Dec 2011: Running around after our Cybermidgets...

[Aethelfleda]

Roll up, roll up, it's the Dec 11 new thread.
Prepare to be upgraded (if you can catch them!)

Oh no northern

i'd say if it's jaw based and swollen then see how quickly you can get to a dentist. If it's days then book it and consder a walkin centre GP (but they are v limited in what they can do). Some things can mimic tooth trouble tho, there are a few icky things like quinsies/salivary gland infecions, so getting checked over by whoever can see you soonest sounds sensible. Good luck xx

Thanks aethel, am going to emergency dentists very shortly. After years of tonsilitis (sp?) I had the sods removed when I was 21, best thing ever, otherwise this would have turned into a bout.

The plumbing emergency got worse, and the plumber's just leaving- lots of leaks, and large wet patches on two floors...

Still, have eaten a whole piece of toast and some Cadbury's buttons, so hoorah

Sounds like its been a bad weekend northern. Hope things improved a little after seeing the dentist.

DD1 is really miserable with teething, its only been a week since they were last hurting her :(. Still, at least half of one of the three molars that are close is through.

Lurking and trying to stay up to date with the thread but all a bit too busy here to catch up much. DS s birthday activities took up best part of 3 days last weekend (school party, family gathering, then actual bday) , then I was up to london for 2 days of meetings and now am in the midst of supervising GSCE examiners for 3 weeks - lots of time online but not much time to MN. Have freya most days all day still so have to do it all in the evenings/weekends. She doesnt really believe in day time sleep and if she sleeps more than an hour I cant get her to bed anyway.

Too much to name check but just to say oi I know where you are coming from in many ways! Good luck to house sellers, plumbers, cake bakers etc!

Re other questions somewhere up thread - Freya has milk before bed but beaker not bottle and sometimes a drink mid afternoon but no bottles. Toilet training will not be happening here until next summer. DS was 3 and was quick to do at that stage and not at all stressful. I suspect freya will be earlier as a girl and a second but 2 and a hlaf will be fine for me!

Think I have to give up for today and go to bed - knackered!

Oh dear Northern, your weekend sounded grim! How very rude of the 4 to not turn up - especially when you are ill. Karma will strike them back. (We must believe!) I hope you're feeling better and that the plumbing is now all fixed. (And why couldn't that wait until you'd sold up and moved out?!
BOi went to the OOH docs yesterday too. He has a swollen sixpence (that's what grandma called it anyway). His foreskin is a bit tight and it's got a slight infection - like thrush. Hopefully it will right itself, with cream and time and circumsizion will not be nec! Poor mite! He's had enough trouble down there already. Give the BOi a break!
(Although as a lady [of dubious reputation] a circumsized willy is rather nice!)
...will continue in a sec...

(That sounded v odd reading it back.)
In other news, the Friday evening drinks session was really good. It was great to relax with my mate. We drank a lot of wine and put the world to rights, and when I got home at some point after midnight I was bouncing off the walls. Drunk.
Oh dear, and I sent some drunken texts to my sister who announced to the FaceBook world that one of my parents' dogs had died. "Goodnight Nugget. God bless. xxx" - Well as far as I know, the dog couldn't read and didn't go on facebook, and he certainly wouldn't be reading it now as he's dead. Mum had tried to contact me, but my phone was in my handbag. My mate saw the post when I went to the loo... I wasn't very happy.
I thought BOi had slept through, but no, I was just unconscious. DH was on duty. (ha ha!)
He also did all the driving on Saturday when we went to my parents' new static caravan. It is very lovely. Not at all like my PIL's caravan.
Last night friends came for dinner and then we watched our first 3D movie. Very nice, thank you.
Mum thinks I should definitely work on the marriage, "too many people give up too quickly". I'm not convinced...
Germany tomorrow, and then Relate on Wednesday evening.
All good fun.
Air - hope you're OK. - So many of us with husband issues. I can see a thread title of the future "Dec 2011 - The one where we all get divorced"

I need to work on commas. And making sense in general. Must try harder.

Add me to the divorce list. So pissed off with DH after this weekend I could happily have beaten him to death with a chair. Oh, you've got a cold? Well then that makes it totally fine to shout at your over tired toddler and be incredibly rude to him. He's just a child so it doesn't really matter. FFS. Am no longer sad that he doesn't want another baby.

And breathe.

Oh no! Sympathies and hugs.
I wonder how many "mum communes" have been set up from similar threads... !

Can i join the DH bashing?

