Oct 2007 - This little piggy had pureed butternut squash and a slice of pear...

[alicet]

Well thought I should start a new thread in time to link it on the old one!!!

Have put question on the depressed topic and had some answers.
I do have some difficulty looking after myself and the house but not ds. Low mood, dificulty concentrating, irritability,despondency and feelings of inadequacy.
I felt anxious in the early days but not so much anymore, don't have panick attacks as far as i'm aware. My appetite is fine, well, I think i'm comfort eating a lot, hence the diet i'm atempting.
I do feel guilty about Dylan not gaining enough weigt/eating enough.
Loss of interest I have occasionally, but sometimes I just feel like I put those feeling aside and just get on with it, a bit like i'm on auto pilot.

Please do get some help Dalry. I think depression can be a very individual thing - some people feel down all the time others will have different symptoms. Often people might not even think they are depressed. My aunt had depression but she thought she was just tired. I am sorry you are feeling this way - please do get the support you deserve.

I was away this weekend which kept me busy. Dareh was really unsettled though - I think he didn't like sleeping away from home. Thing is he was awful last night too. Waking up every 20 mins until three thirty at which point I just brought him into bed with us. I wonder if he still felt a bit insecure after being away. I don't know what else it could be. I am really tired today though!

Choc - really feel for you hon. I hope you can get some rest soon.

Hi Dal
I am so sorry to hear about how you're feeling; it's a crap place to be at what should be a really happy time?

I don?t have any personal experience of the suicidal thoughts but had a friend that did. You need to go and see your GP ASAP. I would ring them today for an app. They will not take Dylan away or doubt your ability to look after him. You are showing an awareness that what you are feeling/thinking isn't right (and it really isn't) which, in turn, shows just what a good mum you are being by trying to be honest about how you feel. Depression is a strange illness in that there are a huge long list of symptoms and you could have 1 or all of them depending on your depression. (I am calling it depression as that's what I believe you have but am in no way an expert or a DR, just someone he really cares about how you?re feeling x)

You have made the first step in acknowledging that what you are feeling isn't right. Suicidal thoughts are not right. People may say to you -oh we've all had days like that but I think what you're experiencing is a lot more than the odd day.

My depression is/was mainly anxiety based with tiredness, no motivation and just a general shrinking away from the big bad world (as I perceived it)

Good things to do

1. See your GP ASAP
2. Talk, talk and then talk some more. To anyone who will listen. Get the feelings out; don?t try to bottle them up. They will 'out' you one day so I would make it sooner rather than later.
3. Exercise. Yes I know I go on about it but it really does help with lots of things, breaks the day up, some 'you' time, gets you fit but more importantly gets you mentally fit too. Start with a walk to the end of the road, though after your epic 'we're going on a bear hunt' walk at the weekend I think you could manage more than that
4. Have some you and Dh time. This will help you to maintain your relationship with Dh. You two as a partnership are equally as important as Dylan. He needs you to be strong because wait and see what he throws at you as a teenager Remember why you fell for your dh, what you loved about him that was different to the other frogs you may have dated. It's hard when you have children as it?s the one thing you can't have a practice run at before you take the final plunge as a couple. You can live together, buy a house, see how each other is day to day and see how they make their decisions, how they are with their friends etc. But you can't see how they're going to cope with the 3am feeds, lack of sleep and how they would deal with a lo not putting on the weight the HV would like them too. Let someone you trust have Dylan for an afternoon/evening and put your glad rags on, smother yourself with that wonderful perfume we all save for a special night out and strut your funky stuff like the wonderful peacock you can be. (Or peahen ) Dh loves you, he just doesn?t know how to disagree with you over caring for Dylan?

How are you now?

