First Time Mums Alone in Pandemic with Newborn

[BakeOffRewatch]

Thought I’d start this after engaging in @bleachblondemum’s thread. I think some chat with people with common understanding about how our resources are already low after a pandemic pregnancy and birth, and then not having the usual face to face local support from other new mums you meet at groups and seeing their babies to know yours is fine, as well as the convolutions needed to get your baby registered and seen to for any health concerns!

I find Mondays the hardest, they feel so long after a lovely weekend with husband. I had a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon. I’m holding my baby now as she naps. I have been a LONG time lurker, and now spend feeds and nap holdings reading on here, would be nice to talk to other mums in similar situation.

Did people enjoy the sunshine this weekend?

Trust me you are not alone, it's very hard at present, with no groups or able to have support from family members like you could pre Covid.

My baby is 6 months old and I am a lone parent, it has been tough! I have met some other local mums through an app called MUSH and have met up for a walk with them. That has helped me feel less isolated. I felt so sad yesterday that my baby does not know her grandparents.

@JoHB I meant alone as in alone at home with the baby 12+ hours a day. Thought I’d start this to chat to people in similar situation. Yes I can’t wait for groups to restart! How old is your baby?

@Julia37 ooh 6 months, have you started weaning? I’m excited about that, am reading Annabel Karmel’s book on it at the moment and looking at high chairs. That’s great you’ve made some local friends, I’ve made a couple through a local service as well, you’re right it really helps. Your baby will get to know them soon hopefully - I think it’s more of a sadness for the grandparents than the baby at this age. The baby won’t know.

@BakeOffRewatches I started weaning last week. I think my baby Isabel actually might of swallowed some porridge this morning! I am holding her while she naps right now. How old is your baby?

@Julia37 16 weeks, so not quite there yet. I managed to put her down for a bit but she just woke up and is eating. Think we’ll do play mat after this and I’ll try to make myself lunch. I’m keeping myself occupied by planning things like weaning and moving her into her room. Looking at paint colours and cots (she’s effectively co sleeping in a snuzpod tied to our bed at the moment).

Well done Isabel! I hold her for naps too, I’d much rather have the peace of that and pass time on iPad than constantly picking up.

Hello! Also a long time lurker who finally started posting after spending hours of feeding and nap time on here. My baby is 5 months old and I am also really sad that she doesn't know her grandparents. I miss the baby groups too. We managed 2 baby sensory classes and one swimming lesson in between lockdowns and it made all the difference to get out of the house and do something other than trudging through the mud. I do have some mum friends that I met through my nct antenatal classes (on zoom) but we've never all been able to meet up and I'm dying to have a coffee with them INSIDE! I don't have any other friends or family locally so I do feel pretty isolated sometimes.

Hi everyone, my baby is a little bit older, she’s almost 8 months. I was FaceTiming my dad yesterday and can’t wait until I’m allowed to see him again! The weather at the weekend massively lifted my mood though, we spent lots of time outside which was lovely.

Hi everyone, checking in here.

My biggest problem is finding things to do. My baby (11 weeks on Wednesday) is definitely better when out and about. He’s not bad at night at all - wakes at roughly 2 and 5 to be fed - but goes back to sleep happily. However he struggles to nod off during the day in the house, even on me and even with a sling! Outside he goes off like a light!

I’m sat in a garage car park at the moment as he hasn’t napped much today at all so I’m trying to let him have an hour before having a walk with the pram. Walks are lovely but we’ve had so many of them! Can’t wait for 12th April when we can go to farms, zoos, swimming etc.

Thanks @BakeOffRewatch I am defo up for a chat here.

DC1 is 8.5m now any his whole life has been lockdown pretty much . I do feel more sad about it now he’s up and moving around and wanting to see/experience new things and I can’t facilitate that.

I know what you mean about Mondays, DS has started going to nursery Monday and Tuesday so I’m only on my own Wed-Fri and sometimes they feel so long, I don’t know how I coped with a full week now when DP was doing shifts.. we just muddle through don’t we 👀.

@FTEngineerM how is he settling in at nursery? Dd goes in April and I’m quite nervous about it

Back holding a feeding/sleeping baby again

Swimming must have been amazing @Soupthatistoohot! Our baby loves splashing about in her bath and we think she’d love a swim. I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable going though even if it did open soon - how did you feel?

YES to coffee inside. Tired of it dripping all over the buggy cup holder. I’m in London and being stuck inside my tiny home was not the pay off I signed up for, I can’t wait for museum cafes to open again. We have some bakeries and kiosks around us (I’m in Greenwich so the park has places too) that are open which gives something to look forward to. I’m not in a bubble with anyone either, just me, my husband and baby.

