First Time Mums Alone in Pandemic with Newborn

[BakeOffRewatch]

Thought I’d start this after engaging in @bleachblondemum’s thread. I think some chat with people with common understanding about how our resources are already low after a pandemic pregnancy and birth, and then not having the usual face to face local support from other new mums you meet at groups and seeing their babies to know yours is fine, as well as the convolutions needed to get your baby registered and seen to for any health concerns!

I find Mondays the hardest, they feel so long after a lovely weekend with husband. I had a 3 hour nap yesterday afternoon. I’m holding my baby now as she naps. I have been a LONG time lurker, and now spend feeds and nap holdings reading on here, would be nice to talk to other mums in similar situation.

Did people enjoy the sunshine this weekend?

Happy first Mother’s Day to everyone on this thread!

Welcome to people who have joined, hope you had a lovely weekend.

I’ve not been receiving notifications for this thread, even though it’s on my watch list - anyone found the same? Even when I’ve been @‘d.

@Newmama29 it’s nice to hear someone else feels the same. Though obviously I wish we’d had better experiences to share. I might get a cast of my baby’s feet, they’re already grown so much, might not fit in my hand soon! I made my DH take loads of photos of me breastfeeding her in the early days and I can’t believe a matter of months ago she was a tiny thing that would nestle in my arms.

Well done @SunshineWatchs! Do you have to quarantine long?

And amazing work @ivfbeenbusy, making time to post and ebf two very young babies!

Oh @Toega fingers crossed lockdown exit works in your favour.

@SMcG1 do you think you’ll take up a debrief to help with the what if/redo thoughts?

Thanks to those on this thread who reminded me that a birth debrief is a thing - I'm going to look into it. I had an induction due to having gestational diabetes, which ended up being a forceps birth (I narrowly avoided an emergency c section). I did get immediate skin to skin with my baby (DH was amazing and made sure it happened) but I was shaking so hard from the drugs I nearly dropped her and just felt so shell shocked. I then passed out with low blood pressure and didn't feel up to holding her for several hours. DH fed baby while I was asleep, using colostrum that I expressed antenatally. I feel hugely traumatised and maybe too scared to have another baby. I still have pain too. DH has said he was frightened that either baby or I wouldn't make it home and he doesn't want another for this reason - he thinks we got lucky this time. It all makes me feel so sad.

More positively, we started weaning today and it was very fun to watch baby's face! She is extremely suspicious of food and prefers sucking on the tv remote!

@Soupthatistoohot I completely understand how you feel. My baby was forceps after getting distressed during pushing (I was septic in my uterus so baby had infection too), he was taken straight away from me by paediatrics to get iv antibiotics & by the time they had got him ready I had a major haemorrhage & they couldn’t stop the bleeding. Thank god they managed too but I never held my baby until 4 hours after he was born by this time he was starving, I was shattered & we never established BF. My DP said I literally looked like a corpse & he thought I was a goner, for that reason he doesn’t want another too which makes me so sad cause I always wanted more 😭

@Newmama29 That sounds really hard. It's so upsetting when you imagine things will be one way and they turn out so differently. I think the loss of control is really traumatic. I also felt guilty for ages that I "fell asleep" after baby was born when I "should" have been feeding her. But then DH told me I actually had low blood pressure, went grey and passed out and all the staff were worried. I'd had no idea.

I understand why partners don't want to see us go through something like that again but it is sad. I wish you could know in advance how it would be. A close friend of ours lost her baby at term recently and this has just cemented it for my partner that we got super lucky and he thinks we should quit while we're ahead.

@Soupthatistoohot it seems that everyone I know recently has had traumatic births! I wonder why that is?
It’s not your fault so you have nothing to feel guilty about. I’m sure you made up for that small amount of lost time!

That must have been awful for your friend! That was truly my biggest fear whilst pregnant, I couldn’t imagine going through labour & not having my baby in my arms to bring home 😥

Hello everyone! Long long time mumsnet lurker here :) sorry to hear about the traumatic birth experiences. I also had forceps, and then a drop in BP, and struggled to establish BF (now managing-ish to do mixed feeding). Have found these first few months a struggle. DP is wfh which is a blessing so I’m not completely alone and he is very very hands on with baby, but we have no family nearby so no support bubble, DD hasn’t met anyone except us and a few friends on some socially distanced walks. The main thing that is getting me down though is my prolapse :(. I can’t really even go for walks, and we don’t have a car so that means I’m pretty much trapped in the house. Apparently I need to do my physio for at least 3-4 more months before I might see an improvement in my prolapse symptoms. Sigh. Sorry, definitely feeling a bit ‘woe is me’ today. Very happy to have you do this thread though :)

Hi everyone, good weekend?

