February 2019 babies - thread 2

[Celebelly]

New thread, ladies!

Is anyone else still bf but topping up their baby with ebm/formula? We're finally down to just one bottle and managing to slowly gain weight. I'd love to drop the last one though so we're not reliant on it. We'd might still give the occasional bottle but on our terms and not every night. I feel like at this rate he'll be weaned before the bottle goes (currently 13.5 weeks).

@detachablehoof I see the MH team too. My nurse is lovely. There’s a nursery nurse in the team too and she comes to some of my home visits and gives encouragement and ideas. I go to baby sensory which is a bit weird but DD likes it (and it makes them super sleepy after!). It also gives you ideas of how to play with your baby which I’ve found helpful. Some weeks I don’t talk to anyone but there are little gaps where you can talk and I’ve found everyone at mine nice, it’s more just chatting to the person next to you too so it’s not really a big group.

I’ve found the Peanut app really good for meeting local mums, not sure what sort of locale you’re in. It’s nice to meet people 1-2-1 as I prefer that too. I ended up at a big mums meet one week as I wanted to speak to someone who runs a specific activity and I found it so overwhelming and cried afterwards so I know how you feel!

I want to try baby swimming but like you a bit scared about the faff of it, especially if she doesn’t like it.

I haven’t made it to any of my council run activities yet, they are term time only and the week I planned to go was the Easter holidays, and then the other time I wasn’t feeling well.

I ended up at A&E earlier with the bleeding and was given some medication to try to stop it. The Dr was really nice which was good. Feeling very drained now.

DD is finally sleeping 3-4 hours in a row at night on a regular basis! She generally does 4 hours to start with then 2-3 hrs then 1-2.

Why did I say that! She's now woken up after only just going down half an hour ago!

Swimming:

I use a baby body warmer wrap in the pool https://www.splashabout.com/baby-wrap-pink-blossom.html

Once done in the pool, I take off the wrap and immediately put on a poncho towel in it's place. https://www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/towelling-ponchos-b8595.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhYqd2MOj4gIVipXtCh3s0QBOEAQYASABEgKzADD_BwE I keep baby in the water to remove the wrap and then out of the water straight into to towel.

Then through to the changing rooms. Get stuff out of the locker (packing it in carefully is important!)

My local pool has family cubicles with baby change units in. So it's a case of drying baby and getting her dressed quickly (it's generally a bit chilly in the change village). I then leave her lying on the table (or in the buggy if I've brought that into the cubicle with me) while I get changed.

Sometimes an immediate feed is required, so I get dried and throw on as much clothes as I can (often not much!) before feeding in the cubicle. I breastfeed, not sure how formula feeding would work in that situation.

I then appreciate the peace whilst she has a long sleep post swim!

It's not too difficult, just have everything ready before you get into the water. It's like having a bath together! Be prepared to only stay in the water for 20-30 minutes the first few times. Baby might be happy to stay longer, but just take a lead from them.

My local pool has a swim teacher in the water 3 times a week for an hour, just during an open adult and baby session. She offers advice on what to do at first and has little toys and suggests activities as they get older.

@detachablehoof

We did a massage course and a yoga course.

We go to a couple stay and play mums and tots type groups.

Baby sensory, music classes, rhyme time and story time type groups.

My baby has really bad reflux so find classes hard sometimes.so havent done half as much as I would of liked too as my anixity is through the roof.

The childrens centres, librarys, community centres are fab around here. Always something happening. I find them a bit more casual and informal. I like drop in things rather than things book course of. Takes some pressure off if I know I can come and go as I please.

Those who go sign classss I have been wanting to try them but I wondered if DD 15wks was too young. (Is it bad I am unsure if shes 15 or 16wks actually 😂)

I find the hoop app really good for finding things to do.

I find weekends and school holidays so lonely when theres no classes or groups on and everyones having family time.

Im actually dredding half term next week 😢

The only thing im not liking about single parenting.

How are you feeling today @powkin? Has the bleeding calmed down? My period has finally started this morning. Kind of relieved my body is getting back to normal. Hoping it's not too heavy.

@maxiflump1 - I’m taking tranexamic acid which has helped. I have heard heavy bleeding is normal etc but I struggle with iron levels and fatigue as it is so I didn’t want to lose any more blood (it was a lot!).

Feeling quite fatigued but otherwise surviving, pain is a lot better.

