March 2013 - we're gonna need a bigger wine rack

[Plonkysaurus]

Ta da!

Stupid me put it on the wrong thread. Doh!

Right Eco, first off hugs and sympathy. That's a crappy shitty thing to find out and not having your mum there must be awful, you definitely deserve hugs and loves and an éclair

Now the practical bits. Was it just a single mortgage provider or is it a reason that you can't get any mortgage? Have you spoken to an advisor? Has your old job been advertised and appointed to yet? Would you go back there if not? Could DH look into working a day from home so staying in Luton for a couple of days only or even moving back home and leaving the new job? I know that sounds awful but you all have to do what's best for your family overall rather than for one individual. Is there someone he could stay with there or look into renting a studio rather than renting somewhere family suitable? Can you stall your mortgage payments for a couple of months this has a name but I can't remember it while you get sorted?

Sorry for my temporary leave of absence. We've been away for a few days and before that there was a horrible work thing and I had to lock myself away and sob for a few days.

Worse I'd be having words about the sunburn too. I don't think DD drinks a huge amount at nursery either but she seems fine at the end of the day other than downing a full cup of water, she seems to have adapted to just drinking at certain times rather than all the time. I do think you have to be completely confident in the nursery though because otherwise you'll never feel settled. I agree with everyone about Montessori too.

Plonk are you feeling any better? Did he flowers help?

Yummy I hope you get a well baby and some rest at some point soon!

I know I've forgotten something else too (Shattered it's probably you, or maybe Gerry) but I'm on my phone and can't scroll. Sorry!

Eco

I wish I could make it better, but I can't, but I can tell you it will get better. Sometimes things don't work out, and it seems impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is one, and you will get through this. You're someone who is always there with a kind word and a thoughtful gesture for everyone else, and you deserve some back. (((((hugs)))))

I forgot to add, the nursery was fine today. I don't know why yesterday went so wrong, but they were mortified, and I am reassured it won't happen again. I guess even good places have bad moments.

Oh eco. I cannot imagine how stressful this must be. You're usually such a glass half full type lady, to hear you feeling defeated means this is a Really Hard Thing. It'd crush me, I know.

I have no advice because I'm not a real grown up yet, but I would love nothing more than to jump in my car and pay you a visit. I have a lot of cake in my house that needs eating right now. Times like this I tend to get philosophical (which, understandably, you might hate). Is this DH's dream job? I know you said the labour market there isn't providing great opportunities for you, so is there any workaround? Could he stay there during the week and come home at weekends? I completely agree that you need a solution for your family, because it's hard being apart.

Please look after yourself. Did you go to the dr? Co sleep until you have the strength to address dd's sleep again? I know you can get through this, but in the meantime have a .

Doli ds is always very thirsty after nursery. We had to take a special cup in to coax him to drink after too many dry nappies I'd be concerned enough about the sunburn to not give a shiny one about being That Parent because my pfb is the most important thing of mine that I have ever entrusted to someone else's care. It's not like you're being fussy about food, nappies or the kind of toys available. These things matter, and I'm sure as dd gets older and your pregnancy progresses you'll both be glad of her being settled at a nursery you trust.

Yummy check out the Montessori! If we had one close by id have looked for ds. I love his current nursery but they do baby them a bit too much for my liking, independence is a good thing. But then I'd rather all childcare/early years education stuff was way more liberal and no 3 R's til 6-7 years old etc.

Betty hope the work thing was not too terrible. In your line of work I can only imagine...but glad you're back now flowers did cheer me up, I think we're having cornflowers and baby's breath.

Stormy you can post away on the fb group, and no one will see on your feed. If you're paranoid do a test post and, if on a proper computer, check to see your page as others see it to be sure.

Football. Pfft.

Eco, this is the worst thing about online friendships. You don't just live round the corner, and I know we all wish you did because we'd all jump in the car to come and cheer you up, just like you do for all of us on here.

I wish things were easier for you. I wish I'd won the euromillions tonight and I'd just buy you that damn hovel (or maybe a non-hovel if you're lucky!). I wish I was in Suffolk and could invite you to visit us tomorrow for crabbing and seasides and beach huts. When is DH home? Have you spoken to him yet? Can he go back to his old job or find something back in Norfolk? Good things happen to good people eco, it'll come good, although I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

I'm so sorry you're missing your mum so much. You say she would tell you that you can cope, that things will be fine. Listen to that message from her, you know she'd say it, and you know it's true.

