March 2016 - quick, a new thread!

[Swearwolf]

Sorry for the terrible title, I saw the old thread was up to 996 posts and panicked!

Ooh don't I feel important

Good luck for the christening, Me.

My evening pumping has gone wrong - just about managed 70ml last night and have got only 60ml tonight. Maybe it's time to give up... but would I still be able to BF evenings and weekend? I don't want to have to cart formula around. (I did this with DS1, but can't remember if we took formula out or not!)

I'm glad everyone is feeling a bit more upbeat today. I'm about to bring the thread down with a big rant!

Rant one: Does anyone else's DH seem to think that their wife's/partners sole purpose is to do absolutely everything around the house?!?! Mine seems to. In between caring for DS all day, who is an absolute dream but needs a lot of attention as do all babies, doing all the housework (cooking, washing up, laundry, hanging out/bringing in laundry, taking out rubbish/recycling, bottle sterilising, ironing, quick wipe around and hoover that's about as good as it gets!) and stressing about weaning, I barely get any time to myself. DH said today about how I haven't done the ironing for ages and that there is a huge pile. It was said in jest and he wasn't having a go but it has really wound me up! He doesn't work full time and actually has a lot of time off, most of which is spent watching tv or looking at stuff on his phone, helpfully telling me every now and again that DS might need some bonjela or a nappy change when he doesn't but not actually doing anything. He has also expressed more than once that he cannot believe that while I am on maternity I am being paid to do nothing!! Er hello, nothing?!?! Yes I do have almost a year off and I'm getting a good amount of money but I have worked bloody hard prior to having DS including pacing a ridiculously busy hospital ward like a pufferfish due to pre eclampsia . I don't know, maybe it's just me. I just feel like it wouldn't kill him to help out a bit more. I've probably made him out to sound awful now and he's not but it just gets you down after a while. I'm having to get everything done once DS is in bed therefore I don't get any sort of evening and I suppose I resent it a bit that he does.

Rant two: I. Hate. Weaning. I really do. I have today had a meltdown over how much milk DS has had. He only took one oz of his mid morning bottle and two oz of his bedtime bottle, surely that can't be right? I can understand the mid morning as he had porridge and fruit for breakfast but he should have his bedtime bottle shouldn't he? He is on 7 oz five times a day, and is having breakfast and dinner, lunch will start next week. I know it's probably because he's had too much to eat, but there are no guidelines on how much to give or if there are I can't find them. HV just helpfully said "you will know"!?! Ha yes but it seems I don't! I'm now worried that he is going to get constipated due to not enough milk as he has not had a poo today. I know I probably sound like a crazy woman but it's so confusing! I am also fed up of having little tommee tippee weaning pots falling on my head every time I open a cupboard!

I'm so sorry! I feel a bit better for having got that out! Now I'm going to try and get some sleep and pray that DS doesnt wake up in a couple of hours starving because he didn't finish his milk

Just read that back and thought I would just clarify that DS drank all of the other three bottles that he had today!

Ugh, horrible night here, dd2 up every two hours from 11. She wasn't hungry or even vaguely interested in boob at her 3 and 5 wakes so not really sure what is going on. Think i may need to get dh involved in night settling.

Sorry to hear about your clueless dh dotty. My dh is very understanding but then he did take 3 months parental leave with dd1 when she was six months old and I went back to work so he has lived it ifyswim. Most dads i know really don't get it. Sounds like you need to have a chat with him about sharing chores - esp if he is part time but even if he's full time. And im very impressed you even do any ironing at all! We never iron in our house. Tbh our house is usually a mess and me and dh just live with it, we tidy up when we have visitors and other than that just vacuum regularly and try to keep on top of the washing up and clothes washing, which we have mountains of with two kids, one of whom is in cloth nappies!

me what dress size are you if you don't mind me asking? A rough guide is that if you're a size 12 you should have a 32 back, size 14 34 back etc. When i first bought a size 32 it left a red mark but the bravissimo lady told me that bras stretch very easily which is why you need to buy them a little tight as they will stretch and if you buy them too loose then they will stretch so they are too big and give no support. After a week or so of wearing my 32 bras they stretched and fit me very nicely. I've even got to the point with some of my 32s where I have to wear it on the tightest setting.

