Ta guys. Sorry for using you guys as a crutch to try to stop the spin. I haven't contacted the HV. I'm saving that for when if I start to spiral. Plus I'm waiting for this 9-12mo questionnaire to come through, so I can give directed reasons for my concerns.
I think my main problem is only having Dr. Google as a guideline. The only other baby Alice's age we've seen since lockdown (5 weeks younger) helped give a little perspective, but he was a chatty little soul. Hearing him go "dadada" positively melted my heart. I'm craving to hear Alice do that too. Delayed speech is such a huge marker for autism. She is doing ok at all her other milestones. Not keen on responding to her name, or mimicking, but she does make eye contact, point at things, claps and waves. But with autism, development can happen normally, then regress away.
Another reason is that I have two severely mentally disabled relatives. One of my uncles was starved of oxygen at birth, and one of my cousins is at the more extreme end of the autistic spectrum. Both are in 24/7 specialist care homes now, but until then they lived at home. My uncle went into care in his 60s because my granny had stage 4 bowel cancer, having cared for him for every day of his life up to that point. She died a week later. My cousin had to go into care in his teens as he was dangerously aggressive. My aunt was assaulted many times, before it was deemed he was too violent to remain. Please don't judge me too harshly, but quite honestly I am terrified of either scenario. I honestly don't think I could do what my aunt and gran did.
This bit is entirely selfish, but should Alice be badly autistic, I will never have any more children. My Dad, his brothers, my cousins, they had to come second to their siblings' needs. Their mums did their absolute best to not make it that way, but it's the sad reality that they, far more often than not, were.