July 2016 #2

[Bluebell20]

A new thread as we (hopefully) move towards longer sleeps and lovely little smiles!

Amazing baby grow anna and glad that you enjoyed your birthday weekend.

bluebell sorry to hear about the bickering/arguing with your dh. It's really difficult and they usually don't understand at all. Things are better here now because I had a bit of a break on the weekend. Dh even said something yesterday about only having been truly alone with dd (i.e. me not there at all) three times in 12 weeks. He seemed relieved about it and I'm happy to be around as long as I get a little break occasionally. Hope you work things out soon. On the dtd front, we have done it once at 8 weeks and, surprisingly, it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be.

primary I'm really sorry to hear about your dp. I hope the wait isn't too long for the MRI and that it will bring good news. If you need to talk/vent/anything else here then we're around to listen.

TBH tams I think I'm in shock/denial. Dp has a habit of google diagnosing himself and being a bit melodramatic so I think I'm just treating it like that. Praying that is the case though and that it's something else or easily treated. fucked off that an 'emergency' MRI is going to be a 7 week wait though

Oh, primary, that's crappy news. And 7 wks to wait, wtf?! Massive cliche, but try to stay positive, surely he'd be given a quicker apt if they were really concerned? Keep taking about it too, that's a lot to process at the best of times, let alone in these hormonal times
Is there anyone at his work who can help with whatever is making him stressed there and take a bit of the strain for the next few weeks?
Thank you for the meltdown solidarity!

Anna am so glad you had a lovely birthday, what a lovely bunch you have around you.
I know it will get better/easier/settle down, and am really not great at dealing with not being able to do stuff - these babies certainly make you face up to things about yourself!

julf I was also told to take vitamin d tablets, although I think that's relatively new advice. As far as am aware, there's absolutely no need to give bf babies any vitamins directly before 6m.

Primary sorry to hear about your DH, hope it's nothing serious and that those 7 weeks fly by.

Not much going on for us, Ben has a cold, snotty, sneezy and a hacking cough but still smiling. I think he is also teething. Cant believe he's 17 weeks tomorrow!! Time is really flying.

On the diet front I've gone back to slimming world, doing it from home and 1st week weigh in tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed!! Bloody typical though as its that time of the month and I'm so bloated I look bigger than I did at full term!!!

Oh primary I'm so sorry. That's such s long wait. I'd like to think if they were really worried he'd have been fast tracked? It must be really hard for you both. I think it's important to be positive but you're also allowed to be frightened. Sending hugs and lots of positive vibes.

The baby grow is next primary , tams it comes in a pack of three. The other ones are spotty and dark grey with an elephant. V cute stuff in next at the moment! Must avoid!!! its 3-6 months and too small on the leg already. So about to move her into 6-9 months. It's bonkers she's 11 weeks old!!!! Wonder if I'm making a little supermodel?

Oh becks good luck! I hear so many good things about slimming world. I may have to try it. I'm doing low carb and started again today. I'd love to shift 10 pounds by Xmas!

Grace slept 8-8 last night with one feed at 3.
She's really unsettled tonight though so wing have m a repeat! Boooo!!!

So who's coming to the meet-ups? I think they're on:

• Tuesday 22nd November in Edinburgh,
• Friday 25th in London (in Inn the Park, in St James's Park), and
• Monday 28th in Bath.

I'm planning to come to Bath as well as London 😊

Primary - I'm so sorry to hear about your DP. Sending positive vibes. Hope you get good news v soon.
I confess I did chuckle at "I already have one baby to deal with"! I feel this way quite a lot - that I've got two babies fighting for my attention.
Yes I use the sling for grocery shopping too. We don't have a car (and obviously it's impossible to push a pram around the supermarket as well as a trolley - I know cos I've tried!), so we do our food shopping online. But the sling is great when I'm picking up a few bits&bobs.

Ella - hope you've managed to sort out the nighttime feeds.