We went to our first baby group last week! My baby loved it. She usually hates tummy time and I was shocked at how long she stayed on her tummy when there’s lot of bright coloured and noisy plastic in front of her! It was all COVID secure, maximum 4 babies and their parents, sit on your separate mat and plastic toys that can be wiped only. Singing rhymes though I can’t get “Down in the jungle where nobody goes” out of my head and have been singing it constantly since. Why are we watching animals wash their clothes!? I’m going again on Thursday and really looking forward to it. It was just such a good chance to close my eyes and relax a bit, without feeling guilty because the play coordinator did the work of engaging baby. I hadn’t realised how all out exhausting it is to be your baby’s everything. Literal everything. Though it did come with a bit of guilt, like I’d never used a bubble machine with my baby and the other 2 babies had and mine loved it, and I went out and bought her loads of plastic tat trinkets from Sainsbury’s which I just pour on the floor now for her. They gave tips on how to talk to your baby for language development and I feel bad I hadn’t been doing it the way they said (say “this tiger or elephant” rather than “this one or that one”).

Sorry I haven’t been messaging it was a hard week last week. The weekend before I assume my baby started the 4 month sleep regression, clingy and feeding all the time like a newborn.

Had my birth debrief which was great. Intense but a positive experience. It really helped with all those “re-do” thoughts, what happened was all for a good reason (her chin was up and I’d exhausted myself with pushing and went to theatre for light touch forceps). I keep thinking if I’d slept better, If I’d let myself be induced sooner so I was less tired ... but that could have been an issue regardless. And actually my labour started quickly and progressed well, and she said my good stamina showed (I put a lot of effort throughout pregnancy preparing for birth with weekly sometimes twice weekly specialist PT and daily spinning babies exercise, so I personally needed to hear that as someone who wants to do it again).

Really recommend it. I was hugely anxious prior to it, I was scared about what I’d hear. But the midwives are trained to talk about it in a way that is positive for you, rather than just look at problems. Which is what I think can happen right, we end up focusing on the intervention.

Hi all just seeing if anyone else has come across this as I feel so sorry for my baby 😢
He is 2 weeks and 3 days old and has developed 2 really sore patches either side of his bum cheeks very near the hole. They are red raw and it looks like when you have a burn and the blister comes off and the skin beneath is bright red. I am breastfeeding so his poops are yellow and watery and VERY regular which I know is normal for breastfed babies however it seems like his poop is burning his skin!!!
I called the dr on Monday and they advised leaving him naked as much as we can and coating metanium on really thick as opposed to the thin layer I had been applying up until now (as advised on the tube)
Does anyone else know what else I could possibly do to heal this QUICK?! It breaks my heart every time I change his nappy and he cries when he pees I think this stings it ! 😩☹️

@MrsW150917 are you using just cotton wool & water to clean him? I would stay away from all wipes etc for a good while. My friends baby had a really bad nappy rash & her doctor prescribed this paste she made up which she said was amazing! I’m not sure what it’s called but worth asking about

@Newmama29 hey yeah I've stopped using the wipes now and am using cotton wool pads/balls with cooled down boiled water as I think the wipes were making it worse! ☹️
I will contact dr again Monday if no better and mention the paste what you said, thank you x

@MrsW150917 oh I’m sorry to hear what your baby is going through, 2 weeks is so tiny. We didn’t have it that bad but baby’s bum was very sore at that age, the night nanny advised us to ensure she was completely dry (gently pat with clean muslin) before putting on cream or metanium as otherwise the dampness is trapped and makes it worse. However, I’d check this with a doctor first if the sores are open as maybe fluff from the muslin might be worse. Hope it gets better soon x

@MrsW150917 how is your baby doing?

I know this thread sort of died, but if people are still about, I’ve been thinking of how you’re all doing.

@FTEngineerM is your due date soon? @FarmerJo2020 how are your exercises going? @Soupthatistoohot, @Newmama29 did you manage to find the birth debrief service in your area? @Toega how is your milk journey? Have you settled in to your home @SunshineWatchs, must be so nice to have family to help now. I hope things got better with your other half.

If you’re in the uk I hope you had a lovely long weekend! My husband and I had gasp a conversation yesterday in the sunshine whilst baby napped, it was revelatory, we have honestly gone through days of just not liking each other, newborn phase and lack of sleep is wild!

Hi @BakeOffRewatch it got worse with the metanium not better 🥺 I called 111 today and they booked me in at the hospital to see a GP and he prescribed a steroid cream so I'm hoping this will do the trick now. It's so upsetting when I change his nappy he screams and stiffens his legs out to stop me from cleaning his bum so I know he's in pain and it really makes me want to cry too 😢
Doc said his poo is burning the skin due to the amount he is pooping.
Thank you for asking 🙂 hope you are well x

Hey @BakeOffRewatch no September 12th, long way off but half way there yay!

