November 2012 - The weaning adventure continues

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1772925-November-2012-Adventurous-eaters-food-refusers-and-everything-in-between

I don't know if anyone remembers the reference but I fucking hate blackbirds now

Seems like O just threw in a couple of good nights to keep me on my toes and we are now back to shit again. Fabby.

Fatima what brings you this way? Oh and Luis' breathing suggestion is a good one. It was something I learned during CBT. I competely understand your frustrations too as O will only nap on me so I never get time to get anything done.

Luis i do my times tables. Or count to 100. On a bad night i count backwards from 100 in german or french. If i get muddled i have to start again.

Blackbird on a garotte wire?

First feed, seems back to normal :)

Encouragingly quiet in here?

I am here. Have been at 11.30, 2.30 and 4.45. Poor wee boy has a horrid cough again.

I have read but feel I can contribute little. Using this more as a diary at the moment for which I apologise. Hugs to all.

Jacob had small but regular feeds yesterday, PCM to keep on top of the pain in his throat, and no solids or ranitidine. No signs of reflux or drool, and his rash is dry and itchy. He always stops drooling when not drinking which in my mind is logical but the doctor said is bullshit.

I spent my spare moments yesterday reading my entries in the first few weeks. I feel very sad as I was so chirpy, involved in the thread, was doing so much despite bf and illness. I am seeing a clear pattern emerging about the reflux. I suspected silent reflux at 4 weeks but was dismissed by health professionals, then bronchiolitis at 5 weeks that was then blamed for everything. I feel very cheated and extremely sad about the whole thing, especially the bf. I am doing this not to torture myself but to have a clear timeline for the dietician and dr this coming week.

It has also been interesting seeing other posts of folk before issues were clear, like YW, Pass and Izzy, and new faces joining who are now so much a part of our group, and the absence of others yet to join but are now missed on re-reading. And also those who were frequent posters who now only occasionally visit, if at all. Through all of that, and still, the quiche holds my hand. And I am grateful. It is also amusing if a little sad to read of the antics of the lump of lard asleep next to me, and also how my little girl of 2.5 is now a strong confident, but still a pain in the arse 3yo. She cannot remember life before Jacob. But then I struggle.

I waffle. I should grab what little sleep is left.

I'm here, my friend arrived from uk and I'm busy showing her around. I booked a babysitter last night for 3 hours but was back after 2,we were too tired to enjoy it. My mum has O overnight as we are off to see an open air theatre show, eek for not having O for the first time.

fatima sorry to hear about the guy. I'm sure your texts are appreciated even if she doesn't answer. The first weeks I couldn't text back either but was grateful of messages. If I can give you advice pls text her in about 6 weeks time to say you are still thinking about her, she will appreciate it!

chasing o is dropping the the last nap and this week was awake between 2 and 6.30. From 5 it's hellish and she really has disturbed nights.she wakes at 6-6.30, naps between 8-8.45 than 12-2, not enough.

I was a loner at work mainly bec I didn't take shit and nuisance. Hence did much better than everyone else. When Leo died my colleagues were awesome, they really made an effort at work and some even after work, got tons of presents once she was here.

Fatima I get really worked up about not getting jobs done too. But I just try and remember that before g came along I managed it somehow, which implies I will again. And so I try really hard just to park them. But then when dh comes back from work knackered and wants to flop on front of crap tv to unwind it makes me jump up and down frustratedly saying 'what about all the jobs, what about sleep, don't you dare say you're tired tomorrow..,'

Vq - reading your post made me feel really sad. You have been through so much in the last six months and still found it in you to dish out so much support to others. I am really sorry you are in such a tough place - and particularly that you are feeling so sad and cheated about the bf. I think you have done so well and done all your kids proud and I'm so sorry you didn't get the support and help you needed from the health professionals.

