August 2015 - Jaffa cake wars and many Mugabe greetings to you!

[mzzzf]

New thread ladies - praying for a decent sleep tonight!!

Mzzf I'm with nolonger on finding that mum friends can be any age and get on well! I also don't see 34 as particularly old especially nowadays! The groups I've been to have been a nice mix too- I find it a bit awkward sometimes though, the lady I bumped into at he clinic yesterday from baby massage was talking in a way to suggest we meet up once the course finishes next week, which would be great of course but neither of us actually said that- it's like trying to get. Mans number! Or inviting a friend to tea for the first time when you were little! I'm just going to ask her next week at the end of class, we live right near each other so would be perfect!

Nolonger and for you on the sleep I'm dreading that!

Mzzf- I found a similar thing with putting them down quickly working- I used to transfer him painstakingly slowly removing my heads bit by bit and he would always wake then the one time I had to plonk him down he stayed asleep! I always do it that way now!

Frolic I've just literally laughed out loud at the thought of a poonami at the wake- sorry I shouldn't I know but you painted such a vivid picture!

Arrghhh she's still asleep in the travel cot downstairs!!! Can you Adam and Eve it?!!

Lily - it's looking good, only thing I'd suggest is bringing the waist band up higher at the front. So the band is parallel all the way around you and to do the shoulder straps tighter so that his face is closer to you anyway. By the looks of it though even if he does face plant he's high enough up to be fine and dandy.
The other thing to try is without the insert but it depends if he's a long baby or not. Mini mzzzf is too long for the insert now and she has better shake in the carrier and she can curve her body round my boobs.

Right how the hell do I get a sleeping baby from the travel cot upstairs to the boudoir?!

I've decided not to ask anyone's ages when I'm meeting new mums. I'm also 34 and while occasionally I feel old to be a first time mum, there's nothing I can do to change it! I reckon I'm about in the middle of my NCT class, but I am rubbish at guessing ages! I've been taking the plunge and have asked a few mums who seem nice if they fancy meeting up. Met with one today and it was nice to chat, even for a bit. We've said about doing it more regularly, so will see what happens.

Am currently trying the whole bedtime routine at the moment. Feeding in the dark and putting down failed, so cracked, bought J downstairs, played white noise at him (thanks for whoever suggested that) and he passed out. I then sneaked him back upstairs where he's been for the last hour. Not brilliant, but better than last night, as he is upstairs asleep and not on someone.

At the moment, I'm really struggling with identifying when to start the events leading up to bed for J. His feeding is still a little erratic, so with that and DH not always coming home at the same time and wanting to spend time with him, I can't seem to get it right. I'm really worried about getting us into bad habits - I was chatting to a nanny at a baby group today and she took a dim view of letting babies sleeping on parents, even at an early stage. I've also just been reading about different games you should play with your baby each week, so am feeling distinctly inadequate as a mum tonight!

tindel I have said before, I am qualified to work with babies. There is naff all wrong with letting them sleep on you if that's what you want. Ignore the nanny. Mine sleep on me. Even at 7, my oldest curled up and snuggled into me on the couch and fell asleep.
And games are easier said than done. It can seem very weird talking and playing with a non verbal baby. I found its sometimes easier and helps you get used to talking to them if you just tell them what you are doing all day. Give a running commentary. Sounds nuts but babies like hearing their parents talk and it gets you used to talking to them. Just "oh what's mummy doing now? I'm making a brew. Brews are good, and when you're bigger you have to let me have at least one while ifs hot each day"
"Now I'm going to wash up. I make lots of bubbles"
Just silly stuff like that. It will feel weird but you get used to it.

Thanks fatty being a mum has definitely bought out my neurotic side! I do chat to J, I try to tell him every morning what we're doing that day. It does feel a bit odd, but am getting into it. DH came in tonight to find me dancing round the kitchen cuddling J and singing along to music, which he found amusing, but I think J liked it! Was playing music I loved when I was a teenager, so he was getting an education in Britpop. Am going to dig out more music to play to him, as he seems to enjoy it (still hard to tell when he's not that responsive still!)

Mzzzf high five!!! DS is asleep in his cot. Ish. We've had to put the dummy back in a few times so not as successful as last night but it's all in the right direction.

He also had a 2 hour nap today (on me, not the bed. That nap lasted 20 minutes) which he never does. Normally he is a big cat napper and we can only get 45 mins out him. My god he was in a better mood for it.

