March 2013 - we're gonna need a bigger wine rack

[Plonkysaurus]

Ta da!

gerry for your uncommunicative dh. Sounds right to leave it for just now. You've been given loads of sound advice. I think it's worth thinking about the point Doli made about him feeling insecure about work because you are a high flying get on with it type of girl. With ref the picking things up....I went on a life changing course in Devon (Totnes Wotta so it was well woo) where delegates lived on site as part of a community. One of the staff was explaining their philosophy about why delegates join in with loo cleaning, cooking etc and it made total sense to me. You should send dh there because I can't remember the short, simple way it was put but it was along these lines: we are all individuals of the same species, what gives any one individual the right to expect another individual to clean up after them, it's a vulgar notion, everyone's time is precious and no one should be above clearing up the mess they themselves made. I didn't do that justice but do you see what I mean? I have never left a new roll of loo paper hovering near the holder since!
for Plonky's bill. It hurts now but when you wind your way to bed after the second (?) best day of your life you will not give it a second thought. It'll all be worth it. And, can you me and Doli do a menage a trois please?

for yummy because of flu. Bugger that. Sounds grim. Glad you got some ds free time and that he loved nursery. Great relief I imagine. Balls to those friends and family!

for Stormy for the amazing wonder weeking baby. With retrospect I don't recall the pain of previous wonder weeks. It'll soon be gone and meanwhile there's beer?

for poor Wotta. Do piles just ping up like that? Nothing then ping? Can you get it chopped off? Beer might help you too short term.

for Doli because of the vomit covered car seat. This happened to us Doli after we'd done five and a half hours of driving to get to Dorset, we were literally just pulling up to cottage when spew! Everywhere! Didn't bother her. Cleaned her up, had a play, massive dinner an hour later, slept like a log. One off. I'd foolishly pulled the blind from her window so she could see out. I fear looking out of window and rear facing car seat are a vomity combination.

Any did you have fun? Do you need ?

Shattered I demand your return this instant young lady! Where are you? I need my heat mag pap fix soon please.

Something your race looks fun. Is it on a Nottingham version of groupon?

Today has sucked. Fairly early in the day when I'd said something (no idea what so not wildly inflammatory) dh said "don't start". Well that was counter fecking productive. I spent rest of day angry about all this bloody hard work and disruption on his behalf (bitterness poking in) and bad about being an angry person in front of Ecotod. I am worn out. I am not finding it easy to say goodbye to all my local friends. I need some over familiar FridayNess and can feel it wafting my way! Thanks you guys

Eco. Your DH needs his head seeing to. You've been amazing to him, literally turning your world upside down to support him. I'll be charitable and suggest perhaps the stress of the move and everything you guys have been through with the house has worn him down a bit as well. We're all only human.

Try not to feel to bad about being cross in front of Ecotod. It's terribly hard to be perfect, and the odd parental spat won't harm her. I'm no better, I yelled at DH today in front of Dolitoddle and made her cry. I was just exhausted after a long day, and exasperated with his constant suggestion that the solution to all my problems is to invite his parents down to help. His parents are lovely, but they do not help. For starters they hate each other so will not share a room, so each stay requires me to do the linen for 2 beds, and clean 2 bathrooms. They also wind the toddle up into such a state of over excitement that she will not eat or drink properly, which results in a broken night, and several days of constipation after they leave. Plus I have to cook. Exactly how that helps me I really fail to see.

But that's all irrelevant, and what I really wanted to say is I'm sending a big load of over familiar Friday love your way xxx with

eco you deserve . Relocating is stressful. I hope tomorrow will be a better day. There is nothing stopping you from visiting your friends so don't say goodbye more like 'see you soon'.