Do also remember everything you have achieved and are achieving. J has had a great start in life just on account of having you as a mum, being loved, and being fought for passionately. You have at every stage done all you can for him and for your family and I think should be bloody proud of yourself. Keep looking forward to the future - and try and enjoy these months despite all the difficulties. They really are so precious and I remind myself daily to cherish them (despite the tiredness, worries and lists of undone jobs) because they are so special and we won't get them back.

fatima big cuddle. It is normal for stuff to get on top of you. I too let myself get stressed about jobs but I do also know that time with ones children is the correct priority. So if the housework isn't perfect or only half compete for a year or so then in the scheme of things tat's ok.

It s always sad to loose someone, never mind how well you knew them. So young.

I have had that sort of thing about food from MIL. I do purée but as I have been through the children each one gets more finger food than the last mainly due to ease, or to keep them quiet while I do something. I also mash for less time than my SIL. I also get them away from plastic plates by the time they are three. I'm all scary and different. I just take it on the chin, they are a different generation and things change year by year even.

detective I want to hurl rotten fruit at your colleagues. That is mean.

One thing to share that is weird:

My great aunt died on Thursday 20 June she was my nana's twin sister.

My nana died in 1989 on 19th June

When they were born my nana was born the day before my great aunt. (hence my great grandmother died in childbirth) anyway bit of a funny coincidence.

Also...sorry for rambling, Saturday morning is my chilled time to post....

quiche diagnosis required

Last night I was woken about an hour after I fell asleep with a burning stabbing pain in the middle of my lower abdomen (about where my c section scar is but inside) that moved down into the muscles in my fanjo. ABSOLUTE BLODDY AGONY obviously not at the childbirth level but that has it's own scale. It was so bad DH asked if I wanted to go to hospital. I managed to get downstairs, doubled over, and get some paracetamol. Once I got into a comfy position then the paracetamol dulled the pain and I managed to get to sleep. Now is just pretty much gone.

What the fuck is that? Does anyone else get that?

Day of the reunion so it better not happen today.

Big up vq you have done amazingly. You alway support others you have so much knowledge and love to share. Sometimes you need to sit back and let other support you. Xxx

I am doing the Saturday morning duty this week. I was in Holland from early Tuesday morning till Wednesday evening, then Thursday night I went for a swim before the boys went to bed and then am in London over night tonight. My wonderful DH has just got on with it without a peep. So I will take the boys out and give him a Saturday lie in. Of sorts! Xx

Morning.

Cripes sophia that sounds awful. No idea what it could be though.

Aw vq that was a melancholic post. Strange how times change. I have never read back over threads - I think I would like to some day. It certainly would be interesting reading back with hindsight. I so hope that the coming months are kinder than the past ones.

In other news - banana Soreen toasted = tasty as a tasty thing and excellent for a dairy and egg free baby breakfast!

VQ that's so sad ((((hugs)))) I've not looked over the early posts - it would make me sad too to see my realisation that no, despite wishful thinking, my wee man too had the family CMPI curse - when the symptoms appeared I desperately hoped the upset was thrush or the 6 week growth spurt. My twin even suspected it when she came to stay at 2-3 weeks (she heard him refluxing) but I desperately wanted to dismiss her.

Now I'm glad for family history as it made getting it sorted easy as I knew deep down what I needed to do. I wish he didn't have it, everyday. Still I'm looking for positives - I've lost the baby weight, am sure my cholesterol levels and artery furriness are much healthier, I've no longer got comfort food / emotional associations and have realised I can cope with stress without my old crutches (wine, fags and junk food) and maaaaaan chocolate is going to be so appreciated come November. The hardest part has been fighting for medication and a diagnosis - compared to that the diet has been piss easy. Sad state of affairs eh?

Today we try soy traces. Yo sushi come to Mamma! PLEASE DON'T REACT BEAR!!!!

Fatima ((((hugs))))

Shit pass do you mean I have to share my soreen cakey goodness? The apple and raisin one is also dairy free. I've given them as puds untoasted - might have to toast them for brekkie - good call!

Good luck with soy YW! I am going to get some alpro yoghurt and put in on the inside of P's lip. See how we go with that.

The Soreen went down a storm! I am not surprised as it is delicious. I love it toasted. I cut one Slice into two fingers and p sooked the living day lights out of it

Hello!

I have read every last word but brain is fried!

