The March-ers 2019 - Baby Talk #1

[Angelmiracle]

Congratulations to all the mamas with their new babies 🌸

Now the fun really starts 😄

@toastfiend - baby boy - 28/01/2019
@TheWanderlust - Baby girl - Althea - 7lb6oz - 16/02/2019
@PurpleFlower1983 - Baby girl - Matilda - 17/02/2019
@Wineandchoccy - Baby girl - Lois - 6lb12oz - 19/02/2019
@Harley8888 - Baby boy- Logan - 7lb4oz - 01/03/2019

@beherenowx32 thank you. She is so much more alert and contented. If she hasn’t put on enough weight today we’re off to hospital which I actually wouldn’t mind as experts on hand and get looked after although my DH has been an absolute hero.

@cardboard33 that’s so kind and you’re right I am normally no shrinking violet. Hormones and tiredness are no joke. My body has taken a right battering so just need to dig deep and get the best for my baby girl.

I passed a blood clot the size of a tennis ball, the MW said they wouldn’t be concerned unless it was dinner plate size!

Oh and horrendous comment number 2, my Nan whom I’ve named Adela for says ‘what are you doing about your weight? Are you going on a diet?’. I gave birth 3 days ago when she said it. Do these women forget so quickly what it was like when they gave birth?! I literally have a swollen uterus! I could eat air and look the same. As it is I’m eating all of the cake.

@Gronk27 That is ridiculous! I'm not even entertaining the thought of dieting until we're out of the 4th trimester and probably not till we stop bf either. Right now we need to nourish our bodies not stress them out further...

@Gronk27 I'd eat double portions of cake just to spite her!

I'm waiting until the lochia has stopped then I'm am going to start running again and maybe not have daily chocolate. God help anyone who tries to say anything to me!

I'm a bit 😮 at the size of some of the cloys people are getting! The joys of childbirth that they never speak about eh?

@Gronk27 that’s so out of order! It’s not the time to be thinking about dieting. Just look after yourself.

Are any other breastfeeding babies not letting their mummies help them to latch on? 😅 my baby is not letting me guide her like I used to. I need to let her get comfy and latch on herself. It works eventually (I think). But is frustrating for us both at first 😔 xx

@Gronk27 I also had a massive blood clot around the same time as you. Midwife frowned a bit and said keep an eye on it. To be fair I tend to have blood clots during normal periods if I sit/lie down too much, so I wasn't super concerned.

Ladies of breastfed babies - does your baby scream when they're trying to poop? We have nice, soft poops, just as they're supposed to be, but he strains and screams like mad half of the time he needs to go. I read that little newborns don't really understand what's going on and that's why they're crying, but nowhere did I read when he'll figure it out and stops screaming his head out when he just needs to have a c**p. It's honestly tearing my heart up to see him in such distress.

@Sheeni yes, my baby screams when pooing, and even when she has just peed too. Poos seems normal tho xx

@Sheeni I get little period clots too.
At first I thought it was my bloody placenta (literally) as I had assisted delivery I wasn’t aware of the placenta being delivered.

@Sheeni my son sometimes squeals when he's having a poo, but at other times seems quite relieved by it! I think it could be a bit of wind.

Is anyone else having issues with their hips? I had quite bad hip pain when I was pregnant but am still getting it two weeks post-partum. Anyone else finding this?

@MyMumDimensionJumps Hi, I have the same problem with lower back pain. It was getting pretty bad by the end of my pregnancy & is still sore 4 weeks post delivery. It took ages to find a comfortable bf position & is also uncomfortable pushing buggy & doing anything active. I think I need to start doing some gentle strengthening exercises...
I was also seeing an osteopath while pregnant & I'm planning to go back as soon as I can - though god knows how you time something like an appointment with baby's demand led feeding desires!

Hi all, lost track of the thread a bit. I am really struggling. Went to breastfeeding cafe today and they were lovely but pushed biological nurturing which I tried with DS1 and hated. I have quite flat nipples and I find lying back to feed just makes the situation worse as it flattens out more of the breast. I did get a couple of okay latches with this method at the cafe but they weren't totally painless.

I've had a couple of good latches today but mostly bad ones where I have had to take J off early and then haven't been able to get him to latch again. He is doing lots of wees and poos but I still worry that he isn't getting as much milk as he would if I were able to leave him on the breast until he decided he was finished.

