Tips for getting through baby blues

[Hopeitwontbebig]

Help!

hopey - my advice is that you must try stuff like the bath - see if that heps.

can i ask - did you/ dh ever undergo counselling after the accident? i agree life is unfair, and that terrible accident - well there is no explanation. but would working through the feelings you have around it help you?

DH had counselling, but I wasn't offered any . I've just done the school run, leaving Niamh and DH asleep, and I broke down and just cried and cried and crying now . Just tried to ring doctors to make an appointment, but they said they haven't any appointments and to ring back at 2. I just want to feel my normal self again, I feel so desperate.

I've also got MIL's words ringing in my head, where she said DH is 10 years older now, and will be more tired, and you know what a hands on Dad he was with DS1 and DS2, he won't be able to do as much this time.

I''m totally gutted.

Oh hopeitwontbebig sorry you are feeling so low. That's terrible that you can't get a doctor's appt. Is the doctors near you, easy to get to. I would say when you ring at 2pm be as firm as you can, don't try and hold it together, make sure they know how desperate you are to see someone. And if still no good and you can get there easily, I'd be inclined to just go down there and insist. They would find it very difficult not to squeeze you in then I think.

When you do get to see a doctor, do ask for some counselling, it sounds as though you would really benefit. Lean on the health professionals, that's what they are there for, insist on the support which is due to you.

And keep coming on here, we can support you.

If the GP receptionist is being obstructive, ask to speak direct to the GP - if necessary, say it's about a postpartum issue (which it is). Otherwise, you could contact the HV and she can refer you urgently to the GP. HTH.

...MIL's words - aren't you 10 years older too? But you're coping and brilliantly, too.

Thanks guys. HV is coming at 1 to see me, hopefully she'll be able to get me in to see my doctor.

Last wk he prescribed me a drug called Lofepramine. But back then when I spoke to him I was feeling more anxious, now I feel v depressed and anxious. When I'm at my lowest I feel like I want to just die so that it'll all go away

BUT don't worry, I won't do anything stupid!

Hi Hopey - just seen this and wanted to give you a big ((((HUG))). I'm so sorry you are feeling so crap, its so unfair when you should be able to enjoy your beautiful family.

I think its great that you can put your feelings down so articulately and be so honest, I'm sure that wasn't easy, and that you are talking to your Hv and hopefully getting to see your GP - like Toadstool says don't let them fob you off.

I wish I could add to the great advice the others have already given you, but they have all been much more eloquent than I could be. It sounds positive that you have been here before and come out the other side after the other DCs, I just wish that could happen sooner rather than later for you.

You have always been such a ray of sunshine and support and made us laugh loads on the September thread - I'm so sorry to hear you sounding and feeling like a completely different person, but I know that the real Hopey is in there and with a bit of help and support she will be back.

We are all here for you, take good care and eat some chocolate (my mantra, as you know) xxx

Hopey - get to see your GP as soon as you can, I personally would just go there and plead to be seen. I would defo bring up the feelings you have around DH's accident as I am surprised that you were not offered counselling at the same time as DH. Your GP should be able to refer you for something.

I think therapy is great - did it myself a couple of years ago, which is why I think it would really help you.

Have texted you, hope the HV visit at one goes well.

Hi Hopey - how are you doing? How did it go with your HV? Take good care, thinking of you x

dear hopeitwontbebig.
I just wanted to give you a big big heartfelt hug. My baby is 10 months and I am still finding it hard, but what you are going through is a lot to have on one's plate. Hang on in there. You are so brave. You inspire me. Here come more hugs, you brave mommy. I wish you serenity and peace of mind to raise your lovely baby. It takes a lot to be the heart of a family and you are truly a star.

Mina

I'm still here. Sorry for lack of posting. I'll post 'properly' over the weekend.

Just want to say thank you all SO much for your support, concern and kind words. It's meant the world to me.

x x x

Hey Hopey, don't be sorry, bless you for checking in.

Have a good weekend, take care of yourself, obviously eat chocolate, we are here when/if you need us.

xxx

Hi guys. Thought I'd check in. TBH I'm reluctant to post on our postnatal forum, I don't want to bring the mood down.

I've been struggling this week. My step-mum went home on Thursday. But even before then I was finding myself becoming more tearful and at times withdrawn. I still have feelings of being unable to cope. I keep waking really early in the morning with crippling feelings of anxiety so am getting even less sleep than I could be.