I really want a second baby but have to think about timing in terms of going back to work and also how I would cope with DS and the horrible sickness. Can't decide when would be easist. Also before I run out of eggs at my geriatric mother age

Dam it DS is back up. Oh well. Start again tomorrow!!

Thanks for the tips mzzf! I hadn't even realised how uneven the waistband was until I went back and looked at the picture! I will give it a try tommorrow! I think I loosened off the straps because I thought that might make him face plant but I suppose it would give his head less room to wobble. I think he needs the insert for a bit yet he's not particularly long. No tips on return I'm afraid for transferring upstairs except to try and keep her the same temp- so move her in her blankets etc she's already in if possible. We have found DS transfers from our laps downstairs up to bed much better since using a grobag as he doesn't change temp so much.

Fatty- I do that running commentary thing and often think I just seem crazy! Good to know it's not just me!

Tindel motherhood totally brought out my neurotic side too!!

Evening all,

Having a lovely time down south. Our friends have just had a little girl as well and our older daughters are similar ages and great mates. It's brilliant for grumpy 1 to be able to share her experiences of becoming a big sister with a little friend going through the same thing. Their conversations are hilarious!

I've read through the last couple of pages, so much to catch up on! Sorry if I miss anything.

Looks like there are a few new faces, hallo! and welcome!

frolic grumpy 2 is 9 weeks on Friday and once again we are following the same curve. Regular pooing slowed down about 10 days ago and we now go about once every 3. Sometimes by the 3rd day she is clearly uncomfortable and windy but that does seem to be improving as her digestive system matures. My only advice to avoid poonamis is to get your stash of cloth nappies out. I'm going to jinx myself now I'm sure but I've never had a poo catastrophe in cloth but have had several in disposables (still have to apologise regularly to my sister for delaying the start of her wedding due to grumpy 1's bowel movements...).

kbro awesome news about bed time, glad that joining the 9pm club is seeming to work

effin I could never understand how people with babies got stuff done during the day, I certainly couldn't with grumpy 1. Now with grumpy 2 I have to leave her on her play mat, in her chair etc even if she is grizzling to deal with grumpy 1 and I've realised that she's not a hand grenade - she doesn't go off if put down! As a result she seems a lot more chilled out and a lot better at being put down! It's a catch twenty two! It's taken me till now to work this out though .

tindel that nanny was talking a bit of BS I think. You can't spoil babies of this age with cuddles and love. There is only a problem with your DC sleeping on you if it is making you unhappy (remember happy Mum = happy baby). If you are fine with it keep doing it. Nothing bad will happen, they grow out of these things by themselves regardless of what you do.

lily we don't have an ergo but do have a bjorn. Grumpy 2 face plants but provided they are at the right height and you remain aware of what they are up to its fine

love great nails!

fatty I'm there for cake! Happy birthday to your DS

Forgotten everything else that was said, sorry.

Oh yes, ages of Mum friends. I always felt that becoming a parent was a great leveller as no one has an effing clue what they are doing regardless of their age or previous roles in life!! What made more of a difference in whether friendships stuck was whether or not we had similar ideas about parenting styles. Especially when they get a bit bigger it's hard to hang out with people who have fundamentally different ideas about how to bring up kids (not least because it is confusing for your DC). We're all a way off that being an issue though.

Just a quick thought on the running commentary thing. When I get really exhausted at babbling about what I am doing I take the girls out and read stuff to them. With grumpy 1 we used to spend hours walking round museums with me just reading the displays to her but shops work just as well as do road signs etc. It used to give my brain a break because I didn't have to think about what I was saying. We spent so much time in the Royal Observatory that you would think grumpy 1 would want to be an astronomer but it doesn't seem to have done her any long term harm

Oh god, I'm practically elderly at 38! II haven't made any "mum friends" yet, but I don't expect I'll be worrying about age when I do - .my regular friends range from early 20s to late 50s anyway and so I don't imagine my age will be a big deal. Like someone else said, parenting style seems like it will matter more.

Tindel total bollocks about not letting them sleep on you, babies love cuddling and it's impossible to spoil them with too much. YY to the neurotic side though! I worry almost constantly that I'm not giving DS enough high quality interaction and stimulation. I do the running commentary, and I imitate his noises, but I feel guilty for just leaving him in the bouncy chair or on the playgym while I do stuff, even if he seems perfectly content just watching me wash up.
teddy weirdly I had just been thinking about how much I'd like a second. Would require actually having sex, though. Still not managing to get past the tiredness, constant presence of baby, and leaky boobs. I always swore I wouldn't be one of those women who had a baby then didn't have sex for ages, I thought I'd feel all glowingly fertile and earth mother goddess. I don't though - I feel smelly, weirdly ravaged, exhausted, and completely overloaded with being touched.