Bluebs - I'm so sorry that you and DH are bickering. I think the first few months are just really hard for couples. However prepared a couple think they are, they soon discover that it's totally different from what they expected and so much harder. Like you, I feel as if I've adjusted my expectations of DH but that he hasn't really adjusted his of mine - he still expects me to do everything I used to do, and then spend all my free time (what free time? 🤔) with him. Similarly to your friend, it wouldn't even occur to my DH to look after J except when I specifically ask him to. We've been bickering on and off too, which we never used to do 😔 I hope your situation improves.
So impressed by your doing a long car journey on your own. Did Ru sleep? What did you do when he cried? We've done some long journeys but there's always been someone in the back to distract/amuse Jasper.
Yes Bach to Baby was lovely thanks. Jasper seemed to enjoy it too. I was dead impressed that for a tenner I could go to a concert with a world-class musician.
Ahem, yes I quite enjoy the bogey-picking too. And so does J - he giggles and seems to think it's a game.
I just looked up the word "spangled" in UrbanDictionary (I knew what you meant but only from context). One of the explanations was "off ya ed wiv drugs n dat" 😄
Re DTD, I don't think there is any "normal". I haven't been hurting for ages. If it hurt you last time, then it's totally understandable that you haven't wanted to try it again. It's probably worth trying again but telling DH that it hurt and that you'd like to go gently. He's probably (understandably) assumed that it wouldn't be painful after a section. In terms of timings, we just grab the opportunity when we can. In the mornings J normally has a nap after two hours of being awake, so at weekends that means that after two hours of playing aeroplanes/other games with him, we can then play grown-ups' games when he goes back to sleep for an hour.
Re the chapter you cut: it's quality that counts, not quantity 😊 I always find cutting down to word limit harder than churning it out in the first place.
(Which reminds me of this mug: http://www.moretvicar.com/products/churn-it-out-mug)

Bluebell/Ruby - You mentioned your HV clinic. So you're still seeing a HV? I seem to have dropped off the system. Fortnightly, you say? How long are you supposed to do that? Are others here still seeing the HV?

Ruby - I'm sorry you're having such a tough time, all on your own there. Yes, in older times not only would your expectations of yourself have been lesser, but you would also have had lots more women around you to share the load. Neighbours, friends, family living nearby, all helping each other out during the day. Whereas nowadays we all live in isolation, as well as often having had much less exposure to looking after babies when we were little. My mother reckons our generation of mummies has it harder than ever before. Hmm, just got to Anna's post and she's already pretty much said all of this 😝

Tams - glad things have improved for you a bit.

Sunday - yes, as Anna says, it's hard to make someone understand that it takes all day to do very little other than baby stuff. Maybe for an early Christmas present we should get our DHs each a copy of that book I mentioned - "What Mothers Do".

Anna - glad you had a lovely birthday! You deserve it!
That's good that your DH doesn't expect the house to be immaculate. Mine is a bit OCD. Luckily we have a cleaner once a week (couldn't cope without that) and DH does at least do all the cooking - delicious it is too 😄 So I just have to tidy/clean up behind me, and do the laundry.
LOL re the passive-aggressive "someone left the door unlocked"!

Someone on this thread had a female OH. Is it sexist to say that I'm a teency bit jealous?

Jasper has been crying a lot the last couple of days. I think he's teething - or perhaps a Leap happening at an unexpected time. He's been switching from big smiles to crying out in anguish, and back to big smiles, within moments. Luckily he's been totally chilled when we've been on the Tube or having lunch with friends, but he's been very clingy and cry-y when on his own with me. Thinking positively, at least this shows that he knows he can trust me and can express his angst/distress to me, which is a Good Thing. (I think I've been reading too much of that book!)

14 weeks!

Ps, I have Calpol on my nipples and white vom down my shirt, I've just eaten last weekend's cold onion bhajis, and my trousers are undone because I couldn't do the buttons up without putting Jasper down (which he wouldn't allow). My life!

julfin am not seeing 'our' HV anymore, I take H to the local drop in baby clinic which runs once a week where there are always 2/3 HVs, so we just see whoever is available. I'm following what I thought was standard advice to get H weighed once a month, although I know many people ignore it and only go when they have questions/concerns. Secretly, it's nothing to do with be a Responsible Mother, I just like the regular updates on the graph for slightly geeky and future nostalgia reasons

Ah thanks Ruby, that's helpful to know! I lost track of what I was supposed to be doing because I switched counties and had extra support when I was ill, and then fell off the radar when I got better and moved back to town. I'll take myself up to the centre now that I know!