Stormy- she sounds truly unhinged (I know I know, this is MN and we're meant to be much more PC than that and always make excuses for anyone and everyone, but she really does). Which definitely means you shouldn't listen to anything she says about your parenting or anything else for that matter.

Yummy, hope DS is feeling better and that the blisters disappear soon.

Doli glad today went better. When you say sunburnt, how bad is it? Like 'oops I thought we'd be outside for 10 minutes and ended up out for 20, she's gone a bit pink' or full on sore burn? I only ask because the first is forgiveable, and something that I can imagine myself doing one day. The second is not good. The water thing is, I would hope, just part of them getting to know your dd, and they'll be much more careful in future.

Betty nice to have you back, sorry work was rubbish.

eco still thinking of you this morning. Did you get any sleep? hope you managed to talk to DH.

betty when things go wrong at work must be horrible. Hope you're ok.

Oh Eco! That's rubbish. I'm with whoever it was (Betty? Sorry on phone and can't check) who asked if that was definitely curtains on the mortgage front totally or whether a good broker and poss a small delay might salvage things?

I hope you and dh got to talk last night so you weren't carrying the responsibility of that knowledge about your family's future alone for long.

If you do need to review things more fully then I suggest a totally clean slate. All options back in the table for consideration on their own merits. Options on your return to work, dh return to Norfolk, finding a new hovel for affordable money, dh living in a yurt, you and dd living in a yurt... Lots more that I haven't thought of. And start again. Take the decision with fresh eyes. You weren't exactly totally thrilled at the move to bloody Bedfordshire so maybe this offers a chance to review things? So so sorry you're having this horrid time though. As one if life's sunny people it's hard to hear you struggling. Hope you can get some RL support soon. Big virtual hug in the meantime.

I think Wotta fancies living in a yurt...

And Stormy, while it must be really hard to listen to that sort of nonsense thing I think that Shattered (?maybe, sorry I'm useless at this) is right. There's obviously a lot of mh issues going on and trying to tap into sympathy for her is probably the way forwards. I suspect that her comments arise out of insecurity around her own parenting and ability to form and maintain relationships and probably reflect jealousy at your comfort in the role of lovely mum to lovely dd and a great relationship with your db. Hold that thought and feel for her a bit but I won't make you kiss and make up playground stylee

Betty . For you. Hope time away helped. Can't imagine how hard a hard day for you is and frankly don't want to try very hard to do so as it's too upsetting. Hope lovely sunshine will stick around for Father's Day weekend and you can enjoy family time.

Oh and Doli, glad you gently read the riot act to nursery. I blooming would have done! They were rightly mortified but pleased they have taken the issues on board.

Plonk!

Morning all.

eco i hope you are feeling better and even on your forest adventures with ecotoddle.

i need to google yurt. I have no idea what it is.

stormy how are you feeling today?

Did anyone have an opinion on the blister pic i posted? Ds has more this morning. Its not itchy so not sure if it is chicken pox and gp didn't seem to think so.

betty glad to see you back. Hope the work thing got sorted and feel a lot better. You do a great job don't let it get to you.

Yummy, you need to get on fb, eco posted a picture of one of the yurts the other day. It's like a mahoosive tent. Could the blisters be insect bites? Mosquitos for me get a tiny blister (and then a huge swollen one).

I am doing my best to be sympathetic about the mh thing. It's just I only found out how she feels about me two days ago and it's a bit of a shock (though it explains a lot - the blanking me, the pushing DD away, the way I've been allowed to hold my niece half a dozen times in her life and rarely see her). All depends whether she'll get help though. And I could do with an apology for bursting into the bathroom when I was in the bath. An apology that doesn't involve having a go at me.

Hope the world's looking a bit more cheerful for everyone today.

Yes Stormy. That would be good. Don't think I'd have taken well to that myself.

Stormy MH issues can make people think the strangest things. The hardest part is they really believe what they are thinking is true, and there is nothing you can do about it. I have a family member with a severe MH issue, which fortunately is now under control, but prior to this I had to live with them telling me my DH was gay, and I wasn't allowed near their dd because I wanted to turn her into a pole dancer! I have no idea why how they managed to come up with such extreme fears, but they did. I admit I found it hard, and was really quite worried about them saying these things to other people. Try and look at in as the MH issue talking not the person talking.

