of buttons, some kind of organix biccy.

Tea: 17:30/18:00 Sarnie or some sort, or cheese on toast with a few organix crisps, and a fruit pot

Fluids:
breakfast - cup of milk.
mid morning - juice
lunch- water
before her nap - bottle and br feed .
juice again in afternoon and water with tea,
Bedtime - Bottle of milk with a little horlicks and a br feed

Izzy was definitely having a growth spurt, as she grew out of most of her trousers. It seemed what ever I gave her, no matter how big a portion, it was all wolfed down.

I did read recently that it much better to give them 4-5 small snacks throughout the day as it suits little tummies and energy levels much better. That we expect too much from them, to sit down and eat 3 meals a day, at the times we do. I suppose that makes sense really! Still, she mainly gets 3 proper 'meals' and a couple of little snacks in between, so i'm getting some of it right

shimmer That sound really shitty. I know just how you feel. Izzy had a week or two, of waking up at 5am bright and breezy ready to start the day. Me having only got to sleep at 2am or there abouts. Its a killer isn't it!

Last night, she woke up at half 2, and was still awake at half 4. I was so tired. She was reading to me, then flinging books around. Jumping on the bed, holding onto the head board, sitting on my head, pulling my hair, then spent about 45 minutes 'trying' to get to sleep. Which involved lying down next to me, then sitting up patting the pillow, then patting my pillow, then flinging her self down somewhere else on the bed, turning round in circles ( you know how puppies do before they lie down in their beds? ) and so on.... she then woke me up, pinching my chest at about 7am. I'm now drinking a really strong coffee, or i'd be falling asleep on the sofa.

So, we're waiting for DH to come home. He worked in Barrow-in-furness yesterday, having landed at 8pm on thursday from China. Can't wait to see him. although, i've only had a text first thing saying he was awake, and asking how we were. I'm beginning to get a horrible feeling that he's not coming.

HOpe you all have lovely bank holiday weekends. Take care all of you

Susie - I'm not very strict with routines with J's naps. Roughly speaking he is up at 6.30am (ugh!), naps at 11ish for an hour-hour and half, goes to bed around 7pm. These are all roughish times. HTH!

DH - my sisters DTs didn't walk until 16 months. I personally wouldn't worry - she will do it in her own time.

EAH - have just emailed you. Sorry I am so shite and communication at the moment! Its nothing personal, I just realised I hadn't text one of my BFs for 8 weeks but luckily she understood

MrsC - I know it will all be over by now so I hope it went well and you aren't feeling too sore!

Had a lovely day today. Met a REALLY nice Netmum who lives round the corner - totally on my wavelength with a little girl the same age as J.

We are househunting again! I can't stand living in this shithole anymore. Have a viewing tomorrow that I think I'm gonna like but it is beyond our reach if they stick to the asking price. We are planning on offering at £15k below if we like it as I think it is overpriced! Eek.

oh good luck Wilkie! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. You never know, if you don't ask, you won't get

My brother was going to move from N.London to not far from me, in Esher. They offered £20K below, and had it accepted. They pulled out in the end as the survey brought up too many problems that needed sorting fairly quickly, and the vendor wouldn't then reduce the price to account for the almost 40k worth of work that needed doing! The house was on the market for ages, at £950k.

The work couldn't be left, and they couldn't afford that and the price of the house. They had accepted a lower offer on theirs for a quick sale, so couldn't do anything that end either. I am really disappointed as I can't see them enough where they are now Really excited that they'd be close by again. They're not looking now for a long while. Such a shame.

So, DH hasn't turned up. No phone call, just a text at about half 3 saying he was definitely coming. Not answered my texts or phone calls. Talk about taking the piss, and taking me for granted, that i'll just be ok about it yet again... I'd been SO excited today, not seen him for 3 weeks. Was looking forward to it so much. I even shaved my legs and made a huge effort with my hair, makeup, clothes, and massive spring clean of the flat. SO upset.

The worst thing is, I told Izzy Daddy was coming home from work today, and she totally understood it. Kept saying "Daddy?" and pointing at the door on and off all day.