The clinic, I mean

Indians - really sorry not to see you at the meet-up.
DH doesn't understand why I can't just put the baby down either.

Well, it's been a tough couple of days with my tearful baby. I've finally managed to get him to sleep in his cot. Only one slight problem...

Oh Julf it's so annoying when that happens! E fell asleep in my lap yesterday after a mammoth screaming session and I was desperate for a wee!
Can I ask where Jasper's sleepsuit is from? I'm a big fan of stripes!

We see the HV once a fortnight to get him weighed for his medication dosage but otherwise they said to come when you feel like it every month or so. I also find it satisfying to see where he is on his graph ruby, especially as he had weight loss issues shortly after birth.

Can't make any meet ups sadly (too far up north!)

Ruby please don't feel mortified about a meltdown - I think most (all?) of us have them, and it's really not surprising what with sleep deprivation, hormones, and emotions running high. I'm totally with you on wishing we didn't have to battle with the modern day expectations of what women 'should' achieve. I certainly don't help myself either by wanting to do loads of extra stuff. (Like write a novel: hello? Stupid.) Really glad the last weigh session put your mid at rest.

sunday my DH does at least understand how hard it is to achieve housework and look after the baby, because of the odd day when he is 'main carer'. However he doesn't see why I'm worried about it. Filthy floor? Don't eat off it, doesn't matter. Mildew in the shower? We can reseal it at some point, never mind. Dust and dead flies on all the windowsills? Who cares, there are more important things in life...

I kind of see what he means, but the general grubbiness is driving me nuts. It doesn't help that because I had an anxiety meltdown in hospital about cleanliness and got referred to the mental health team for assessment, he's now seeing me wanting to have the house a normal amount of clean as 'mental' and insists he is helping me by not indulging in my desire to have a reasonably undirty house. It is very frustrating. It's like he has a little trump card he can pull out, that I've got a mental health issue, when really even the mental health team felt I wasn't being unreasonable - it's not like I was referred for further help or anything!

sophie thanks for the dtd info - sounds like lots of us are in the same boat! I occasionally feel in the mood, but so far that hasn't coincided with opportunity!

Anna yippee for your lovely birthday - so glad for you! I'm sorry your DH is also King of passive aggressive statements but you did at least make me laugh with that! I often think with things like that - why even mention it?! Just lock the door if you notice it's unlocked and be done with it!!

I like your idea of doing the laundry plus one other job. I did make a whizzy cleaning list a few months ago - I need to print that out, laminate it and just work my way through it each month. And yeah I think it's my cervix that is the problem too, which scares me as I have a smear on Monday!

primary you're v noble; if my DH got mardy about not dtd then that would put me off even more! Regarding the responsibility thing - I think basically I don't feel I can switch off from thinking about Ruben, but DH clearly can. Even the crying doesn't bother him as much! Really sorry to hear about your DP's brain growth - fingers v much crossed that it can be sorted without too much stress for you guys.

tams I'm so pleased things are better with your DH. Those little breaks are vital aren't they? My DH came up and settled Ruben to sleep tonight, and it has made such a difference - I feel less like my brain has been squeezed through a mangle!

becks how did the weigh in go?

julf I'm coming to Bath! So looking forward to it.

My neighbour has lent me her karri me jersey sling and I love it - I am hoping this might increase what I can get done during the day. I've been putting ru in a baby seat trolley for supermarket trips. He doesn't seem to mind them but I do worry a bit about how manky the seats are!

Ru mostly slept in the car. I stopped about every hour and fifteen mins as per the advice of my HV, which was good really as it kept me fresh. However, he cried every single time I put him back in the seat. I just had to grit my teeth and ignore it (and avoid doing any fancy overtaking while he was distracting me!) The longest he cried for was about seven minutes. I did discover when I got home that DH had told a porky pie - he didn't actually have work that weekend and he could have driven up with me after all, but he chose not to because he thought it would be good for my confidence to see that I can do it on my own. I didn't hit the roof when he told me that, because I'd had a good weekend and a reasonable drive - he is very lucky that that was the case!!!

