November 2012 - The weaning adventure continues

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1772925-November-2012-Adventurous-eaters-food-refusers-and-everything-in-between

hear hear pass

best thing my parents ever said (who are v academic; dad a prof so academia seemed like the thing you have to do) was 'we don't care if you work in tescos as long as you are happy'

Stunt I am so sorry you are having to put up with this bollocks for just now and really don't know what to suggest. You come across as such a strong and loving woman, it's admirable. Is it possible he might be subconsciously jealous of the fact your boys have such a wonderful mother? Maybe a few days/a week at your mums away from him might be enough to make him realise he is very very lucky to have you?

VQ made me cry. Again. You are another strong woman on this thread who I really look up to (there are many btw). I read some of the antenatal threads again during the early weeks of madame-sleepdodger and ended up in floods of tears. You really are wonderful xo

There was so much I wanted to reply to. Umm....

Horsey poor wee soul but good on you for noticing. I am now neurotically checking M is using both of her arms...

Fatima and lots of them! You are doing great. It is so hard feeling like baby baby baby is our life now isn't it? I love M to bits but find myself longing for just a day to myself again. Men don't get it.

Apologies for my lack of input recently. I have been very very busy! My graduation is in less than 2 weeks and there is so much to organise (not least stroppy SIL who isn't sure whether we can still stay or not, parents who are thinking up every excuse under the sun to pull out, and bloody DP and his green bow tie ).

I am also hopefully everything crossed in the process of buying this house! It is all a bit stressy as my recent as in for the last 2.5 years constant issues with DP are making me very cautious of entering into a mortgage agreement with him and as such I am having to convince my bank and solicitor that I am buying my house, and although he too will be paying for it and living in it, if we were ever to split up it would be mine. (He agrees to this btw). If things do work out with us for the best, and I really hope they do, then I will still keep this house as my fall back/investment and we will buy somewhere bigger together further down the line. I digress, I have stupidly allowed myself to fall totally in love with it and need you all to keep your fingers and toes crossed I get it! Mortgage appointment this week then hopefully all systems go!! It is the only one I have found in my price range in such a fantastic area that I really really love. Crossed fingers ladies!

And yes, it is literally a third of the size of my rental

stuntwell done on your 5 lbs loss. That's great. Sorry you had a ding dong with DH. I don't know what to advise, remember it is a stressful time for you both with the sleepless night and all your other pressure of the boys. Keep going you know we are here for you to wangle at if you need too. Xx

It look like a reasonable investment though MM with good rental potential.

Getting ready for my sleepover! Even more excited now!

And after I got rid of the pink bathroom it would be a perfect home for the foreseeable!

Thank you for your kind words As usual you guys have cheered me up considerably. Jacob seems a bit better this morning so I am very pleased about that. I think being that bit bigger he is getting better at coping with coughs and colds. I found it really upsetting revisiting the time he was in hospital and the few weeks after, but am telling myself he was only 5 weeks old then, but now he is a strapping 8 month old (next week).

MM that house looks very sweet and the area looks good too. I think considering you are so young (not meant at all patronising) then I think that is a very impressive first home. It is dinky but there are advantages to that as it would be easier to sell on in the future. You could get a lot more if you went further afield, but as it may well be a rental in the future, then location is important too. Also if you were to end up being a single mum, then feeling safe in your area is very important too. My first home was larger, but in a really dodgy area. I slept with a knife under my pillow for a while, but it actually turned out to be a lovely place to live, and all the horror stories were mostly historic.

Hugs to vq and stunt

to those DHs and DPs who have been rubbish the last week, and another one for chasing's xp, gt's DH.