This is (i think) the first time I have been ill where I just cannot function to look after ds.) It is so hard being ill and looking after an active toddler. It is a good thing he was exhausted from nursery and I got 3 hour naps from him. I have been ill since Wednesday and there is no sign of getting better. I am trying to get on with it and don't have much of a choice but to get on with it. I have just shouted at dh for not making sure there was enough dummies for ds. He said there is but the dummy fairy must've taken them then. He took over looking afer ds when he came from work but I have to tell him to do things. Grrrr. My point is I have the most annoying dh.

doli I forgot to say get well soon to the worselet. Cleaning vomit is the nastiest thing never mind cleaning it whilst pregnant. You are amazing. If your in laws won't help don't tell them to come. I think some men have selective memory as well as selective hearing.

shattered where are you?

Rant over. Now I have to try to get back to sleep if my aching bones and sore head will let me.

Yummy if DH is struggling to parent your DS is there anyone else (like your mum or someone who knows how to mum properly) you can get to help out for the weekend? You need rest, and won't get better without it. Flu sucks, it's a nasty orrible thing that comes out of nowhere. It also spreads easily, so you need to get better in case young 'un and DH are suddenly poorly too. When you're back to health you can address the problems with DH.

I don't know if this is the case, but when DP is looking after DS I have to back right off and leave them to it. No chasing him up saying there's no clean dummies, no food instructions, nothing. It works better for us than me trying to control it all.

Eco agree with Doli in hoping it's just a temporary glitch caused by the stress of the move. I hate moving house. for you all.

Doli my ILs have the same effect on DS. They don't intend it of course, but I find going to stay with them or my parents incredibly stressful. They just want to dote, and who can blame them? Oh wait, I can.

I'm so excited to be going to a grown up BBQ without DS or DP today. Yay!

Yummy hope you had a better end to the night. ?

Eco, good to hear from you but sorry it's hard at the mo. Like Doli I suspect that guilt at what dh is responsible for you doing is making him super sensitive and causing him to be a bit of a nidiot

There's a local saying that things are 'a bit TQ9' (the postcode for totnes) so I know exactly what you mean ? but that's not to say that all the soul searching that goes on down there is wrong by any means. Nowt wrong with respecting our fellow humans in my book.

? And ? to get you through. And big mwah too as a belated OFF offering.

Doli, if the ils would be to help then tell him they can come if he preps for them and between all of them they cook clean etc. And feel free to tell them that's what you're needing and will be doing. They can then not come if they're not up for it, and or know that if their rooms are unmade etc they should look to dh. Better off without though if just more hard work. ? For you in the meantime.

Hope flu fairy buggers off and gerrys dh realises that twuntish behaviour isn't on soon.

Hello to Shattered and Rainbow. Hope good with you

I have a week off. That is of course why I'm trying to work out how to get into office this weekend for a couple of hours to finish everything I didn't get done ?. Still then it'll be good...
.

Yummy go to bed and stay there, and leave DH to it. That's an order! If he does everything wrong and it all goes a bit pear shaped for him, it's his problem, and remember, you are ill, and in bed so completely unable to sort it out for him. Remember me, the chest infection and the ambulance? That's what happens when you get a cold/flu and no recovery time. Do not repeat the experience!

If I leave ds with dh and I leave the home there are no problems. Dh gets on with it but if I am at home he knows I am there as back up and being the control freak that I am I do step in. Dh is under strict instructions to finish work early if it is not busy and take over. I feel bit better now but as the day goes on and I am worn out I get worse.

Good thing is I doubt dh remembered being shouted at last night.

Thank you all for your support. What would I do without you all?!

wotta you workaholic. Any plans for the week off?

It is the only way they learn to think of things. If they're allowed to continue to outsource the brain function, most will!

yummy, will DS go for a pyjamas and kids' tv day? It's a solution to ill solo parenting I've seen a lot on MN. Wouldn't work on Fartypants though, her attention span is too limited.

I don't know if we're wonder seeking yet or if it's just teeth and frustration. The thought it could get worse is so scary I'm more sort of praying the ww hell is here already so it won't get worse. It's the permanent whinge and not being able to settle happily with any toy or game that's the giveaway.

In other news, my mum's going back in a care home on Tuesday, permanently. Feels a bit weird.