Spangled - yes, oh dear, that being in my vocabulary may be something to do with the company I have kept in the past! I feel well cool that a word I use is in the urban dictionary though ;)

LOVE the mug. May have to get a couple as pressies!

Cracking up at grown ups' games! Yes, thinking about it, I think weekend mornings might be prime time for us too. The one point in the day where I don't feel sick with tiredness! I shall remember that and try it out!

HV - we just had our last home visit, and now we will be going to monthly clinics. Don't think you'll have missed anything g exciting!

I love the thing about them showing their trust by sharing their distress with you. I must get a copy of that book! Got to ask... Why do you have calpol on your nipples?! Also, I am now hungry for onion bhaji, argh.

Did you get your hand out from under jasper?!

Indians Hallie looks sooooo grown up, bless her! Cheers for the wine and sympathy xx

Ha ha Bluebs, I love the fact that you're writing a novel in your free time. Wonder Woman! A few months ago I considered doing a masters whilst on maternity leave but decided it might be a bit much so I'd just study some Arabic instead. Guffaw - As if! Can barely even keep up with the news headlines let alone anything involving active brainpower!
Yes, you should totally read The Book. I've found it quite morale-boosting - it makes me realise how valuable all the little baby things I spend my time doing (e.g. cuddles, nursery rhymes, holding J up to the window) actually are. So it doesn't matter if I have one of those days where I "fail to achieve anything" e.g. doing laundry / tidying the house. Although household chores are immediately visible and therefore perhaps more satisfying (and more easily recognised by an OH), the little baby things are cumulatively so much more important in the long-term. (Ok, enough, I'll stop banging on about my book now...)
Gosh, that's brave of your husband re his porky pie 😳
Calpol on my nipples is part of our raunchy "grown-ups' games" 😉 No seriously, it's because J has been in pain so I gave him Calpol and then fed him to take away the taste and give him comfort. Although, in fact he doesn't seem to mind the Calpol any more, since he's seen me ostentatiously sucking on the syringe and licking my lips and making "yummy" noises.
No, I failed to get my hand out from under J, so had to start again. Luckily he fell asleep again quite quickly.
Hurrah for Bath! 😄

Sunday - Sorry you can't make the meet-ups. You should arrange a northern one!
I think the sleepsuit was part of a 3-pack from John Lewis, but I'll check in the morning and let you know. It has a small fire engine 🚒 on his leg.
Incidentally I'm not really sure what the difference is between a sleepsuit and a babygrow. Can anyone explain? Is it just the time of day when they wear it? And what's a romper suit?! Is it just another word for babygrow? The baby world seems to have so many different words for (nearly) the same thing!

Not sure why I'm still awake...

Oh dear, woken up with moaner's remorse! I actually feel that writing it down last night really helped me see things much more clearly though. DH genuinely thinks he is helping me by not indulging my urge for a clean house, so I can't really be mad with him - I just need to try and find a way to help him see the difference between normal-me wanting normal things to get done and anxious-me wanting ridiculous things to get done! And also to be fair the fact that he didn't drive with me to the Midlands really has given me a load of driving confidence so I can't really be mad about that either!

I've also spoken to my mother in law and asked her to come up and mind Ruben between feeds for me one day next week, so that I can get on top of a load of jobs that need doing. I think I'll feel better then. I could do them in the evening because DH is very good at looking after Ru when he gets back from work (I am trying to be fair now and notice all the things he does!) but I just find that past 7.30pm I am a wreck.

Yesterday I discovered I could do Pilates with Ruben lying next to me and he was entertained by it - he liked watching my legs going up and down! We had a lovely time. So that might be a bit of an exercise breakthrough!

Anyone doing any sort of sleep training with their baby? We left Ruben to cry for a few minutes at a time last night because he wasn't responding to anything. In the end DH got him off to sleep by playing him a lovely old fashioned tinkly music box. I really want bedtimes to stop being such a nightmare - it's an hour of crying most nights at the moment!