Someone mentioned being measured by m&s? Apparently they are awful measurers as they do the +4 method which is just add 4 inches to your back measurement so generally they measure you at too large a back size.

Dotty- I feel a bit like this sometime however DH does work 6am until some nights 9-10pm so I think he thinks he's been working all day so she can look after the house etc. but if he does finish early lately he has got into the habit of for example eating his tea then leaving his plate on the side like a magic bloody fairy is going to come and wash it, dry it and put it away!! Haha I've decided to ignore it for now as he's working so hard but when I go back to work In November there's no chance of him getting away with it!
Sorry to hear you had a bad night marmite. We actually had the best night here in a VERY VERY long time with 2 wake ups once of which was when he had only been in bed for a short while and he self settled the other was at 2am for a feed!! However it's the first night I've given formula instead of boob so maybe that was why? Maybe it was a coincidence? Who knows but what ever it was I will take it as I feel much better rested for it!! We are off on holiday today so wonder what he will be like! Only another English one but will be nice to have DH for a week not working. He can do some of the night wakings! Knowing my luck DS will probably be an angel!
Happy Saturday all!!

Dropped off the thread.. iv seen some of the posts about anxiety and pnd.. when ds was born I was diagnosed in the after math with post natal anxiety and mild post natal depression. I was given tablets but I didn't want to take them. What has helped me is learning to except help when it's needed and telling myself I shouldn't feel guilty over this. Also sleep, I try to make sure I'm in bed by 9ish, read my book unwind etc. And use dh when he is here on a weekend to take a nap etc. I also try to have timeout of being a mummy with my friends so going out for a meal or just popping over for coffee in the evening. I don't feel depressed as such now just struggle with anxiety when routines are changed. Dh has been very good with forward notice of things something he didn't do before and knows I like to talk through plans. Ie if he is out one night I like to have a plan of how I will tackle bedtime with two etc.

dotty I hear you on the bloody weaning pots! Who thought adding even more small fiddly plastic bits to our lives would improve them?? I threw out all of DS's in a rage when I couldn't close the drawer they were in. I think he was 10 months or so. Have just used pouches and normal size tupperware since. Oh and Ikea toddler plates/bowls/cups.

About sharing the work load - our general rule of thumb is equal free time across the week. If we feel it's getting unbalanced, we talk and rejig responsibilities. Some tasks are easier to do 50/50, others are one person's specific responsibility. We're in a state of flux at the moment as I've just gone back to work and DH is now on shared parental leave till March, and when we're both back to work full time it'll change again.

marmite - The doidy cup got a few sips of water into T this morning!

Can I just say I love this thread as you all make me feel so normal! Dotty parts of your weaning post are me at the moment! My main cause for my upset this week was because dd was drinking hardly any milk but she also isn't eating much actual food. I don't know the answers only that the HV said to me she will take what she wants/needs. I'm hanging onto this and yesterday I made myself just go with her flow and spent the day feeling much less anxious. It is confusing and I don't think anyone really knows, professionals either. I met another mum yesterday at baby sensory whose 4 month old baby is very big, she went over milk with the health visitor and she isn't overfeeding. She said to me "I can't stop her from drinking the milk she needs" and I thought no you can't just like I can't force dd to take more. My big mistake is looking around thinking everyone else is getting it "right" and sailing through it. This thread is so reassuring because most of us are just trying our best and muddling through.

It was me at M&S! Possibly this is why my bra is loose and comfy! I will dig out a tape measure and try the test

Confused thank you too. That all sounds like great advice. I think anxiety is my main cause, as I said above that I'm doing this wrong etc. I've also realised I've put a lot of pressure on myself as dd is a miracle baby and took so many years for us to have I feel like I should be in this blissful gratefulness. So for example if I have a bad day and find her hard I then think you ungrateful cow you never thought you would have her. I e also realised over the last day having visited work with everyone saying "oh aren't you just loving her" "you must be so happy she is here". That other people's expectations of my blissful gratefulness put pressure on me. My very sensible friend who I confessed all this too yesterday just said "all babies are hard work and the majority of babies are wanted whether they took two months to conceive or five years".

