November 2012 - Summertime, and the babies are sleeping (mostly with a few notable exceptions)

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1800961-November-2012-Is-is-too-early-for-birthday-plans

Thinking about him now is making me giggle.

He can be busily playing away. But the second that stair gate gets opened he drops everything and comes thundering over at one hell of a speed to try and get out before you get to him! And when he doesn't manage it, he sits there in wait for you to come back, so he can have another attempt at the gauntlet. In fact he drags his toys over there sometimes, so he can hang around. Nonchalantly. Like it's normal to hang around in door ways. Perfectly normal...

And then the same thing happens when I walk in with a plate, a drink, or a bit of food. Over he thunders, his pleasure noise of 'mmm numnumnumnum mmm' over and over, climbing on you to get to whatever it is! Tonight I sat on the sofa with a drink, and he stood on my feet, then tried to step up on to my ankles. It fucking hurt. He's one determined little thing.

He makes me laugh but frustrates me in equal measures .

Hello tri - that is rotten. We found the same out about dd1 when she was 16 months. As it has been caught relatively early hopefully your prognosis is not bad? Where are you being treated? There is a brilliant fb book for parents of kids needing hip surgery - can't get to fb from this phone so will link it later. Really sorry you have to go through this.

Stunt - very much hoping you get a break tonight.- sounds like a really tough place you are in. I think I would write it down then aim for a more reasonned discussion when you are both less shattered.

Mm - sounds tough for you too. Has he said why he lied?

R shared g's toy with him eventually you will all be pleased to know after much persuasion. Then when he crawled off she put it back in her cooker!

Cross posted, thanks det :)

Can o have the organix crisp things? Might one of them occupy him when you're eating? Mind you they don't last long! Erm :/ any other snacks that might keep him busy? Couple of raisins? Although then you'd have to keep him a sat still and with o being o..... naaaah!

Yes he can, and yes I do use those to distract him too much actually!.

I sometimes use them when we are out and he's got a strop on. Keeps him calm and distracts for a while! I just pop a little piece in his mouth! I'm not using them for his sake - but for others who really don't need O in full on hissy fit. And for me so that I'm not eternally embarrassed by O's screechings!

It's just that when it comes to me eating, nothing seems to distract him other than removing him or me from the room!

Today he has had all meals stood up. He stood between my legs, one hand on my leg, and ate his puree's like this. He seems to be resisting the idea of the highchair. I hate fighting with him. He's just a baby!

But I don't want to create bad habits! Arghhh!

My maxi Cosi seat was £105. Down from £150. Only cheaper place was Pramworld Winstanleys for £99 and I wanted one today. The reason why I chose that one was because of the unique way the strap is fitted. You do the threading through bit then there is a lever you pull that pushes a foot type thing against the strap so it is rock solid. I have had many car seats including isofix and have never had a seat feel so secure. It is comfy and roomy and nice looking too. DD2 will be in it until she is too tall or heavy so I reckon another year or so. She was 3 in April.

Detective did you get to have a good shit? Apologies if I missed the update

Kyz well done on the grapes O loves them too. I cut them in half and he likes to pick them out of the bowl to eat He also loves raspberries and blackberries - less chokable than grapes I would have thought so maybe worth a try. Oh and cherries have been a hit this week. He luffs fruit. But not veg so much.

MM I have been thinking about your situation some more and I was perhaps a bit gung ho with the LTB talk. Like others have said, I think you need to ask yourself some questions. Could you put this behind you? Would you want to? Do you want to spend your life with him if he changes? What about if he doesn't change? I would say that if you were going to leave him, the younger M is the better, IMO.

Stunt you are an incredibly intelligent woman, emotionally as well as intellectually. Your DH should feel very lucky that he has a wife who really understands the reasons for his shortcomings and wants to help him work them out. I too would be worried about the effect his behaviour is having on your children though. I also get the impression that even if you were to write down everything he says to them and it share it with him in a calm moment, that he would still not see any fault on his part - or at least admit to it. I may be wrong. It is a really difficult one. I would ask yourself the same questions I mentioned to MM above.

Well, thanks to the quiche I have spent the last 2 hours starting a cross stitch for O's room. Made a lovely change from moping around feeling sorry for myself. You are all wonderful xxx

No . I told all the mums at baby group about my shitty morning too .

I still haven't had a good shit FFS! The cramps have subsided, but still off food a bit.

Gah!

I think the mums some of them! would fit in well here. We shared poo stories and disasters that only other parents could imagine!

Well had a fab time at the wedding. Am feeling the effects again after too much vino. When will I learn? The overnight stay at the inlaws went well so very pleased about that.

And to top it all off, I now have a neice She was born yesterday evening. Not met her yet. Was supposed to go today but my Dsis was struggling and has spent a lot of time trying to sort out establishing bf and we all know how difficult that is. ignores fact that my mum, his parents and sister went to hosp today. But still, she lives 5 mins down the rd so I'll see tons of her.

