The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #1

[Angelmiracle]

Congratulations to all the mamas with their new babies 🌸

Now the fun really starts 😄

@toastfiend - baby boy - 28/01/2019
@TheWanderlust - Baby girl - Althea - 7lb6oz - 16/02/2019
@PurpleFlower1983 - Baby girl - Matilda - 17/02/2019
@Wineandchoccy - Baby girl - Lois - 6lb12oz - 19/02/2019
@Harley8888 - Baby boy- Logan - 7lb4oz - 01/03/2019

@Jenlou1992 It doesn't sound like you're being selfish at all & it really is very hard work! And still really early days for you. On day 10 I'd still barely left bed & my DH has 3 weeks off so I had a huge amount of help & still struggled. Do you have anyone else you can ask for a bit of help? Even just for a few hours to hold the baby while you get some sleep? It's so hard to function when you're completely exhausted. The days after a bad night are torture...
I've also been indulging in guilt free cake eating which is easier to do when you BF as it burns so many calories? You got this! X

@Jenlou1992 it’s so hard! Especially so early on. I felt the same as you too, and wasn’t sleeping. You really need to find time to sleep. But it’s up to you if you start adding formula xx

I keep getting blocked ducts anyone have any advice how to prevent this? They are bloody painful and don't want it leading to mastitis x

@shiny888 my midwife advised me to use hot flannels in the bath & to massage boobs to work out any lumps. Also breast compressions to make sure baby drinking from all the ducts.

@Jenlou1992 first off you are doing an amazing job! And you're right it is so so hard. I'm a FTM and I had no idea how hard it would be. Don't beat yourself up and do what is right for YOU as well as baby. A content mum is better than a worried and overly stressed one in my opinion.

I do think the growth spurts make the babies so unsettled and no matter what you try, they just don't seem to want to sleep, feed, wind etc. And we then feel guilty that we can't figure out what to do to make them alright. My baby is 3.5 weeks and we've had a couple of days just now where he won't settle after his feeds and seems like he has wind, but then seems content after being held, before going back to screaming blue murder very quickly. Right now he's still sleeping over 4 hours after his last feed. This is brand new as normally wakes every 3 hours roughly.

It really is a guessing game so much of the time. That, plus sleep deprivation is enough to test the patience of a saint so please don't feel guilty for thinking or feeling anything that you do. I hope you have an easier night tonight. I'm bracing myself for what my night will be like!

@shiny888 my midwife told me to imagine your breast is like a snail and massage from the outside of the snail going round and round until you end up at the nipple then repeat from the nipple going back round

@jenlou1992 do you have some formula in the house you could give him now? I say this because I spent about a week saying "I'm giving him formula" and didn't because we didn't have any and kept putting it off as I thought I'd failed/it was too early. Really wish I'd just done it originally rather than spending that week faffing. I'm also a first time mum - it's really really hard, and at the stage you're at now I still had my husband off work for 1.5 more weeks who did pretty much everything else around the house like feeding me.

Can I ask what does your partner actually do to help you? As this really is a two person (or more than that!) job and we live in 2019 so you shouldn't be doing everything for the baby. Can you tell him what you need him to do, if he's not forthcoming? As it'd be good for him to bond with Rose in addition to helping you out. Like he can take her for a couple of hours, or go and get some formula (they do the little pre made pots if you need instant relief) as he can then feed that to her whilst you sleep?

I really think you're being way too hard on yourself as Rose clearly has a brilliant mum, despite all of the crying she's doing, qnd that's clear from your posts on here. I'd also say that I've found expressing is harder if you're really really really tired and emotionally charged because you're not as relaxed so you could maybe park that one for now and focus on getting some sleep and adding in a couple of formula feeds? She won't know, and it'll help you and if you decide that this is what works for you moving forward then you'll be able to continue but you don't know if it's a good move unless you try it out.