Post holiday blues and bad tempers in the Raleuse household today.

chasing can you be aware that in your darker moments at this stage of the breakup you may start blaming yourself for the pbs in your relationship. It's natural, part of the grieving process. Just watch out for it and don't take yourself too seriously if it happens. You've been so brave and strong the last few weeks I am so proud of you.

horsey that sounds horrible, poor E

mm I like that house :)

VQ I read your post and felt very sad. I still think of you as being v optimistic (and so supportive) but there has been a definite change of tone as you have been worn down over time by all the challenges shit you have been thrown. You have done such a fantastic job in difficult circumstances and as you say J is much stronger and more able to shake off illness. Sending lots of love from me and J's almost-twin x

MM the house looks lovely and sounds like a sensible arrangement in case circumstances change.

YW/Pass I am quite excited to try out Soreen, I haven't had it for years. We have been trying out small amounts of normal formula milk in things like porridge fingers & mashed potato with no major reactions but I'm still being cautious. My mum thinks I should just start chucking butter and yogurt at him.

Not managing to read whole thread any more as work is so demanding but hello to everyone else & hope the night crew are getting some sleep - L's still variable but have had a couple of better nights lately (4.30/5) so hopeful of a trend.

Oh ladies :(

VQ I too read back earlier threads. I don't just read my posts, I've read a lot of the early days. I feel a total mix of emotions, like you say. Sad at how excited I was, and how happy I felt in the first 10 weeks, even when I thought things were tough, I was still happy over all.

Then I just feel angry at how hard I, and you, and others have fought to get proper treatment for our babies.

I don't know what to say - nothing makes it feel any better, does it? Just know you are not alone - in every sense. :)

I will - I keep saying this - go through all my posts and take the ones which detail O changing and his development and my feelings, and make some kind of diary to look back on. I thank goodness for this thread - as I have little memory from DS1. Which also makes me sad.

Stunt I think you are right in what you say that DH doesn't want to believe his parents were abusive. I know men like your FIL, and women like your MIL. I do my best to have nothing to do with them either. I can't stand them. And if I do have to spend time with them I spend it correcting their ignorant arse headed views. Well, correcting them in the sense that I just spout back at them a far more balanced view of the world. I guess you can't do that with IL's though. Bloody shame. Oh, and I have come to realise my Dad holds a lot of these types of fucking views I disagree with (like thinking a woman who is currently at home with her children is somehow unworthy of an equal stance in a relationship - hell, he thinks my job is 'beneath'). Hence why I see him for money when necessary only.

And as for the children not being bought up properly? Well, does MIL direct this shit at you? Why? Their father is also to 'blame' if that is what she truly thinks!

Do you think counselling could help? I don't know much about it, but when you say he is EA with the children, then it might be important to have this discussion with someone to mediate who is impartial?

Sophia Have fun tonight! I wouldn't mind being my 20 year old self - except I'm much the same at 28 as I was at 20 . I was just a few stone lighter!!!

MM Are you getting the mortgage in your name only? When I bought my house it was 8 months before me and ex dp split up. I had got the mortgage solely in my name. This meant he left with nothing - he wasn't working much at the time, plus the house was straight in to Neg equity as I bought in 2008. I'd go to the ends of the earth and back before a man would ever take a scrap out of this house from me. It is mine and my childrens. I worked fucking hard very very fucking hard for it, and I will never let it go. Or a penny from it. DP knows that. His mother (when he went running back there the other week) seems to think he should have some right to this place - well money from it?! HA!!! Okay, so it is in negative equity for one - so how can you take money out of something that has none? Also, I pay the mortgage and all bills. So she can fuck off! I was fuming - I saw the text on his phone from her. She has never displayed that kind of attitude in front of me. I'll be watching my back from now on. No one tries that kind of shit on me and gets away with it. Errrr. The point I was getting to was - make sure it is yours and M's. He can buy his own place and rent it out if he wants to be on the property ladder. I tell that to DP - he has no chance of ever getting a mortgage when he can't get FT work, and earns £550 a month. So he knows he wouldn't be able to own a house. But if fortune ever changed - I'd encourage him to buy and rent out. Then he would have his own property. Like I have mine. :)

PR Glad to see you back! It's been quiet round here .

Waves to JJ!

I've spent the last 3 hours composing this post haha! No thanks to O...!