Re: dtd

I wish! Think Dh and I might have to sneak out like teenagers and do it in the car. Poor man. He's looking like a wounded puppy at the moment.

Re: more bairns

So far it's a billion times easier the second time round. There's just under two years between my lassies and although there are challenges I'm feeling so much more in control and relaxed and happy. Love seeing my girls together.

Re: slings

We have an ergo but I've never used it yet so I'm not much help for the fit. Not all buckles fit all bodies though so maybe if you can't get it comfy it's just not the one for you. Have you a sling library nearby? They'll advise on how to get it right and you could try others if it's not "the one". I'm a wraps fan. So comfy.

Re: mum chums

Took me a while. Don't be put off by the "tribes" thing. On the Internet it seems like you can only be pals with women who make the same feeding/sleeping/weaning/nappy/working choices but the reality is more complicated and less rigid. I've not met a bff but there's some nice , interesting folk. I think that makes the second time easier too. Having other adults to speak to really helps and makes you less terrified.

Re: guilt

Avoid, avoid, avoid. It's a trap set by the media, mummy blogs and Pinterest. Baby sleeping on you? Fine. Baby in own room? Fine. Whatever works for you.

Morning all

tindel I agree that nanny is wrong, you can't spoil a baby! Over the years that type of person has told me all sorts, from babies being manipulative to crafty, it's all rubbish, I think babies want to be loved and cuddled, no harm in that! Soon enough they'll be crawling, walking and then off to school, it hasn't done my older ones any harm to be cuddled lots as babies

Slow glad you had a good time down south!

Effin with my first I found it impossible to do anything, I was really anxious and there were no distractions from attending to baby constantly. When you have older dc the baby is distracted by them, CBeebies is on some all of the time, and there's no choice but to make meals for the other dc etc, hence the baby has to fit it with the routine. It's much easier than first time!

I hadn't really thought about mum ages tbh, I like to get on with everyone and have neighbour friends in their 80s etc. I think most of the mums in my area are older, maybe 30s or 40s, but I chat to anyone and everyone they probably find me annoying, but it's a good way to make friends!

I had a terrible night, has anyone else has green pooey nappies? I've been getting one each evening for the past few days, then baby woke at 4.30 crying and fussing, didn't want to feed but then randomly suckling when I was holding her away from the breast. I don't know what's happened, Internet suggests she's getting too much fore milk or is intolerant to something I ate or has a tummy infection (maybe from chewing her hands...). Anyone else had this?

Phew finally had chance to catch up and post.

I'd love to get my evenings back. It would be so nice to be able to put her down in her crib and to have some 'me' time. You'd think having dp home in the evenings would help but he doesn't hold her for long before passing her back. If she drifts off to sleep that doesn't last long either. I'm wondering whether to introduce a second bottle in the evening in order to get her to sleep but then at the moment I get a good 7 hour stretch overnight so I don't want to mess that up. I just don't low yet how to achieve an earlier bedtime. Will work on it soon though.

I'd love another child but cant decide when to have one. Part of me onesa small gap but part of me wants to enjoy the baby I have now and to space it out a bit. Although 2 will prob be enough I reckon I'll find it hard to stop at 2. But like someone else said I'd actually have to dtd if I wanna have another. It was hard enough getting pregnant the first time round as dp just isn't that into it. Don't want to go back on birth control because it took awhile to get out of my system last time and seemed to mess my periods up so who knows, maybe it'll just happen when we're not expecting it. I've not had a period yet at 11 weeks pp.

Fanby that little sad face is priceless. Bless little molls.

Frolic I'd test out your cloth for poonamis. Piper goes every 3-5 days so has big blow outs. I've had leakage in disposables but not in my cloths yet. I use two part little lambs and it does leak out of the first part but the outer wrap contains it. It's grim.

I seem to making more friends in my bf group. Have one where we exchanged numbers and I went round to her house. We'd bonded over cloth nappy talk and she invited me over to see her stash haha. Going to rythm and rhyme at the library to say with her to see what that's like. I was singing loads of nursery rhymes to dd last night and she was loving it.

