Dec 2011: Running around after our Cybermidgets...

[Aethelfleda]

Roll up, roll up, it's the Dec 11 new thread.
Prepare to be upgraded (if you can catch them!)

Oi am glad you found it productive. Did DH say much in your sessions about what you said...like being on agreement about his lack of motivation etc...has he agreed to change anything? It shouldn't just be you who needs to change if you both want your marriage to work x

The way I read your post is actually that the onus is on him, by sorting out the gambling and becoming more motivated. If he doesn't want you to split then he has to do the work to prove that to you. Your obligation I think is to decide whether there's enough left in the tank for you to respect and trust him again, or whether it's gone too far for that. Not to put aside how you feel, but whether how you feel has the potential to be changed following positive action on his side IYSWIM.

The stuff about the gambling only starting after he met you and him feeling emasculated - that may be an explanation of why he did it. But in no way is it an excuse for behaving that way. If he thinks there can possibly be an excuse for something like that, that's something he is going to have to sort out sharpish.

Sorry that was to Oi obviously. Did he say anything about recognising the part he has to play?

Glad it went well Oi even if it was hard to do. As far as things being your fault... I don't think that's really the case. He is the one who needs to change his behaviour if he wants you to respect him and trust him. If that turns out not to be enough, then you must not feel guilty about still wanting to split. Your happiness is important. We only get one shot at life and to go through it unhappy because you feel guilty about wanting to be happy, is silly. I'm always around if you want a chat or some wine of a weekend.

DH and I have a habit of falling in to The Pit Of Indecision when we try and decide anything. He is an analyst by nature (and job) and I'm chilled out the point of being horizontal. So while he likes to make spreadsheets and weigh up the pros and cons, I like to just go with the flow and committing to a choice on something is a gut thing for me. I like it, I want it. I get this from my parents who are the king and queen of impulse buyers (good job they have a lot of disposable income really!) DH is the exact opposite and it CRAP at buying anything 'fun' for himself. It tooks weeks of him umming and ahhing over getting a tablet thingy just for himself (since I hog the laptop) with him going back and forth between wanting it and seeing it as useful, and him feeling like he shouldn't splash money out on a big kids toy (in perspective, we are not short of money, have savings and money for luxuries). I had to literally say 'I cannot discuss this any more. I think you should buy it, you obviously want it, we can afford it and you never get yourself anything. I cannot listen to the pros and cons again because my head will actually explode with all the not caring.' We need to buy a shelf to go in the kitchen at the minute, this could take months.

We had more of a chat about the shouting and grumpyness towards DS, and DH was feeling incredibly guilty and awful about not being a good enough dad and seems to have come to his own conclusion about needing to be the grown up and to put his own feelings aside to help DS learn to understand the world. So, that's made me more relaxed and happy.

Got the in-laws coming over this weekend so need to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! I want to go out for a NT place or similar for a nice walk in the country but a) the weather isn't looking great and b) the inlaws are not fans of exercise if it involves walking for more than 10 minutes and doesn't end up in a cake shop of some kind. So who knows what we'll do.

Thanks for the feedback. It helps.
Yes, he recognises that he has to make changes. But it really took quite a lot of pushing from me and the counsellor to make him realise that, to date, he has shown no motivation.
He said (a month ago) he will do everything in his power... but then did very little. I think he's now got it.
So we'll see what happens next.

I recognise the pit of indecision, Hop.
DH has to analyse and over analyse, and analyse again.
I see something I want and buy it.
I lost it regarding the TV purchase. After hours of research, and then time spent in shops, and then over an hour in JL, DH was ready to walk away and not buy a TV, to do more research. This is why we ended up with the best, silly expensive Tv. I said, No. we are not spending any more time on this. You like this one? we're buying it NOW.

Good luck with the in-laws.
And thank you for the offer of wine. It is appreciated.
I need some teetotality in my life. Its far too easy to fall into a bottle at the minute!

DH spent half an hour trying to chose a saw the other day

I know what you mean about booze, I go through phases of just not drinking because it doesn't occur to me, and other phases where I realise I have drunk half a bottle of wine a couple of nights in a row and I think 'yeah, should stop that'.