I am finding the feelings of frustration and anger really overwhelming when I am trying to feed him. It makes me feel like I don't love him and that scares the shit out of me. I'm trying to spend extra time cuddling him when he is asleep to improve our bond but I am not sure that is enough. I don't understand why I feel like this because I felt a lot of love for him initially. I think because I am panicking about how I feel when I feed him, it's making me doubt whether the love I feel for him at other times is real.

I am being really pathetic and crying a lot, including in front of my 2 year old who is a bright cookie and is probably being quite damaged by this behaviour from me. My husband said earlier that I need to consider the fact that I am affecting the whole family. I think he was implying that I ought to consider formula feeding. On the one hand I imagine bottle feeding J and I feel like that might allow me to actually enjoy the experience of feeding him. On the other hand I fought tooth and nail to breastfeed DS1 and if I don't do the same this time I don't know if I will be able to come to terms with that. Also I have OCD tendencies and I am freaked out at the thought of having to keep bottles clean - I think it will just create a different kind of stress and anxiety for me. Also there is the mastectomy issue and the fact that I think if I don't feed J myself for as long as I can then I will bitterly regret it.

I keep telling myself that I won't cry in front of DS1 and I will be patient when trying to feed DS2 but then I just do the same things over and over again. DH has mostly been supportive but he called me pathetic earlier this evening and said I have to stop crying and hold it together.

Tomorrow I will call a lactation consultant to see if I can pay for a home visit to help sort out the feeding. I also need to call a medical professional about how shit I feel but am not sure who to call as technically I have been discharged from midwife care but haven't yet been seen by a health visitor.

@badbadbeans sorry to hear you're struggling, that must be really tough. It sounds like a lot of your emotions are heightened ATM due to the impending mastectomy, as this is a big emotional thing within itself without the added issues of breast feeding and having recently had a baby to deal with...no wonder you're struggling. When you speak to the lactation counsellor ensure you include this contextual info as it's really important background and will also ensure they don't say anything too insensitive/not applicable to your situation to make you upset. I've always been v open about my health but have found in the breast feeding dept I've had to be even more "this is the background" and upfront as otherwise they start going on about breast feeding to 6 months blah blah and other stuff which I just can't do meaning I then get upset/focus on that and don't actually get my questions answered about as they're so obsessed with then trying to back step when they realise that one size doesn't fit all.

You say "I'll regret it if I don't feed for as long as I can" and that's exactly what you're doing but if your mental health is being impacted and you're struggling to maintain relationships with your other family members then they also had to be thrown into the mix. Have you considered moving towards combination feeding by a certain week, for example? Would you be able to let your husband take charge of the bottle cleaning, as that could help reduce the anxiety surrounding it if you're not the one doing it? It's worth considering as then that could help your husband focus on being useful rather than making unhelpful but most likely well meaning comments. It's ok to cry and get upset, even though that makes it difficult for your husband as then he presumably feels the need to "do" something wheras if you're not externalising your upset then he can potentially carry on as if nothing is happening, as although he's probs not letting on, he will be worried about the mastectomy too.

Could you broach the subject of the fact that the health visitor hasnt yet been as a way of addressing this with the midwife? Feels friendlier/more manageable than just contacting them to say "I need support, who do I go to" or alternatively reach out to the health visitor team yourself to find out when they will be visiting?

Take care x

@badbadbeans my word you’re going through a lot and you are not pathetic!! All I can go on is my own experience of a very frustrated baby and my DH realising she needed some formula until we could get some help. Maybe keep looking for different BF support groups, etc until you find the right fit? Or like you say get someone in if you can. I would speak to the midwives if they haven’t discharged you over to the HV and just tell them how you’re feeling. Again if you don’t click with one see if there’s another clinic or someone else so that you feel listened to and reassured? My feelings for Adela are a bit all over the place too. I think that’s totally normal-a rush of love and then who is this person?! I’m going to be pumping as of tomorrow is that an option for you? Of course I cannot know what it’s like to be in your situation but BF is challenging regardless so please give yourself a break.

@mymumdimensionjumps I am literally hobbling around with sciatica. Very frustrating as I would love to take the pram out! It’s painful too.

@badbadbeans sounds exactly like my PND. I would see if you can see your GP personally.

I find myself crying for no reason, and feeling really unloved and unsupported. So sorry you're having to deal with it and hope you can get some help soon

@BadBadBeans Sorry you're having such a tough time. I agree with PP that your GP may be able to help. I spoke to my midwife about support when I went through the baby blues as I'm high risk for PND (history of anxiety & my mum had It badly) and she mentioned some kind of 'listening' support for new mums. I can't remember the details but you could ask to see what they have in your area.
She also suggested writing down my feelings & any concerns I have. For a few days I noted down all my anxious thoughts & I did find it helped a bit.