I'm ok, just getting ready to go for a walk in to town with sil. I'm quite good at the walk thing, we are both trying to loose weight so she always texts me to see if I want to go with her. Think if I didn't get out for walks i'd feel a lot worse so ikwym about the excercise.
I will take your advice and see the gp. For some reason I am finding it really hard admiting to dh how I feel. Don't know why, just keep pretending all is ok.
Thanks for your advice. My mum had severe depression so I know what it's like when it gets bad, I don't want to go there.

dh will be more understanding than you think Dal. He may be thinking you're not quite yourself, but may not want to say. I'll bet he'll be ready to give you a huge hug and kisses.
Once you've discussed it you'll feel better.

W all have our good days and our bad.

I had a similar conversation with my dh last night, and this morning. He is sooo lovely i don;t know why i can't appreciate him more.
I have decided to arrange a date night for us tomorrow to show him.

Thinking of you and Stefka and choc.
Big waves to everyone xxxxx

Thanks mine, yeah I know he'll be really understanding cause he's a lovely man. Guess I don't want him to worry about me as well as Dylan, don't want him to get depressed too. I will tell him though.

Hi Inzi - Jane is going to be an escapologist when she's older!!
Glad she's okay though Henry can arch his back which is a pain as we've only been using it for about a week as a friend leant us her bumbo. He's virtually to heavy for it but I'm still going to use it if I'm in the same room. No way is it going to last till he's 14 months....

hello everyone
Just stopping by to say hello before going to bed...
Dal - I'm sorry that you're not feeling too good at the moment, but there's lots of good advice on here, so I hope you can get back to your old self asap.
Choc ? any improvements on the sleep thing? You asked about BLW and things to try ? DS likes cucumber, melon, strawberries, cooked baby corn, philly cheese on toast and eggy bread. He pulls the face when he tries new things, but then goes on to eat them ok. Esp chips, which he managed to wheedle out of DH and me when we were in the pub the other night so he got double helpings!
Mine ? hope that Eren?s bump has gone now! DS got a big scratch on his face the other day after falling in the kitchen?
Anyasmum ? hope the scan went well!
Hello to everyone else! Hope you and the LOs are well. We have a busy week planned ? clinic today (19lbs now!), haircut for me tomorrow (not for DS as he doesn?t have any hair!) library singing on weds, swimming on thurs and then getting ready for my sis, BIL and their 3 kids arriving at the weekend!

Morning everyone , hope you're all ok.
Anyasmum - Hope the scan went ok.
Strawberry - It looks like you've got a jam packed week! Enjoy!
Thanks for the bumbo info ladies, haven't got one yet but gonna borrow sil's so will watch out for him escaping, just the kind of thing Dylan would do.
Well, I managed to kind of tell dh how I feel last night, told him sometimes I feel really down and sad and like I can't cope so well and that I have really sad thoughts. I didn't tell him they were suicidal thoughts cause I didn't want him to panic. He was very nice, hugged me and said he was glad I told him and asked what he could do to help. He said I have to tell him from now on whenever I feel like that. He hinted that we should get some help with it, I think he meant to see the doc but at this point I just said 'no i'm ok', I suddenly got scared about the doc thing, don't know why... I think I feel i'm not 'bad enough' to warant seeing the doc. 'm gonna see how I feel over next few days I think.
It's a lovely sunny day here, hopefully will get out for a walk again.

Dal - don't put off seeing the doctor - it isn't anything to be ashamed about and it could well help you.
It occurs to me, though, that a lot of this is bound up in how you felt about bf and ff, and that Dylan's slow weight gain almost confirmed the guilt you felt when you were beating yourself up over bf. Dylan is clearly just going to grow slowly for now - doesnt mean he always will and isnt linked to your bf. Also babies bring out a fault line between couples even as they bring us closer together - they exaggerate everything because we're all so tired, overemotional, oversentisized. Try and have a nice day in the sunshine and not think about weight, yours or his.

Anyasmum, how was it??? hugs!

Strawberry, thanks for the info! R loves melon and I let her suck some toast yesterday with Philly cheese on it and she loved that too! She had sweet potato yesterday and is now a Weetabix fan. Gave her banana a couple of times but she's not sure.

