November 2012 - Babies' first holidays: India, Australia, the world is their oyster

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1746351-November-2012-In-denial-about-the-six-month-sleep-regression

Sorry to hear about the bladder problems clarella hope they resolve over time. If you are worried about tone and favouring one side maybe try and see a physio?

luis so sorry about your knees.

Kirrin - i put g in a sling and chase r round soft play. Does feel a little high risk at times mind!

chasing your mil does not sound nice, but your p is old enough to be held responsible for his own behaviour. I also hate thinking of you running yourself ragged trying to please him. And luis wouldn't be able to change him any more than you can.

I overestimated my hv which I would have thought impossible. I asked about dairy free weaning and she said 'just give him milk. He can't be that sensitive or you'd have had real problems by now'. I then described the problems and she said 'just give him soya then'.

Cross post with stunt, who is bang on the money as usual. HHS chasing.

Hugs. Not some weird hiss. Stupid phone.

stunt your post made me cry. He went to anger management after he hurt me while I was pregnant. But the counsellor said it would be best to see both of us together - the impression being given that my depression was the cause So it wasn't as effective as it could be. He knows the physical abuse is wrong but he would never acknowledge any emotional abuse. He would say that I am offering to do all housework etc but he won't realise that I have to do this to prevent further arguments.

I would put money on it happening again. And it gets worse every time. We have no joint finances but the only income I have is CB and Maternity Allowance. Tax credits are in my name if we succeed in our application.

I hated the evenings alone when he moved out but he is starting to work late shifts soon so I will get used to evenings alone. Maybe that will help me to get used to the idea.

chasing I understand, especially in your case, that it is easy to blame the ILs. They are, evidently, twats. But if your DP was in any way decent he would treat you well in front of his toxic family. As it is, he uses the opportunity to treat you worse. Like a bully, he uses his family as a back up, cheering him on. MN can be very much leave the bastard, and it can be very overwhelming for some who come for advice. I rarely get involved in relationships threads here, but you're one of the quiche. Leave the fucking bastard.

I'd shout it, but it wouldn't help would it? Right now, and I don't mean to be condescending, or whatever, but I would guess you are in the stage where you are looking for reasons to stay. He's a great dad blah blah. Once he let you sleep on the sofa while he did the night shift. But anyone who plays the game of giving you reasons to stay is not helping you. No-one in this quiche wants you to be anything other than happy and SAFE.

We can't force you to leave, but I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are all cheering you on, willing to help in whatever virtual way we can. For now all I can say is and I will repeat: remember what it's like to breathe?

Cross posts. They have to acknowledge physical abuse. Emotional abuse is far easier to lie and twist emotional abuse. There's stuff that I can say to explain, but not on this thread. Happy to explain by PM or, one day, if you feel up to a PR rant I can call you. If it helps.

Unfortunately with EA some abusers can twist therapy to their own advantage: they learn the lingo and then they turn it on you. Obviously I don't know your P Chasing but my interpretation of what's going on with him is an utter disinterest in your happiness and wellbeing. He will behave as long as you make sure all his needs and desires are met. Because you love him you want him to be happy and you're willing to do a lot to make his life easier. That is a normal, loving thing to do. Unfortunately the problems arise because it is not reciprocated. When my DH was in the last stage of writing up his PhD thesis I did everything around the house for a month. It was awfully hard work but I did it to give him a break and on the understanding that it was temporary. Now I am revising for my exams next month, DH is spending a lot of time looking after the kids so that I can study. Make no mistake our relationship is on very rocky times at the moment, but what I'm trying to show is that there should be give and take in a relationship. In your case it is you doing all the giving and him doing all the taking, it is not a partnership. I suspect he doesn't recognise that he is abusing you because he isn't actually interested in what you are going through. All he wants is to have his own requirements met.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, especially while battling depression and raising a newborn. It's hard to accept that you made a mistake and this relationship is at a dead end. You don't have to do anything right away but I sincerely believe there will come a point where you will have to leave him.

Don't forget we know you. You are kind, caring and thoughtful. Even though you have been having some tough times lately you have been incredibly supportive of others on the quiche. We love hearing about O and seeing the photos on FB. Here at least you are welcome to be yourself, good times and bad times. Don't worry about things for now, just keep taking one day at a time until you feel ready to take the next step.

Oops misworded above, but what I meant to say was it is very easy, if you're that way out to twist EA to your favour, if you are an emotional abuser.

Sorry to change the subject.
But fucking reflux can just fuck the fuck off.
Sorry.

