Dec 2011: Running around after our Cybermidgets...

[Aethelfleda]

Roll up, roll up, it's the Dec 11 new thread.
Prepare to be upgraded (if you can catch them!)

Oi I agree with Seven. It looks as though you've already made your decision. Tbh no good being in an unhappy relationship for sake of BOi as he will pick up on unhappy vibes.

DH & I are back on track. Have agreed to try and make more of an effort to spend time without the girls and rekindle our sparkle. He has also promised to try and learn more about ASD and come to any support groups etc that is needed for him to learn

Am resting today..woke up feeling great this morning tho so hopefully I've finally kicked this chest infection.

I have made an appt at relate. Next weds evening. £48.
I was contemplating going alone to try and work out what I want, but am going to invite DH tonight. Then we have a week to discuss beforehand.
I feel sick to the stomach. He isn't home yet.
BOi fell asleep in the car on the way home and didn't stir when I put him in bed at 18:20. This won't last. He's not had his milk! He'll wake up feeling robbed and then come and beat me up.

Oi thinking of you and hope your discussion goes ok.

Oi thinking of you and hope your discussion goes ok.

Wow great step forward Oi - I hope Relate helps clarify things for you in your own head. Have you ever posted on the Relationships board here? DH posted there once, he found the advice really helpful. Sending you strength and tummy-settling vibes.

queen really glad to hear you guys are back on track - learning about ASD sounds like it could be really key to him understanding how Darcie is and how it's best to relate to her so he doesn't judge you unfairly.

air hope you're ok.

northern I would be so upset if I was your DH. My iPhone is lovingly cosseted like a Faberge egg and I would weep if the screen smashed!! Work is still fun but thank goodness we're ok on DH's salary as it looks like it's going to be a while longer than I thought before we make any money. Oh well - if it all folds, I've got really great experience to get another job in the future, and it's worth it just to spend so much more time with DS than I used to.

And as one new piece of tech arrives, another bites the dust - our washing machine door is not latching so an engineer has been called for tomorrow afternoon. I really hope it's just a case of replacing the door latch, fingers crossed. There's a load of sopping wet laundry in there too which I guess I need to finish off by hand and fling into the dryer or they'll have that horrible sour smell. I'm trying not to think about the nappy bucket, luckily it's only half full as I did all the nappies on Monday.

I know what did it, it was DS banging the door over and over while crooning "washin' masheeen, washin' masheeeeeeeen" over and over - but of course I'm not breathing a word of that to the engineer!

I also covered myself in mothering glory by shutting DS's finger in the door when I was trying to get it latched and didn't see that he'd snuck his finger in there. He was hidden under my ginormous bump There was much screaming and I think there will be a bruise tomorrow but no lasting harm done I think.

Xiong I spent a good hand minute trying to slam the shoe storage box closed before I realised that DS had his finger stuck in it the other day.

Hi everyone,

Well...still waiting to see if the people that made the offer come back with a better offer! Yuck it's all too nerve wracking for me!

I'm looking forward to the weekend already, work is busy, DH is busy at work and not very chatty at the moment...think we're both just knackered!

Hope all the other DH's on the thread can sort themselves out as well!

Good luck oi with talking to DH.

((((hug)))))

and for all the thread, with belgian chocolates. Because we're worth it :)

Offer would have been accepted if we'd had a buyer...sigh...

Good luck Oi, I won't say hope it's not too distressing, cos that's unavoidable, but hope it's bearable.

Knackered, day from hell...

Thanks Aethel!

Oi Good wishes from here too. Making this decision one way or another is probably one of the bravest things you can do, rather than just letting things get worse.

Queen Good to hear you're feeling better. I know you don't understand the concept of actually resting, but sometimes that is what your body needs

Xiao I vaguely remember you saying you feel huge this time and that baby movements were much more defined. Just wanted to say I feel like a whale this time roound (although in my case and skinnier and fitter than last time round, so possibly it really is just all bump!) and having told DH at about 5 months that this one didn't seem quite as wriggly I have been well and truely put in my place. Full on ripples, what I think was an elbow sticking right out yesterday and what feels like complete somersaults. Clearly my nice, quiet, calm DC2 is a figment of my imaginitation...

We haven't had any injuries here, although Seb has a huge scab thing on his hand that we have NO IDEA where it came from. It happened whilst we were away on holiday with 3 adults keeping an eye on him.

Cheung keeping fingers crossed here for you. You're not trying to buy Northerns house are you?!

Ummm, I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow. That means 6 weeks to go. 6 Weeks! Shiiiiiiit...

kat yes that describes me to a T this time!! Clearly life is about to get a lot more exciting for us with tiny hellion DC2s...and when I say "about", that's right around the corner for you Oh the insanity...

Oi I hope your discussion with DH went okay last night.