@BadBadBeans ps. Crying is not pathetic - it's your body's way of releasing difficult emotions & a completely natural response to being in a difficult situation.... so try not to feel ashamed about it. I hope it passes soon c

I am so sorry to hear that some of you are feeling rubbish - hoping you get the support and care you need.

@badbadbeans you have an awful lot to contend with and so far it sounds to me as though you have done incredibly well all things considered. As squirtle has said, GP might be the best port of call for now. They may suggest (or you can request) a referral to perinatal mental health for that specialist support if you would like it. HVs should also provide support for mums with low mood until baby is one years old - some areas have groups or they can provide visits in your home. However, it can be a postcode lottery. They should see you for a visit between 10-14 days?

I am still having breastfeeding issues too. Nipple shields “work” but I think baby boy is nipple feeding which is excruciating towards the end of a feed and I am sure he has a tongue tie. He can’t seem to open his mouth wide enough and has never latched on properly for any longer than a few seconds without the shields. Currently combi feeding but feel like such a failure because I was (and am) so determined to breastfeed. My mum, although I know she means well, keeps telling me to just bottle feed but it doesn’t help those feelings of guilt.

Officially joining you mummies with Miss Saorla Marie. Over 24hrs old now and been on a feeding marathon all night. Midwife took her to give me an hour and half sleep and she settled well for them. Nipples feeling the strain - could I start using the shields any time?

Also just got my 2bd anti D injection as she has positive blood type.

@BadBadBeans don't be so tough on yourself you're a great mum!! Hope you feel better soon x

@squirtlesmumagain sorry you’re feeling a lack of support and love. Is it something you can raise with you family?

@sictransitgloria we’re combi now too and going to try pumping today. Adela definitely has a tongue tie, we went to breastfeeding support yesterday and the lady had no doubt that it’s the problem. She also showed me some adjustments and it’s already led up a better latch. Can you get some advice from anyone. Also my Mom has been annoyingly right about everything so far so I understand those vibes (although not the ‘just’ bottle feed one. If you want to BF you should be given every chance).

Just trying to keep up with this thread. @BadBadBeans big hugs to you, you're having such a tough time. I would recommend GP for PND but supposedly you're under midwife care for 6 weeks, even once they've discharged you from home visits. HV should be with you around 10-14 days (we're on 11 and haven't heard anything yet) but they were no use with my PND so don't know how helpful you'll find them.

Consider combi feeding, so much pressure is put on breastfeeding and it can have such a detrimental affect on your mental health. Introducing a bottle for some feeds to give you a break doesn't mean giving up breastfeeding entirely. Make sure you do the bottle feed though so that you and baby can continue to bond.

@BadBadBeans that sounds so tough, especially after everything you've been through already

I tried biological feeding with DD1 but hated it - I felt all exposed and droopy, for want of a better word.

I agree with everyone else that a GP visit might be good. I remember feeling the same way with DD1 and being very testy and upset, not in control of my emotions etc. It must be even more difficult with another DS to look after. He won't remember any of the crying though so don't worry that you're damaging him.

And you're definitely NOT being pathetic; you're having a completely natural reaction to what's happening to you. You can do this! X

@gronk27 luckily had a lot of support from community support workers and infant feeding team. Have day 9 appt today so going to ask them to look in his mouth. The tongue tie service to divide has a huge waiting list here so may have to go private with a lactation consultant but will cross that bridge when we get to it. Yes mum advice lol, mine has been right too and yes to the “just” bottle feed as if that doesn’t come with a new set of potential issues and it’s not the “easy” route as my mum makes it out to be. I have considered formula only a few times but want to give the BF a good go. My mum is fixated on lack of sleep as she really struggled with that when we were babies but tbh, sleep deprivation I can cope with ok I think. We shall see how that changes in a few weeks! Managed to express 3oz this morning so he can have that later, my nipples feel like they have been twisted for hours they are so tender. It’s a bit of a puzzle this mothering malarkey, you think something works one day and the next it’s all change again.

@sictransitgloria sounds like you’re on it then! As long as you are coping and baby is getting fed then all good. I’m not sure how far along you are have you been weighed yet? I like the lanolin nipple ointment. And yes in our antenatal class she gave out different baby ‘types’ to each couple e.g. clingy, crying, hungry and what their day looked like and then the big reveal was they were all the same baby!

Congrats @Angelmiracle I love the name!!