I sent him a text at about 8pm saying am I keeping Izzy up to see you, or shall I put her to bed, no reply. As i was getting her bed ready for her, she pushed me away, climbed up onto the spare bed in her room, which is under the window, and started saying Daddy over and over,pointing and looking out the window,then got really upset. It broke my heart. What the fuck am I going to say to her if this still happens when she is a bit older and understands even more? So gutted and disappointed in him. I've fucked it up even more now by sending him a text telling him about what she did. So it'll be my fault now that he doesn't come at all.

Sorry, don't really want answers or sympathy etc... I really needed to vent a bit. I know its partly my fault for 'letting' it happen. Its just so hard, I love him so much. I don't know why, when he treats me so badly. I guess because its so lovely when he is here. We're so incredibly happy when we are together, we really are. I just can't leave him, so i guess i'm to blame for this unhappiness really. I really have to put up and shut up really, since the only alternative is to leave. Talking to him, telling him how much its affecting me doesn't make any difference for more than a few weeks.

As I say, I just needed to get it off my chest. I can't tell anyone in RL anymore, its too embarrassing, i'm too ashamed of it all.

Susie, TBH it sounds as though you are going to have make a decision about your DH, as much as you love him. You can't go on like this otherwise you and Izzy will always be living until the next time he might come home. Handlingyour own emotions is one thing but Izzy's are another.

I spent most of yesterday and today since 7.30 working so not really made the best use of DH and E being away to rest. DH cross with me for working but it had to be done.

I've put E's bed together so we'll see how she gets on in that tonight.

Time to get dressed and head outside for some fresh air before coming back to do some cleaning.

Wilkie - hope the viewing goes to plan.

Shimmer - sorry to hear things are more down that up at the moment. Nice to hear from you though

I know you say you don't expect answers, but... here I go poking my nose in!!

"So it'll be my fault now that he doesn't come at all." - do you mean he'll say it is your fault - in which case, he is being unfair (you have no idea how many times I wrote other, ruder words, then erased...!). Or do you mean you believe it actually will be your fault if he doesn't come - in which case, Susie, he has treated you so badly that you are starting to believe his crap.

He told you he was coming home. Even if there was a disaster at work, and although he desperately wanted to be home, and even if he dreaded calling and disappointing you, the adult, normal and responsible thing to do is to spare you 2 minutes to let you know what's happened. To build up your expectations and then leave you dangling is cruel - but to do that to his daughter as well; I'm sorry but he has no right to expect anything other than a roasting from you. Even if it was unavoidable, if he'd told you, you could have let dd down gently, instead of both of you spending all day waiting and hoping. And, given that he has been selfish enough not to spare his family a thought, how can you be blamed for telling him how hurt the both of you are? How can he then decide not to come home full stop but blame you for it? Just because you sent him a text telling him his daughter was disappointed he not only didn't come home but didn't bother to let you know he wasn't coming home?!

You are right, though. This seems to be the way he is. No amount of telling him how hurtful he is being seems to change him (not for long anyway). I can understand loving someone so much that you put up with an unequal relationship - though I don't think anyone would blame you if you didn't put up with it - but if you do decide to keep going, I think you need to want him home less, that way you are less disappointed ....sorry, got to go ds2 crying, probably a relief all round, I'm preaching! I just mean, I'm sorry you've been hurt again, and you're in such a difficult situation. I hope he's contacted you by now, and grovelled appropriately, I just doubt it somehow.

Susie - hopw you're ok. 2H gives good advice btw.

Shimmer - really lovely to hear from you, although you sound like you need a good rest and pop your feet up. What is your dp doing whilst you are up with F in the night? You are working too, yes? Are his molars coming through? Big ((hugs)).

UD - good to hear from you too. Is DH behaving himself atm? Hello Mr UD!

Vino / Wilkie pmsl at Ikea story! You are brave going in the day.
Vino stop doing the cleaning and put your feet up! Enjoy time to yourself. A long bath and big bar of galaxy perhaps?

Eah love the playhouse and various bits and pieces. I bet the girls love it!