Welcome @CrazyKitkatLady! Do you have a cat? We have one and at first it was scared of the newborn but now seems to have become really at ease with the baby. The weather does definitely make it better, on Friday I sat in the sunshine for a bit to breastfeed and it just felt so lovely and normal. Rather than trapped at home. Does your baby interact with your dad on FaceTime?

Don’t forget haircuts @willowsandroses! Yup I’m bored and find it hard to motivate myself to leave the house for the same thing everyday.

Hi @FTEngineerM, how is your baby settling in in nursery? I lurked on one of your nursery threads when I was doing my own research. I am likely doing the same thing, back to work at 8 months, 3 days a week. We’ve found a lovely nursery, but it still feels a bit “wrong” and I often wonder if I should stay off longer, but I have no more reason to stay off work til she’s 1 year old than when she’s even older, so why not 8 months. You were brave starting a thread to ask the question! I daren’t do so, everything turns into a bun fight or a thread is an invitation to scold. So I read really really old threads instead!

I just realised @CrazyKitkatLady’s username is probably about kitkat the snack rather than cats, oh dear!

Hi everyone, my LO is just coming up 6 months & I’m starting to find it harder & harder. I’m luckily still seeing my mum as a support bubble but my partner works out the house 12+ hours a day & it makes for a lonely & looooong day alone with a baby ☹️

Hi all,

Nice to have a thread for mums in the same position. Baby is 5 months and I feel the same as lots of you - only so many walks before they get a bit boring and can't wait to be able to be out and about a bit more. Also sad that she hasn't met her grandparents- she's changing so much already so it's such a shame they are not able to see her.

Is anyone else a bit worried about whether their baby will be scared of new people? I'm probably over thinking but she only smiles and me or dh even though she will stare at people walking nearby.

Fully agree that sunshine makes things better. Bought baby a sunhat online so she won't be squinting next time we use the carrier!

Really good thread! I’ve got a 6m DD and completely agree - I find Monday’s hard too after having the husband around at the weekend. The past 6 months and the pregnancy have had their ups and downs. Ups because I’ve had time to get to grips with naps and routines, house stuff and keeping the environment calm. Lows because we’ve hardly seen friends or family, haven’t been able to go to baby classes and in some ways it feels like a wasted year off in terms of missing the planned baby experiences!

Oh my god didn’t that thread go south 😂 I was prepped to hear 8-6 was a long day but not that I should have kids yikes.

He’s settled ok, seems to cry at hand over if I drop him but not DP and DP can’t take him every time so I hand over then sit in the car until they send me a pic of him enjoying himself then I go🤷🏽‍♀️I just can’t leave unless I know he’s happy they probably think I’m saddo waiting 5 mins for a pic.

It definitely felt weird, like he was attached to me pretty much continuously for 7m whilst I BFed then suddenly spending time away I was just found myself refreshing the nursery app all day to see what he was up to. Don’t know if the one you’ve chosen has an app? Trusting someone else is always hard isn’t it? They say if and when he has been upset throughout the day which helps because I know when he normally would be before a nap or W/E so they’re defo not hiding anything which is good.

It’s gone way better than I imagined, I envisaged him needing to be picked up crying all day but he naps there and everything, he doesn’t even nap at MILs.

Nothing is permanent though so just play it by ear, see how they settle.

I know what you mean about walks willow finding somewhere new is a challenge now, we’ve stomped the same few routes for months.

@BakeOffRewatch

I just realised *@CrazyKitkatLady*’s username is probably about kitkat the snack rather than cats, oh dear!

Haha I actually have a cat called Kitkat so you were right the first time!

We have two cats, they weren’t keen on the baby to start with but now they’re quite sweet with her (I think they’ve accepted their demotion now!)

My dd likes looking at the phone when we’re on FaceTime but I think she just wants to eat it most of the time

Hello, I have a DS who will be 3 months next week. I've been a nanny for over a decade but that experience doesn't help the loneliness or constantly second guessing myself over everything, I think I'd be a complete mess if I didn't have the practical side of things down, it's been hard enough as it is!

I'm very lucky in that my hospital runs a weekly feeding support group, so Mondays are the highlight of my week for me because I'm able to actually see real adult humans and talk to them.

Thanks for the invite! I'm happy to chat to other FTM. I'm not in the U.K. so it's been a little different in terms of lockdowns etc but our family is in the U.K. and they've never met our son. We have no idea when they will and it's causing tensions with DH.

I have a DS who is 4 months.

Hello, FTM of 9 month old here. He was born during the first lockdown and has only met his grandma and aunts once during the summer hiatus. I have been lucky to have my husband around for a lot of this due to furlough, he was then made redundant and doing occasional freelance projects now. During the November lockdown he worked 7 days a week and long days and my mental health took a huge dip. I'm an anxious person anyway but I started to have anxiety attacks etc. None of this has been fun, and I sometimes feel guilty I'm not enjoying it more. My son is a tough baby, hardly naps at all and we've only just started to get him sleeping most of the night without frequent waking. I can't wait to get out and see things and people again. I can't believe it's nearly a year since the first lockdown, this time last year I was working and excited about becoming a mum. This has been so tough.