Ha julf I reckon writing a novel on maternity leave is way more possible than learning Arabic... I can't even begin to contemplate learning something new at the moment! And I agree with keeping up with the news headlines - I occasionally miss a day or two and then find it really hard to catch up! I'm getting most of my news on the radio at the moment, driving to and from places. I keep meaning to read articles in more depth when I get home, but so far this week I've read one... And didn't really understand it because I was so behind on what was going on!

Yeah I thought it was rather brave of him to tell me such a fib too. I reckon if I'd had an awful time of it he would never have told me the truth!!!

You sucking on the syringe made me laugh. I was lucky: Ruben adored the calpol - obviously going to love sugar like his mummy...

Oh and I have no idea about baby clothing names! (And what about a onesie?!) I reckon sleepsuits and babygrows are the same thing. I have recently made a decision to keep Ruben in his babygrows most of the time. I've been faffing around with little dungarees and so on which look super cute but are really annoying to change if he has a nappy incident. Besides, I love babygrows. They are so snuggly...

God. We've got one damp wall in our house which has been steadily growing mildew behind cupboards. I noticed it after Ruben was born but wasn't capable of sorting it at the time. DH has finally realised how bad this is for babies - and us (he's realised this may explain his occasional streaming nose) - and is actually doing something about it as I sit here feeding Ruben.

Victory - he has realised that I am not being crazy about the mould!

Guilt - I knew the mildew was a bad thing for babies and I should have moved mountains to do something to get it sorted sooner as Ru has been living with it for three months :( I could have done it on one of the four writing days I've had so far - selfish me. He isn't showing any signs of breathing problems so I really hope that means he is okay.

This is happening in Boots

Hi all - thanks for the support re dp's head. He works in that department in the hospital too but as admin staff so he's got himself in a right tizzy. He said the other day he might end up having to book himself in for brain surgery

Bluebell - I still can't believe you're writing a book! I am mega proud if I manage to keep the house tidy. I am so with you about house grubbiness, I'm a manic cleaner - everything is tidy and clean everyday, till dp gets home! Then I have to start again - the bloody rabbits drive me mad dragging hay about everywhere...

I will admit I have a pack of detail wipes that I use whenever Annie needs to go in the supermarket baby seats or on the changing stations anywhere! I've seen other kids be sick/get chocolately spit fingers everywhere and I get a bit woo about it hahaha... get me to the grip shop! I did get pissed off the other day when a friend of a friend was holding Annie and started poking her fingers in her mouth. Why?!

Julf - that is sleuth management getting J down! Gutted you didn't manage to get the hand out though.. I have the same problem frequently as she happily falls asleep on me but wakes up and gives me 'the look' the moment I manage to drop her down
,
Indians - Hallie is fab, she does look so grown up! Must be the hair!

Meet ups - I'm too middle and east to get to any of the meet ups, gutted!

Sunday - I feel guilty sometimes about sticking Annie on the playmat while I get stuff done / have a cup of tea. But TBH I decided yesterday that I need a bloody break sometimes and I can cope with the playing and cooing better if I've done something for myself (even if that is cleaning the bathroom)

So We've had a bit of a nightmare with Annie. I posted on the fb group about her getting fussier.. the last 48 hours have been hell and she's pooing more than once an hour all day and through the night and has got a mega nappy rash :( I've taken her to the docs this morning and they've said they think she's got a virus. Had to send off a stool sample for her - they stuck me in a room with the hope she'd poo while feeding (she did) then gave me a bottle with a little spoon to scoop it out of her nappy (at which point I realised the absorbency of Aldi nappies isn't always a great thing!) hope she's better soon the poor little soul!

Have dp's little brothers and sister staying again this weekend, more mayhem! What have you second time mums got planned for next week with your older kids off school?

Ooo and Friday weigh in

Weight: 10.2
Loss: well, I'd put on 3lbs last week so I've lost that but back where I was 2 weeks ago grr
To go: 2lbs