Wow that was another big offload. Sorry! It does help to get it all out.

Purple "I've also realised I've put a lot of pressure on myself as dd is a miracle baby and took so many years for us to have I feel like I should be in this blissful gratefulness"

See this is something people should talk about/consider. I've been on the other end of it - both my DSs were frighteningly easy to conceive, and so when I found DS1 brutally difficult (probably had some PND & anxiety only recognised with hindsight), I was treated as ungrateful - I should have been loving every second etc. I wasn't allowed to find it difficult, because some people thought their difficulty was more valid.

So when these friends struggled to conceive (but eventually did), I did then worry that they might also find things difficult (because sometimes having children is fucking hard) but wouldn't be able to admit it and accept help. Does that make sense? But I couldn't say anything, as it had already been decided that babies are Wonderful and Delightful and everything is Amazing and therefore that I was just ungrateful and inept.

Having DS2 has helped me with this, (though I've pretty much stopped talking to one friend who had her IVF babies at the same time, I'm still not allowed to find anything a challenge) because DS1 WAS is difficult. I did struggle with him. DS2 is a dream compared to him and this time I have got that bond and gushy lovey thing that other normal people seem to have.

I needed help and understanding last time (and sometimes this time). But I wasn't allowed it. And I'm still not allowed. (She has posted on facebook to that effect - not mentioned names, of course).

/rant. Sorry! I sound terrible, don't I? I should be grateful we conceived easily. I actually feel very guilty about it. (More guilty than I do about working FT from 6 months - which is also a sign of my ungratefulness, of course).

Purple, having babies is so hard. Children are incessant and draining. Just because a baby is difficult in their creation, doesn't mean everything else is going to be a rainbow clad dream. Don't beat yourself up. We should all talk about everything.

Maybe I am being unreasonable. I am grateful that we didn't experience fertility problems, of course. Especially having seen the problems many of my friends have had. But it doesn't negate that I found the rest of it difficult.

Ach.
I'll get my coat...

Dom put your coat down, however they got here we all have the same problems once they are here... Whether they appeared in six months or six years does not alter their sleeping habits.!!! Is there a six months hormone change again or anything I've been feeling a bit weird about it all Recently, i think because it's closer to when I go back to work than when I started although I'm looking forward to going back so who knows. I think relentless is a good word, good or bad at the moment it just never seems to stop...

Me hope the Christening goes well and there are no poonamis on the christening outfit!!

Dotty I very much empathise with rant 1, DH does nappy changes and has a magic touch with getting DD to nap but I've realised all aspects of running the house have fallen to me despite him working c. 3 days a week. I am back at work (out of house 8h a day, 5 days a week) in 3 weeks though so think that is a good time to work out a more even division. I dont iron though! Part of it is my fault as I am not a natural relaxer if there is washing up to do, nappies to assemble etc.

Purple there are probably some lovely HVs out there, shame you got the equivalent of a buildre yelling 'cheer up love, it may never happen'. Glad you have been able to talk to more constructive friends and vent here. Loving a baby, however long awaited doesn't mean you can't feel any negative emotions. Life is not some big cheery, heavily edited Facebook post.

D&V is going round the village. Hope it burns out before DD starts nursery and I get exposed to lots of germs on my commute. I've honestly never felt healthier after 6+ months of no London commute but bit worried my germ resistance has suffered.

Puts bra measuring on long 'things to do before going back to work' to do list...

I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better now Purple. I completely agree with what Dom and the others said. Looking after small children is the hardest, most exhausting thing I've ever done and unfortunately, loving and wanting my dc very much does not stop it from being a tough job to do!

I'm impressed that you've put both dds in the same room already marmite. I'm desperate to move ds2 in with ds1 but his sleep is still crap and I'm too lazy to get out of bed multiple times a night .

I recommend the bra calcualtor for anyone who hasn't tried ot already. I went from a 32d to a 28f. The bra intervention threads are good for tips on working out what styles will fit you best. It helps if you can try on a few different ones in the shops then you can buy cheaply on brastop or ebay.