Sorry to read of lots of shiteness. Particuarly mm and stunt. Heart felt hugs to you both.

We had no diagnosis at birth. We noticed fairly early on around 3 months she had unequal skin creases. Noticed around the middle of June her right leg was shorter. We will be treated at alder hey. I'm medical so didn't want to seem like a paranoid parent so didn't go to the gp about the skin creases. Kicking myself now.
Hi bryzoan how is your daughter now? I''m not looking forward to the cast.

chasing great for the cross-stich (am crap at crafts as my school reports show - if you want to start knitting I have a book and needles I can post you) was my first maternity leave resolution not even touched

detective I didn't answer yesterday because I knew the piss would be taken, but if you run the glycerin suppos under cold water they are easier to insert. And you have to go to halfway between the first finger bone and the knuckle of the person you are inserting them into. And no gloves, do you thinkI put gloves on every time I shove onenup LO's bum? No. Just wash your hands. And under the nails. Enjoy.

Just saying to those of you with access to ella's or organix...

Anyway, just had a very cool experience with DD1. Yes, it's late, but she is now in my bed . We were outside on the terrace in the 30degree heat at about 10pm and the weather changed, in about 30 seconds. And we realised we are in for a stor earlier than they predicted. Bt we have heaps of microclimates round here and it was over the river about 5km away, and when it starts there it doesn't normally come here. But there were huge gusts of wind. So we cleared the terrace of plates and plastic shit and sat on the ground and watched. She was ENTRANCED by the wind in the trees and the lightning on the horizon, and we just watched it go by. It was so windy but the storm was so far away we weren't worried.

Lovely end to an evening. A real introduction to the power of Mother Nature for DD1. She was entranced but loved every second. So I'm quite glad we kept her up late tonight to watch that.

Have closed all the shutters now as the main part of the storm is about to hit. If I'm not on line tomorrow you'll know why. We always lose connection in big storms. You'd think we are at the arse end of nowhere, but we are 15 miles from a capital city. Unfortunately not in the same country, so we are at the arse end of nowhere for the French networks and don't we know it at times like this !

Night quiche. Off to close the shutters. It's 30degrees in the house, sweating like a pig for the chop, but tomorrow morning hoping to open them up to a fresh, cooler world.

tri if you are medical you will know that alder hey is very good (another northerner I see!) and you know you will be able to ask the right questions. Not medical but lots on here are so mit be a more effective handhold.

Evening all, thought l?d try and at leaast get one post on here ~ hard to keep up in summer holidays. Not read everything but stunt sorrry to hear about dh issues. Could you perhaps try a positive parenting course for him (together so he doesn?t feel picked on!). MMnit must be so hard to know what to do. You are amazing dealing with it so well. kirrin hope all tests are fine and dd1 ok, it happens so easily.

We seem to be having another sleep regression here (he?s 10 months). Only ever went 3/4 hours, now far less and very unsettled. l miss sleep!

Had first ever argument with BIL tonight. He is buying a business and basically using all PIL?s savings to do so. lt?s a business owned by his mate and he already works in it, but admits he is clueness re business in general, accounts and the like. l told him he ahould get an accountant to check over the accounts, valuationn and so on (and organised someone l know to do it for free). He hasn?t bothered and is just trusting everything his friend says. l told him his friend wasn?t on his side and he needed independent advice. He said you seem v upset. l explained l was because its his parents money etc etc. Part of me is totally mad with him and thinks it needed saying (Pil will never say anything to upset him).Part of me thinks l should have just kept out of it. Sorry for long ramble. If anyone?s still reading, did l do the right thing?!

Welcome Tri, an operation sounds scary for you although I'm sure at that age babies take things like that in their stride and recover very quickly. Fwiw when J had his x-rays done the radiographer said 99% of the checks she does for uneven leg creases come back negative so it sounds like you were very unfortunate that there actually was a problem in your case.

Kyz I cut grapes into four lengthwise which seems to be easier for J to manage. Sausages are the same - long thin pieces make it easier for him to manage the skin than circular cross sections. For apples etc. I use a crinkle cutter to make the pieces easier to hold. Thanks for the tips re writing things down. I have found before that it is good to write it down but not to show it to him so that I've got it off my chest without causing an argument. I have taken to confronting him about things head on but without being aggressive. For example I asked him not to call J a little shit because calling him that in anger is rubbing off on me and making me more likely to call J names. So trying to give him a perspective on why it's wrong since he thinks it doesn't matter because J doesn't understand.

I would be like your DH Kirrin, when told I'm doing something wrong, hotly deny everything then afterwards go oh shit that's right.

