Tips for getting through baby blues

[Hopeitwontbebig]

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Hi Hopey,

If you don't feel OK about ringing friends because you might start crying, how about sending a text on the lines of 'Finding it hard. Can you talk?' It's sometimes easier by text, certainly faster.

PLP - wow, reading your post is incredible. You are so unbelievably brave and even though you have been posting on the sept thread - I never realised the full impact everything has had on you.

It really is difficult to know what the right thing is to say at times; and I never want to come across as patronising - but I think you guys are doing so so well. PLP - am so glad that you continue to post and I do hope that we can support you. Hopey, hope that we can do the same for you also.

Hugs to all. xx

Hopey, I've been off-line for a while, but I've been thinking of you. I wish I lived nearer to you, then I'd come round and we'd cry on each others shoulders and eat cakes all afternoon.

Don't be worried that you're feeling detached from Niamh at the moment. That's probably a normal and well documented coping mechanism. You've got a whole life time to get to know her. And don't underestimate all that you do. Looking after 2 older dc is a full time job in itself isn't it? But to throw in a little baby as well - no wonder things are tough.

Did you have any joy with the centre of enablement? I remember you were going to make contact with them. Oh and just a thought, would dh be able to carry Niamh around in a sling? I don't suppose your physio or occupational health depts would be able to put you in contact with other families in similar circumstances would they?

Anyway, I'll stop waffling on. Do you ever feel as though everyone else has something much more useful to say than yourself? I do! But I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you lots and wish you well. You have my number, and if you fancy a chat please call, or email. Love to you all. H x

PS. We're missing you on September. I miss your humour, we need more stories of wayward boxers and fil's! When you're ready, please come back. Do you get a chance to read it? I hope so, because then you will see that NONE of us are perfect mums, EVERYONE of us have worries, concerns, or hang-ups to some degree or other. And I bet (as I say, when you are good and ready) you have stacks of experience and advice to share with us. Looking forward to it when you do.

How was your day hopey? Have been thinking of you xxx

dal, you never come across as patronising - I really value all that you say! I'm good at putting on a good front, sometimes to my detriment tbh!

I had a thought hopey - it won't feel like it right now but just by posting on here and being so open, you're probably helping all sorts of people out there who come on here and read the threads. It can be so comforting to know you're not the only one going through stuff. I just wanted to encourage you that you're amazing! (((hugs)))

PLP xxx

kinki - I wish we all lived close to each other as I reckon we could all demolish lots of cakes together lol. I'd love to spend time with you lovely ladies in rl! Maybe we'll do one of those get-togethers when the lo's are older!? (sorry to change subject but I couldn't ignore the word 'cake'!).

plp- definitely think a cake eating is called for one day when we can all meet up in rl ! Just wanted to say how much your post re Cerys touched me - sending you and all the family hugs - sometimes there just is no answer to the question "why me?" and you are so brave - it really makes me stop and think and puts my troubles into perspective!

hiwbb - hope today is going ok ? love to you and all the family xx

Hi my lovely lovely friends. Thank you again for all your ongoing support (my rl friends have started telling me off now for saying thank you and sorry!) PLP big big hugs to you my love, you're doing so well and BIG BIG THANK YOU for those Superman pics, some of them I've never seen before, they made me cry, but in a good way. x x

Well you'll be pleased/relieved to hear that my rl friends have been really rallying round. Firstly yesterday a close friend (one who took me to hospital when DH had his accident) came with lunch and flowers (I keep forgetting to eat), she then took on the enormous task of hoovering up about a hundred flies which flew into DS1's room the night before last, they came in through the velux window. She then looked after Niamh whilst I 'tried' to have a sleep. Unfortunately anxiety got the better of me and I just laid there heart pounding. But I think lying down for an hour helped anyway. Today another lovely friend asked me to go round to hers this morning, I ended up staying until 2:30. My friends have said that they will do whatever is needed to get me through this, if that means me spending the day with them at their house, or them at mine then that is what they will do. They're amazing and I feel privileged to have them as my friends. But at the same time I don't want to take advantage of them and I'd dearly like to be able to return the favour somehow. I'd hate to think that they might get fed up one day. I might be feeling a bit irrational saying that, but I'm in a whole pile of worry right now. At the same time, I know I'm not well and I must 'bite the bullet' and accept the help on offer. The analytical part of me understands that me feeling unworthy of their help is all part of this rubbish depression 'process'.

