October 2014 // thread 4 // a lot of night feed chatting!

[sazzlehopes]

Welcome everyone. You're doing a good job by the way. Remember that.

I know! And he knows too I think. But he'll never admit it or apologise. Instead he'll no doubt sulk about it feeling ashamed so he's going to be a nightmare to be around now.

pebble sorry to hear he's acting like a twonk. Think you need to sit down and have that proper chat, can someone take your DD one evening?
They just don't understand how hard it is in the day to do things with a demanding little person.

My DH sleeps in the other room still. He's just knackered too do I want him to get a stretch of sleep for work. He dies help me by doing an 11.30 pm expressed feed so I can get some sleep from 10ish. Have you thought about that pebble? That way you get a rest but he still does a share of the work...

Does not dies!

Men just don't get it sometimes. I'd love to give some great advice, but I'm on a constant simmer here so don't think I probably have anything useful!

I don't have anything useful to say either, but it's totally crap. I regularity have the screaming dib dabs at four o'clock in the morning and if there wasn't someone to hand the baby to I probably would have done some crimes by now.

Been awake every ninety minutes tonight. Would anyone judge me if we just spent all of tomorrow under a duvet on the sofa?

No judging here Tatty.

I just don't think guys get it Pebble. It's all about them. I had a tough day/ night with the Bumboo last night and didn't eat last night. Hubbie out at Christmas work do. Gets home at 11pm and I tell him how tough it's been, start crying and he's all - why are you crying? Err I'm exhausted... I haven't eaten, I missed catching up with my friends and wasn't out drinking with mates... He had the cheek to respond with - well I never had any dinner either!! Hilarious!! The poor guy was out drinking and never had dinner. Shame.

In other news and I think this is solely down to exhaustion on his behalf, Bumboo slept through from 1am to 6.30am. I of course kept waking up

Going back to sleep now xx

Tatty I wouldn't judge if you stayed in bed for the next week! Never mind sofa.
Pebble he obvs is having issue with reconciling his new life. Annoyed as he will be knackered for his drinks later! They just don't get it sometimes. As Munday suggested, you need to have the chat. This sort of stuff on a prolonged basis can cause serious issue in the relationship.
My DH is in the spare room, has been since I was approx 7mths pregnant. He will stay there until bub sleeps through the night. Reason being, I can't be bothered tip toeing around him & his snoring wrecks me. In return he is great with DD & makes dinner & generally has upped his game in other areas (most of the time!)

We had a similar experience a few weeks ago, I gave dh a bit of a reality check and told him to stop being a drams queen. Trouble is if they can't settle the baby they just hand down the line to us. They don't see that if we can't settle them then we just have to keep trying, they really just don't get it. I just keep telling dh to persist!

I think I should try to see his side. He's very good in some ways. He does all the shopping and cooking. Having to go to work when we lounge around all day must be difficult. They don't get it so that's how it must look to him. Will try talking this weekend when he's finished with his night's out. He's got 2 weeks holiday soon for Christmas so then he'll see how hard it is.

In other news when she went back down at 3am we got a 5hour stretch. Lovely :)

Similar issues at 4 - 6 weeks here pebble. Boyfriend has been in the spare room since June. It's better that way. He said some really stupid things a few weeks ago, but to be fair to him, made it up to me. Last week he had a big wobble about it all, which gave me at opportunity to get all the 'stuff' out there. We had some great chats over the weekend about engaging properly with Pip etc. We also had sex, which was a good reconnecter. It felt a little bit as if I was responsible for his happiness as well as mine and a baby's. BUT the pay off has been great, since Friday he's been model father and general sharer of running a house and child. I talked with my brother about first time parenthood too, he's a great dad, and he just said that the first 8 weeks were really hard and he can see looking back that his wife trained him a bit.

munday re babies crying my mum says they just like the sound of their own voices!

Can I ask you all what you use your HV team for? I don't really have a clue what they are supposed to help with. I saw one at 11days (home visit) but nothing since. Could I talk to them about cluster feeding/routines/wind etc?

fatpony yes that's what they're for. Someone to talk to about general issues that aren't worth bothering a Dr about.
Dylan is out to sabotage his morning nap....He will not win! Lol

Im watching this morning and they are discussing home births vs hospital births and im just thinking im glad that i have had my two babies and its all over and done with! But on the other hand in sainbury's the other day i noticed the pregnancy tests and felt sad that i will not experience that moment of a postive pregnancy test again

Aw STIGZ that's hormones for you. I heard the same story on the radio and found myself thinking about next time, despite saying there will never be a next time. After the birth I ended up having I'm so glad I was in hospital. I had considered a home birth and eventually settled on a midwife led unit water birth in my birth plan but ended with delivery suite labour and emcs. If I hadn't then DD probably wouldn't be here (hurts to write that!!). So with all the calm planning in the world, there's no way I would opt for home birth. I also think it's dangerous to look at statistics too much as every birth and labour is unique so impossible to predict. I was low risk with no problems.