MIL doesn’t listen to a word I say, it drives me mad. She’s taken DD out for a walk to give me a break which is nice, but I try and give her instructions and she just constantly undermines me. I try and tell her to put the snoozeshade up if she looks sleepy so she can sleep better “oh well she doesn’t look sleepy, she looks interested and alert” (she absolutely looked sleepy, I would know BEING HER MUM) and when I tried to say it again “oh but I like to look at her” so you’d rather your grand daughter gets grouchy and tired for me to deal with later and not get the sleep she needs?

Just means now I’m on my own but instead of feeling relax I feel pissed off and undermined. I know what’s best for my own daughter because I’m with her all day, you’ve visited 10 times and give her back to me every time she gets a little grumpy FFS. My DH likes her coming and she says she wants to help but then she constantly tells me how my daughter is and what’s going on for her. She’s not a childcare expert and has no other grandchildren so hasn’t looked after a baby in 35 years so the way she tries to tell me what’s what all the time really grates. By all accounts DD is very different to how my husband was as a baby so how would she know what’s best for her?

And to top it off she just swans in and makes herself tea and sits down until I come down with DD, rather than just put a few things in the dishwasher/washing up a few baby bottles etc. If I don’t tell her exactly what to do she’ll do nothing at all. If you’re here to help then wipe some counters, do something, anything!

Argh. Rant over.

This post was edited at OP's request

@powkin that sounds really frustrating. Don't blame you for having a rant! Hope your little one wasn't too difficult for you after she brought her back today x

@powkin. I’m also having mil issues. She is a lovely lady and wants to help but can sometimes be overbearing. She usually visits late morning and doesn’t leave until 5/6pm. During that time she wants DD all to herself. I believe she thinks that she is ‘giving me a break’ but in reality I find it super stressful. Probably as DD is teething and looks to me for cuddles when in pain. I hate that mil is reluctant to hand her back during times like these! I sometimes need to just take her off her and then she sulks for a bit which grates on me given she takes up my full day.

She also has me running around making lunch and numerous cups of tea throughout the whole day (she does bring lunch with her but I still need to heat it up in the oven and make an accompanying dish i.e. she brings chilli but I’ll need to heat it up as well as making rice). Sometimes I just can’t be bothered as I don’t eat huge lunches like this. I usually have soup or a sandwich!

I try and stay calm as she does love DD very much but it can be difficult so I do emphasise.

So my period started yesterday too, not too heavy at the moment but getting lots of cramps. But I'm just so so hormonal and just feel generally horrible, everything is making me angry or upset. Doesn't help that the toddler is being a typical toddler and we've had a difficult week with the baby too. His reflux has been getting worse, he's screaming so much during the colicky witching hour in the evening and he's been having explosive nappies. GP and HV think he's probably a milk protein allergy so we are trialling prescription formula but haven't seen any improvement yet. Anyone got any experience of CMPA? Just having a overall rubbish time at the moment.

Powkin Sympathies, my FIL was a pain when I had DC1. And kept offering 'helpful' advice which was 20 years out of date and against current guidance or just plain dangerous! Thankfully he calmed down eventually.

@powkin oh my I could have written that when my MIL came to stay (lives overseas) when I had DD1. It infuriated me. Huge sympathies. You may want to think about how to say something constructively as I found it hard enough for the week she was here! An overtired baby is no joke!

So I finally went to the GP today and admitted I’m not coping. She’s started me on sertraline and referred me for iapt. I know a couple of others are on this - anything I need to know? DH is (predictably) pleased that I’ve sought help but v unhappy about my taking medication and querying GP expertise in diagnosing PND.

How long before it started making a difference? GP said 1/2 weeks - is this about right? I feel ashamed (ridiculous) of it but relieved I’ve admitted there’s a problem and it’s not just that I’m a terrible mother 😔

@since2016 I've been on sertraline for 4 wks now and overall I'm loads better. It took about a week for it to start working and by 2 wks I felt much more like myself. I started off on 25mg for the first week and now I'm on 50. When I first started taking it and when they increased the dose I felt really down and nauseous for about 24 hours. I also struggled to sleep and had no appetite but I think this might have been the illness rather than the medication! Hope you start to feel better soon.

Can I have a moan too? I'm feeling really down today. Baby was SO miserable yesterday and by the evening I'd absolutely had enough. She stayed with my mum for the night and was pretty awful by the sounds 😔 I've been round there this morning and then put her down for a sleep and made an excuse to go home to do some jobs. I honestly wish I didn't ever have to go back and look after her again 😭 I think the miserable behaviour and bad sleeping is signs of leap 4 which apparently can last for six weeks 😱 I do not know how on earth I'm going to get through it 😭 wondering if maybe I'll have to go stay with my parents again for a while. I had a good week last week, but every time I think I'm just getting back to normal something happens which sends me back to square one. Had horrible intrusive thoughts last night (first time in 4 weeks) and couldn't stop crying. Really struggled to get out of bed this morning. Let's hope baby is less miserable this afternoon and good tonight, and I get back on the straight and narrow 🤞🏻

Thanks @detachablehoof that sounds about right from what the GP said. Ugh to side effects. I feel so guilty about feeling like this as DD2 is literally the easiest baby ever, but I’m just not coping with ‘life’ and the threenager at all. Didn’t get help the first time round so determined to get this sorted now. Fingers crossed I start to feel better soon. Hope you have a better night too!

