First Time Mums Alone in Pandemic with Newborn

[BakeOffRewatch]

Thought I’d start this after engaging in @bleachblondemum’s thread. I think some chat with people with common understanding about how our resources are already low after a pandemic pregnancy and birth, and then not having the usual face to face local support from other new mums you meet at groups and seeing their babies to know yours is fine, as well as the convolutions needed to get your baby registered and seen to for any health concerns!

I find Mondays the hardest, they feel so long after a lovely weekend with husband. I had a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon. I’m holding my baby now as she naps. I have been a LONG time lurker, and now spend feeds and nap holdings reading on here, would be nice to talk to other mums in similar situation.

Did people enjoy the sunshine this weekend?

Can I jump in too? 4.5 month old tiny dictator who's currently having a hissy fit on my lap because he wants his bottle but doesn't want his bottle

Hi guys, just dropping in, my baby is 16 weeks old and is a little dream. She’s still a massive Velcro baby and hasn’t napped off my body since she was about a week old but she only naps for 30 minutes at a time so it’s doable (doesn’t even nap in the pram!!). We’re lucky as my mum is local and is my support bubble plus I have some friends with new babies so we get out for walks too. We’ve booked in for baby sensory when classes open and I’m desperate to get her to baby swimming (although I hate swimming myself!)

@BakeOffRewatch if you want to donate you can join he human milk 4 human babies Facebook group, it's a milk sharing group. We might have found a private donor who lives the next town over 🤞

I was told to go dairy free for a couple of weeks to see if it made a difference , the hardest part is learning what has dairy in. Well everything apparently! I’ve been getting frustrated that I keep messing up when I’ve made such an effort having oat milk in my tea and buying flora instead of can’t believe it’s not butter (which has butter in it ).

@FTEngineerM I’ve decided I want to buy it, so not going to post. Want to be careful with the anxiety too, that I’m not just asking cos I don’t trust myself. You see it so often here, people being really uncharitable like “give your head a wobble” to clearly anxious OPs! The set I want is the M&P Melfi in Midnight Blue there’s no other nursery sets like it so that’s that.

So happy for you @addler! Hope the 20l makes the difference you want, and that it works out with the private donor. Did you know you can still employ wet nurses? I’m not sure about donating private, the hospital do blood tests and infection test every bag which makes me comfortable with supporting the whole set up.

Hi @BeHappyAndSmile and @Sls668! Mine will SHRIIIEEKKK if I put her down for a second during a nap. Like I did the most outrageous thing ever. I don’t like swimming either but I know baby would love it. I just hate the feeling of cool water when it’s cold already.

@BakeOffRewatch we had a couple of swimming lessons at the end of last year & he loved it! He was the youngest there by far but it was so good for him kicking & splashing around

Wow well done @addler ! My milk also did not come in and DS was diagnosed as dehydrated in the first week. I also did not produce much by pumping so I accepted formula was going to be our way forward. It was a stressful and sad time for me. I still find it sad to think about how much I wanted to breastfeed but how horribly wrong it went.

@BakeOffRewatch The pool we go to is a hydrotherapy pool, so it's toasty warm - great for the babies! It's like a giant bath .

Sorry to hear about people's struggles with breastfeeding - it's so hard. I've been lucky with breastfeeding and I think it's been easier for me than a lot of people. However my baby is sleeping really badly at night at the moment. It's so hard to get her asleep in her nexttome crib and then she sometimes wakes 5 minutes later . The longest stretch we get is 2 hours. She cries a lot in the night too. Because she's frantically chewing her hands (until she breaks the skin) I've been assuming it's teething, but it's been going on for ages now and the teeth still haven't come through (although I can see them coming). I constantly sway between thinking something must be wrong and then thinking it's normal for a baby to cry and not sleep well. I just wish I knew really. I'm worried I should be doing something differently but I don't know what.