Thank you JJ x I am thinking I may possibly need antidepressants as I was quite shocked by my change in tone since the early weeks. I thought it was tiredness, but I am getting enough sleep now mostly. Good news about no major reaction to the normal formula in small amounts.

Pass, you mentioned putting soy yoghurt under Ps lip. Is that the best way to test for a reaction? I was considering putting some yoghurt on Js leg on a clear patch of skin. I have noticed if I kiss him after having milk or yoghurt or cheese he starts scratching that area vigorously.

Izzy I thought your J had been exposed at some point to regular formula. I guess it is quite processed so less likely to get a reaction, but I would have thought if it was an allergy, as indeed it is, the response would have been notable at least.

So last night O woke at 4.15. I waited a minute - he was properly crying.

So I go downstairs, and heat a bottle up. Get back upstairs. No crying.

So I climb back in to bed and wait. He didn't wake back up til 6.40 and the bottle was wasted!.

It isn't the first time he's done that - waking up, and then I go and get a feed, to find in the 3 minutes it takes to heat, gaviscon it, and shake, he's gone back to sleep! I only ever go in his room before getting a feed if it is before 4. Before 4 I try to settle him without a feed, and only get one if he clearly wants it.

Next time I will give him 3/4 minutes before going to get the feed!

Anyway, frustratingly it meant that I didn't have a great nights sleep, as it took me over an hour to get back to sleep, plus it had taken me 1.5 hours to fall asleep in the first place. But DP got up with him. :) So he is vvvvvvdp today, as he did it with a smile!

Just a shame I had to tell him that he needed to give O a bottle as he was screaming for a feed - while DP was fannying about making porridge for him?! If he hasn't had a feed in 11 hours, he wants a bottle, not proper food yet! He had plenty of time for breakfast once he'd had a bottle!

In other news. Oscar is crawling FORWARDS!! Oh fuck! And in typical Oscar fashion, the thing which tempted him forwards? The fireplace - where we remove him from 50 times a day! He is a magnet for it. Fireguard being ordered on weds (pay day!). I can't believe he crawled to get to something he shouldn't haha!

Actually, I can believe it! Me and DP said the first thing he would crawl for would be a wire, the fireplace, or the dog!

Detective you are right. I am not alone in this

VQ I was going to put yoghurt on his skin too . I want to get yoghurts for him, but can't find the wot no dairy, so obv soya yogs are the easiest to find. Was worried about it. Have also been tempted to rub a bit of milk on his back (where he can't reach!) to see if his skin reacts. But I thought that was silly . Is it?

I really dunno.

And have you got your pay sorted Detective? Were they fucking you about?

Detective it has crossed my mind although I would not go to the extreme of doing a little nick like they do in hospital.

I won't say what has crossed my mind then .

At his paeds appt this week, she suggested giving him dairy at 9-10 months. Fuck that.

I'm waiting til after 1.

Also, she wanted to do it now - but we've only had 3-4 weeks of calm! Fuck that shit!

Ooops, missed that post! Yes, I think my pay is sorted! I get full pay til almost end of September. So I have to go back no matter what by then. I'm aiming for mid sept. As I assume if I need any time off sick from now til next April (or longer? I don't know how it works, is it a rolling year or what?) that it wouldn't be at full pay.

I'm getting much better now. I'm getting more and more able to do day to day activities - so actually, could be sooner really. I'm just taking it as it comes.

I don't know what the letter was about that they sent me - it seems to do with SSP and god knows what. But I get full pay end of, so why they need to involve me I have no idea!! I've clarified that regardless of what I am entitled to, my pay will be my full basic pay, so really, I have no idea!

Also, good job I rang them as they don't have my NHS start date correct - I had 2 years in work before working for them. They only had me down for 4 months full pay, not 5. I've got to ring back and check it is updated next week.

Afternoon quiche,

Have read everything and now trying to remember...

kyz how are you and your family doing?

PR lovely to have you back . Your words mean a lot to me. Thank you.