Mine is still in a hump with me after i went out Saturday night he seems to think that because we dont have babysitting options at the moment which means we cant go out together we shouldn?t go out separately, he doesn?t understand why a 32 year old mother would want to go out getting pissed ? he wont listen to the fact that i had no intention of getting pissed, that because i am a 32 year old mother doesn?t mean my life has to end, that he was out when he was 32, that our coupley friends are 6-9yrs older than me so maybe they dont want to be doing these things and he shouldn?t compare them to me, that i haven?t been ?pissed? for 3 years+ so not to judge me on how i behaved when i was 25 (which was often pretty shamefully i must admit) and am capable of going out, not getting leathered, raped or murdered and that not all taxi drivers are murderous sexual predators GAAAAAHHHHH

He sits in another room, huffing and puffing, staring into space and refuses to acknowledge when i speak to him, he can be snidey and shitty with me but then takes exception when i pick him up on it. He told me this morning that if i do things he doesn?t like or agree with i have to deal with the consequences so i said right in that case what you are saying is the only way to avoid all this shit is to do exactly what you want, think the same way as you, not go out without you as by me having my own opinions and by going out without you you are acting this way so to avoid it i just wont anymore?? BUT apparently he doesn?t want me to do that either..........WTF do you want then!! I am sure none of that last sentence made sense.

oi what was it that tipped you over the edge and made you call relate i think we could do with some sort of intermediary to stop me getting shouty and stabby. I am an angry scot who grew up in a household with massive blow out rows and that being the last you hear about the issue while he is a sulker and his parents are snipey and can drag little arguments out for days, months, years so we are very different which doesn?t help.

DS didn?t help this morning he woke at 6 and then screamed until 7.30 he screamed to be picked up, put down, he walked around with the TV remotes and lay full on ground crying and kicking when i refused to put it on at 7.15, his toys were thrown, i was hit in the mouth he was VILE!!! Only managed to calm him down after some nurofen and banana rice cakes. Hop if DH had shouted at DS this morning i would have prob knocked him out.

and breathe........

Crikey! figgy your DH needs to wake up to himself.
And I must also add that you're allowed to go out and have a few vinos at ANY age! You are also completely allowed to get leathered, if you so wish, and be shameful.
Nothing tipped me over the edge really. I just realised that the relationship was not "doing it for me" any more. I knew that having a child changes a relationship, and it takes time to get into it, etc., but realised that, more than that, I really just don't feel the same way about him. The relationship is unfulfilling. And it crossed over the line to where things started to grate...
When he gambled again, I realised that I wanted the relationship to end. That's when I decided to go to Relate.
To be honest, I wanted Relate to make the split more amicable, and bearable for us both. I also wanted it as an excuse to help justify the split to others, "Oh we tried to fix things. We even went to Relate..."
Then I made the appointment (after a few weeks), and then DH and I talked, and decided to put the effort in.
Now, I truly don't know what I want. We'll go to Relate and see what happens.

Christo oi we would be a barrell of laughs if we were in the same room wouldnt we :-)

See how he is tonight it is just exhausting!!!!!!

Oh no...hope all DH pull themselves together soon.

Am very very tired. Sky didn't go to sleep till 4am and was up again by 7:30....shattered on top of already being exhausted is an understatement

DH & I had a serious talk about me becoming a SAHM. He was the one who raised it last week as he is very concerned about my health and tbh so am I. So have a phone call booked in with my GP this week for his opinion - although I know he will agree, he's been saying it for months. Financially our purse strings will have to be tightened but think we will be ok.

oi hopefully relate will at least help you to make sense of things and decide what you want.

Slight DH related ranting here too, I know he works long hours but I'm so fed up of him moaning about being tired. We were splitting doing the night feeds, then I done six nights in a row so he'd be less tired so could do more in the new kitchen, but still he moans about being so tired doing the kitchen. He done last night for me (first night I've slept in our bed all week as we're staying downstairs so the colic doesn't wake everyone up) and made to feel guilty because of course he's tired. Gah, I'm tired too I just don't feel the need to moan about it every five minutes

They are pathetic aren't they?
Little boys who need to grow some balls!
And figgy, we'd have a good laugh if we got together. Especially if we were allowed to get pissed.

Oh dear - the men just dont seem to get it , do they? Could write a great deal about DH and I 's problems but fundamentally it stems from me changing more when I became a mum and him being resentful that his life is now so boring! I also find him very selfish and we dont really share any quality time as a couple or much physical contact at all. I do wonder what he adds to my life apart from finance and DIY skills but the kids love him and love playing with him, and I dont think I can be arsed with stress and hassle of a divorce, or the impact on the kids and our finances. Those of us with boys must make sure we do better for the next generation!

Hi I have just read 11 pages and catch up.

Sorry oi (hugs)

Hope you can be SAHM Queenie and get some rest but please consider all aspects - it makes you very dependant on dh and may affect your future ability to get a job :(

Hello to ElQ (waves like a loon)

My catch up/update
Hope coked on bottle top and I had to do first aid it was very scary.
Air has started football training
I have a new mummy friend that is local
Hope has milk as a drink some times but if bf alot everyday and has chesses and yougot, she is saying lots of words and coping words we say, likes pretend play with dolls, like colouring and has climb the big slide at park and come bown slide on her own, like seesaw but not swings, can do anamile noises and calls them by name. She knows she has done a wee and I can tell when she is going and she can say wee and poo but im not ready to potty train her yet.