Susie think you asked about sleep. We get up at 6.15am in the week, and about half an hour later at weekends. She has a nap about midday for 1 - 2 hours, then goes to bed between 5.30pm and 6pm. She's a pretty predictable sleeper although thought she was ill today as she didn't wake until 8am. That has not happened before but she's been fine today.
Ud - re food, she eats cereal (1 weetabix, cheerios or shreddies) plus milk, half a banana and some blueberries for breakfast as soon as she gets up; a snack (banana or fruitbread) c 9.30am; main meal around 11.30am (fish pie, chili and rice, chicken and veg,etc plus yoghurt or rice pud); snack around 2pm (biscuit or raisins); tea around 3.30pm (sandwich plus pudding); then milk at bedtime c 5.30pm. She drinks loadsd of water throughout the day.

Carrot - I guess you won't see this for a few days, but hope you are feeling ok.

MrsPcf - looking forward to seeing the pics!

Had a v busy few days. Work is hectic at the minute, but in a nice way. My mum has been staying for the past couple of days. Been to the urban farm this morning - P loved the fluffy bunny rabbits (and three day old pigletss). This afternoon we're off to a bbq next door (it's a bit showery atm) and traditionally they end up a boozy affair.....

Anyone any plans for Bank Holiday tomorrow? Nothing here so I may just potter into town.

Long post - hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and hello to all you I've missed.

Susie - couldn't see this and not answer.

my relationship is going through hell at the moment so sorry if i'm not being tactful but:

Why the fuck are you with this man? He treats you and Izzy like shit. He takes you for granted. He assumes you'll be ok with these long absences but doesn't tell you when he'll be back or when to expect him. If he does tell you, he doesn't bother to keep to the arrangements. You said yourself - what are you going to tell Izzy when she grows up? That daddy just doesn't give a shit? Doesn't care enough to turn up on time? Or are you just going to keep making excuses for him again and again and again, till you're old and grey and realise you've wasted your life waiting for someone who was never there in the first place.

You need to sit down with him. You need to give him an ultimatum. You need to tell him "Either you sort yourself out or we are finished." You have to do what is best for you and Izzy.

I'm not going to give you sympathy. I will give you empathy and I will (as i'm sure everyone on this PN thread will) be here to support you and listen to you. Life as a single parent is rough - but at least you'll know where you are.

You have to understand - this is borderline (or not so borderline in my eyes) abuse. Ok so he doesn't hit you, but if that were the only kind of abuse that could happen in a relationship then I would still have one.

Get yourself a fucking backbone. Sort it out. You'll be happier in the long run.

ok - just read 2Happy's post and she was a lot more tactful than me.

But really - why are you with him? Beside the fact that he is the father of your child. Why? and for you.

Tactful maybe, UD, but I agree with you about it being abuse

Suzy - did he turn up/call/text?? Not sure what to say really

We've had eventful weekend, girls were in super stroppy/moany moods yesterday, took them to morrisons for lunch then to my Mum and Dads but Ellie threw the biggest tantrum ever (all over the fact I said her shoes were on the wrong feet) that we came home, we were allowing her to stay up and have takeaway with us but I cooked them dinner and put them in garden, was talking to my neighbour in garden when Ellie fell off the swing landed on her elbow and screamed and screamed. DH at work so my Dad came down to look after Hattie and I took Ellie to A&E, it was very quiet so we were only there an hour or so, saw traige nurse, then X ray, thankfully not broken but badly sprained so she has a tubi grip thing on it and last night you would have thought she'd had it amputated . Thankfully she went to bed ok and only woke once in night.

Hattie got me up at 5.10 so at 7.40 when DH finally got up me and Ellie popped to local boot fair and got a pink phone for playhouse for 20p and got some plant pots. DH home so we went to beach for few hours and then DH stopped at concrete factory on way home, where they show you how garden gnomes are made, Ellie was so excited and impressed so we now also have a garden gnome (can't believe how excited she was, Hattie slept through it ) then been in garden all afternoon and had A BBQ for dinner, Hattie scoffed a hamburger, half a hotdog, half jacket potato, loads of salad and coleslaw and had the chicken and mushrooms off the kebabs I made

Thankfully they were in bed at 5.45 so itoning done and I get to chill out for hte evening

Suzy - sorry but I totally agree with Urban. She has hit the nail on the head. What he is doing is a form of abuse and if you are not careful you will turn into one of these women ALWAYS making excuses for their shite other halfs. At the moment, Izzy is young and doesnt really understand what is going on but as you say, she is starting to notice when daddy doesn't come home. Times this by a hundred when she hits 2-3years old. Do you really want to still be going through this - having to deal with not only your disappointment but hers too?