Horsey sorry to hear about poorly elbows, hope the little man is recovered and chirpy again.
Chasing how was coffee with your mum?
YW good luck with soy. And pass I shall add Soreen to the shopping list.
Det glad fanjo is healing up. D'oh to leaky baths though!
Fatima that's very sad news. I had a patient (young lady with 3 LOs) who died after being poorly for a few weeks, and it was the worst thing I have ever witnessed, hands down. I don't know how you would even begin to cope with something like that.

So work....was fine! Dr Pig was back on form after a few minor wobbles and it was nice to stretch my brain cell. DH coped with the skidlets admirably, and even cleaned the kitchen . Little pig was a good girl for him until...he came to pick me up at 10. She was awake in the car the whole way home (40 mins), boobed her and yet...still awake. Cue 2.5 hours of hysteria. Screams, wails, tears, choking. Plus multiple runny poonamis y'day and this morning. I suspect further teeth fuckers

Only downside of y'day is that my left boob is broken. She didn't feed off it from 2am until 11pm (ow), and had to hand express over a sink at work a few times. Anyway, by the time we got home, it was so engorged I was nearly in tears, you could literally see the skin turning purple it was so stretched. F fed quite well, but the pain is still there this morning, literally cannot bear to touch it. Hey ho.

Off out to baby fair and photo session later on, hoping for smiles all round rather than grumpy faces!

Crappy night last night - not so much baby-related as 'D'H- related as we had an argument. He spent a bit of time character-assassinating my mum for various things such as her regrettable tendency to smear Vaseline all over our DSs' faces and the fact that she had a go at his mum for not helping us out at all. I'm quite happy for him to have a go at her as they have an antagonistic relationship and I'd rather he got it out of his system at me rather than to her face IYSWIM. After all she won't be over again for the foreseeable future and he's not going over to her house for at least the rest of the year so by the time he next sees her it will be water under the bridge. At the end of the day she came over to help me out while I crammed for my exams (he was supposed to be away for the first week but his trip got cancelled) and she did that and I got the time I needed to revise for and sit my exams without him having to take any of his precious time off - of course she had to take a week off but she got to spend that with her GCs so it was worth it for her. Anyway from that the conversation progressed to me not wanting to spend time with his parents because they criticise me at every turn. Now I put a brave polite face on for his sake but equally I don't seek out their company any more. I honestly think because I was made redundant and I'm temporarily a SAHM, his dad thinks I'm worthless and that he can treat me like he treats his wife. Unfortunately unlike my MIL I'm not a doormat who'll put up with all that shit but out of respect for my DH I just try to stay out of their way rather than confronting him about it. Btw when I was made redundant he kept saying, 'oh but you must have done something to piss them off, you're not as great as you think you are'. I was made redundant FFS, not fired. And it was a shit enough time without him telling me it was all my fault. Then we got on to my MIL who's always saying how badly behaved the children are and that we're not raising them right. And they are badly behaved but I'm doing my best especially with all the EA they get from DH. But I tried to make the point that this was the pot calling the kettle black because it's not like DH and his siblings were perfect. I've heard enough stories about babies falling down steps in their walkers, completely inappropriate boyfriends, repeatedly broken noses, trouble at school etc. to know they had their share of issues too. Anyway that's when DH threw a hissy fit because I criticised his precious family and stormed off in a huff so I ended up sleeping on the sofa. Remember this was after him having a go at my mum earlier in the conversation. I know he'll always side with his 'real' family over me and the kids, the arsehole. My mum says 'some people fill your bucket and some people empty it'. Well my PIL definitely drain mine, emotionally and financially because we're always having to 'suck up' to them with expensive dinners and trips out and DH always buys them expensive gifts like a bottle of whiskey for Father's Day. My dad didn't get anything for Father's Day because he thinks it's a crock! But my FIL always expects something extravagant even though his children are all grown up with families of their own. That's a classic narcissist thing though I suppose since the world revolves around him. So I was on the point of booking the ferry for tonight for me and J to go over to stay with my parents' until things get sorted out one way or another. But DH came and said he was sorry for upsetting me so now I don't know what to do. I would have to leave DS1 and DS2 with him because we couldn't all go and stay at my parents' house for any length of time. Also I don't think I could manage all three of them on my own. I don't really want to leave, I just want him to sort himself out and stop abusing them. But then I think I'm just deluding myself and he'll never stop.