Stormy. Dammit here's a hug. My dad has been in a home since jan on a perm basis following a fall in oct last year. It is hard. And he can no longer think well enough to understand why it's necessary even though he is wheelchair bound and needs a stand aid to, well er stand. However, the place is great, staff fantastic, and it's finally giving my mum a new lease of life (after several months of counselling about the guilt I have to admit). Big love at a funny time.

Hugs to Yummy and Stormy.

Thanks Doli, Wotta, Plonky and yummy. I think you're right. A prolonged crap period of time meant his usual tolerance of a saint was absent for a few minutes. He apologised. We've had a more good natured day today. House is nearly packed except kitchen and study. I've left the hardest until last! Removal firm will be with us at seven on Monday morning starting with packing bedrooms. Yikes. Ecotod has been very good natured through this recent packing phase. Pretty content to watch us, sling stuff in boxes (unhelpful), close box lids, climb in boxes, that sort of thing. We have friends coming to take care of her post nap through til dinner tomorrow so that'll be a great help. Getting this place ready to rent is what's taking the time. It's amazing how many small niggles you're happy to put up with in your home, but ones which of course need fixing for tenants. So tired!

But I don't have flu. So that's something to be thankful for. And it's been a surprisingly sunny afternoon so the nappies have all dried. And good friends of ours cooked dinner for us all tonight as a farewell. And this Monday dh will not be rising at silly o'clock to drive to bloody Bedfordshire leaving us alone for the week. Trying to look on bright side.

Yummy the fact that you've not been back on thread might be a good or bad sign. How you feeling and did dh come back early as promised?

Plonky dear you're getting married soon and you've been to a boozy barbecue. Happy days. How was it? And what's left to do for wedding at this stage?

Wotta what is your plan for your week? Staying local? Dh off too? Have a lovely
time and I say down with work!

Stormy is it a new place your mum's going to? Hope she settles in well and that you soon find a groove with it. I've not crossed this bridge yet so have no pearls of wisdom.

Doli when dh brings the in laws up again tell him you've got a better idea on what might help you: him taking you and Dolitoddle back to that lovely family friendly hotel he took you to before as a belated anniversary present. You have people making your beds for YOU there and no cooking. I bet they do a nice line in mum to be pampering too.

Gerry I think you're out again tonight....have fun!

Brain is somewhere in a box so I'll say cheerio. It's nine o'clock, must be time for second dinner.

stormy big hugs to you and your df. I'm sure it was a very hard decision to make. Unfortunately life is unfair sometimes and things happen beyond our control. Just think your dm is in a place where she cannot harm herself and I hope your df can eventually see that was the best decision for her

It has been a day of pjs, cbeebies and jar food for ds. Bad mum alert but he was fed, watered and clean still. Dh did the entertaining when he came home. Dh couldn't finish work any earlier but he came with food and took over ds. I am on the road to recovery. I REALLY hope ds doesn't catch anything from me.

eco make sure you don't pack ecotoddle by mistake . Good luck in your new adventures.

Stormy it must have been such a hard decision to make, but the right one. Thinking of you.

Yummy I'm so glad you had a restful day. You needed it. Hope you're on the mend.

Eco good luck with what's left of the packing and the move. The mere thought of all that work is exhausting me, and that's without even beginning to think about the added chaos a toddler adds to the mix.

Nice idea about the hotel, but that was a really big treat, so won't be repeated in a hurry. We've a rather less grand but equally appreciated week in the Lakes coming up, sharing a cottage with friends, which should be a nice break provided no one pukes on the way. They have two girls aged 7 and 8, so that's Dolitoddle entertainment sorted, and the DH loves to cook. I can hardly begin to imagine what is must be like to have every meal cooked for you, but I'm going to find out!

Right, bed calls... on the sofa. I'm going through a weird evening sickness phase where the only place I can even begin to think about sleeping without puking is the sofa. I'm assuming this will pass, as if it doesn't it's not looking good for the sofa. I'm not getting any smaller

Thanks all for the hugs, flowers and sympathy. It wasn't a hard decision at all, as my dad's recent heart trouble means even my mum can see the stress is no good for him. We were expecting more of a battle with social services, because they're dreadfully underfunded and full time residential care is expensive. Last assessment last week went really well though, sw on side, which really helped. It just seems so final.