Hi everyone back for the afternoon nap holding. She did stay in the crib for about 20min (I sat next to her) and then cried. Keeps fluttering her eyes open now to check I’m still there. She didn’t feed for that long so giving her a bit more too, maybe that will set me free!

Welcome @Newmama29! Do you see your mum often? Yeah it is definitely long, I need to leave the house, it’s the mistake I make every Monday as I don’t make plans.

Isn’t staring a form of engagement @Llama33? So your baby is showing interest in other people. I bought a baby UV tent last weekend, I definitely got carried away when I saw the forecast, not used it yet.

I feel like with weekdays @GalaxyGirl24 I’m just waiting for them to pass and for the weekend to arrive. I find it hard to enjoy them in their own right. I’m hoping groups and stuff open soon.

That thread was awful @FTEngineerM! I have some questions I think about posing but hesitate cos it’s not worth the risk of Onslaught you sometimes get on here. Even Innocuous stuff like “Is Mamas and Papas furniture worth it?” I’m a bit worried lol. It’s good to hear your baby has settled. It must be so good to have that leeway for yourself especially being pregnant. How are you finding second pregnancy? The nursery we chose did a virtual open day with the director and it made me feel much better. Not sure about apps for daily updates, I had a colleague who received those, he found it really comforting. The nursery we’ve chosen use Tapestry for log keeping. Do you express for baby to drink at nursery? I don’t express at all at the moment.

Lol our cat is very passive with the baby @CrazyKitkatLady. I’m hoping it’ll be a great long-standing relationship, Our cat is only 3 years old. My baby has started to touch and stroke things like our soft jumpers or dressing gowns, and the cat will let her stroke her back near the tail, she positions herself facing away from baby.

@addler oh that’s so good about the in real life breastfeeding support! That must make such a positive difference to so many mums. Honestly I think the fourth trimester is the worst of it, I started to enjoy it after that. Less all hands on deck and she’s much more interactive so it’s fun to hang out with her. She’ll also occupy herself, so I can do things like fold laundry or eat.

@SunshineWatchs do you get to meet other mums and go to baby groups where you are?

@EmmaOvary you are so right, it has been really tough, and it sounds like it’s been particularly hard for you with the other worries. That’s why I made the thread, I don’t think people giving baby advice in other threads to us understand that we’re not just dealing with a new baby, but also lack of social connection, the worry of a pandemic (health and jobs) and then the access to maternity and postnatal services for ourselves and babies. Does your area have a local perinatal mental health team? I was referred to mine and I’ve made some friends and it’s great to talk to people about this stuff. They also gave me some coaching about baby communication which helped so much.

@BakeOffRewatch I tend to see her a couple of times a week. We’ll go for a walk or she’ll watch the LO whilst I organise my house etc. He’s her only grandchild so I feel lucky to allow them to bond. She’ll also be my childcare when I go back to work so I think it’s important that he is used to being around her without me so it’s not hard when that time comes I try to get out every day too, even for a walk or just to the supermarket but living in Scotland the weather doesn’t always permit 🤦🏼‍♀️ Sometimes I just grab a drive through coffee & sit in the car just to feel like I’ve been out & to get out he LO to take a nap

@BakeOffRewatch oh god I remember that, they keep a close eye on us don’t they!! Did you manage to get anything done or was it a chilled afternoon? Ask away, that’s what everyone is here for, I only made an account when I was super pregnant and clueless 😂

No I’ve stopped breastfeeding now. I think I’ve been a month with giving formula. I was getting seriously grossed out with the sensation, I was gutted at first because i loved feeding him and I didn’t want baby no.2 affecting anything for our beautiful boy who’s already here but I think with the hormones that was inevitable 😢. Have you got a pump? I used to pump most days and whilst I hated the actual act of pumping it allowed me to go out for an hour or whatever and be worry free. I’d probably start soon just practicing and seeing what time of day is best and things like that if you want to carry on whilst they’re at nursery. My DP would laugh at me watching videos of our tiny newborn DC to stimulate supply, it worked though.

That’s fab about a virtual tour, it’s mega tough at the minute not being able to actually visit. Virtual tour is essentially the same thing.

Doesn’t seem to be any end in sight of this lockdown where I am fingers crossed though.

@BakeOffRewatch thank you for creating this thread. I didn't know there was such a thing as a perinatal MH team but I will look into that, thanks for that. I have weekly therapy sessions which help enormously.

I’m with you there @EmmaOvary a bad sleeper teamed with lockdown has been quite the challenge. I felt really really down in January and luckily I seem to be coming out of the slump.

Is your partner around a more now he’s freelance? Are you family close by or a big treck away?