Aw! I'm completely jealous that you have tiny hellion DC2s on the way. If we do split up, that will be the hardest bit for me. Of course, I could just go out and dtd with a stranger...(!)
Anyway, I needn't have bothered with the stomach somersaults last night. DH came home, we chatted about the day, I told him I'd made the appointment. He said "That's shit". I said, "It's sad, but it's not shit that we are doing something about it." And then I didn't get another word from him all night.
I wonder if he will take his head out of the sand before next Wednesday.
In better news, the new TV will arrive today, and I've got someone coming to talk to me about solar panels. (I must look online - weren't they free at one time? govt backed initiative? or is that just for people on benefits? Mini rant here: at the Home show at the weekend, loads of promos for free boilers, roof and wall insulation - all of which I need. Of course, I don't qualify, and can't afford them because I'm giving all my money away in taxes so that I can buy a boiler for some f-ink Call of Duty player.) I really don't know why I'm seeing someone about solar panels. I want to look into all energy-saving/cost saving measures, and I'm determined that I'm in this house for the long term (although it is massive if it's just for me n BOi!), but I can't afford solar panels. He said, i think, that they'd only cover a third of my electricity needs.
And I'm not really allowed to touch the Tv til DH comes home, because he will want to do all the setting up stuff. (As much as he annoys me, I shall not deprive him of this joy).
Good luck to those awaiting offers and offer-acceptances.
And don't worry, if it all falls through, you can come and stay at Ashworth Towers Ali's Palli.

(what a confused, rambly post!)
Must stay on one thought path and not get distracted and ramble about other stuff.
Must stay on one thought path and not get distracted and ramble about other stuff.
Must stay on one thought path and not get distrac...

Oi...Maybe it came as a bit of a shock to DH and he needed time to process what you said without yelling etc. Hopefully he will be more open & honest with you tonight.

Hoping offers are accepted soon.

Kat - 34 weeks already, my how time has flown.

My cupcakes didn't all go yesterday, kept some back for today...however, DH said he told everyone to donate what they thought each cupcake was worth and out of 36 cupcakes about 20-25 went and they made £40 so far.... nice to know people love my baking :)

Had an order for 12 more today...so will be getting onto that shortly.

I also have an appointment to have acupuncture today....first time ever so will see what happens.

Queen am jealous of your baking skills, the cupcakes looked lovely. Good luck with the acupuncture. I'm normally very anti anything 'woo' like that, but I've heard people have really good results from it.

Kat 34 weeks?! Wow, not long now!

Oi I don't really know what to say. I hope he becomes more positive about going to relate, but if he doesn't then maybe going on your own will help you clarify things. To be honest, you don't sound like you will miss any of the marriage bits and only seem concerned with how bOi will feel with parents living apart, and how DH would feel about living elsewhere. That sounds to me like you sort of know where you want this to head; and bOi will be absolutely fine - better to have happy parents separately that unhappy ones together, and DH is responsible for himself, you can't protect him from being unhappy. He's an adult and it's not your responsibility to micromanage his emotions. I hope you can come to some kind of decision about what to do, I understand the sadness about possibly not having a sibling for bOi. I wrote a big post in relationships about what to do about DH not wanting another and got some good advice.

DS has a bit of a cold this week, and the poor kid's got hayfever too. At nursery yesterday he wasn't very well and sneezing and scratching at his eyes. They gave him some calpol as he had a temp of 38.5 and it didn't come down, so they called me o come get him and dropped into the conversation that they had given him some piriton for his hayfever. Um. What? I don't remember giving you any piriton, or agreeing for you to give it to him. He's never had it before FGS. DH had to go pick him up as I had stuff on at work, but he was fine that afternoon, running round the garden like a mad thing. I dropped him off this morning, with some hayfever stuff I had bought for him and said that he had never had it before and they were a bit apologetic but kind of not? Basically they thought he was suffering and gave it to him - I think it was good intentions but I'm still kind of pissed that they gave him medication without my prior agreement. I've agreed that they can give him calpol and ibuprofen if they think its needed, and they have done in the past for teething and sore throats. But yeah, I'm just a bit annoyed. They're brilliant in general, so I'm hesitant to kick up a big fuss, and I can see what they were thinking, but still. Not. Happy.

I don't think i'd be very happy either. They obviously don't have a problem calling you, so why didn't they call you beforehand to check it was OK with you? It's really odd. Most nurseries don't dare administer anything without your signed agreement. I agree, he was suffering, they wanted to stop him suffering, and, had they called you, you most likely would have agreed, or collected him to see a dr/pharmacist to get advice first. tv here...