Muppet, R is incredibly messy when she eats! How are you all today?

Sleep better last night (she managed a 2 and a half hour stretch) so feel more like myself today.

Got to go now and do some work. See you all later! hugs.

Choc - you're probably right about the feeding thing, suppopse it's not surprising whenthe hv says things like 'he's never going to be big' and 'we assumed his weight gain problems were to do with your breastfeeding problems but now he's on formula we can see thats not the case'. I know the stress of it is magnifying things and causing arguments between dh and I. I think another thing that annoys me is that I feel like no matter how many times I tell the hv that Dylan won't eat more than he does, I feel like she doesn't believe me, like she thinks she knows my baby better than I do. This makes me doubt myself and think 'maybe she's right, maybe he will eat more, maybe it's something i'm doing/not doing'. I find that stressful, if I had a pound for every time she's asked 'are you sure he won't take more milk?Have you tried a bigger teat?' then i'd be rich! Sometimes I feel like just not getting him weight anymore but I just can't do that cause I need to know for myself he's gainin weight and he's ok.
ok rant over, hope everyone else has fun in the sun too

Not read posts yet - just popping on to let you all know about scan.

Got to hospital about 12 - Anya was just starting to get a bit grumpy before we left but was ok once she was out and had new things/people to look at. Got her weighed, checked, etc, but couldn't give her sedation until 20 mins before scan - had to wait for MRI department to phone up to confirm when they were ready - that was 2:00, nearly 6 hours since she finished breakfast . Little angel did so well, we managed to distract her until about 1:30 when she finally just went mental and screamed the place down. Luckily she was really tired as well as starving so she cried herself to sleep after 10 mins and woke up just when the MRI department phoned so she could have her meds. She even swallowed the sedation medicine - usually they spit it straight out as it's vile and if they won't take it they have it rectally instead ! Think it had an effect quite quickly as she didn't cry after, just looked bleary-eyed then fell asleep. Finally took her down for the scan at about 3. We stayed in the scan room - took about 20 mins - can't believe she slept through it even with the sedation, it's unbelievably loud - dh and I struggled to make ourselves heard to talk to one another over the noise. Anyway, the scan technician was happy, said they'd got really clear pictures .

Had to wait on ward until she woke up - about 5:30. She had a huge feed - I thought she'd go back to sleep but she was trying to roll round her cot. A bit unsuccessfully though, she looked like she was staggering home from the pub after 5 pints - she wasn't very co-ordinated at all. So they kept her in for about an hour+half until that wore off, then she went straight to sleep when we got home. Woke up about 4:30 this morning, had another huge feed, went back to sleep, woke up 7:00 and seems normal.

So glad that's all over with ! Results in a couple of weeks...

Hi to everybody, will be back later to catch up with posts.
x

Glad it went ok Anyasmum, must have been stressful trying to distract her from her hunger whilst waiting for the scan. Bet you're glad it's over with now though , well done Anya!

Hi! I tried to post this last night but the wireless connection keeps bombing out so ended up copying it into word to try again today...here goes...(with some amendments)

Dal...I had a couple of sudden urges to end it all when I was depressed ( I didnt feel down all the time either and didnt want to see the doctor either, it felt like admitting I was as incapable of being a mother mentally as I appeared to be physically at the time)...I was driving over the high level bridge on the M60 and out of the blue felt a compulsive urge to simply turn the wheel and drive over the edge,... it was enough to scare me into getting help..my gp was very understanding, put me on citalopram and kept in touch to see how things went and even encouraged me to try again when I could cope without it...it certainly helped me get through the bad patch....I'm sure your gp will be just as understanding and be able to offer you some appropriate help even if it isnt pills. Please please go see him/her asap.