Detective can you put food on your plate that is actually for O? Or what J likes is if I have a small tub of things for him, e.g. Organix crisps, and let him take one or a fistful for himself.

We have already done the Incredible Years Daisy, and had family therapy which was a useless waste of time but I don't think we're sticking to the plan that well. I think you were right to speak to your BIL as it makes sense to get things checked out. Obviously people do get burned in these kind of transactions sometimes, all the more serious if someone else's money is at stake. But ultimately you can't make him do it, you have to be satisfied that you have done your best by your PIL by offering support to your BIL.

It's okay PR. I managed to find some lube . I'd forgotten about the fanny stretchers languishing in the drawer!

Didn't find any gloves though, sadly...

VQ Just to update you - shitgate has finally happened. Thank fuck! My stomach no longer looks bloated pregnant. Urghhhh!

PR Storm sounds mega cool. Hope it brings cool too!

Tri - I noticed leg difference early on too and felt guilty for ages because I thought nothing of it. I also struggle not knowing when the dislocation happened. We now r has low tone and also it is likely she was born with shallow sockets at least if not a full dislocation as g has ddh too - but we will never know if she was born with the dislocation or if it was something that happened without us realising. She is doing well now, thanks for asking, though we have since found out that she also has a chromosome disorder which is why her tone is low. So she is still learning to walk at 3. This is very unusual - most kids I know have been on their feet a few months post cast. But her hip is in place still and her treatment has been successful so far. I found the waiting for the op and the op itself by far the worst bit. The time in cast is a bit of a hassle - but all the kids I have met have been happy in cast and coped well. They learn to get about like you wouldn't believe. Even r crawled well in it after a couple of weeks, despite not having learned to crawl pre cast till about 14 months. I'd be very happy to chat more any time if that would be useful. Also, contact the charity steps if you haven't already - they have loads of really great info and also a DVD about caring for a kid in a cast that is very helpful. Are they planning on treating now, or waiting till 1?

The international hip dysplasia institute also has great info including some good questions for surgeons.

Glad you are more comfortable det.

Stunt - I feel sad that you are having to turn around the situation to almost put yourself at fault and can't just say it isn't acceptable. Sounds like a really rotten situation.

Pr - been meaning to say I have been chuckling all day about 'bravo' and the water. Storm sounds like it was lovely.

Kyz your cooking for e sounds amazing. Will you come and be my g's personal chef?

For big bits of solid food I also cut into a chip shape, big or small. So grapes into four long pieces, sausages too, bits of roast chicken. Long and thing so they can hold it and manage it. Which I guess is what you guys would call blw but I call finger food :o

Annabel says to peel grapes. Fuck that, I find tomatoes hard to peel and therefore don't

I have discovered that certain purees that LO doesn't like she realises she does actually like them spread on toast. I guess it's because she doesn't like beingnspoon fed too much. DH is much better at giving her purees than I am. I reckon it's the novelty thing and nothing to do with the fact the is just better at it oh no :o

Storm is lovely but the house is still too hot. Am stood here refusing to go to bed as it is just too hot. Think, sweat running down forehead and it is midnight. Total pisstake from the weather gods

Yes, I do it too stunt We have rows where neither of us will budge an inch and then we both seem to go away, take stock and accept that the other had a point. The difference is that I will admit it then - or at least, I would, if he did

Congratulations on your niece eliza

PR watching the storm sounds lovely - glad DD1 enjoyed it.

Hello all.

Daisy it sounds like your bil is being very unreasonable and a bit foolish, but it is always so difficult with families esp with money. You should be able to speak up of course but there are always family relationships to consider.

Stunt I am really sorry to hear about your DH. You have enough stress to deal with.
Tri welcome and sorry to hear your news. The quiche is a good place to be.

Glad people are in touch with Izzy, I have been thinking about her. Sending love.

MM I am going to be honest here & say that early in my relationship with DH I had a little indiscretion. Not an affair or even sex but an ill-judged drunken night spent with someone else. He does know and we got over it, it really was just a moment several hours of madness. Anyway it is up to you what to do but if you believe that he hasn't done anything since, then it may be worth working out. Otoh if you suspect this may be the tip of an iceberg, some serious thinking to do.

Det I am glad to hear you have had a shit.

Welcome tri. The creases were the first thing I realised with O, she has a very tit hip. We are on intensive physio, her hip seems to be ok now but it was such a worry. Still is actually. We are still dealing with turned out feet and knees and hoping they will get resolved by physio and won't need an op.

Lots of love to izzy.

pr I love a good storm. It supposed to be very hot today and tmrw here, first time I had to have the air con on to be able to go to sleep. O cried up a couple of times but settled herself.

stunt hugs

daisychain yes, you did. You never mix business with friendship and if he is to invest he should very well check the accounts first. And you are right to remind him that the money is actually his parents'.