January 08 shiny new - year babys , tired mums and dads!

[lilyloo]

Will that do

Well... after getting stupidly upset at 4am! (ringing my mum and telling her to make me a bed i'd had enough and was leaving DP) I sat down with DP today and told him I'd had enough.

She'd had me up at 2, I fed her (but she only took 3 oz so obviously wasn't hungry) then put her down around 2:30 and fell asleep around 3 she was up again at 3:45 so same routine except this time I left her until she started crying (instead of running to her as soon as she moved) she woke DP a little and all I got for help was "do you want me to put her in a different room and let her cry it out"

I explained to DP I was feeling very depressed as DD is getting particularly moody lately and clingy. DP doesn't help much and uses the fact that he's working as an excuse for this.
I'm fed up of feeling lonely and not having any purpose except DD, also the house is always a tip cos DD won't let me get on with stuff (Sling helps but kills my back) we've not finished decorating it since we stripped ALL the walls when we moved in February 2 years ago
My only friend (or so it feels) is moving to Llandudno (over an hour away) so i'm going to be stuck in the house more and even if she wasn't we can't afford to be paying £1.10 a litre for fuel lately so i'm getting more and more claustrophobic.

SO I've now made up a routine for Aaliyah which i'm going to start tomorrow with her, I'm also looking for more clubs to join with DD (including toddler swimming) and have made myself a type of routine which includes more "us" time with DP and days where I can do the house (DD is going to have to get used to mummy doing other things but her)

Anyways.... this is WAY too big a post now,

Just quick though Naetha tell Dp how you're feeling but be prepared for fireworks about how he's working to put food on the table, (as DP says)

Ok I know its late but DD won't go to sleep. Here's her routine (or so I hope) let me know if i've missed something or if I am just being silly.

6/7am - Wake up & Feed
7-9am - Get dressed, Play on mat on floor and adults have breakfast
9am - Feed
9-11am - Quick nap/Quiet time
11/11.30 - Baby rice/Bottle
12pm - Activities (Including baby club and swimming)
3pm - Feed and Adults have lunch
3-6/7 - Afternoon Nap
6/7 - Bath, Cream and book
7/8 Bed
THEN DEPENDING WHAT TIME I GO TO BED - Dream Feed.

Can anyone see anything wrong with that. I know I'm going to have trouble implementing it, esp seeing as today she slept from 3-10!! and is now awake expecting mummy to entertain her. lol.

Also - I know I keep buggin you and i'm really sorry but how do you tell when your DC's need to go to sleep. I can't see any signs from DD, except she's suddenly either grumpy or asleep.
She does do the stare every now and again but everytime I think ok, she's sleepy and put her down she screams the place down.
Today - She fell asleep on me, I took her upstairs and within 10 mins of her being in her basket she was awake and yelling BUT I take her downstairs put her in her bouncer thinking she's just not tired and 2 mins later she's sleeping. ARGH.

Morning all.

Had 20 minutes sleep since 3, and been up since 5. I don't know what's up with him on a morning, but he's in pain, and certainly not sleeping. I'm not sure if it's wind or teething, but either way neither of us is getting any sleep. When he started crying again at 4am, I asked DH to go and settle him. 2 minutes later he brought Ben into bed with us, turned over, and went back to sleep.

When I broke down in tears half an hour later (Ben would only not cry when I was standing and swaying side to side) he told me to stop stressing and stop making a fuss. He says that he can't work if he hasn't had enough sleep, but I don't think he understands that I can barely function as a human being at the moment. He asked me what I wanted from him (admittedly I think it was a rhetorical question) but I genuinely don't know. What I want is for him to take the day off and give me a break for a few hours, but I know he can't do that. I get frustrated with him partly because I know he won't change; I know he will never be the sort of person that automatically cleans up after a meal, or puts the washing away, but the little things that I could cope with before, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with. I guess it all roots to the old "Women marry men hoping they'll change; men marry women hoping they won't".

It doesn't help that I have been really over emotional recently - at the moment I can't stop crying, even though I don't feel that down. I can smile and laugh and chat and play with Ben, I just do it with tears streaming down my face. The worrying thing is, I think it's co-inciding with when I had my mirena coil fitted. I had a bit of an emotional breakdown last time I was on the pill, and I can feel it happening all over again. The only thing is, I don't know what other contraceptive to use. If we end up relying on condoms we'll have another baby in no time, and the non-hormonal coil is meant to make your periods heavier, and I already go through a super-maxi pad in an hour on heavy days.