Eco

Right, we're off out now before it gets too hot. Catch up with you all later.

Wise words as ever, doli. I'll be doing my best to stay friendly and civil for my brother's sake - she's agreed to see the doctor Monday but this is last chance I hope. He said this morning he'd appreciate me trying to be kind and welcoming and inclusive. I told him, what does he think I've been doing since the day I met her?! The not being able to do anything is the worst though - I feel like I must have done something wrong and I should be trying to make amends, but I've nothing to make amends for except existing.

Well proud of myself for not replying last night though! Sorry for walking in, she sent, but there was no need to be so rude. If she'd said that to my face... But I'm still resisting replying, and it's cheering me up to realise I've grown up a lot in that respect.

Stormy you know how bathroom interruptions ought to go. You sit in the bath, someone intrudes, you yelp and is immediately apologetic, and leaves covering their eyes. You shout through the door that it's ok and struggle to enjoy the once peaceful bath. When you see them again you both blush and apologise profusely.

If she didn't immediately leave or apologise despite you asking her to, then I think you have a right telling them to get the jeff out, or bugger off. If this is the straw that broke the camels back for her where you are concerned then I'd say her MH issues are pretty serious.

Dp's cousins going through something similar right now. His wife has undiagnosed pnd and has been physically aggressive towards him a lot. It's tough because we can all see what she can't, but there's not much that will change until she has a lightbulb moment.

Eco are you feeling any better today? What has DH's reaction been?

What lovely women you all are. I can use capital letters today. I met a friend at her allotment and the kids went feral ate too many raspberries and refused lunch. It was good to get away from here. The house is full of boxes, it's hard to move. A bit of a dreary reminder of what's going on.

Thank you for hugs, advice. suggestions, ideas, flowers and cheques. Lovely to read throughout a pretty dire evening.

I had a short conversation with dh. Dodgy timing as he's at a conference he's responsible for so there's hardly any down time. He'll be back this evening by ten ish. Funny that. Football an
one?

So we moved to our house in Norfolk whilst pregnant confident we'd be here for at least two or three years so we're currently in middle of fixed term. Our only mortgage option was to port the existing one across which Barclays have always been positive about hence our plan of moving. You have to reapply in order to port and the new regulations came in during April in time to screw things up for us. We don't have a mortgage holiday option on our current product. We could pay £5k to get out of our mortgage and apply with another lender but there are two problems with that. We would lose our buyers (their mortgage related deadline for completion is June 27) and other lenders are now subject to same regulation. We'd be turned down elsewhere as well. It's to do with affordability models which have NO room for common sense. Apparently dh's pension contributions each month are the
the thing that makes it not affordable. We offered to cancel pension contributions for a couple of years and my sister offered to guarantee that part of the payments but neither option is acceptable to them. What stinks is that they gave us agreement in principle months ago, hence progressing with the hovel and have had our paperwork since April. They let us get this far through before telling us, including letting us pay for a survey. We have said deposits to removal firms, storage places, the conveyancing fees and agent fees. It is, as you can
see, a royal mess.

Wotta you're right, this a time to go back to the drawing board. Frustrating though that because it means selecting options we've discounted previously.

We can't get our old jobs back. Mine was with local authority and since David has been in charge there's been a moratorium (?) on recruitment, so basically education advisory staff are not replaced when they leave. The posts are deleted and now go out, in part, to contractors. I am speaking to my old boss about possible additional consultancy work. Dh's old job has been advertised and someone has relocated to Norfolk to take the job and started just last week.

No idea what we'll do but I sure as hell have stopped packing!

Plonky I didn't go to doc and I'm glad I didn't, after a couple of days of anti histamine it's gone right down and I can walk on it rain free now. I don't think it was infected. Still on the loo a lot though Your cornflowers sound lovely though. Saw loads at the allotment today, gorgeous colour.

Stormy hats off to you for not replying, that is grown up! It's such a hard thing to do but when I manage it I always feel proud of myself. You're the better person here and you've done the right thing. Is that your bro on Facebook? He's quite cute

Yummy our yurts are insulated portable dwellings made in Mongolia. They are beautiful circular spaces. The blisters sound mysterious. When I have bad eczema it starts as loads of close together mini blisters. Could it be that? Clutching at straws.