I went back to my doctor on Monday and he said to stick with the medication because it should start to work. He also explained things in medical terms, which I like, because it's black and white. He was explaining about all the different hormones and chemicals in the brain which influence mood. Like MrsMar and dal have mentioned, there does seem to be an element of post traumatic shock going on right now, my GP said it sounds like it's all coming out now.

I was walking the boys to school this morning and came across a Mini Cooper S parked on someone's driveway and it made me so sad because that's the car DH had before the accident and he couldn't drive it anymore so it had to go, then a helicopter flew overhead and that upset me because it reminded me of the air ambulance that took DH to hospital. These things didn't bother me before. Do you guys remember the accident I attended to with the overturned car on the roundabout a while ago? The very air ambulance that took DH to hospital landed right next to me and it didn't bother me at all. We saw it again at an air balloon festival in Northampton a couple of months ago and it was performing stunts in the air, I just felt immensely grateful to them.

I had to go and see one of the practise nurses at our doctors surgery today because my caesarean wound had got infected last wk and she needed to check it. Niamh was made SUCH a fuss of. We've got to know all the nurses and receptionists at the surgery so well this past year because we have been there so often with all the problems DH had been having with the wound on his elbow. It was SO touching how happy they all were for me that we had Niamh. They took her away and fed her and made a real fuss of her . Andrea the nurse I saw asked how I was getting on and I told her how I was feeling and she said how brilliant I was after the accident (we saw her only a couple of wks after it happened) and that I had coped so well and been strong and it was bound to come out and obviously it's happening now.

I've got PIL's coming tomorrow ( yes Jack Russell owner, tea throwing FIL!) staying 1 night, then they're back on Sunday, FIL goes home Monday and MIL will stay on and help during half term. DH has booked Monday and Thursday off as holiday. So that's next wk covered which is good.

Still desperately clutching on to the times in the day - like now- where I feel fairly like the old me, it's just shocking/frightening when I hit rock bottom again. I'm also scared that this is lasting longer than it did with my DS's.

Now that was a marathon post. Going to have to wake Niamh up for a bath, she likes bathtime.

Love you x

PS, I've put some pics of Niamh on my profile.

Aww, hopey, isn't Niamh the most beautiful little girl, she is just soooo gorgeous. Your dses are very handsome too. Doesn't ds1 look like his daddy? I'm glad your rl friends are there for you. Take care, hope you have a good night x

Hi hiwbb and everyone else,

I just want to offer my support to you too. I posted on the sept thread a few weeks ago about how low i have been and i suffered pnd with ds1 which never really cleared up before getting pg again. i came off anti-d's because i was worried about the effects on lo and didn't feel great the whole time i was pg. i've now gone back on them and they are starting to work but it does take a few weeks for them to become effective.

making sure i read the posts on the sept thread has reassured me so much, not that i'm glad about anyone else's suffering but it does comfort me to know that i'm not alone in feeling like i do. like you hopey, i feel a great sense of dettachment (sp?) from my new baby, but at the same time i feel an overwhelming urge to protect ds1. i feel incredibly guilty for not being able to give either child all the attention they need, but again this is much stronger towards ds1. i am really scared that it will always be like this. when i confided in the gp that i don't feel a strong bond yet with dd she asked me if i ever wanted to harm her. it saddens me that i should even be asked that just because i suffer from depression. i still see to her needs and cuddle her but i just feel like a robot doing it most of the time.

i am panicking over silly things like there not being enough bottles made up or running out of nappies (even though my rational side knows that i have plenty of both).