Choc.... avocado, pitta bread, asparagus, peas, mini babybel cheese, (strawberry...but watch for allergies), mango, rice cakes and ditto strawberrylace with the chips..anything and everything really, mostly Alex has whatever we are eating, his favs at the moment are fish pie or roast beef and veg....I dearly hope R starts sleeping better soon or that you can get someone to take her out so you can get some catch up time...and I now see she gave you a little bit of rest, I dearly hope she makes a habit of it

Anyasmum....how did the scan go? Ahh, you have answered that aswell. Glad the stress of that is over and it went as well as it did. I'm sure the results will come back that she is just fine. Hope things work out fine on the job front too.

Mine...Alex is falling all the time now that he wants to walk/cruise everywhere...he has absolutley no fear so keeps letting go, usually just at the very moment I have dropped my "ready to catch you now" hands! Hope the bump has gone now.

How do you stop them scratching themselves at this age? I cut and file Alexs nails but keeps scratching his eyes trying to stay awake or makes the back of his head bleed scratching his baldish patch at the back,and he gets scratch mitts off quite literally quicker than I can get them on ...any ideas?

Floria, thanks for sypathising, it helps to know someone has had a similar experience. How long were you on the citalopram? Not assuming i'll be given that but just weighing up the options...

Dal -glad to hear you've had a chat with Dh and glad to hear you're feeling a little better. Do keep an open mind about going to see the DR x

Strawberry - wow! What a packed week and then you have relatives with children coming to stay

Floria - nor experience re the scratching, I just keep Henry's nails as short as possible which isn't easy as 1) they grow so bloomin' quickly and 2) he won't keep his hands still when I bit them (oh yes, a biting mummy here...!)

Well, Henry and I went swimming together for the first time today and he LOVED it. Think kicking legs, splashing arms and lots of giggles and you're there with how he felt about the water. It was week 4 in the course of 12 (babies/toddlers swimming group) and H just went in as if he'd been doing it for years. Head in the water and mouth and nose under absolutely fine. Of course next week he'll scream the place down...

Going with a friend again next week and are really looking forward to it.

Refilled the bird feeders yesterday after a winter of complete neglect as I'm hoping to entice the goldfinches we had last year. We had 2 pairs and some juveniles which were great to see. We also seem to attract the wonderful mix of starlings, pigeons and Robins...Swindon is such a wonderful place.

anyasmum-thats great news, well done Anya on going that long without food, Shannon kicks off at 12.02 for food!

I have just given her some carrot stick things, they look like puffed crisps, i sat her on the flor to eat them and when i came back, she'd managed to get the whoe bag, tipped them all over herself and eaten nearly the full packet, they had that cheesy dust like you get in wotsits in them, so she was covered in orange dust, and had no nappy on, because her nappy rash is so bad, so you can imagine where the orange ended up! had to stick her in the bath. I'm pretty sure the nappy rash is thrush, it looks awful and she cries when i try to wipe her, will just have to cope with puddles on the floor and leave her nappy off as much as pos.

Muppet-glad the boys enjoyed the swimming, Shannon loved it too, dd1 isn't good with water, possibly due to the fact that when i first took her at 5 weeks, i let her go, because they're meant to be able to swim instinctively, needless to say she sank straight to the bottom, i grabed her straight away, but her face was purple and she couldn't breathe for a couple of seconds, errr not recommended!

Choc-I have amazing respect for you that you're still functioning on such little sleep, do you ever get anyone to take lo for a night? or will she still not entertain a bottle?

LLL- hows Ben?

Alice-how are you? where are you? stupid work keeping you from us! hope you're all well
FT- i can't believe Alex is cruising! little monkey, saying that, he had such strong legs at the meet up i shouldn't be suprised.