VQ and stunt along with others on the thread, you are two people that I really look up to. VQ I definitely can see that your mood has taken a dip lately. Antidepressants have really helped me cope, so I would give then serious consideration.

Stunt I wish I knew what to advise you. You know where I am if you want to chat x

Bad night last night. O was vert unsettled. When I eventually got him up for the day at 6 I noticed he had done a poo at some point in the night

Odd day today. Took the train back to Northampton (on my own for the first time ) so that O and XP could see each other. Almost as soon as I got there I felt depressed and being with XP put me on edge. I had applied to Northampton council for housing but am now thinking that MK is a better bet. I feel very lost, like I don't know where home is. I also feel poorly and want someone to give a shit. XP kept moaning about how tired he is

Next weekend I am letting XP collect O and take him back to Northampton for the day to spend time with his family. I hate the thought of it but I have to remember that he is his parent too. I might sleep all day.

pig I'm glad Dr Pig is alive and well Coffee was ok, just hard work. My mum seemed more concerned with how Aaron is than the fact that I am a single mother with only child benefits to my name until my claims get processed, with rent to pay on a flat I don't live in.

Waves I give a shit chasing. So wish I was closer to you, and others on here :(

I can't believe that bastard had the audacity to moan about being tired . What a cunt! I hope you called him on it!

I think MK sounds better for you, with having family, and at least one friend in the area? Although it isn't so far aware for visiting - but far enough for it to be a pain in the ass.

I'd just go with near family and friends if possible. :)

I sometimes think about rereading the earlier threads but don't dare. It was a horrible winter I don't want to think about it anymore.

I am dreading DH going back to work on Monday. DD1 after behaving beautifully right through the holiday has reverted to being a PITA, albeit a funny one. LO has regressed to newborn sleep. Up 3 times a night right through the last few weeks and being back home last night made for no improvement. She's only awake briefly for a quick feed, but I can't sleep afterwards and I am so tired.

I should be feeling rested but there is no rest on holiday with two small kids. I long for a day on my own. But as soon as they are back in nursery I will be at work.

LO hated being held by anyone other than me and DH. Screamed blue murder til she was handed back to us and then smirked sarkily at whoever was holding her as if to say yes, I will make you think I hate you. She's going to be hard at nursery. DD1 was so easy in comparison.

VQ it's possible that since Izzy's J had a couple of bottles early on that it could have caused the sensitisation that led to CMPI or dairy allergy. So there would have been no reaction at the time and the allergy developed afterwards.

Detective if you're worried about allergies then putting the food on unbroken skin is a good way to test for a reaction, then give a small amount by mouth with the antihistamine ready in case of a reaction. As I said, the reaction will only occur on the second or later exposure (unless exposed in utero which can happen for egg, dairy, etc.)

My DH will not consider counselling because my MIL had CBT for depression and it just made her angry rehashing the way her mother neglected her as a child.

vq as i said it would as i only two bottle's and I can't remember that far back. Be is definitely allergic now anyways, it was a proper raised we and redness surrounding it from the skin prick test so not intolerance definitely allergy.

He and DD were overnight at my sister's last night. J was fed by me at 5pm and refused bottles til 3.30am where he took 6oz and the continue to refuse them until I collected him at 2pm! He has never refused bottles before so I can only assume it's the chip fat neocate stuff that we are adding to them that's doing it. Slightly concerned as J is getting christened tomorrow and my dress is categorically a non feeding dress. It's physically impossible to feed in it!

I think we're all organised. I had attempted to dye my hair this week but it was patchy so have just had it fixed at hair salon. They left tint on my skin and told me to get it off with baby wipes! I'm fucking raging at that! Like ridiculously so!
!

det you are entitled to full say pick after being back at work for one full year. It doesn't go by financial years or from date of first sick. So of you returned to work on 1st September you would be entitled to full pay again from 1st September the next year providing no sickness in between times. Any sick leave required after return to work will be half pay until you use your allowance or have been at work with no sick for a full year.

stunt I dint know what to say but sending some hugs