My child just spent the last 2+ hours screaming with his dad whilst I slept. It was painful to hear. He's been really hard to settle today and has just wanted to feed but that has also not really settled him so not sure what's wrong at all. I've now got him for 19/20 hours until husband comes home from work tomorrow evening... Yay for me.

@Jenlou1992 I remember crying down the phone to my friend at this point with DS1, and him saying, 'Remember that sleep deprivation is a form of torture.' It is soooo hard to survive on minimal / interrupted sleep. I also agree with @cardboard33 - your partner needs to be helping. If he's back at work then fine - he can still take Rose until say 10.30pm or 11pm and allow you to get 2 or 3 hours sleep in between feeds. And perhaps he could then get up early enough to do the same in the morning. You have got to get more sleep than you are getting, and if you can't put her down to sleep then you are going to have to have someone else hold her while you sleep. You poor thing - I feel so badly for you.

It will get better. DS2 just slept for a four hour stretch which is the longest sleep I have had since he was born. My boobs are really engorged and he is struggling to feed enough to empty them (I am writing this as he has fallen asleep halfway through the first breast) but it's worth it just to feel vaguely like a human again!

I'm seeing a private lactation consultant tomorrow - well, later today now. Feeding is generally better but one side is still a bit painful - a different side now! - and baby J also does this weird thing where he latches on to get the milk going, then immediately releases and just lies there letting his mouth fill up with milk, which he then lets spill all over both of us. I would rather he didn't do this obviously so will be interested to hear the professional advice! I also want to know how I can move him.from rugby hold to cradle as I just can't envisage being able to easily find suitable places to feed in public with the rugby hold.

I no longer feel that I have PND. I've stopped crying all the time and feel much better. I think it was a combination of lack of sleep and extreme frustration at the feeding. I still think I could be bonding better with DS2 but I seem to remember I was a bit of a slow burner with DS1 too. He had smiled at me when awake by this stage though and that definitely helped, so I'm looking forward to some smiles from DS2.

Ladies wanting to collect breast milk while feeding, you can get breast shells which work a bit like the haakaa but without suction to keep them in place. You just pop one in your bra while you feed from the other side. I used to get 30-40ml at a time overnight with DS1 so it was a great way of stocking up.on milk with no time spent. They are also v quick to clean.

@cardboard33 sounds like the delightful cluster feeding to me!

We've had a difficult night after a few good ones. Poor baby was so gassy, fussy all evening, to the point he got overtired as well. Must be something I've eaten. Just wondering - does infacol help with that as well, or just burping?

@Sheeni we've been using infacol for the last couple of days and it definitely seems to have helped!

DD2 slept from 9pm to 3.30am last night then back down again until 7.30am and all in her side sleeper! I'm not. Punting in it happening again but she does seem to be stretching out her night time sleep so fingers crossed...

On the other hand, DH is being a proper grump at the moment. It's not through lack of sleep as he's in the spare room and he's doing everything I ask him to do I help out. The default seems to be that I sort everything and think about everything though and it's frustrating. Last night he complained he didn't have any time to himself! I pointed out that he has the time between 8pm when I go to bed win the girls until we see him at 8.30 the next morning. More me-time than I have atm.

Then he said adult life - cooking, doing the bins etc. - was boring. No shit Sherlock 🙄

I should say, though, that this is quite unlike him and that he's normally pretty positive and upbeat. I'm going it will pass quickly.

@sheeni check your bra size - too small bras are a really common cause of blocked ducts!

@jenlou1992 how long are you sitting on the electric pump? When I was in hospital I was told to do it for 10 mins each side, which seemed daft but it was sucking action that built up my supply. I only pump for a couple of mins when hand pumping which isn't going to build anything up, just maintain I guess

Hi all

I don't think I'll be able to catch up properly as ive missed so much but will try my best. Just having a bit of me time before George wakes up crying.