Betty sorry you've been having tough times at work. Those sorts of things put life in perspective really don't they.

Gerry I don't think I managed to say congratulations yet. I'm proud of you! Can we be proud....I'm probably one day late for that

Doli I hope you are looking after yourself and not dashing around in searing heat lugging a toddle.

I went to organic butcher and purchased an eye wateringly expensive steak for dh fathers day dinner tomorrow and am just making salted caramel millionaires shortbread from river cottage handbook 8. Never done it before. Making caramel currently by boiling the feck out of a tin of condensed milk. I'll let you know how it goes. Lucky swine. Lactose free still here and I need to get my bake on, thanks for lovely recipes Wotta!

You're such brilliant people to have around me. Thank you

Eco didn't want to read and run.... Just a thought but have you any form of written evidence of the agreement in principle? Even an email? It might not help with the actual mortgage, but you could threaten legal action to recover the various fees and moving expenses. Also, why won't they accept your Dsis's guarantee? I really don't understand that, as their risk is covered. Can you appeal it? My friend had their mortgage turned down at first instance, but later won approval on appeal. Can your buyers apply for an extension? It's not unusual, house purchases often drag on beyond expiry. I have a vague feeling our's did, and we extended it.

I'm so so sorry. Your situation absolutely sucks. Given DH is in radio could he pull a few strings and get one of the radio 4 consumer rights programmes interested? No harm in trying.

As for the house, well, there will be others. There might even be somewhere better. Oh and more

As for us, we're enjoying the respite from the heat. At least I am. I have decided that I can't do pregnancy in temperatures in excess of 23 degrees! I felt sick, tired, crampy, stressed, tearful and had a (very very minor) bleed. Today I feel like a different person! Before anyone panics, bleeds aren't unusual for me. I had n awful lot last time round, and not just spotting, proper floods. I think I'll book an early scan though, just to check, and assuage my fears that it's twins!

Betty I'm so sorry about the awful situation at work. I hope you're coping ok. Your line of work must be emotionally very hard at times.

Happy fathers day to your dp/dh's

Any nice plans for today?

Mystery solved ds does have chicken pox. He saw a different gp. He hasn't even started nursery and its been infection after infection. So no going out today. Im going to make a coconut cake later and enjoy a day at home.

Barbecue at my dad's this afternoon, should be good.

Can we have some adorable toddler tales to cheer us all up? Fartypants is being very cute with her new ball. Throws it while saying "wow!" then chases after it. Repeat endlessly. And she just got a muslin out of the drawer when asked - yay for understanding! Current favourite book is There's An Ouch In My Pouch. Picks it up and thrusts it at me saying "ow! ow!"

Ds says woof woof. His bottom lip sticks out when he says it. He loves dogs. He always chases after them in the park.

The other night ds said 'baba' for dad and gave him a cuddle. At this age everything they do is just too cute.

stormy ds always says wow but can't say mum.

Still no mum or dad words here either. So much for daddy usually being the first word because they hear it so often!

Our adorable toddle tales involve his new doggy best friend (whom he calls Doggy and copies him when he woofs). They chase each other up and down the garden, and all over the house. DS seems to enjoy having his fingers nibbled he knows who "mama" and "dada" are too. Always shouts mama when he's upset, hurt, annoyed, grumpy, tired. He sits on my knee after bathtime with one thumb in his mouth leaving a trail of drool down his arm which leaves a puddle on mine and his other hand playing with my hair. It's my favourite time.

Today, we're also having a bbq. Come on, sunshine!! But I'm hijacking father's day to have a birthday instead. There'll be 3 of 'em there but the cake is MINE mwaha.

yummy glad you got a proper diagnosis. I was confused when DS had chckenpox because they didn't bother him at all and there was no more than 8 little, blistery spots. Hopefully they won't cause any bother.

eco sorry I'm late but didn't want to ignore. So sorry you're going through all that. I'm also not grown up enough to offer any advice re: mortgages and the like so I shall leave those words of wisdom to people who know what they're talking about, but we're all here for you to let things out and we're all on hand to share or with you, mood dependant. I hope looking at things with a clean slate helps. It's horrid when something like this happens to such a lovely person like yourself.

I hope you're all having super fun days. I, being at the age now where people have no clue what to buy for birthdays, am loaded up with alcohol and chocolate so I better prepare myself for that by having a nap, I think!