I went round the next sale today and spent ££ on ds1's summer clothes for next year. Only as I was cutting the tags off back at home did it dawn on me that Next's age 3 is the same size as age 2-3 not 3-4 as I'd thought. So I've now got a load of brand new summer clothes that he'll have grown out of by February . At least ds2 will be very well dressed in summer 2018...

Ha ha to be honest trinpy after the third wake last night I just woke dh up, sent him in to get dd2 and just co slept with her from 3! It is going to be a bit annoying having to get out of bed two- three times night but tbh i really just wanted my room back!

Glad you had some success with doidy cup mship!

Yy Dom re having children being difficult and we should all be able to talk about it without being made to feel ungrateful. I hate competitiveness over who is most hard done by. Babies/toddlers are bloody hard work and no matter what the journey was to get them, they can push us to the limit of what we can take!

Feeling a bit better today about things, my mood seems to be up and down at the moment and depends on how dd2 sleeps and what mood dd1 is in! She has been massively pushing our buttons recently and it is hard as i don't have the patience to deal with her as i would like and end up losing my shit with her then feeling bad. Its really hard not parenting as youd want to but sometimes im just to knackered to deal with a toddler who wants to literally run circles around me when I'm trying to get her dressed 🙄

Dom take your coat off and grab a glass of . I totally agree with all you said. Ds was conceived so easily and I did find him hard on and off too. I think I probably felt like this but at times but was too scared to admit it. Your ivf friend sounds very unreasonable and I can't imagine she really finds it all easy. You are right we need to talk about these types of things more to normalise our feelings.

Trin I've always found Next bigger than other shops? Not sure if this is because ds has never been massively tall or had a waist? Hopefully they will fit. I got a VIP invite but couldn't be bothered trawling the web. Dd is so dinky as well she still has a lot of 3-6 clothes that are just right for her.

Marmite glad you are feeling a bit better today too.

Aw purple I wish ds was still in 3-6. I've had to go out and buy a load of 6-9 as I'm pretty sure overnight quite literally nothing he had was fitting anymore.
dom I'm with you too, ds was earlier than planned and I am looking forward to going back to work. Theres a reason people work in childcare, and I reason I don't. I love him with all my heart but sometimes I just want to give him back for a day and have my old life back.
dotty rant away, I have that issue now and then with dp. He asked for a clean fork today, I said they're in the dishwasher and there's nothing stopping him turning it on to get things washed - his response 'I work full time' argh, I will be working full time too in 10 weeks so get had better start pulling his weight then.
1frwnch hope the dv doesn't hit you too!

Dp isn't feeling well today and has gone to bed, ds is fast asleep too so I'm downstairs on my own with a 4 pack of corona and the TV remote - typically can't find anything I remotely fancy watching argh!

I'll just be over here putting 9-12s on C... perils of a long baby!

I actually felt quite sad the other day when I did a little shopping spree for ds in mothercares sale when buying him 9-12 ( he practically skipped 6-9- too small ) as the next size up will be age one plus - how did that happen
Snap trinpy 28f here too and can only find bras in this size from eBay sellers but I really like the ones I found and they only cost £1
Well done to those of you who can summon the energy to walk to another room to bfeed middle of the night ! I honestly can't even get myself to lift ds out of the cot so we're just co sleeping . Would love to have my room back but sleep trumps everything in this house otherwise my mood is horrendous .

Wow lots of messages today!

Dotty I'm with you and am always having a moan at DH. I do 95% of the baby related chores and all the cooking virtually and laundry. We have a cleaner so neither of us do that. DH's main activity after getting home from work is playing on his Xbox

marmite re bras I'm a size 12, so I guess I really should be a 32. Maybe I'll buy one in that size and give it a go ...

Dom completely agree with all the others, no one gets to moan more than anyone else depending on how difficult their baby was to conceive!! Pregnancy was a bit like that too, mine was very easy but a friend who had a difficult one was more or less told she wasn't allowed to complain at all by another friend who was struggling with ttc (but thankfully now has a DC) because she should just be sooo grateful that she was pregnant! I'm going back to work full time in January and I'm definitely not cut out to be a SAHM.