Dal-I had PD with dd1, but my thoughts where less suicidal and more murderous, i remember watching the mw leaning over her and thinking about stabbing her in the head, how bad is that! As someone else said, i think its a mixture of lack of sleep, worrying about lo's weight and possibly guilt at no longer bfeeding and not being able to get as much food down him as everyone seems to think he needs, you will get through this, try to stay positive, carry on having your walks and definately see your GP, i would also think about asking to change your HV, she sounds like a right unsupportive cow and is not what you need right now, you need more support from 'official' type people iyswim, whether its GP or HV. I'm glad you and dp have had a talk, you need to know how each other are feeling, its amazing how some people find strength through being needed (i'm refering to dp btw) ok enough babbling, sorry if i've talked crap, i'm not very good at writing stuff down!

hi to everyone else, Inzi, strawberrylace, sorry i can't remember what everyone else has said!

dd1 won £50 in Wilkinsons vouchers, and bought herself a BBQ, so it seems we're having a BBQ tonight, the guest list seems to keep growing arghhhhh, am waiting in for a carseat to be delivered so can't go get the food yet, hope it bloody comes soon.

eek J20, murderous thoughts, haven't had those yet... Did you see the doc at the time and go on meds or did it lift in time or did you have councelling? I suppose i'm asking, how did you get better?
Good luck with the bbq, sounds like you'll have a few guests!

Dal; I was on citalopram from the end of september '06 until the end of dec '06, so about 12 weeks, which is when I decided to try one more time for a baby and as I couldnt do that on medication I dropped down from 20mg to 10mg or a week (to see how I coped)and then came off them completely....(incidentally I got my bfp at the end of Jan..just 3 weeks later!) If you want to chat about the effects of it privately just e-mail me.

Will try to get back later...I've got a starving (or so he thinks) child to feed

Floria, have mailed you

Ladies sorry I've not been about much lately... I was in London on a course from Sunday night until late Monday and then real life has got in the way! Nothing specific, just a bit of quality time with dh really. Life is pretty good with us. Work is being a bit of a bitch - they're being a bit useless at understanding that me working part time means that I am not always there but we'll get that sorted. Adam and Sam are doing just great - I'm loving the days I spend with them. Hard work but they're relaly good company. And had a lovely day today - saw Choc and Rebecca this am with another mum and her dd who we did baby massage with, and then another friend with a dd Sam's age came over this pm.

Anyway, firstly I want to add my hugs and support to you Dal. Nothing more to add on top of the excellent advice on here already. Just wanted to put my 5 eggs in to try and persuade you to see your GP. There really is nothing to lose - noone will think any the less of you. In fact admitting your struggling is actually a really positive thing. Big hugs anyway.... You have my email adress and you are always welcome to get in touch. If you fancy some company we're not far from you either!

Anyasmum great news that scan went OK - here's hoping that the results are just as good!

Thinking of the rest of you lovely ladies.... Will try to be on here a bit more frequently. I miss you!!!! xxx

Hello, haven't posted on here for a long time, but do pop in to read from time to time. My ds is doing well, eating enthusiastically and keeping me amused. I really wanted to post for Dal, so sorry everyone else for not chatting more. Dal I had depression after my 2nd child ( ds is my third). I felt very much as you are describing with absolutely no motivation / energy to do anything. It took all that was in me to get the children clothed, fed and through each day. My dh was between jobs, and as soon as he stopped work I didn't cook a meal for a month, and frankly I didn't care whether anyone ate or not ( I mostly didn't). I had also convinced myself that they would all be better off without me. Eventually I couldn't bear being so sad anymore so I went to talk to my GP. He knew me well and immediately said yes depression and offered me medication and counselling. I opted for both although it wasn't until I'd seen the counsellor that I was willing to take the tablets. For me, I felt like I was drowning and the tablets lifted my head up enough to let me breathe and from that position I was more able to start swimming again. I found the counselling fantastic - I only had 6 sessions but the freedom of going somewhere and saying all that was in my head that I couldn't tell anyone else, knowing that I wouldn't be judged, was great. It helped enormously. Don't be afraid to ask for help - professional or from friends/ family. Depression happens and it's horrible, but you will get better. I was on the tablets for about 10 mths - felt I could have come off sooner, but was having 2 house moves and GP thought best to stay level during stressful events. Haven't needed them since, and that was 4 years ago. I really feel for you - it is awful. Please come back to me with any questions or thoughts. I will keep checking in to this thread.