Next week is the first wk I'll be on my own. I feel so guilty that I have been worrying friends and family so much. They all say I'm being silly apologising all the time, but I feel like shit putting them through this. If only I could just snap out of it.

I'm seeing my GP again on Monday, I'm hoping that he can offer an alternative medication because it seems that the drugs I am on aren't working.

SOrry for miserable post, just feel so so low. I want to be me again so desperately.

hwbb, your last post could have been written by me. I find I am waking up early and just feel anxiety and can't stop all the thoughts in my head from running around which means less sleep. How do you know if this is baby blues or pnd? I just want to hand Bella to someone else and run away when she starts crying. My dh goes back to work tomorrow also and I am terrified of being left on my own with her. I'm probably not helping but just wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same way.

Hope you feel better soon, xx.

Hi Laksa, sorry to hear you're feeling similar to me, it truly is hellish. I don't really know how they tell whether it's baby blues or PND, except most info I've found on net describe baby blues as lasting for just a few days. I'm going back to my doctor tomorrow because this is just inbearable, although I'm feeling a bit better this evening, I've been a total misery guts all day, feel so sorry for DH and DC's. Have a look at this website you may find it useful. www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/postnatalmentalhealth/postnataldepres sion.aspx

I have to say I have pretty much all the symptoms

Keep in touch Laksa. x x

hiwbb - you must post on the main postnatal thread - we miss you lots on there. . if you dont want to post on there, then fair enough; but please dont stay away because you are worried about bringing us down. we are muddling through and helping each other along. i hope the gp visit goes well for you hopey.

to you and laksa, hope to see you both on the postnatal thread
xx

Dear Hopey and Laska, so sorry you are feeling so low. Sending you lots of hugs. I haven't been feeling as anxious as you but did cry my eyes out every night last week as Eloise just did not stop crying and my Dh was working late and there was noone to take over ! I can't imagine how hard it is for you to feel like that all the time ...

Hope the GP helps sort out some better medication for you Hopey. Can you get some counselling ? I was at rock bottom 18 months ago when I had the miscarriage and hated everyone ,myself included. I started seeing a lovely counsellor who just listened and offered support so I could put myself back together again.

take care and take each day at a time xx

Hi guys.

This morning I started out quite well. I was feeling fairly positive and in control. But after 3 hours of Niamh being awake, she was looking really tired. I tried to put her down in the pram but she just kept on waking up and crying. Then my HV called, and she sounded like she was losing patience with me, I could also hear her shuffling her paperwork around on her desk whilst she was talking to me, Niamh started whinging again in her pram and my HV said she'd call back tomorrow. That's when I fell to pieces. I have just cried and cried and cried. I feel so low, like I've made a huge mistake and instead of this baby being the joy that was meant to come after DH's accident, all it's done is highlight his accident. I can't stop thinking about it and feeling SO SO upset that it happened. I've got to go and pick my boys up from school soon and my eyes are all puffy from crying. I've got friends who have all said that they are there for me, but I;m really struggling with the idea of picking the phone up and balling . I've also got some lovely neighbours. I just SO SO wish my family lived nearby. My stepmum lives in London, and it's quite hard for her to come up and stay. It was amazing for her to have stayed twice within a month. I'm so sad. I also feel very guilty for my DH, he must be worried about me. He called me half an hour ago and it was obvious that I had been crying, but I just said I was having a wobbly moment and not to worry about me. When actually I wanted to ball my eyes out to him on the phone. But he's at work and that would be so unfair for him.

I feel detached from Niamh, like she's some sort of alien. I should be getting to know her and understand her needs, instead I still feel completely terrified of her

I just want to be me again

hopey
just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I think we all feel freaked out by how much our lives have changed and I know I am in a panic a lot of the time about anything and everything.
take care - i have no advice but wanted you to know we all miss you in september
xx

omg the utter dread and horror at the sound of a tiny-baby wail coming from the vicinity of a previously sleeping ds...makes my stomach clench in panic just remembering it .

I too discovered a previously unheard of need for some sort of structure/planning and was shocked at how totally at sea I felt without any idea what might happen in the next 10 minutes.

Support from Dh and one friend in particular was invaluable. My friend would invite herself over (knowing I am always useless at that sort of thing at best of times) regularly and just be there with me. Dh would drag me out of the house to do something, anything apart from sit on the sofa and feel overwhelmed/lost.

I did find that getting out fo the house helped. Fling baby ( not literally - obviously!) into pram/pushchair and walk around the block for half an hour if there is nothing better to aim for.