I'm meant to meet up with my walking group today, but I think I need a bit of a break - just me and Ben out of the house, so I think we might go to the park if the weather holds. Or maybe a bit of shopping, although we can't afford it at the moment

Right, well Ben's just given me a great big poo to deal with, but thanks for listening

Sorry, meant to say thank you for all your lovely replies - really cheered me up!

Also Lucky - I think you and me are going through a similar thing - I'm thinking of you!

have missed loads as usual but reading through seems to come up with a few common issues:
sleep
dp/dh and their (lack of) helpfulness
q of routine

remember 'this too shall pass'

but, those with unhelpful dads do really need to sort out where they can help. maybe they are useless with babies (but we are all new when it's our first and just have to muddle through) but perhaps they could take over some other duties, or at least be 100% on the jobs they are meant to be doing, ie rubbish out, cooking at the weekend, baby steps, eh?

sorry naetha & lucky that things are getting you both so down atm nagging may be the only solution? or leaving them with baby on a weekend day for a few hours and tell them 'don't forget to do the washing up while i'm out' and see how they cope

naetha - don't know about coils, but does sound like hormonal stuff messes you about too much. maybe research range of condoms to see if there are better ones out there - know i'm not a fan.

lucky - i don't always know when H is tired & he's my 2nd! sometimes i just put him down to brush my teeth for eg and turn around and he's fallen asleep!
3 for lunch? is that what works for dp?

no-one can function properly on too little sleep and the dads are already aware of this, they are just thinking about THEIR sleep.
and remember to eat properly, cos i know i get grumpy if i've missed meals cos i've been rushed.

don't stress too much about routine, but do whatever works for you.
think babies should come out with
'IGNORE YOUR BUSYBODY HV' printed on their bums

sometimes H has a nap quite early in the morning, and sometimes he's wide awake. if i was trying to put him down then he would get well fed up with me!

anyway, waffled on, sorry. don't know if it's helpful at all, but know 2 things:
you are not alone
this too shall pass......

for all you ladies who are struggling.

Lucky did she sleep from 3 in the afternoon until 10 ?

I would personally alter that routine and have her have a nap at 12
Then do you activiites after she wakes and feeds.
Then give her a quick nap of 15 / 20 min before bath around 6 so you can get your tea.

I find dd is much more clingy / screamy if she is overtired. Signs to look out for are yawning, restlessness, rubbing eyes or face. You nay find if you can find their sleepy signs they may find it easier to settle themselves ?

I will dig out the no cry book and post anything of interest on here.

Naetha we having the early morning waking so i am going to buy a blackout blind for our room this weekend. We just tend to bring her into our bed then.

Would it be worth agreeing with dh.s that if you do the night feeds they do the early mornings ? We do that and i do feel much better even if i just get an extra hour until 7.

p.s ladies any advice you have on this would be massively appreciated, i feel me or dp are going to have a breakdown with the stress of it

Hi Lily. sorry you're finding things so tough not much advice i'm afraid, but would love to use yr dp's services as our fixed rate is ending at end of June! i'll get in touch!

Thanks Dotsie that would help ! Think you need to act asap with / without dp though as not a lot of good deals around at the mo that's the problem!

Well Martha did have a long sleep after lunch yesterday and last night was.........
still no better

Lily, have emailed

Thanks Dotsie hope he can help you out

Afternoon ladies.
I don't recognise sleepy signs and Im on number 5 He doesn't realy have a routine re nap time or playtime but I think thats alot to do with fitting in with my other ds's. Routine will come in time. But I always say have a fairly strict bed time routine then you know its bed time and so does baby. Same thing same time every day.
I have a copy of no cry sleep thingy book if you want it Lucky? Im happy to post it to you if you want to give me your address.
Re non helpful partners. I know this is going to sound harsh but tell them how you feel weather it be in an argument or a romantic meal or stroll you realy need to let them know. It will make both of you feel better. Honest it will
Well I don't know if thats helped anyone. Hope so.
XXX

aah just saw someone has started a 'due in Jan 09' thread seems ages ago doesn't it !

Lilyloo, I saw that too. Can't believe there are people pregnant and due in January already.

I've just had a long read of this. I'm sorry for those of you who are finding it tough with DHs. You need a big hug. My Dh told me once that he needed very specific lists of jobs to do, and then he might have a better chance of helping me. His favourite one is giving me a back rub after a whole day of carrying baby! It's a bit of a carrot for him anyway, although I'm very lucky in that he is very helpful. I don't know if that would be of any help to you?

I'm all for mum and baby groups. I've found I'm building up a little set of friends. Nothing major, just coffee etc. Other mums seem to feel quite similar!