i'm not even taking it each day at a time, just each moment/10mins/hour etc and somehow i am gradually getting through the days. i know it will get better but a lot of the time my irrational thoughts just get the better of me and all i can do is blub and feel extremely sorry for myself.

i'm really glad you started this thread, hopey, and maybe if we were all as open as you and others have been then maybe all of our suffering would somehow be lessened by realing these feelings are 'normal' (god, i hate that word!)

please know that you are welcome to text me (i still can't open the attachments from dal to read tel numbers etc) any time day or night. I promise that i will not ignore you and if i don't reply straight away it's simply because i am unable to not because i am ignoring you.

i think that a meet up in the future to eat cake is a fab idea. i am sure that one day we will be able to look back on these hard times as a distant memory.

love and hugs to you all. keep going and stay strong girls, cos we will get through this together

LLL xx

Loopy, you speak so eloquently and openly. The world needs more people like you and hopey. You're both able to express so much. I just wish noone had to go through these feelings. Hopefully the ad's will take affect soon and help you to feel better.

Hopey! hello my love! am so so glad to hear from you. I have been DYING to text you and was worried about bothering you so am mighty relieved to see you back online.

Am so glad your RL friends are rallying - you must must must continue to let them help you and not worry about being a burden. These things are what friends do - without expecting or needing anything back!

Glad the nurses were so great with you - you are sounding better.

LL - will mail you hopeys number now my love so you can text her.

Hugs to you all.
xx

loopy - mail sent with hopeys no. let me know if you dont get it.

Loopy, thanks for your message and so sorry to hear you're suffering. Thank you for your kind offer to be my text support, I hope that I can return the favour also. Your message really struck a chord with me, such similar feelings. I have been feeling a bit brighter these past 2 days, so I'm hoping the medication has kicked in. I've also got myself Paul McKenna Hypnosis on my ipod now, I was listening to it at 4 this morning, I found it really helpful to calm the anxiety down. I know what you mean about feeling guilty for the other children. My doctor explained to me that guilt is a very typical emotion when suffering from depression. It's not you/me, it's this stupid illness. (PS I was also asked about thoughts of self harm or harming baby, think it's a box they have to tick)

Have you thought up a type of mantra? I have a few now, mine are,

1. I've been through this before, and I got better, I will get better I will get better I will get better.....
2. I have developed a mental image of what my family will be like in a couple of years and I picture us all on holiday and my boys playing with their 2 year old sister in the toddler area of a swimming pool and us all having a giggle.

I also feel like I am somehow counting down the days, I've realised that Niamh is now a month old, and phew, that's a month 'done', will only get easier from here on in.

Dal, never think that you can't text me! Although saying that, I am having dreadful problems with my mobile at the moment, I can't get any signal. I'm hoping to get a new phone on Monday, I'll email you the new number, because it really is a lifeline having texts from my pals.

Just thought I'd add that DH's physio went really well yesterday and his therapist is REALLY excited about the progress he is making. I'm now trying to focus on his recovery rather than his current disability and the accident. I still realistically know that it'll be years before he reaches his full recovery, and that he'll never get his hand function back, but if he can control his arm down to his wrist then that would be fantastic.

I hope I continue to feel positive....please please please please....

Love you guys

Just thought I'd add that DH's physio went really well yesterday and his therapist is REALLY excited about the progress he is making. I'm now trying to focus on his recovery rather than his current disability and the accident. I still realistically know that it'll be years before he reaches his full recovery, and that he'll never get his hand function back, but if he can control his arm down to his wrist then that would be fantastic.

I hope I continue to feel positive....please please please please....

Love you guys

That's great news hopey! I know before lo was born you and your dh seemed to be taking one step forwards and several back, with regard to his recovery. I am so glad to hear that he's making progress. we should cling on to these positive moments to help us get through the sadder times and remember that we will be happy again soon xx

Happy happy happy happy, there's another internal word for us...