Glad yummy's feeling a bit better. Good luck to eco with the packing - it was bad enough at six months pregnant so I really don't envy you doing it with a toddler in tow! And doli, all I can suggest is a ginger biscuit - I didn't get morning sickness (or evening sickness) so I've no idea what works!

I'm after some advice from you wise mothers with toddlers who eat and drink properly, in a manner appropriate to their age, as I'm having no success here.

Drinking - still using a bottle, and I really really need to get her onto a beaker or a cup before the nursery throw her out. Not that they would.... but it's getting embarrassing, and they are making comments. If I give her water in a beaker she plays with it, tipping it on the floor, shaking it, chewing the spout, but not drinking from it. I try holding it and tipping it up, but that isn't working. As for putting her milk in it, the resultant tantrum is impressive. She wants the milk, can see the milk, but won't drink it.

Ditto spoons/forks. Won't hold them and use them for eating. She'll hit her tray and wave them round, but not try to feed herself. If I preload a spoon she throws it on the floor. She'll eat off a spoon if I hold it, but no other way.

To be honest Dolitoddle has been very resistant to all things food and drink from the get go. She was 11 months before she would eat solids, and is still fussy in the extreme, only really eating fish pie, toast, yoghurt and fruit puree. I get other foods down her by subterfuge, and piling them on crackers, but it isn't easy.

Any tips? I've tried letting her play with food, beaker etc. Doesn't work.

Sounds familiar, doli. I gave up on water from a beaker. She just wasn't interested. Won't drink milk from one either. When we started solids and she reduced her milk intake accordingly, she ended up constipated due to lack of fluids. So I gave her weak juice in a sippy cup. Took her a good few months to really get the hang of it still. She has one preferred cup, others with slightly different spouts are rejected. And she still loves throwing it around and making a mess!

Can't advise on spoon use either. Fartypants can use a spoon. She does it at snack time at our Tuesday morning group, grabs a spoon and starts tucking into the sour cream. She was using a medicine spoon to drink dirty water out of a flower pot the other day. Will she eat food that's in front of her with a spoon? Not a chance. I'm viewing it as one of those "she'll do it when she's ready" things and trying not to despair in the meantime.

We've found DS drinks water well from the classic tomee tippee sippy cup but can't seem to manage anything else. We are also failing to transition from his bottle for morning and night milk. Trying lots of options was the only way we worked this out. And he will still try and empty it on the floor/his tray half the time.

Feeding himself has finally taken off this week (to much mess and tantrums as it means much less goes in!). Up to now he has sat there like a baby bird happy to have food plonked in but not prepared to do anything other than play with a spoon. Time and seeing other kids at nursery seems to have been helpful.

He is also still quite purée centric, albeit getting better. Given his weight probs (docs tomorrow but he's put on half a kg in the last fortnight so think it was a few weeks of illness giving the wobble) we have gone with it. Offer lots of options but for stuff we want to go in we blitz to a consistency he's happy with. He is slowly exploring more. Give it time and go with what she's happy with. And if that means everything blitzed in cheese sauce like it did for us for a while then so be it.

Thanks Stormy and Wotta it is helpful to know that time helps, and that Dolitoddle isn't the only one protesting over progress! One issue is because she is very stable on her feet she has been moved up to the next group at nursery where she is by far the youngest, so is markedly behind the other children when it comes to eating and drinking.

I guess my best tactic is to keep offering a beaker, and a spoon, until the day she decides to give it a go, and go with what works the rest of the time!

Re drinking, we use an open cup with meals but more often something like Gear 350 ml Aqua Sip Bottle with Flip Up Straw, Pink by Polar Gear [[http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B007P1VUCE/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_xKRWtb1C8P1P6 this]] to go out with

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this

Thanks Ood

new thread!