Dd fell asleep in her bouncer for the first time ever yesterday. It didn't last long but it was a start. Just need her to enoy her playmat next. She's ok if in sit with her and play with her. Also tried a bit of tummy time as I've been a bit rubbish at doing that. She hates it. She lasts about a minute. Saw someone using a tummy time book on Facebook so may need to invest.

Mzzf hope your lo is feeling better. Must be horrible seeing them poorly. Dd has only had the sniffles which is lingering for weeks now but it hasn't affected her breathing and have only seen a little bit of snot so it's not really bothered her.

I've been enjoying lie ins the last few mornings. Dd has woken around 6ish so I've got her out to feed and then we've both fallen back asleep for another hour. Bliss :) but then the day seems to be over quicker so I prob shouldn't do that too often.

Hope everyone has had a good night and enjoys this miserable rainy weather somehow. I wanna go for a walk but don't want to get wet.

Cross posts giraffes.

My dd has always had green poos. She seems ok otherwise so I haven't worried about it. I can't see how she is only get foremilk as she feeds for over 45 mins of each boob so it must turn into hind milk. But I've never had the yellow korma style poop other people talk of.

Giraffes, Dozy yep, I get green poop all the time, too. More green than yellow, tbh. I asked about it send the HV said "oh, breastfed babies get all kinds of poop, it varies much more than formula fed babies because breastmilk is always changing." She said not to worry unless he seems distressed, or there are a lot more or fewer nappies, he stops growing, or he seems unwell.

frolic they are probably not but sweet potato fries sound healthier than normal ones!!

teddy I breastfed all my DCs for a year and didn't get pregnant whilst breastfeeding although I know people who have. Once I stopped I then get pregnant 6-12 months later. All my DC have 2-3 years between them.

Poos - DD ebf and poos 2-3 times a day - varies depending what I've had in the NutriBullet!!!

All you ladies in your 30s - YOU ARE YOUNG!!!! I didn't have my first until I was 34.

fatty glad I am not the only one that chats away all day - if I didn't talk to myself / the little ones, some days I may not get the chance to talk at all - like you I just give a running commentary - usually on the cleaning / washing!!

Off to meet some toddler friends this morning - trying to make more of an effort for toddler even though it's pouring down and I would rather come straight home after school run.....

sian and dozy thanks, good to hear the green poo is ok! Normally I have soya milk but had cows milk for a few days so maybe I'll change back to soya milk as perhaps baby prefers that (my first baby didn't like cows milk either).

Haha I do the washing commentary as well Love - 'now I'm hanging out your blue stripey sleepsuit, now one of your bibs...' The neighbours must think I'm bonkers!

So I've had an amazing achievement with project nap this morning. Put DS in the sling an hour after he woke up as usual to get him to nap and have now put him down in his Moses Basket and he's still asleep! That's 5 minutes so far... He normally wakes up within seconds so this counts as huge progress. I'm too nervous to leave the room in case the light from the door wakes him so thought I'd post here and see how he gets on.

Good luck to everyone else working on PN today - MzzzF sounds like your travel cot is working wonders. Which one did you go for? We're going to need one soon when DS outgrows his Moses so am looking for recommendations.

Once again I am loving the reassuring words from the pro-mums about babies sleeping on you. The way I see it I'll never look back and say 'ooh I wish I'd cleaned the bathroom more in 2015' but I may well regret not cuddling DS more, especially when he's a teenager and will probably rather die than give his mum a hug!

That said he's still asleep (10 mins now) so I'm gonna take advantage and go to the loo on my own. Ahh simple pleasures!

Mugabe Thursday ladies!

Many mugabes of the morning all!

Not too bad a night here. Sleep at 8, up at 11.30, 3.20 and then I think was awake about 7.15, but I ignored his chat til about 7.45. But more importantly, my insomnia wasn't too bad despite DH creeping into bed at gone midnight. He'd been out with friends and I'd given him strict instructions not to attempt to talk to me or touch me at all when he came home! Poor guy!

Fab on the travel cot success mzzzf! How did transfer go?

On the sling, I'd agree that the waistband would be more supportive straight. You can experiment with having it higher or lower on your waist. Keeping baby's back straight, so having him quite tight to your chest should also help. And if you stop with the insert is important that when the legs hang out the edge of the sling is at the crook of their knees, not further down, as this can be sore for them. That's what sling library lady told me anyway.

Joskar thanks for the words of wisdom. You are a voice of sanity in a sea of neuroses! And all the other pro mums out there, I salute you!