How he acts is unexcuseable, I am incandescent with rage for you but my sympathy only lasts a certain amount of time and honestly, you DON'T want to become one of those women that people talk about behind your backs because you complain about your situation but do nothing about it.

Sorry - have reread all of that and I sound SO harsh - like Urban, I completely and utterly empathise with you BUT, and it's a big BUT, I would't have put up with that for a few months let alone the amount of time you have - I expect more out of mine and my DSs life.

Make a decision and stick with it. Please.

x

I wish, more than anything that I had not said anything. I really wont bother any of you again with it, I'm not sure I will post either for a while. This is why i'm on MN as it is, because I can't talk to anyone in RL anymore, as I"m so embarrassed and ashamed that I am still with him. That I let him do this to me, by not leaving him basically.

I know its abuse. I know i should leave him. I can't find the strength now. I'm pretty much disabled at the moment, and on and off all the time. I need him physically when he is here. I love him. I can't help that I love him. it would be so much easier if I didn't. He is not the man I fell in love with at the moment.

I am not coping with the physical challenges day to day, let alone adding the huge emotional one of splitting up with someone I pathetically, stupidly and embarrassingly love.

we spoke earlier,he is incredibly depressed. I'd forgotten, it is his son's birthday today. He has been crying all weekend, on his own,feeling torn apart not being with his Thomas. Knowing he has let me and Izzy down badly too.

I'm not making excuses for him, but I understand that it is very hard for him, never seeing his son. He hasn't seen him for 5 years.Of course you will think what you will about him and I utterly understand why, however he's not a bad man. He just behaves badly. Please give me some credit. Id not be with him in the first place if he were.

He is distraught about his lack of ability to cope at times, and that I bare the brunt of it. He hates himself enough, without me hating him too. I know the man he is deep down, and hope this depression leaves him and brings back who he is, he's just got so lost during the last year.

He needs counseling,he knows he will lose me if he doesn't. I've made that clear. I'm really not one of those women.

He apologized for what he's done to me. I told him I will continue to love and support him. For better or worse, ( within reason, of course ) it just happens that this is a ''worse'' period of time. It will get better. I could not walk away from him now whilst he is depressed, just as he couldn't when i'm at my worst with pain.

i'm not excusing him, just saying that there are reasons this weekend, and recently. He loves his son, and our daughter. He is torn apart that he cannot see Thomas. I just was not aware of how he is feeling. I know its his fault as he's not told me until today. I can only imagine how painful it must be, not to be able to see your child grow up.

I came here for respite from my day, also to get to know people with little ones the same age as my Isobel. As owing to my current back problem, I'm fairly isolated at home with her.I've no-one I can talk with anymore. I now don't feel I can here either. I didn't want answers at all, I just needed to 'talk' about it, as I felt so sad last night.

I can't express how painful and cutting it is to read things like that. i appreciate that the posts are intended to help me. I also appreciate you taking the time to read my posts, and to reply. Its helpful to try to see and understand things from an objective point of view - usually.

I'm sorry this was so long, i felt I needed to explain what happened. Or at least, I wanted to explain.

I am not having a go at anybody.Truly i'm not. I just wish I hadn't read any of it. I'm feeling so emotionally drained tonight, and lonely, now I feel more alone than ever. So harsh. pretty devastating actually.

PCF - Massive congratulation!! I thought it was next weekend . Details and picture please...!!

Susie - I think you have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. I have reread all of the posts from yesterday, yours and mine included. I am guessing you are talking about mine, UD's and 2Happy's posts?

In RL people are rarely blunt. It take and extra special friend to tell you straight how they see things. You say yourself that you are embarrassed to discuss your issues with DH in RL so you come on here. Now, I haven't really commented on your situation before but after reading your post last night, which is one of many posts about your DH's treatment of you and Izzy, I felt compelled to write a reply.

I was blunt - yes, and to the point - yes. I felt that you needed to hear it. I can only do tea and sympathy for so long until I think that a short sharp shock sometimes helps. I gave you my viewpoint on what is a terrible situation - verging on psychological abuse IMO. If you didn't want to 'hear' it then I am sorry but I stand by what I said.