((hugs)) stunt

Sorry for the mahoosive post, it's hard to know what's right when you're in such a sleep-deprived state, the last seven months ten nights have been pretty awful so it's definitely not the time to be making life-changing decisions.

On the plus side I have lost five pounds since starting my diet. That's unofficial as weigh-in isn't until Monday but it's nice to know it's working. Before I got pregnant my weight had crept up to just on the border between a normal and overweight BMI (I blame the miscarriage as my hormones, eating and level of exercise went to shit after that and I carried on gaining weight for several weeks after I lost the baby). I'd like to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 67 kg (currently 71 kg) so that my old clothes fit and I can dump the size 16s then hopefully lose weight gradually to get back towards the middle of a normal BMI.

stunt that sounds awful. I don't know what to suggest. I know you have said before you think it's unfair as we only get your side of the story but I struggle to see what his side would be. He bitches about your mum which you accept as letting off steam but when he brings up his own parents he is furious that you don't unconditionally accept their treatment of you and the children

oh stunt. not sure what to advise, only huge hugs. I am in total admiration for how you manage to do everything with 3 and exams etc.

and big hugs to vq too. it's so hard.

I'm feeling bad for not being able to read so many of the posts and keeping it in my head to reply. I'm just typing verbal diarrhea to keep sane.

I don't know what to think of anything anymore. bad night - tried putting cot mattress higher, he hated it so ended up next to me but waking to suckle every hour.

maybe some of this is 6mo sleep regression? it's just we regressed at the start of march and never recovered.

still waiting for omepeazole. I cant spell today.

I'm really feeling thyroidy now. I hate it. doc wanted to put my meds up but I wondered if I'd missed doses. now I'm not so sure. I can't cope with anything right now. considering finally accepting some prozac or something. I just don't know if it's pnd or thyroid.

I'm so confused as to whether lo needs to be fed every wake up or not. he's not taking much food in the day and some days wants bf others not.

very grateful for .mil and pil being here. they're so encouraging. I'm very lucky. and that los kidneys are completely normal.

You know what Pass I think subconsciously he knows he was abused (narcissistic father and neglectful mother who took all the abuse handed out to her) but consciously he rejects that so he has to go overboard to 'believe' that he had a good childhood. My mum says that in all the cases she sees of children being removed from their parents, the parents always protest that they love their children. But DH doesn't see that it's possible to love your children but still abuse them. I know my childhood wasn't perfect and my parents screwed things up from time to time which has had repercussions on my life. But I think because I accept that I try not to repeat their mistakes, not always successfully and maybe I make mistakes all of my own, but at least I'm trying. Whereas as long as DH clings to the notion that his parents were great and his childhood was happy he is doomed to repeat their mistakes. Our DS1 has his grade 3 trumpet exam next Saturday and I have taken time to explain to him that while I want him to do well in his exam, it doesn't matter to me how well he does because I will love him just as much no matter what. He has Aspergers so he needs to have emotion-related issues spelled out to him. Where in my childhood I felt exams were in some ways a competition between me and my brothers and my mum was disappointed when I did as well in my GCSEs as my older brother. I don't want my children to feel that they have to do well to win my affection, which is the way DH and his siblings behave, I want DS3 to work hard for his exam and do well for his own sake and satisfaction in a job well done.

I want to echo what someone said vq - you are always so so thoughtful and always wrIte lovely encouraging things. you've had a really rough ride. it'll pass :)

(lots of people write lovely things too. you know what I mean)

stunt that is absolutely wonderful. what an amazing mum you are.

such a shame your dh can't see that pov. stay strong n stick to your guns.

I think all that really matters is that a child is happy.

and my dad (in ed psychology) says a happy child will learn.

I remember getting into my twenties and realising that you never love your parents more than when you accept they are not perfect.

Your family is very lucky to have you stunt. As are we