Oh Hopey ((((((BIG HUGS)))))

I am so sorry you have had such a bad day and are feeling so down generally. Its bad that you feel like your HV is losing patience but perhaps she didn't want to keep you on the phone while the baby was crying - either way I'm sorry she made you feel that way. Do you normally feel comfortable talking to her or would it be better to go to your GP, actually reading your previous post were you due to see the doc today? It does sound like you really need someone to listen to you properly and sort out something to help with the way you are feeling.

Its good you said you have lovely friends and neighbours, please ring them for some support - perhaps a friend could take Niamh out for a walk to give you a bit of breathing space? If you had a friend who was feeling this low I'm sure you'd want them to ring you and be pleased to do anything to help them out and your friends will feel the same way - please do ring them for help or just a good cry if that's what you need.

We are all here for you too and do pop onto the sept post-natal thread - don't for a second think you will be bringing anyone down - we are all muddling through together and we miss you

Can't remember where your family are but could one of them come and stay for a weekend or something if you feel that would help? Also easier said than done, but don't feel guilty about your DH worrying, try and let people be there for you and take care of you a bit (I should learn to take my own advice there too ) which I know is difficult if you are normally upbeat and in control. You will find your old self again but I'm sorry you have to go through all this crap to get there. Here endeth the sermon!

Be kind to yourself and let others do the same ((HUGS))xx

hi hopey, i'm so sorry to hear you're so down. please do come and rejoin us on the sept post natal thread, its not all sunshine and flowers there, you won't be bringing anyone down and it might help to hear that everyone else is going through the mill too, i cry at the drop of a hat, the movie ice age set me off yesterday!

one thing did occur to me, has anyone mentioned post traumatic stress disorder to you? you don't have to go through a accident physically to be affected by it. i have a friend who was diagnosed with ptsd after her dad was involved in an horrific accident. seeing her dad, who she was very close to, wired up to loads of machines and coping with his disabilities and rehab afterwards really affected her. it seemed to me that so much of what you're going through is linked to your dh's accident, even though you've suffererd from anxiety before. sorry if i'm presuming, it just seems you've been given so little support from healthcare professionals for your wellbeing. i hope you find someone who gives you the care and support you deserve.

i'm so sorry you're suffering like this, take care of yourself, give yourself time and be kind to yourself. when things get too much, pretend its all happening to your best friend, imagine what advice and support you'd give her, then follow your own advice. be your own best friend. take care xxx

Just to echo what others have said Hopey, please come back on the Sep thread if you can xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Big hugs to you hopey, so sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. I wish I could offer some sort of magic wand to make it all better for you, you're such a lovely person and you brighten up our days!

I can't say I know completely how you feel but I do empathise in a few areas. I feel like the whole 'lovely' experience of having a baby has been taken away from me and that I should be grieving but at the same time I'm angry but I don't know who to be angry at. Our house was so chilled before Cerys came along and we just did whatever we felt like, especially with the kids being so much older. Before, I was so independent but now I can't bear the thought of going out. We went to the doctors and hospital today and I just felt like shit for the rest of the day and cried. I guess its the opposite to you in that I can't wait to get home into my comfort zone...

Don't get me wrong, I love her endlessly, but part of me wonders why she had to have her 'problem' (you know what I mean) and why didn't I have a 'perfect' baby. I feel so mean typing that out and I don't mean it the way it sounds but thats what is going on in my head sometimes. There is soooo much more than that going on in my head too but I won't bore you with it.

As far as other people helping out - I seem to have this big fear that they'll drop her! I don't know where it has come from but it really frightens me and this is with people who are physically able so I can't imagine what you're going through with your DH! I wonder if MrsMar has a point about post traumatic stress? It can come out in all sorts of ways and it can happen many years later - my DH watched his dad die when he was a teenager then his mum ran off with another guy a few months later and abandoned him. It wasn't until years later that he was diagnosed with pts and he still suffers now as you know. It could be that having Niamh has brought things to the surface for you? At the same time, its very positive to hear that you have come out of this the other side before so you know that you will again.

You are doing so well and I really admire you for being open and honest on here. I often worry about posting on the sept thread as I don't want to scare people with Cerys's problems but you and I know deep down that we're all friends that just want to support each other. Some days I have to force myself to post! You come across when you're ready but please know that we all care very much for you and miss you.

I hope you don't mind but I've e-mailed you too.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

PLP xxx