If you stop posting on here you are just cutting off your nose to spite your face. Continue posting, I think it would be daft not to as this thread is a fantastic support forum and I have always appreciated people's honesty. However, if you do post about your DH then you have to accept that sometimes you are going to get replies that possibly you didn't want to hear.

I apologise if I offended you.

Susie, I hope you are lurking and reading. Before ds2 disturbed me (darn kids!) my last comment was "I can understand loving someone so much that you put up with an unequal relationship - though I don't think anyone would blame you if you didn't put up with it - but if you do decide to keep going, I think you need to want him home less, that way you are less disappointed". If ds2 hadn't started crying I would have written that better. Basically, I meant exactly what you said in your second post: that sometimes being so completely in love with someone means wanting to stay with them no matter what. And, although none of us knows how it feels to be in constant pain, struggling to dothe simple day-to-day stuff that we take for granted, all of us can sympathise at least. We all recognise you are in a really tough situation. And I doubt there's a single one of us here who doesn't totally feel the isolation that having a young family can bring. But I also totally agree with Wilkie's post there - being friends with someone (even virtual friends) sometimes means telling someone that actually, yes, their bum does look big in that IYSWIM. The truth can be hurtful, and plenty of friends have fallen out over the truth in the past, but sometimes it does need to be voiced. You don't think so - and again, we can all appreciate why you feel that way. You want to feel you can come here and offload without being judged, or preached at. I guess that's the thing of the internet - we're all very different people, and some of us hold back mroe than others. I am deeply sorry for the hurt you felt reading those posts, and on top of the hurt you were feeling, I can understand if you are not lurking and reading this post. But if you are, I hope you know wwe said what we did out of respect and fondness for you. And I hope it doesn't chase you off MN, and I also hope it doesn't stop you posting what's going on - I know you would be fearful of what we are thinking/going to post, but I guess if you do post saying you don't want answers in the future, we're more likely just to listen and not preach!! F*ck alone knows what you lot think about my posts (probably, oh God, there she goes again, I think I'll skim over 2H's post today!!)

Meantime - PCF!!!!! was it this weekend?!!!! Sorry! Belated good luck , and timely CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Mrs PCF

Hello all,

Yes have officially in hibernation over the last few weeks just cannot seem to keep up with things.

Susie: I just had to post, I feel I can see both sides at the moment wilkie is right it is very rare for people in RL to tell you what you probably need to hear and sometimes it takes just one person to really make you think. After ds was born I was not well and it took one friend who essential said what the @#%& are you doing you need help and made me face what was happening rather than constantly running away. I can also empathise from your point of view - dh and I had a rocky patch several years ago after I found out he was having an affair no-one actually said to leave him but I could not talk to anyone as I was so embarrassed by it all the old 'am I not enough' etc etc. Before that happened I was very much -right if anyone hits me or is unfaithful that would it, the end no second chance but having gone through it and come out of the otherside I find myself torn. I never told my family and many frineds still do not know as I knew they would say leave him (this would have been very easy as no children and not needing him financally) but I loved him and we did work it out. I sat down one day and thought to myself it can go one of two ways leave or don't - if you do stay it is not to punish him or make his life hell but to say right this has happened and we need to solve it. It takes a great deal of lip biting and taking deep breaths not to say and you did this...... every single argument but if you do that it will never work.

Right back to the shadows....

PS wilkie - how's the house hunting???

PPS ds has chicken pox so once again in herpes hell.

PPPS how is the shed?

oh and CONGRATS PCF!!!!!!!!

The shed is still in its boxes, we still haven't managed to put it up
Soothing calamine in aqueous hugs to ds x

Aha Loosh

J has woken up covered in small red spots on his chest and back. They don't have the blisters on the top but he has them under his armpits and round his nappy area. Is it CP??? Nursery said that two children were sent home with it on Friday. He isn't eating anything but seems chirpy enough in himself (apart from a friggin 5.25am wake up!!!!!!!!)

Also Loosh, when are we gonna organise that meet up?

Right before ds comes back and needs major hugs, wilks it sounds like CP to me almost always starts head/back/tummy area sometimes they can be grotty with it other times not.

We are just so hectic at the moment lurching from one drama to the next - but meet up sounds good once de-lurgified.

loosh.