@Jenlou1992 i really feel for you. Sleep derivation is awful. I felt the same way in the first week to the point i was hallucinating that i was back in hospital but also still pregnant and couldn't fathom how baby was here but i was also still pregnant. After this and baby crying for days on end i tried expressing and got a few drips so decided to give a bottle of formula before bed and I'm really glad i did. He settled after it and i was able to get some sleep while DP fed him. Is that an option for you? I know others have combi fed successfully. We have ended up moving onto formula full time but you could definitely do both if it will give you some sleep. Could you do as others have suggested and give baby to your partner for a few hours and go up to bed before the night shift? Oh and you are definitely not selfish. You sound like a caring wonderful mum. I can't remember if you've mentioned but is a dummy something you'd consider? We didnt want to give one but we have found it allows baby to sleep. He spits it out once he's in a deep sleep so he's not having it all the time but does help settle him.

@MistakenHoliday my DP has been notably grumpier recently too. Mainly in the night when its his turn to give a bottle, everything is done with a huff..by morning he's back to himself. I think he's really struggling with sleep deprivation as he normally slept a lot longer and heavier than me anyway. Hope this phase passes for you.

Those who use infacol, do you give it immediately before a feed? As in put it in their mouth then once swallowed give the milk? I'm unsure what to do so have been doing that but does it have time to work? We always do a nappy change before a feed so wondering if we should give it before that and then change nappy then feed? Still not sure if its colic but after a feed he wont be put down normally and when in his crib pulls his legs up to his chest constantly. But he has been getting wind up prior to being put down. He sometimes wont even settle if we hold him to sleep.

Could anyone formula feeding help at all? George is 4 weeks today and now fully formula fed as of about a week ago. He is having 4oz every 4 hours. It seems like quite a lot though..he had put on his birth weight plus 3oz by 2weeks but hasn't been weighed since. The plan is to take him this week to get weighed so not sure what amount to give as we don't have an accurate weight to go by. He os taking the full 4oz and not bringing it back up so is this ok? After skimming the thread before bed last night and reading its ok to let them wake up themselves in the night we fed him at 10:30pm and he woke up himself at 2:30am. After that though he didn't sleep until 6am despite being sleepy after his feed. He had been changed, winded and didn't seem to be pulling his knees up to his chest but there was just no settling him. He kept kicking his blankets off, then getting cold i assume because he'd cry. Then he'd want the dummy, then it would fall out or be knocked out by his flailing arms, then more crying. After he fell asleep at 6am my alarm went off at 6:15 to make his bottle 😫

Ok sorry just thought of another question off the back of the above with kicking off blankets. Does anyone use a sleeping bag? I'm thinking this will be better for baby as he can't kick it off but we only have 2.5 tog ones. We have a gro egg and our room is always around 19-20 so we're having to sleep with the window open to get it to 18. It feels so cold to me and DP though even with our 10 tog duvet so how can a baby be warm enough with a vest, sleepsuit and 2 cellular blankets? I'm so worried about SIDS that I'm so cautious about him being too hot but also what if he's too cold and i dont know

Ah George waking now! Will try catch up again later. Hope you're all ok!

@melissa112 our room is 20-21 and baby sleeps with long sleeved vest , babygro and a 'light' 'grobag'. I bought the sleeping bags on day 1 as couldn't bear the thought of the blanket getting kicked over his face & they are a godsend.

@MistakenHoliday Your description of you DH made me laugh. I think it's quite hard for them as they simply aren't allowed to complain about being tired (or at least not in front of us) however bad they feel. And tiredness is relative I reckon. In the past I would've found what he's living off (around 6 hrs straight) way too little whereas now that sounds like indescribable bliss compare to what I'm on! Hope he gets over it soon..

@KarBB is the light one you use a 0.5 or 1 tog? I'm the same with the worry about blankets going over faces, i have them under his armpits but then they slip down to belly height so just thinking he can't be warm enough? Should i be using a long sleeved vest? I think i might pick up a couple of other sleeping bags as we have 3 in 2.5 tog!