Hugs to you

Hopey, so glad DH's physio went well thats great news! It's lovely to hear the old you coming back bit by bit - certainly sounds like you're turning a corner to me! I love your mantra's - I might try using them! How did it go with the PIL's? Hope the dog behaved!!??

Also, so pleased that you liked the Superman piccies and that it took your mind off things for a while

LLL - so glad to see you on here. How are the tablets now? DH started his this week and he's been a bit groggy but thankfully not as bad as I expected. I'm sure you're right to take things minute by minute or hour by hour - whatever gets you through it is good, just go with whatever you can cope with. Hope the robotic feelings pass and I'm sure you'll build up a really strong bond with DD2 in your own time - remember that there aren't any rules on that, everybody is different!

Love and hugs, xxx

Hey ladies - just wanted to let you know, thinking of you guys lots. Hope your weekends were great. Hopey - defo text me your new number so we can stay in touch. Also GREAT news on your DH physio appt. And great visualisation techniques - I may well steal them when Ryan refuses to settle at night!!

to all.

How are you doing hopey, hope the weekend went well?

I was a bit low yesterday and almost came on here for a moan but was too busy asking questions about medicine in the feeding threads... I feel much better today though...

For some reason, I just HATE the idea of going out whether its with Cerys or without her. DH is great with her and I know I can trust him but even doing the school run or popping up the shop quickly does my head in! (I'm the only one with a license). I spoke with a work friend last night and told her I won't be coming to the christmas do because of not wanting to leave Cerys overnight and she said 'thats not normal!'. She's never judgemental or out of order, she's a really good friend so I'm now worried that I'm not normal at all .

Anyway, as I say, today is a better day - maybe I'm happier because I haven't had to do the school run!

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy...!!!!!!!!! I WILL be happy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hiya, i'm not doing too great mainly i think down to severe sleep deprevation. i've created a thread in the behaviour topic as i wasn't sure where to post but i don't know how to do the link. would really aprreciate any advice any of you can give xx

just checking in. hope you guys are doing ok, do post if you are up to it.

PLP, i know what you mean about going out. it just seems like too much hassle and i wanna hibernate! but when i did the grocery shop without the kids it just didn't feel right either.

Hi everone
sorry for butting in on your post natal forum,but I thought my experience with PND may help someone.

I started with PND after the birth of my first daughter 8 years ago.I had a difficult birth and haemorraged {sorry cant spell} ended up with hmg of 6.
I started with 'baby blues',that seemed to go on and on.I was curling up on the sofa every day,having a little cry to myself.
What was wrong with me? I had a lovely son and a beautiful newborn daughter,who I bonded with straight away,even though she constantly screamed the house down!
But,I cant put it down to any one thing.I think it's a catalogue of events which start the downward spiral into despair....
My Grandmother passed away when my daughter was only 4 months old,I had a blazing row with my father, my daughter had started with colic at 2 weeks old,I had absolutely no sleep whatsoever and I had a lively 3 year old to look after too...
This is how I coped..
First,I went to see my health visitor,broke down crying in the clinic,and sobbed for an hour....whilst my lovely daughter seemed to miraculously recover from colic and start giggling away! grrr
she sent me straight to the doctors for some anti depressants.
These alone wont work miracles,but they are a start.If you really dont want to take them {but I really recommend you do,to begin with}an alternative is St John's Wort -it is very good.
Then,try to get out,even though you feel like shite and just want your bed..
Go to play groups,you'd be surprised how many Mum's feel the same way you do.
Sleep when your baby sleeps,stuff the housework,eat well and best of all,TALK to close friends,Mum and partner about how you feel.
The anti depressants take a few weeks at least to work,but you will slowly feel your mood lift.If you dont,go back to your G.P,and ask for something else...or a higher dose.
I had another daughter 5 years ago,and the PND came back,but It was much easier as I knew the danger signs.
I still take St Johns Wort for difficult times....ie; 6 week Summer holidays ! haha
good luck everyone
Donna

ps;my nickname is miserymum...not because of PND,but because of my lovely new gyno problems! but nothings going to get me down.....we women are invincible!