Meant to be going to see my friend tomorrow, and her itty bitty babby. But C has just got to the end of a minging cold and seems to have a bit of conjuntivitis (Dr says to give it 5 days to see if it's viral and if not he'll get drops/cream, does that sound right?) so I think we'll skip it. Also, my clanging ovaries might lead to me stealing the baby and taking her home.

I've just turned the heating back on. Again. Brrrrrr!

Air still not asleep and he went to school and swimming and had no sweets. What is wrong with the boy, go to fucking sleep and stop bloody counting gerrr

If you dont stop shouting and banging the radiator I will put you in the garden to sleep.

Sorry but im losing patience now and running out of things to try

He is jumping on his bed now

Can you go & sit with him and read him a story? Maybe give him a cup of hot chocolate & a cuddle.

I sympathise tho. Sky has been a terror for bed just lately :( although DH had to bath her & put her to bed tonight as I didn't finish work till 6 and had a brownie camp meeting straight after for 1/2 hr & the little moobag went straight to sleep.

With DS (who is a bit older than Air) we have a no noise/lights on rule but I recognise I cant force him to sleep if he is not tired, but he is not allowed to get out of bed,shout etc. I am a mean mummy and I need my time as much as he needs his 12 hours sleep so if he mucks around (which is virtually never) he would lose any computer/Wii time for 3 days - usually works!

I am only now beginning to realise that DS is actually a very compliant little boy and I think Freya is going to be a very different kettle of fish. DS wants to please - Freya wants to please herself! I can see the teenage battles will be immense!

He is still awake and if he kick the radiator one more time he will be sleeping downstairs.

He is in bed but talking and bouncing on his bed anything but sleeping. He has to be up at 7am tomoro so major grumpy son.

I also cant sleep till he does!

My toes are cold too Oi - I'm off to bed with a hot water bottle to watch something mindless. Do feel for you and Hop with the pit of indecision, DH is like that sometimes but luckily not about family purchases, mainly about treats for himself where he can't decide whether he should treat himself now to something nice or hold out for something better in future.

Air I must admit I did giggle when you said he was counting and then posted 5 mins later saying he was jumping on his bed It's the kind of thing that's funny until it's suddenly not funny anymore though, so I really hope he's asleep now.

jiggle now I find that fascinating - two kids in the same family with such clear and distinct personalities right out of the gate. I bet Freya will be awesome in her self-possession

DS now puts his head down on your shoulder and says "sooo sleepy, bockle of mook" if he wants a nap and a bottle of milk, it's adorable. Though we tried with a beaker tonight, first time - he drank almost none of it, only about 100mls He did have a GIANT dinner though.

Ah the ironies of those weeks ago where I would bitch and moan that he would eat literally nothing...now he seems to eat his bodyweight at every meal!

Actually today was kind of an insane amount of food and I'm wondering - should I try and rein him in? When does portion control become an issue? What do you think?

Breakfast: small bowl quinoa porridge, 1 pouch pear and raspberry puree (swirled into porridge), 10 blueberries, water
Nap: 250ml whole milk (from a bottle)
Lunch: 2 slices smoked salmon, two fingers cheddar, one baton cucumber, 1 oatcake, 2 Tbsp hummus plus extra smeared on face/hands/hair, whole pear (including core, I was doing the washing up and turned around and he'd eaten the entire thing and was gnawing on the stem ), water
Snack: whole large banana, water
Dinner: 2" square piece of quiche lorraine, two baby corn, 3 mange tout (though these mostly ended on the floor), two satsumas and a whole large banana, water
Bed: 100mls milk

I try to feed him in stages to give him a chance to tell me when he's full - give him one thing, wait till he's done, pause, give him another thing if he asks, wait till he's done, pause, offer water...

I guess it's a phase or a growth spurt or something right, like when they were tiny and suddenly feeding all the time. You do read all this stuff about obese toddlers though and I worry that will be DS

We have snoring yay

That's all folks!

Good night xx

Im up with Hope who has a temp of 39.1 and is shaking. I have given calpol and now she is just in nappy and feeding.

Air still snoring.

Roll on Saturday morning and my lie in day without kids.