How are you doing? How’s the sleep going?
Our DC is now in his own room but one of us in on the floor on a mattress so he’s not technically alone, god I feel so sad admitting that! We’re both nuts I think 😂

@MrsW150917 how is baby’s nappy rash? I hope you’ve managed to get it cleared up the poor soul? ☹️

@FTEngineerM our LO has been in his own room for nearly a month now 🙈 there was no way he was fitting in the snuzpod anymore & he was starting to climb out it so he had to go in his big cot, even though I wasn’t ready for it 😂 he’s been great, his sleep is much better & he sleeps 12 hours a night only waking once for a feed & maybe once to stir! Kinda wish I’d done it sooner 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

@Newmama29 fab, that’s such an improvement, how old is your baby? I know it’s the right thing to do, we got told off by MIL when we told her 🙊.

I’m going to set up the baby monitor today and maybe take the plunge this evening, baby steps.

@FTEngineerM he’s 7 1/2 months so he was about 6 1/2 when we put him in. We have the bt camera monitor which is so clear & I probably wouldn’t of been comfortable putting him in if I didn’t have it 🙈😂

Hey everyone, just wanted to share that we had an in person baby class today and it was really good :) we weren’t allowed to sing (the class teacher was) but it was so nice to see other babies!

You’ve inspired me @Newmama29 wish me luck for this evening 😂🤭

That’s exciting @SamanthaVimes are they going to be a regular thing now?

@FTEngineerM yes, hopefully every Monday for us now! It’s a lovely day as well so we’ve been in the garden all afternoon, feeling very positive today!

@FTEngineerM honestly I’m so glad I done it & wish I’d done it sooner! He sleeps so well now & we’ve only had about 2 bad nights (teething). Good luck & let us know how you get on 🥰

Well.. I failed at not sleeping in the same room 🤦🏽‍♀️He actually ended up back in bed with us because he kept coughing.

At this rate he’ll be bringing his wife and kids to bed with us both 😂.

@FTEngineerM aww don’t worry about not having him sleep separately, in lots of other countries children sleep with their parents for much longer than we tend to. There’s a really wide range of “normal” and they’re all different!

I don’t think there are many teenagers still sharing with their parents, it won’t be forever!

Hoping your baby is doing better @MrsW150917. It sounds really painful.

Aaah how exciting @FTEngineerM, though I could not face another hot summer and pregnancy!

All the M&P Melfi furniture arrived a month ago, and I’m so glad I got it, it’s lovely. The dresser with changing table top is such a back saver. I thought they were a money trap and had been changing baby on floor or bed with changing mat.

Baby is doing day time naps in cot. Definitely outgrown snuzpod, but she’s not quite 6 months yet and I don’t want to put her alone at night until the magical 6 month mark. I think she would sleep much better and more comfortably if I did though. She’s hitting her arms on the sides and waking herself up. Last night she was scraping her foot against the mesh which made the most aggravating sound. Classic paranoid pregnant lady, I bought an expensive Little Greene Sheep coconut mattress for the snuzpod but I don’t actually think it’s that comfy. For the cot, I’ve bought a dual side (under 1yo and toddler) pocket sprung mattress and she sleeps deeply on it.

I’ve managed to ditch the day contact naps, by quickly wrapping her arms in a cellular blanket when I put her in cot and rocking with hand on stomach. Night time sleeping is not going well though, maybe teething?

@SamanthaVimes we’ve been going to groups too, which is nice. I’m surprised how scared I feel of baby going near other babies for an illness perspective. No signing either, but lots of toys for baby to play with. She loves mirror carousels but they’re like £80 to buy!

@Newmama29 @BakeOffRewatch I think we're finally down to the bottom of it now. Since I posted on here it got much worse and I called GP again and demanded to be seen with him as they'd just been doing telephone appointments with me due to COVID. I went in and she sent me straight to hospital!!! Referred to a paediatrician - they put the excessive diarreah and burning of the skin down to a cows milk allergy and said it looked like it had developed a fungal infection on top of the rash! Poor baby so he was on caneston, steroid cream and a cows milk allergy milk. However after a week on the milk there was not much improvement with the pooping (I was still changing 12+ diarreah poop nappies a day) then was referred to a dietician who I spoke to only yesterday - she reckons it's lactose intolerance so have started him on a lactose free milk... the milk must have had an impact immediately as he went almost 24hours without pooping until 5pm today and it was a FULL nappy but gladly the poop has thickened in consistency already hooraaahhh so looks like we're onto a winner now!! 🤞 and over the course of the week with the cream the rash has also got much better thankfully.
The other issue now is reflux but as long as we get his diet and rash sorted then the reflux can be sorted later.

Hope you are all well ☺️