She is scared of other children and just stands there watching them should have called her Wednesday

H lied to me on Friday and I kicked him out, he is now back and sleeping in Airs room. He thinls its ok to lie and I dont so we are going to relate. I get very angry as im a redhead and Welsh, Friday night was not pretty

Air is going to SALT as he gets his t and k mixed up and cant say s so we now have homework each week. He was sick last night and.has temp so didnt go to school today and is driving me mad! He can now write his own name but I think he os dyslecix so im trying even more to get his speech and reading and writting sorted!
Im trying to take the kids out more to swimming, footy, park and playgroups and friends and walking more as well.

I have done all my washing and housecleaning and sorting out and meal planning and saving money so apart from h pants on fire everything is ok.

I think my depression is more under control so im more productive and calm which is good as Hope will be starting to turn into a stroppy toddler soon

Oi is it being married that makes you feel trapped or your dh?

Does he support you in having you time each week? Where you can have a bath, paint, read, go to the gym? Being away with work is not you time.

Can you get a babysitter to go out together?

We share days so Saturday is my lie in day and I get time to read, garden, paint and do what I want when H looks after kids then on Sunday it H lie in day and he does what he w as nts to do. Every other sunday kids go to pil for lunch and we have time together to eat a meal, DTD, chat or go out together.

I find it hard to feel loved/liked by people and its hard for me to let people in

Its a defence mechinisam - I like this but your going to hurt me so im pushing you away before you push me away and hurt me. I felt like this for a year after we got married and then again when I had PND once on Antidepressents I felt alot better about my marrage and that I wanted to build a family with H for our children.

Im no long in the honeymoon phase I dont get butterflies when I first see H after work or in the morning there is no newness or exsitment in our relationship - its boring and confortable.

But we have shard history, we are family, we have the same dreams and hopes for the future, we respect each other and feel happy to support each other in new adventers.

I still think H is a git for lieing to me, bringing him parents into our affairs and for being stupid and doing something I dont like him doing. But I know beep down I love him and we are family and we need to sort this issue out!

But if he will not help sort it out I will be fine being a single mum as im strong and awesome

Sorry for the epic posts and the me me me

Air sending you lots of support

I realise being a SAHM will make me more dependant on DH but I don't think that will be too much of a problem.

My little ragbag Sky got detention/time out at nursery today for scratching another child because he had the chair she wanted to sit in naughty girl :( she now in bed asleep and hopefully for the night.

Darcie came out of school with a headache. Mum picked her up and she promptly threw up in her car, into my dads hat of all things lol. Now in bed after a dose of calpol.

DH gone out so peace for me.

We are awesome!
Ha! I like it.
Thanks for sharing the DH experiences. It helps me to get more perspective, and I'm sure it helps you to write it all down too.
QOC - as aaoh says, be cautious becoming a SAHM. Whilst you must certainly look after your health, it wasn't that long ago that your DH had issues about money/balance and you don't need more pressure. Make sure he's really on board. Good luck.

Oi - wrt money ishoos he is brilliant now. I see all the accounts and where the money goes to etc. I've been a single mom so can do it all on my own if it ever came to it. I'll keep my skills up at home. I've already enrolled on a part time college course in sept for Cake decorating level 1 as really enjoying my cuppy making and find it quite relaxing

I have been a SAHM for 4.5 years now from when Air was born. My main issues was ajusting from not working, not much adult contact, setting my own routine, being with a screaming baby 24/7, not having a break from the children,making all the decission about the children myself and being crotisied by H if things went wrong, learning to budget and have joint money so better communication about the money we both spent. Looking after children when sick as cant sfford H to have time off work.

H more stressed as its his responsability to make the money and not get sacked dealing with jelousy from H about me not working, getting up early and him talking to adults having childfree time.

Good things for me about being SAHM: I gotvto take air swimming everyweek which he will not get at nursary, I get to teach him everything d learn about child development, first aid, nutrition for children and loss weight playing footy and chase, teaching the values I want him to have and disaplining him as I see fit. Doing my own thing when I want, fits around health problems (better pg with Hope as not at work lifting heavy boxes, filling) and I get the take lpts of photos and make happy mempiries when they still want me involved.

Bad thing money: all savings go and remoraged house to affored it as well as no holiday or extras, no clothes, makeup, fags, beer, nights out, concerts, cinema, purfume, expensice hairdos and nothing but essentials for everyone. H Timberland boots for work broke and we cant afford to replace them so he is wearing deck shoes his mum give him for free.

We had planned for three years only and then Hope came along so now we are down to living hand to mouth and selling things with me going part time in January 14 when Hope in nursary and Air in full time school.

Also not afford to move to bigger house, not having nursary room, kids not shareing a room, hope being in our room til 5yo, not having a bf chair etc etc.......