Chasing how did the haircut go? You know if you ever want to go anywhere more exciting that Bognor Regis for a break, you'd be welcome in the South West.

chasing I can't add to what everyone has already said, except that my DP works 6 eves out of 7 and you do get used to it - in fact I mostly like it :) Having an escape plan is a great idea - it will give you confidence.

bryzoan N hates the sling:( I'm gutted as I used one all the time with DD1 - she didn't go in a pram at all til she was 5 months.

Your interpretation is right stunt He doesn't give a flying fig about my feelings. He never asks how I am. The thing is, don't even love him. And I'm damn sure he doesn't love me. The only thing I like about him is that he loves O almost as much as I do and understands just how awesome he is. Nobody else knows O like we do.

You are right that at some point I will have to leave him and in my head that will be the next time he hurts me. Surely the sane thing to do is to leave before he does something else.

PR I understand that you have been in similar situations. I also understand that you probably won't like talking about it so please don't feel that you have to.

This quiche gives me so much strength. I am craving a warm, loving hug but I get that virtually from you all. And at 5am when O comes into bed with me. I will stop clogging up the thread now as I fel terribly me me me . But please know how much your support means to me. I don't know what state I would be in without you all

pig haircut was ace thanks Roots are done, colour is refreshed and straggly ends trimmed. A head and neck massage and unlimited supply of hot chocolate helped greatly. I love my salon. Isn't cheap but is my treat to myself.

Oh pass that is an excellent start to weaning! Well done P! O is trying banana tomorrow. Will have to hide my disgust at the revolting stuff

chasing I have nothing to add to what has been said above, apart from the fact that you are clearly stronger than you think you are and that being alone is better than being with an abusive twunt. But you'll get there in your own time. Don't worry about clogging the thread. We are here for you.

Lovely day with my monsters and they've both gone to bed early. I have been sorting through our photos for some new frames etc and making sure that all the kids' pics are on 2 external hard drives as I am paranoid about losing them. My house is an explosion of photos of my kids. You're literally never more than a foot away from a picture of one of them!

Wishing sleep filled nights for everyone!

chasing your salon sounds ace. I am not a fan of hairdressers (as can be seen by the state of my barnet) but that does sound good.

P has had a tiny sliver of banana but she didn't get what she was supposed to do with it. I think she is comfier with cutlery!

Kirrin I am like that too - DH works several evenings a week and I like having the tv to myself the space. When he is at home I often find myself wanting to know why he's in my face all the time!

Clearly a refined lady already pass . Soon she will be wanting her milk from a china cup and saucer.

chasing you are not clogging up the thread. And au contraire, I love telling people how I was manipulated. If it helps one person get out, (and it has done) then it was worth it. But it is easy to say that when it is firmly in the past :)

Right. DH cooked me steak, sauteed potatoes in shallot sauce this evening. Normally that would guarantee him a shag but I think he fell asleep. So I have the choice of Life of Pi and the latest Greys for entertainment...

Fell asleep putting DD1 to bed that is.

Chasing please hog the thread! Otherwise your fellow sofa-dweller will have nothing to read

F is still not asleep. She veers between hysterical screams and smiles. I'm not sure what to do with her to be honest. She's sat in a vest on my lap watching me type at the mo. So much for an early night!

Roasted some chicken thighs and legs - have blitzed them. Woohoo next week the bear tries protein!

Anyone else finding their little darlings are harder to settle at bedtime? I think he might need to go from 3 naps to 2 or else he maybe needs a day off solids as whilst he's sleeping so well at night - getting him off to sleep is taking 1.5 hours. I shouldn't complain as he is giving us big stretches of sleep / almost sleeping through but I'd got used to boobing him unconscious in 40 minutes....

Yes YW this is the battle we are having. I ended up in the cot tonight in desperation!

He has 2 fucking swaddles on.

And yes. He escaped.

Got something on the mind, det?

YW I roasted a chicken today as well, and have blitzed some of the nice bits for the freezer. It looks bloody revolting but DD absolutely loved the "chicken bits in chicken juice" as we called it, so am looking forward to DS trying it next week too.

PR my DH does that all the time. Depending on whether he's pissed me off that day depends on whether and when I go and wake him.

BP that sounds crap. No idea what to suggest.

DS managed under 2 hours of napping today.

Moving into final 24 hours of freedom. Celebrating with a trip to the zoo to see a new baby orang-utan and dinner with the inlaws. Still hoping for some kind of lottery win / other form of miraculous intervention.