I’m dreading sleep regression. She’s just starting to sleep longer - only one night feed! Seems so cruel that it goes backwards just at the point of feeling better.

Saying that her reflux has been horrific last few days. She’s not bothered by it most of the time but is sodden and needs constant changing even with bibs. We’ve given up on medication as it seemed to get worse when she took it!

I’ve been feeling better but don’t know if it’s just her being a bit easier.

@powkin I also am wondering if I've only been feeling better because she's been easier 🙄 seems like I can only cope when she's really good. MH nurse is coming to see me on Thursday and I can't wait!

Anyone else relate to this? 😂

@sunday38 CMPA has been mentioned to me as well. But I'm keen to rule out other issues first. I'm breastfeeding, so it's me that would need to stop with the dairy! A's weight gain hasn't been great and she's sick A LOT. She's been on Ranitidine for 3 weeks now, and I've been working on getting more milk in her. I think today's weigh was better than it ought to have been, so fingers crossed!

I've joined a CMPA FB group for advice and support. It's a breastfeeding specific one, but I imagine there would be more out there.

Sorry to those of you who are struggling. @detachablehoof I think it's normal to have ups and downs and of you need to go back to your parents then do it. @Since2016 I think accepting you need help is the biggest step: Hope the tablets help.

I think we may have just got into the sleep regression. Max was unsettled throughout the night although white noise does work. I had to give him a bottle at 4am though which he hasn't had for over a month now. To top it off I was up nearly every hour with chronic diarrhoea and haven't managed to keep any food down at all today. Luckily DS1 was in nursery so max and I have spent the day dozing and he's spent a lot of time under his play gym but he seems happy enough. Just hoping neither of them gets it! Praying for some sleep tonight

Sorry to those with MIL issues powkin and bubblybrit. My top tip would be to stand your ground now from the get go. My MIL is very overbearing with DS1 and was from the beginning, she looked after him 1 day a week when I went back to work and DH and I both regret it as she's established a borderline weird relationship with him - she's honestly obsessed, wants to be his favourite person ever, spoils him ridiculously and takes over every time we're around her, he's 3.5 now and she's still doing it! She actually said to us when he was tiny "it's my dream for him to cry and not want to go home when you come to get him from my house".
What a weird ass dream! She is not getting her claws into DS2 for this reason, we're keeping her at arms length.

Also sorry to those struggling mentally. since2016 I had no idea you weren't feeling good so I hope the meds work ASAP.

I've also been struggling, with anxiety rather than PND (I'm lucky never to have had any form of depression). I struggled like this in my pregnancy with DS1 and post natally, but I haven't suffered badly up until not long before DS2 was born. I saw the GP and predictably she suggested mindfulness FGS. I had a few CBT sessions last time back in 2016 but no offer of that this time. I'm reluctant to take meds right now but is it worth it; does it really make a big difference? Some days I'm fine, it's only when I've had a rough day (mainly with DS1 the threenager rather than DS2) that I find myself anxious...

Well I'm feeling a bit better today. But my baby has a cold 😢 any tips on how to deal with it? At the moment it just seems to be a cough and runny nose, and she feels a tiny bit warm. Terrified she will be really ill with it 😭

Some baby Vicks stuff is good for colds, think the one I've got is called snufflebabe but Calpol do one too. Saline nose spray is also good if they get bunged up. And could prop the head end of the cot up to help with breathing and snottiness. Usually I just let colds run its course and give a bit of Calpol if baby is grouchy with it.

@Lookingforadvice123. Thanks....it’s so difficult as don’t want to make things awkward but I’m starting to dread her visits! I hope that you are able to get your anxiety under control. I don’t have any personal experience but my best friend suffered really badly after her first child was born x

Thanks @sunday38 I'll try that.

I finally took Max to weigh in clinic and he weighed in at a massive 21lb 2oz! He's 16 weeks tomorrow! He weighs edge same as an average 1 year old and is way off the centile chart again. The health visitors were lovely though (not the one u normally see who is a bit judgy) and weren't too bothered and said he'll even out eventually..