@SunshineWatchs I feel sad about not bf too. I had a very traumatic labour resulting in a blood transfusion & I felt so drained & weak I just didn’t have the energy or blood volume to produce milk. My milk came in about 4 days later & by this point I was doing everything myself in the hospital because my DP could only visit for 30 mins that I couldn’t face going home to do it all myself there too. I think the fact I never got to do skin to skin when he was born is also a factor to how he didn’t latch & milk production etc. I still have so much regret & it makes me feel sad but my baby is healthy & fed & that’s the main thing ❤️

@Soupthatistoohot my baby has been teething for months & months & still nothing too. It’s terrible! I give him calpol every night which seems to help with sleeping.

@Newmama29 don’t beat yourself up about it ❤️ breast milk is literally stripped from your blood so if you lost a lot there’s nothing you could have done. A healthy baby and mum after delivery is the most important thing.

What symptoms of teething has he had for months? That sounds rough.

That set certainly looks very very nice @BakeOffRewatch 😍

@FTEngineerM I know, my rational brain knows that but I just wish I could have a redo of my birth/first week so I could have my ideal labour lol! Everything that could have went wrong did 🤦🏼‍♀️

He’s been so slevery & hands in mouth constantly & his cheeks have been so red ☹️

Hi all, got myself out the house on Monday and Tuesday as forecast said rest of week rainy and possible thunderstorms. Just went for really long walks.

Think I’ve finally done 3 days no cow’s milk, it really is in everything! And have a phone call with a paediatric dietitian coming up. Hopefully will help my baby’s digestive issues. She’s had a proper vomiting day today, we’re on outfit change number five.

@Julia37 how are you doing? How is little Isabel’s weaning journey? @EmmaOvary did you find relevant services? Thinking of @SunshineWatchs today on your long flight with your baby. Bet it will be nice to land and be near your family and have that support.

I watched the Oprah interview yesterday (definitely will not be joining any threads about that), perinatal mental health was mentioned. Reminder it happens to any of us, I spent some time (still do) feeling guilty about needing help cos “there’s people worse off than me” or “I don’t really have anything to be sad about “.

I have my birth debrief coming up which I’m terrified about to be honest.

@addler is baby enjoying the donor milk?

How old was your baby when you went swimming @Newmama29? Oh I think I would definitely like swimming if it was a warm pool like that @Soupthatistoohot! I love being in a warm bath. How are your babies’ sleep and teething at the moment? Mine has similar symptoms of red cheeks, lots of saliva, so maybe it’s starting.

Thank you @FTEngineerM! It arrives tomorrow, got it as a discounted ex-display set from a baby shop that is closing down. Mamas and Papas is pre-order furniture for mid May, their customer service is email only at the moment, and loads of comments about waiting for deliveries, so I was really glad to find it. I’m really distracting myself and keeping occupied with her room at the moment. Scouring gumtree, Facebook marketplace for things.

It’s our first Mother’s Day coming up this weekend! Have you planned anything nice? I did join the thread about what would you like, I just said sushi lol. I miss going out to eat! Looking forward to brunching with baby once lockdown lifts though I’m sure the reality will be very different to what I’m imagining haha.

@BakeOffRewatch he was about 3 months when we went, he loved just bobbing around in the water & kicking his legs, he didn’t even mind being dunked under or splashed but I’ve been pouring water over his head in the bath since he was teeny as I didn’t want him to be strange with water ☺️

Can I ask how you are having a birth debrief? I had a terrible birth, made worse by the covid situation & often thought about trying to have a meeting with the professionals involved for a debrief.

@Newmama29 I also had a traumatic birth, during my worst moments I keep thinking if I could redo that week (eg not be so stressed with work) would things be different, would I still have postpartum anxiety/depression? I don't know. I was induced due to hypertension but it was managed badly. Anyways. It's crap having those thoughts, I'm having a bit of therapy to try and let go.

@BakeOffRewatch thanks! The big day is today! Our things went yesterday and will show up in June! DS has been doing really well with the new milk so I'm very pleased! I'm not worried at all about DS for the flight etc but my dog is another story all together! Poor babe, he has a sad birth story and he's a broken soul but so loved. He's going to struggle with it. DH and I are bracing ourselves for that. Once we get on the plane I'll feel better, they can't kick us out at 3000ft!

I feel so lucky not to be a FTM, I can't believe how abandoned women have been. My baby is 5 months this weekend, she's my second. I tried to call the HV to discuss a small thing today and all the telephone lines I was given on discharge are now unrecognised numbers. It's appalling.