Hugs to to those of you having really disturbed nights. Sabela had started sleeping for 6-8 hours but last few nights she has started waking after 5 and the difference to the way I feel is incredible. A friend of DHs has a little girl who he swears hasn't stopped crying for 5 months. They're both really down. Just thought that might make you feel better! In some ways I'm finding this bit as hard as the newborn bit and Sabela isn't even being difficult in herself. It sort of feels like we should have done the hard bit and it should be easier. (Oi! Gingeme and the other mums with more than on DC - stop laughing!)

It's so stressful holding a crying baby . Sabela has started to teethe I think so we're for it!

Can I ask, those of you who put your Dcs to bed at 7ish. Do they just wake up for one feed and then sleep to a reasonable time in the morning? Sabela tends to sleep from 9 or 10 to 5-7, having had a late afternoon nap. I'm quite happy withit, but was just wondering what your DC's did?

On the subject of the ff fed debate thread - I'm getting a bit cautious about some of the threads on here. IT seems so hard to put forward an opinion if it's not absolutely blakc and white. I find it frustrating that sometimes people don't really read what is said, too and you find someone having a go at you about something you didn't say. I find it a bit mystifying that people get in such a paddy, really. I mean, we all do things differently, but so what? It's a big world; surely there's enough room for all (or mostly all!)

I've never in my life really felt like a massage until the last few weeks. Anyone else feeling really creaky and stiff?

Susie on a good night she goes down at 7 then feeds at 10/11 and 3/4

A massage would be lovely , tension isn't the word

ooo my tired feet! I walk without bending my ankles in the morning becasue my achilles tendons are so tense!

That formula thread has really gone off on one! I thought your post was very sane Gingeme.

that would be a good business idea Susie a mother and baby massage where the mother got a mssage by a lovely hunk as well as lo getting one of the mother

It is indeed. I might suggest it to my brother who's got a mobile massage business. He's also trainig as an osteopath. Can you imagine how cool that would be?

Lol susie about the ff and bf thread. Im sure some people start them just to start an argument and I don't usualy get sucked in by them. Oh well Im sure there are millions of babys having a good laugh about their Mums getting in such a caffuffle about how we feed them
It does get easier in a harder sort of way. Each fase brings a new set of problems and worries but thats what parenthood is all about its just how you deal with it that matters. Ive learnt to try to be as calm as possible. My neighbour said that to me the other day when lo was sick down my trousers. I said I don't know if its because Im calm or just too tired to care
George goes down about 7.30 and will wake about 3am has a bottle and bum change then back to sleep about 4 till 7 which is when the other two wake up. Once he misses out the 3 am feed he will go in there room.
Feel whacked out today. Having my second period since lo was born and its realy taking it out of me. Realy heavy too Oh well better get used to it again.

Sorry i am a bit late with this but charlie been quite cranky all week with her jabs on tuesday poor little thing. so routine been a bit out the window but usually its similar to barristermum

I let her wake herself up between 7.30-8.30 if getting later i wake her then play for an hour or so then she starts getting tired so bed she normally sleeps 45 mins and then cant resettle so i pat adn shh for 5 mins then she does another 45 then feed between 11.30-12.00 then play for an hour or so then sleep again often in pram whilst walking or out and baout then feed at 3ish then play short nap somewhere between 5-6 to get her thorugh bath time then last feed 7 then bath /change and bed by 7.30 dream feed at 11 and back to the beginning again. This is what i try to do but she also has to fit in with me going places and doing things its just the last bit of the day i am strict about and i try to get her to have a long sleep in the morning so i can get showered tidy ip etc.

Baby whispereer is really good on this i think as its quite flexible but still gives you a routine of sorts Eat, activity sleep "you time" sounds corny but can keep you sane.

Dont know if thats any use but heh ho

Gingeme V and A sounds cool

Well ladies,

I tried my routine and it kinda worked. She got up at 6:30, DP took her and fed her at 8, we then had another feed around 11, then 2 then slept till 6 then bed etc and she's in bed (I think sleeping but i'm ignoring her as much as I can)

I'm feeling a little more myself now as well it's soooo nice.

Glad to hear that luckysalem. Keep it up and it will work
Whos up for a meet up at the Victoria and Albert museum then? 11th,15th,23rd or 24th?
Any takers?

only one i can do is 23rd - and thats a ? as dh birthday that weekend and bank holiday and thinking about making our first trip away

Gingeme - Where's that London? May be abit far for me with the fuel prices at the mo.