Sorry for that interuption.
"Feel the beauty"
?
that's what it says on the TV packaging.
...Which I am not opening. So DH can play.
You are right Hopalong. I can't micromanage DH's emotions/life.
If we do split up, I will have to help set him up somehow. I have to ensure that he's OK so that BOi can spend good times with him. I know that wouldn't be my responsibility, but I'll do what's best for BOi.
I think I'd be better without DH. I think he's a drain on my resources (time/energy), I'd get more done and have a fuller life without him.
I wouldn't miss his company, I don't think - I work full time. I have a son. With less time with BOi, I could even get out more, see my friends. And as for sex (I can't remember what that is - my fault! Not DH's!), I think I'll be able to just get some when I need some. (! )
I always wanted a family. With at least 2 kids. This one isn't really working. I can't see me meeting Mr Right II in time to go for DC2, while I'm still young enough...(And really don't want to start looking! ugh! Dating! The horror. No thanks!) So I have to forget that idea.
BOi will be absolutely fine. He'll have a richer life with me (doing more) There's just the passing from pillar to post aspect - some nights here, some nights there, days with GPs, days with CM... that I'm not keen on.

hey, but you never know, we might get to talking and fix everything!

But now, I must get back to work! Thanks for your support. Hop inbox me your address on FB so we can meet up tomorrow.

(If you're still free, of course!)

I shall inbox you in a minute, thanks for the reminder! bOi is still young though, so if seeing daddy and mummy on different days just becomes his routine, he will adapt and it will just be his normal as he gets older.

I need to get my arse in gear. Working from home and ploughing through weeks of emails, also got some men coming later to get rid of the wasps that have taken up residence at the front of my house, and some lovely sounding man called Brian who is most grateful to receive my unwanted fridge and freezer from freecycle. Oh, and I need to clean, go to Tesco and get ingredients for cake, and sweep the patio. Giving netball a miss tonight as I'm just over a cold.

Oh, and I need to send a polite email to a colleague pointing out that what he is requesting is actually his job, not mine, and I've already gone above and beyond to help him. I need to grow a pair.

Oi, ultimately if you know you'll be happier on your own then that is what needs to happen. BOi will be fine and as Hop says he's young enough to adapt and live between parents - that will be his norm. You can only do what you can to ensure BOi's happiness and to give him a full and enjoyable life. DH is responsible for his happiness and destiny.

Have you heard anything from DH or is he still giving you the silent treatment?

oi I know you were thinking of these things prior to the recent pg and mc but could this be hormone related, related to you grieving for the baby? Maybe relate can discuss that with you? I hope he comes round to the fact that constructive dialogue is required however dont be surprised if he is way behind you in terms of his considerations about all this. How long have you been together?

I have to say DH and my future has been on my mind at various times over the last 18 months but i know that I dont want to not be with him really, i would miss his company and if we did split i would move back to scotland and so having 500 miles between me, figgy boy and his dad really makes me work at it on those "cant be arsed days". Saying that at 32 i now realise i desperately want another child after the mc and dh at 38 has said it is too late and as we have been together for 10 years we should have had ds earlier if i'd wanted 2. Obviously we need to have proper discussions about it but if he wont yield i am in the same dilemma leave him in the hope another dc is a possibility and then never meet anyone or not be able to get pg anyway or stay with him and resent the fact that by doing so i havent had a child. I always thought me wanting to move to scotland would be the end of us but maybe it will be this instead.....but that is a concern for another day.

Acupuncture was interesting...feel rather relaxed considering I've been sat with about 20 needles stuck in me

I don't think this is hormone related. The doubts and these ideas were there before the mc. And I'm not grieving at all. I really didn't have time to enjoy or get excited about the pg. On Sunday night it was confirmed, on monday at 4:30am I was up getting ready to go to France for work. I had 3 full days of meetings and being with male colleagues and bosses, and at the end of the third day's meeting I started bleeding. I was obviously disappointed, but not particularly upset.
I looked at the mc almost as a non-event, it wasn't meant to be - because the pg ended so soon. I have no real feelings about it, and am not worried that if I became pg again it would end the same way.
(strange, eh?)
I think I wasn't eating very well, I had a few good nights on the vodka, ...and maybe my body thought "This daddy ain't gonna be here for long." who knows?

We've been together for about 5 years - so not long really. Seeing each other for 2.5 years, then married 2.5 years.

I don't understand why your DH has issues with being a dad beyond the age of 38. (Such a precise number!)
I don't know if I have a number...
If I split with DH, and then meet someone else, at the age of 44 - would that be too late, if my body was still up for it? It seems old, but it's only 3.5 years away... if I feel the same then as i do now, then maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing... But it almost sounds too old, too wrong - somehow. Why do I think that?
You definitely need to talk to your DH about having another child.
And I need to get DH to talk to me.
Gah. Men. Who needs 'em?!

Can they stick a pin in you permanently, that you can jiggle everytime you think about cleaning, that then makes you think "put your feet up"?!