November 2012 - Teeth? Don't talk to us about teeth.

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1826507-November-2012-To-sterilise-or-not-to-sterilise-bottles-that-is

can you get dp the Ferber book or something? It is hell. R is wakeful but nowhere near the level of some here.

He put himself to sleep at 3:30 and woke at 7! I will be attempting to put him down awake tonight, i think he's ready to be taught...

huge hugs stunt . are you happy to leave your older DS's with your DH and go to your mums for a bit?

I really hope your HV can help

stunt I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be. I think you need to have a serious chat with your dh though, so you are on the same page with regards to how you deal with it. If he is so adamant that J needs to be tried with controlled crying, maybe you could give it a try but explain to him how it will work and you set the terms, ie how long you will let J cry for before you go into him. But make sure it's your terms. I'm not saying that will work and maybe you don't feel comfortable with doing that, but if your dh is going to be doing it regardless it might just be easier to do it in a controlled manner and he might stick to the terms a bit more if he thinks it is his idea kind of thing?

Thanks so much for the support, gang. I'm feeling a lot better this morning but at the same time I don't think I can handle another night like that which is why I was wondering whether a voluntary care order would be a possibility.

Good morning my dear Stunt. Firstly big big hug x I think it is important that you do speak to your HV and explain just how you feel, remembering how you felt at 4am. Your DH is a big part of the problem as you say, and he is not being there for you as he should. My concern is that you may get to the point of considering harming yourself or him. I have been that low and it is horrible. Utterly horrible. I think the fact that you are considering putting him into care is actually a really sensible idea although it breaks my heart that you feel so unsupported and shattered. Better him in care than him getting hurt or losing his wonderful mummy. Maybe this will be the shock your DH needs. I also think it is time to try formula. I think Nutrimigen AA or the other one, I forget the name, due to his allergies. I think it is time, and if he were to spend a bit of time in respite, it would be less distressing for him if he has had a bit of time to have formula. This is very rushed as I have to go, but could not NOT post. As a fellow mum of 3 I empathise pretty well with what has been happening for you. This is not a decision a third time mum makes lightly. The HV may be able to arrange respite, or emergency nursery place. Medication may also be appropriate as if you have not got PND by this already, I think it would be a miracle.

Please take what I say with the love it is meant x

So sorry you are going through this Stunt. You are kind and caring and deserve some sleep and an emotional rest. I hope the HVs can help and find some way to give you a break without going to the extreme of care. I agree with VQ that formula would be a good idea at this stage, AA or Neocate. It will give more potential for you to have a break.

Huge hugs stunt and jolly well done for being brave enough to admit how you feel, I hope that you get the support you deserve today, Shout from the bloody roof tops if you have to ( although you shouldn't have to )

Stunt and lots of love. I'm inclined to agree with the suggestion to try neocate or nutramigen - I think there could be another intolerance in the mix. As for cc - try it but some babies just don't cry down - they cry up - Jonas is one. I don't think he'd ever actually cry himself to sleep - a frenzy yes but sleep - no! Your DH is a huge part of the problem. I know you'd love four kids with him but he doesn't deserve or adequately parent the three he's got. Talk to your HV. And insist you get some counselling - you're at the point of putting a child into care - if he doesn't think that warrants counselling then I'd be seriously contemplating how much harder it would be to parent alone and move closer to family. Sending lots of love xxx

Hello all! (waves and brings cake).
Sorry for the absence, things have been busy here. With work and birthdays and parties for LO.

LO has one new tooth, and I think another one on the way. He said his first word (I didn't reconise it) and it was mum. Maybe it was a fluke? The vomiting/posseting has stopped thanks to the gavision. Lo is sleeping loads better and we are to. Which is also helping with P.
Lo has had his health review, and all is fine, we are to cut down on his dairy intake to a pint a day. It's a struggle, as I drink well over that amount.