Oh no! I hope she's feeling better this morning Air - so scary when they are so poorly they shake

DS slept until gone eight this morning. He seems to be sleeping longer and napping less during the day this past week. I'll miss the naps but staying in bed till 8 is quite nice!
Meeting Oi and bennybenbear for soft play antics later today.

air - hope Hope is ok
xiao - that is loads more than Freya eats but it is all really healthy stuff so I really wouldnt worry - I think toddlers do self regulate what they eat and the problem only comes when they eat crap food all the time, which doesnt fill them up but makes them fat. Freya is having a non eating week! Also looking at the healthiness of your meals xiao I am feeling rather guilty - Freya definitely gets 2nd child food! Not lots of crap but not as much fruit, veg and health stuff as DS had. Mine you if she would eat more fruit it would help. DS loved and still does love fruit - F is less bothered and would rather have it out a pouch/pot than fresh.

Sounds similar quantities to DS Xiao, he's a chunky 12.5kg (but is tall too) and eats quite a lot. He's fussy though, so if it's something he doesn't like he'll refuse and happily have nothing. Most days he gets stuff I know he'll eat though, and packs away a lot. Today as an example:
Breakfast of weetabix and red cherry wheats with milk plus cup of milk (about 150mls). I've just switched to semi-skimmed as I don't think he's lacking in fats!
Mid-morning snack: a goodies organic orange and apple cereal bar
Lunch: some bread, cheese, quorn ham, falafel, carrot sticks and houmous, grapes. With grimace fraud for afters
Mid-afternoon snack: we're going on a play date with one of DD's friends so probably cake or biscuit today. If at home he usually has fruit (fresh or dried) or something like rice cakes.
Tea: kedgeree with fruit for afters
Bedtime: cup of milk (approx 150mls)

I hope everyone has a good day, and that air gets her lie in tomorrow

Oh, and he just drinks water throughout the day

Hope didnt wake up till gone 8am and is now back in bed sleeping and Air in school.

Hope is a second child lol

Breakfast was special k flakes and oj in sippy cup at 9am
Water in cup available all day.
Snack was a strawberry yogout and water.
Lunch 12 was ham butty, crisp and oj
afternoon snack at 3:30 is toast and baby bell
Dinner is jacket potato and salad (sweetcorn, carrot and lettice).with juice

We need to go shopping Hope likes bannana, grapes, crakers, chesses, ham, chicken, rice, sweetcorn, pees, risoto

Really anything we are eating but I draw the line at her drinking chicken gravy! She likes anything she can pick at or pratice stabing with a fork!

See I would totally give DS ham or other sandwiches but his aforementioned lack of dexterity means he isn't great at holding a sandwich and biting it. Every time I've given him a sandwich it is picked apart into pieces which go on the floor so I generally just give him the constituent parts now - at least that way it makes it into his mouth

jiggle I'm glad to have your healthy eating endorsement. I was in danger of getting a little PFB about the amount of salt and fat e.g. in the hummus, smoked salmon and cheese. DS would happily be a fruitarian, vegetables don't go down so well. He absolutely loves the Tilda kids rice pouches though which is super convenient (and they're half price at Waitrose at the moment).

faffin kedgeree! What a great dinner idea, I'm totally nicking that as DS loves both fish and rice. Is "grimace fraud" a DYAC for "fromage frais"?

air glad hope is sleeping and hopefully feeling better - hope you can get a nap or something today and definitely your lie-in tomorrow, between the two of them you haven't had much sleep have you!

DH is flying home tonight for the weekend after a week up in Scotland on a school trip! I cannot WAIT and am literally counting the minutes. This is the longest he's ever been away since DS was born and every morning DS has asked for dada. I'm making his favourite dinner for him (okinawan taco rice with a huge dollop of homemade guacamole). Sadly he has to go back Sunday for the final week of the trip but oh well...it's a months' extra pay...and it'll be good for his career...and absence certainly makes the heart grow fonder, there have been some very soppy text messages this week, the likes of which have not been seen for a couple of years

DH appears to have missed his flight thanks to solid bumper to bumper traffic in Glasgow. I must admit I have had a small weep of disappointment