Sounds tough giraffes. Hope your day gets better. No advice on the green poo, but if it's not normal for your lo maybe call the health visitor?

Morning all!

We are having a lot of trouble getting DS to sleep at night, he ends up hysterical. It's so draining, I'm at a bit of a loss on what to do, he falls asleep feeding but then wakes up a few mins later Ahh. Then ends up so upset even if we are holding him. I hope it's just a phase

Clstow, well done on project nap-I have had similar success yesterday and this morning. Tried in the past transferring from caboo sling but no success. Now have a more structured carrier with clips so much easier to unclip and transfer and today and yesterday have managed just over an hour sleeping not on me Horray! I actually managed to clean the house and do lots of little jobs I've been meaning to do!

No more babies for a while for me-whilst I love DS so much I find him really hard work so couldn't even imagine having another soon. Maybe when he's at nursery or school haha!

Yes to running commentary! I feel like I'm going mad sometimes talking to myself all morning haha

Ruby242 I've found that zipping DS into his grobag before feeding him to sleep has made a HUGE difference to his staying asleep when I put him down. I think that the cold sheets were waking him. I've also found that if he does one of those massive three or four hour naps in his pram he doesn't sleep for shit at night. I've started to wake him up for a feed if he sleeps more than 2h in the day and he's slept much better at night since. That said, I think it's also just improved as he got older.

DS goes between green and yellow poos all the time. I got v worried about the hind milk / foremilk thing too but health visitor said not to worry and that is only one explanation. Can be lots of other reasons and is very normal for breastfed baby. Also it can be caused by your diet but my understanding is its not a sign that they are reacting badly to it. Just that they are reacting differently. Like the way as an adult certain foods can change your wee. I never understood why mums were so obsessed with babies poo until having DS. Now DH and I frequently chat about it when he comes home.

Clstow that is a great way to think of it regarding the cuddling! Tindel don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you want / need too. Your baby, your rules.

We are thinking of giving cloth nappies a go. But we don't own any and research v confusing me on what's best. Any advice/ tips? DS is a once or twice a day kind of guy on the pooing front (although frolic this has slowed a lot too!!)

Right we are braving central London today and I need to shake a leg.

Tindel - I've never known a new baby not sleep on people. They love and it so do the people they sleep on (generally). You need to work out for you how much you want to do that and how much you'd like your baby to sleep somewhere else. In terms of games all I'm doing with DS1 (10 weeks) is the running commentary as mentioned above (I actually like this as I am talkative naturally and miss adult company) plus play gym, tummy time, singing and 'chatting'. I lay DS2 on my legs and do heads shoulders knees and toes. That's his favourite thing I think.

Had DS2 weighed yesterday. He's still on the 50th percentile although he looked slightly under the line to me but the weighing lady said it still counts as the 50th. I hope he's not slipping down. His brother was on about the 90th percentile as were his cousins (my sister's boys) so it's a new experience to find myself worrying he's not bigger.

I am 40 and was 35 when I had DS1. It took us 2 years to conceive DS1 and 3 years for DS2 (including IVF and eventual use of egg donor) so I didn't plan to be this old. When I went to the bumps and babies group last week there were younger mums but also another 40 year old, a 38 yo and a 43 yo. So I think these days there are definitely quite a lot of older mums. No more babies here. I find the newborn stage too hard. I would have liked s girl but our family is complete :)

Took DS1 (5yo) to a theatre workshop today and he cried and didn't want to be left :( They found a nice boy for him to sit with and they're going to call me if he's upset. I made him stay because I think it's good to overcome those feelings and learn to persevere. Also because I think he'll actually enjoy it if he gives it a go! I hope that was the right thing.

All this talk of more babies! I'm never ever having anymore. And just to be doybly sure DP is having the snip for now though we are using the pill and condoms. I don't trust the pill considering DS2 is the result of it failing, but I don't want a coil and I've heard lots of reports of the implant snapping. And I CBA being stuck with a needle every few weeks so injection is out.
But those considering a small age gap, I have 19 months between my youngest 2. (DD and DS2) its hard work but worth it. DD dotes on the baby and helps out as much as she can bless her and there's no jealousy as she doesn't really know any different.
And those considering a bigger gap, there's five years between DS1 and DD.
I can recommend that too. It's weird going back to baby stage after so long though. But the older one is able to entertain themselves while you deal with baby and understand why you need to. But there can be jealousy as they've been used to having you to themselves.
There's pros and cons to both really. Just do what feels right for you.