Q my DS did the growing-out-of-everything overnight thing too! I went on a shopping spree a couple of weeks ago and bought quite a lot 6-9 but also lots of 9-12 as I'm sure he's going to grow quickly again!

Me if you're going down in the back size, make sure you go up in the cup size as well or the band will be too tight.

sher £1??? I must be looking at the wrong ebay shops! I usually pay around £10 for mine.

Tri We're onto 9-12 months here too. I got all emotional that this is the last baby size left then its onto toddler sizes.

Purple yeah I think next sizes come up big too but unfortunately so does ds1! At least it will be nice for ds2 to have some new clothes rather than his brothers hand me downs.

Ds2 has started getting up on all fours but with one leg tucked under. He's desperate to crawl but can't figure out how to get going yet!

Well done on the crawling baby trinpy
Whoops I meant to type £10 not £1!! The brand is Royce !

Dom My babies were easy to conceive too ... I've been pregnant naturally 5 times: surprise while on contraception (termination, I was 20 and it was with an EA ex who I'd just ditched - have always suspected he was messing with my pills), surprise while on contraception (ruptured ectopic, lost a tube, so all subsequent pregnancies are on a single tube), surprise while while changing contraception methods (DS!), surprise while on contraception (early miscarriage), TTC first cycle (T!). DH basically just has to look at me funny and I'm upduffed. I never talk about it IRL to anyone but DH or my DM. Pregnancy is hard. Babies are hard. We're all doing our best, and no matter how much harder others might have it, our own problems are valid and how we feel about them is real.

trinpy We're into some 9-12 stuff too, mostly vests and shirts. T has a long body and normal length arms/legs. I've had to bite the bullet and bid on some Frugi sleepsuits on ebay because I simply can't get any regular brands to go over her big cloth bum. Supermarket leggings are fine, oddly, but she can basically only wear those or the cut-for-cloth dungarees.

T is still unhappy with DH, extending to nap refusal now, even though we're trying to keep the weekend as consistent as possible with my work days. I'm hoping he'll fix my bike this afternoon so I can come home for lunchtime BFs this week. I'm shattered doing the night feeds plus going to work all day. At least on mat leave I got to rest when T napped and DS did his afternoon quiet time.

Them sorry to hear that T is still fighting dh. If it helps ds refused to feed for a while when he started nursery as a protest and I think nap too. But he couldn't keep it up forever. Hope you can cycle back if it makes all your days less stressful.

Today my non-feeder has drunk every bottle so far, totally drained. Then thrown all the finger food on the floor and actually eaten half a pouch of purée. Yes I confess to using pouches as I can't bear to cook and throw it. I know tomorrow the same purée will be treated like the worst food on earth. I am confused but not over thinking it.

It was ds's christening today, we've had a lovely day. The service was very nice and we had all the family back to our house afterwards. I outsourced all the catering (thanks waitrose!) but there was still plenty of running around to do which MIL and SIL were fantastic with, they kept everyone topped up with drinks and made cups of tea etc and helped clear up before they left which was lovely. I have just got DS to bed and he is exhausted, a very exciting but overwhelming day for him with so many people wanting a cuddle and to play with him.

Purple DS has been the same today, drained all his bottles and hardly touched food. He wouldn't eat my lovingly homemade chicken and parsnip purée at lunch so he had a bit of French bread and a cube of cheese. Then at teatime I gave him a fish dish which he wolfed down yesterday but barely touched today! Meh ... you win some you lose some!

MShip I'm majorly impressed by your fertility!

We had an epic parenting fail yesterday! Ds rolled off the bed he was fine I beat myself up over it all night!

Ds is now having lunch &a dinner and wolfs 3 of his bottles down. He just doesn't seem interested in his morning bottle! I fight with him to get 5oz in. You would think after sleeping all night he would be hungry but no! I'm thinking about introducing breakfast soon but have to think about timings as I have the school run to do aswell. So much easier with one child!