@melissa112 sorry just checked and it's a grosnug we're using for now. The 'light one' says 'Light weight for warm rooms between 21 and 25°C'. Not sure whAt tog & cant check as both currently in the wash! It's very thin though - just one layer of lightweight cotton & no padding

@melissa112 I definitely recommend using a grobag. We do use the 2.5 tog, as our room is usually 17-18. But worth trying the lighter one. Baby always kicks covers off, and one time I woke up to her heavy breathing. The cover was over her face. Felt so awful, but not had that issue since.
You could ask the health visiter, but I think babies at this ages just seem to need a lot of feeding! I didn’t realise how much!

Our baby (Sofia) also been waking up during the night screaming! She will only drink 1oz of a bottle, but then doesn’t calm down until she has fed off me (which takes ages). Wondering if our slow flow bottles are actually too slow for her, and she is giving up mid feed.

My husband is similar to all of yours... he's been in a massive grump recently due to disrupted/lack of sleep so I think we need to adjust our sleeping schedule even more to give him more time off, but given he doesn't get home until around 7:30/8pm and goes out at 7:30am I'm not sure how much flex there is to give! He also says he doesn't get time to be with the baby... which is true... but given the above parameters I don't know how to change that other than say he shouldn't work as long hours, which is easier said than done because he is so diligent and compensated accordingly. This is one of the main reasons we were able to buy property in London in our mid 20s then upsize to a "family" home a few years later without parental help, so I don't want to begrudge him for it.

@melissa121 we've also got grobags and grosnugs (although go to a kids charity shop/second hand sale for them as they always have loads and they're very expensive full price) as figured it was easier/safer than using blankets and this is what all of our friends have done. Our room is around 18 and he now sleeps in a vest, sleep suit, newborn gro bag and then potentially a cellular blanket or two across his legs and seems happier than when we just had him without the cellular blankets even though that is more layers than they say to wear... we started experimenting following the similar chat on here a few days ago. If he's crying a lot it could be because he's too cold so you could experiment with closing the window, putting him in a sleeping bag etc and watching how he responds? If they get too hot I think their faces start to go really red and cry... or at least that's what happened with us when I tried to layer him too much when we were out once then pretty much as soon as I took a layer off he went back to normal.

We also used infacol like you describe as that's what it said on the instructions so didn't even wonder until now if we were doing it right or not!

@karbb the groswaddle things are confusing aren't they, as it just says "light" and "warm" on them without context whereas the actual sleeping bags have a tog rating attached.

I've got the midwife coming today to weigh her so will ask about giving a bottle of formula before bed as that would really help . My partner doesn't realise how hard going it is for me as he's in work since she was 3 days old and so from 6.30am till 1700pm he's out the house . I do the washing and cleaning . I broke down to him last night and told him I'm really struggling so I'm hoping he will be more empathetic now . She has a dummy but isn't really interested in it . Some days she will sleep in her pram in the day between feeds and others she won't settle unless on me. I know it's all brand new but it's so hard . Midwife just usually says it will get easier . But I just don't think as new mum's we are prepared for this . No one tells you how hard it is and how demanding Bf is . Especially if your pretty much on your own . Just feel like I'm not doing enough and it makes me not enjoy my mothering journey as I'm stressed and tired and feel I've had enough before it's begun and it shouldn't be like that

@melissa112 another FF mum! Very happy to find you ha. My little one is currently 8 lb 14 and is 5weeks on Wednesday. We make him 4 Oz (120ml) bottles and some times he'll have the whole bottle, other times he'll have between 60 and 90 ml of it so we're just responding to his cues really. We have some bottles of ready made milk so if he has a full bottle and is still fussing then we use that to give him maybe another 30 ml to settle him but that's rare. It might be worth getting some of the premade bottles for nights like last night as it might have been that he wanted just that little bit extra? Once he's been weighed you can check it against the recommended bottle sizes on the formula pack.