I'm having the day that doesn't end here, and it's only midday. Baby is uncomfortable with wind I think and so is tetchy and grumpy and only seems to settle if fed pretty constantly. I feel like cluster feeding should be ending now and it's my fault for just taking the easy route instead of finding something else to distract her with, but I'm just too tired. When the cluster feeding is over, do they start to be happier between feeds? Or is it just a question of being constantly entertaining? A couple of days ago she spent some time happily lying on the bed while I pottered about and I thought we'd turned a corner but now we're back to where we were again. And actually I don't mind the constant feeding, it's more the feeling that I'm somehow doing the wrong thing.

Oh- and I think in the same announcement about midwife led births bring recommended there are some changes to nice guidelines about not sleeping with a baby in a chair or on a sofa (not for the first year) so maybe that's where the sharing a room for a year thing came from?

Well hellooooo!

It's been a long time. I've been hanging out over on fb as I'm finding it easier to post and keep up there but I had a spare few minutes so I thought I'd pop over and see how you all are. I miss this thread!

pebble my dp acts very annoyed when j is keeping me up at night. One night he said "this is ridiculous!" After a particularly long stretch of crying from j! It really upset me because all he was doing was hiding under a duvet and I was the one actually dealing with the tears! One thing I'm growing to understand though is that it is very easy to become very irritable when you're tired and I know he doesn't cope well with tiredness. Deep down he doesn't mean the things he says in the wee hours of the night!

It is freezing in this house! Are any of you keeping the heating on all day? I'm thinking I will have to! Or I need to just spend all day out of the house!

Oh pebble I've had THE TALK with my bf he has snapped a few times and like everyone else says they don't understand. as I'm breastfeeding if my bf can't settle ds in 10 mins he decides he needs feeding passes him over and goes 2 sleep so nights I could kill him ha.

I have a very weird question poo related...... how often does your babies poo I only get 1/2 a day when it used to be about 7, he has gripe water to help with wind which is to give him the worst wettest poos. ds seems to be constantly farting and pushing in pain now is this a normal change at 9 weeks or is he constipated?

Quite pleased I'm not the only one.

mum I have my heaters on low all day now. Mine are electric and not linked up to a timer unit (they should be but from having the apartment from new it never worked). We used to just heat the lounge and bedroom as and when we needed to but now every room is heated all the time. My electric bill will no doubt be sky high this year.

Mum2 I have an electric heater on in our playroom where baby and I spend our time. Otherwise it's freezing!

Tatty - they're babies and will be all over the place for a while. Well that's what I keep telling myself and I'm shattered today. If you can get some sleep when your baby sleeps that will help you get through the dark times.

Mum2 our heating is on the lowest setting all the time now- was worried E would get cold at night. Turn it off if it's nice and warm or airing the rooms
Jemima we're having less poos here too, but they're a lot bigger- sometimes they escape the nappy! She's 7+3 today so think it must be normal stomach settling down. HTH

I don't have the central heating on but a oil fired plug in rad I wheel from room to room.

Tatty, can you get out of the house? M started on whingebag mode this morning and couldn't seem to get wind up so strapped him in, he passed out and managed a coffee in Starbucks for an hr. I know what you. Mean about cluster/is it wind etc. never sure if he is hungry...or just comfort...or wind...he's been on the boob now for 65 mins,not sure what he is doing!

fatpony I can go out and most days I do but today it's just felt like too much effort. I think it's just tiredness but I really feel like every time I think things are getting better they get worse again. I feel awful complaining because she's not an unhappy baby and she doesn't cry much, but she's quite grumbly a lot of the time, particularly in the evenings, and so it feels like nothing I do makes her happy. And today I'm too tired to try.

She's asleep now, finally. I think maybe tiredness was a part of it as we both had such crap sleep last night and this morning she kept drifting off but waking up after 15 or 20 minutes. I wish I knew what to do. I really feel like I suck at this today.