@SunshineWatchs it’s comforting (although also sad) that others have had not so nice experiences to bounce our feelings off one another. I often wonder if I should have some therapy to address some sadness I have over my birth. My DP is amazing but he’s not a feelings person & is very of the way “you got through it, it could be worse”. I feel so envious when I hear of people’s nice experiences of labour & want another baby just to try & have a better birth which is so silly

Any questions about cmpa and other allergies let me know as I went through it all (still going through it) with my first... you are all so strong doing this first time in a pandemic

It’s called the Professional Midwifery Advocates (PMA). Try Googling that term and the name of your NHS trust? You can self refer here, but my 121 midwife did it for me, because I had a lot of questions but she wasn’t there for the very last bit. They wait until your baby is a few months old, to give you space to recover.

Definitely take up therapy, @Newmama29, there’s no harm (I know not everyone agrees on that). I will PM you. I get upset when I see those insta photos of people in hospital meeting their baby for first time. I was not with it, passed out from tiredness. I do have a photo of me once I was back on ward with her, but it’s a very blurry photo taken by my husband. I definitely make up for it now with lots of photos!

Good luck to you and your doggy @SunshineWatchs!

Yes yes to the mental “re-do”. I was so anxious about the induction pathway, and having to be in hospital where there was COVID, and worst case scenario that I wasn’t sleeping well. I wonder if I’d agreed to the induction earlier (waited until latest allowed) would I have been less tired and able to finish without intervention.

Welcome @YukoandHiro! I agree. Even if it’s not your first though, just doing things like vaccinations, registrations on own, wrangling a baby, no one will touch or help, or hold baby for a second. It feels so abnormal. Has your health visitor service changed? I got a text today saying it’s going to be provided by a new trust. Thank you for the offer about your intolerance knowledge.

@BakeOffRewatch thank you! Yes this is how I feel when I see people post a picture with their baby on their chests! I never got to hold my baby until he was 4 hours old & he was starving so was so unsettled & I was so exhausted I could barely even hold him. I don’t even think I have a picture with him when he was born I also make up for it with plenty of pictures now & considering we spent a week in hospital alone all I could do was take pictures & videos of him so he definitely has plenty of them now

We (I !!!!) survived the trip! 24hrs of travel 3 airports, 2 flights and 2 taxi rides later we arrived at my parents where we'll quarantine for a bit! Our apartment isn't ready yet but should be next week? Hurrah! Both the dog and DS did better than expected! By the final part there was a bit to tired screaming from DS but honestly it all went better much better than expected.

Hi all - I had twins mid January.
I'm actually finding the lockdown fine 🤣 (especially now DD gone back to school) exclusively breastfeeding every 3 hours 2 babies mean can't really go far anyway and the pram massive so wouldn't be browsing the shops even if they were open

My twins were taken straight to NICU for 3 weeks so I didn't get to hold them until 6 hours after the birth and so no skin on skin or photos like I did with DD 5 years ago plus gave birth alone as emergency and DH couldn't get there in time but been making up for it with lots of photos now

We just started the donor milk yesterday after collecting it Wednesday, so far so good! DS is never very picky about temperature or anything either so I hoped he would accept it well.

We've booked our flights to move back home to NZ after the isolation dates finally opened up. We leave mid July! Now need to start getting everything else sorted. Part of me wishes we were there sooner but at least this way hopefully restrictions will be lifted and we can take DS to see U.K. friends and family before we leave

Forgot to say, was addler but I name changed for a specific thread and now it won't let me change back

Hi everyone, would love to join the thread and have people with babies around the same age to chat with 😀

My DS is 4 months now and during my pregnancy I was really looking forward to taking him to all the little classes but I don’t see that happening anytime soon. I also think about all the ways the birth could have went differently. I had planned to have as natural a birth as possible but it ended up the complete opposite.

I have started trying to get DS into some sort of regular routine. Yesterday was the first day and it did not go well at all 😂 it doesn’t help that he usually nurses to sleep but now that his bottom teeth are through he has taken to biting down. I’m really considering trying to switch to exclusively pumping.