Thanks all for the advice about grosnugs/bags. @BeHereNowx32 omg that would scare me so much, in fact I'm going to ring to get him weighed today and get him in a sleeping bag. I'm already sleeping with one eye open but these things can happen so easily can't they.

We got gifted 2 mamas and papas 2.5 tog ones so not grobag brand but hoping they're ok? But i will invest in a lighter grobag one i think. As soon as the window is shut the temperature gets up to around 21. The sun is on the room all day so I've been closing the curtains to keep it out but it still goes up, even at 2am if i shut the window it starts creeping up straight away. Is 18 with a 2.5 ish tog the same for baby as if it creeps up to 20-21 with a lighter sleeping bag? I definitely think if me and DP are cold with 10 tog then he must be cold? Unless the gro egg temp isn't right? I've just bought another for downstairs as he sleeps down there all day so could do with knowing how warm it is so I'll make sure they both are the same temp in each room.

@Jenlou1992 hopefully now your partner understands a bit more how you're feeling things will get a bit easier. If he can give a bottle of formula before bed while you get some sleep even better. I definitely agree that no one prepares you for how hard this can be. You're doing more than enough, please don't think you're not. I yope the midwife can give you some support.

@WhatALearningCurve haha glad to have been found! That's reassuring to know your little one is having a similar amount. George was 7lbs 13 at 2 weeks but the scale kept fluctuating between that and 7lbs 15 so they took the lower. So he put on between 5 and 7 ozs in the 6 days after his previous weigh in so reckon he could be close to your little ones weight by now so glad the 4oz seems reasonable. I have to say we are lazy and use the premade ones for the night feed so it's a good shout to see if he wants some more if he won't settle. I'm worried that if they say we're giving too much for his weight that it'll be hard to drop it back. When we stop for a burp before the 4oz is up he stands up while we burp him and makes it very clear he wants to keep going 🤣 can i ask how you cool the bottle down? I've been running it under the cold tap but it takes ages and I'm wasting so much water. Is it ok to stick it in a bowl of cold water to cool down?

Currently battling with an overtired baby. He ended up going back to sleep earlier so did 7am-11am sleep. Had his bottle then some time watching me attempt to make him smile (unsuccessful ) and then half an hour walk in the pram but he hasn't slept since depsite my best efforts. Not showing any hunger signs so think he just needs to sleep but is fighting it

@melissa112 haha don't be ashamed about that, we did that at first but then he was getting really fussy so I don't think they were agreeing with him in bulk form, but when we do use them - I don't warm them up! I was in hospital for a week after birth so he was drinking milk from the fridge for that week so he's (luckily) really not fussy about the temp at which he's fed. But from what I've heard - absolutely fine to stick it in cold water. Nothing different compared to that or running it under a tap!

A midwife told me that babies don't cry for no reason. They cry because they're hungry / need changing / too hot / too cold / want a cuddle etc. I know every babies different but I've found that comment has helped me to stay calm because then then I just try each option till something works - like a check list until one of them ticks the right box

Mine is also currently over tired! Must be something in the water. About to take him out for a proper walk in the hope that that works!

I've just got back from seeing a lactation consultant I found on the Lactation Consultants of Great Britain website. It cost me £50 for 90 minutes and was well worth it. As I said earlier, I wanted to be able to feed comfortably in a cradle hold as at the moment I can only do rugby hold and I don't fancy feeding in public like that. And oh my goodness we managed a cradle hold on both sides! She showed me how to hold him with the opposite arm to the one I would instinctively use, and then gave me an excellent method for shaping the breast to get him to latch (fingers in an upside down V around the nipple - amazingly successful even on my flat nipples). She also did a thorough tongue tie check and confirmed that he is fine. She gave me lots of little positioning tips as she observed the feed. I am really happy and would recommend seeking similar if you are having any feeding woes at all and can afford it.

@MistakenHoliday had to laugh at your DH not liking grown up stuff!!! I guess he's just articulating what we all feel deep down 😂