I'm sure there is more to tell you, but my floor is dry. See you all later
Evil

I can't stop thinking about you Stunt. I wish I were nearer. Well done JJ, Neocate is probably the one to go for as then it would be the most 'cleaned' formula, for want of a better phrase. I swapped J at 5.5 months due to suspected intolerances and shocking sleep, and remember Izzy has recently been through this. We both still have shocking sleep, Izzy more so than me, but my J is so much better. I know you love BF, and it is convenient, but I don't think it is working for either of you any more. Also if your DH can be involved with the feeding it may help him bond.

I had such a shitty night and woke DH who actually helped, and was pretty horrified at what I was having to deal with. He had never seen it before as I try to manage and prevent disturbing others. I thanked him for helping as my arms could no longer physically deal with J. He thanked me for coping for the last 10 months at night with no help, and looked really quite sheepish.

J has been for another quick visit to nursery. Back again this afternoon, and tomorrow as we are now paying for full time. Hopefully by the end of the week he will be up to a half day, and have some shorter days next week.

Yay waves to Evil lovely to hear from you!

Stunt big hugs. Really hope advice given so far is helpful. Suggestions of formula seem to be sensible. Massive hugs.

Lo is very snotty and coughy today :( bad mum alert getting a pedicure n wax while dh deals with him. But I'll pick up some kavol and chicken for him to make it up to him. Lol

Bad mummy got worse. Have extended my appointment to include a foot/leg massage

Many thanks for the helpful words and kind thoughts, I can't express how much it means to me. I am waiting for the HV to call back and I will be able to see her tomorrow at the bf support group.

We used controlled crying successfully with DS1 and DS2 but my instinct is that it won't work with J, as YW describes he 'cries up' rather than 'cries down'. Gradual retreat seems to work better. We have never done cry it out, it doesn't fit with my style of parenting at all.

I'm trying to get him down for a second nap now but he just wants to blow raspberries and make bla-bla-bla noises. T

GT that is a good pregnant lady alert.

Like VQ I can't stop thinking about you stunt. So much love from here coming over the Irish Sea. These ladies have so many sensible suggestions.

Like VQ I am lucky that apart from the odd stressed twatty behaviour Dp makes getting through this possible. At 3 this morning after I'd been trying for half an hour he sent me back to bed and settled LO for half an hour and apologised again for his twatty behaviour on Friday and said thank you for all I do.

Vq I hope J settles well. I am looking forward to Ls settling in on the 23rd he's going to do a day a week til I go back in dec to help both of us have more fun.

Yay, I have just ordered a baby jogger city mini GT. persuaded dp to let me get one.

Good you have a plan Stunt. Make sure you see someone tomorrow. If the HV is not there for any reason see another or the GP. You are a very good experienced parent. Please hold onto that x

Today I have sold a beloved Silver Cross vintage Doll pram (for twice what I bought it for 6 years ago) and am off to collect a Stanley Snail for a small person

I need to list my Mountain Buggy soon

Just heard, I have been short listed for the big promotion. Fuck me!

Vq that is awesome news

For the first time in a very long time I have a small person asleep on my lap on the sofa. I could put him down but I don't want to

Well done vq I've got my fingers crossed for you!

Just a quick pop in to say hugs to stunt. There's been lots of sensible advise here already, so really hope something will work for you, maybe the neocate is a good idea to try? keep your chin up x

VQ

Pikz, I've never bothered with the cot-nap battle for that reason. He naps on me in the sling, in the car while driving, in the buggy or in the car seat in the lounge if we're home. Or just snuggled in tight :)

That's brilliant VQ Fingers will remain firmly crossed for you :)

stunt Who do you have the that can offer practical help? Will this situation give DP a much needed kick up the arse or is his head firmly in the sand? Is an Au Pair an option - not that that would help overnight, but it could give you some down time during the day? I agree that formula is a good suggestion.

Did the health visitor call back? How are you feeling now? I keep thinking about you.

How are you, Stunt?