October 2012... PELVIC FLOORS!

[Londonmrss]

Ready...
Steady...
And squeeze!

Well I lasted until 7.30am and then I had a truly spectacular meltdown. Had about an hour sleep all together last night. And he cried and cried and cried. In the end I stormed down the corridor to the spare room to get dh to take over. Took offence at perceived accusations about what I had done to try and calm him so far, why phone wasn't charged to use white noise app, said he hadn't come to help as I'd just shout at him etc. I completely lost it at this point. Feeling very quiet and small now. Keep remembering the look on smorglet's face as dh and I screamed at each other We've made up kind of and he worked from home this morning to help me. But also suggested I go back to the uk for a bit too. I thought I was coping ok but maybe I'm not. I read the side effects on the reflux med and it did say stomach cramps so maybe it's that?

hi everyone, disappeared for a few days and have only read the posts down to mikayah's. Congrats! My DD is 21weeks this week and im roughly 8 weeks pg with no2! :) Glad to know im not the only crazy lady out there!!

Had a rough week this week
Spent 2 days in hospital after a trip to a&e with severe food poisioning was put on a drip and had to give sample after sample everytime i did anything (tmi!!)
Had 9 drips and plenty of painkillers before they sent me home discharged with bacterial colitus which i got from undercooked eggs it would seem.
Not being able to look after my baby has been the worst, i've missed playing supermum as im restricted to bed atm
but DP has reassured me i am looking after the baby in my belly instead, suppose hes right i just feel rubbish right now
Our family have been such a good support network though, never realised until we actually really needed them.

Hope everyones little ones are good, give them an extra cuddle for me, dying to pick my little girl up and give her a big squish!!
Sorry about the me me me post too!

oops on my typo earlier... I meant stuck...

oh smorgs, poor you. You were right to ask DH for help. I find myself very oversensitive these days and will take anything my other half says as a criticism. He gets oversensitive too- I guess it's hard to shake the grueling that you're not good enough. It's so hard being a parent. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. What is it that you particularly feel you're not coping with? It sounds like the reflux thing has really thrown you- is it mostly that? Is it worth seeing the doctor again or is it something you just have to get used to? Have the sleep problems been going on for a while (so sorry- I can't exactly remember how your sleep had been so far)?
Where is your UK base? Would you welcome the idea of coming back for a bit?

cherry, you poor thing! Glad you're feeling better. Take care of yourself.

We're having a bit of a rough day- she's not feeding well and is refusing to nap. This is the first really hard day I've had since DH went away though so she's been really good for over a week which is pretty lucky. Being a single parent is hard and I'm only doing it for 2 weeks.

Hi hi! Back from an exhausting weekend visiting la famille in Blackpool. Newborns not tiring eh, mum??

I can't do a massive catch up but Londonmrs right, yeah, DS is 17 weeks and a total pain in the backside at the moment. I actually just mostly feel sorry for him, he seems so miserable, but I have snapped more than several times. Roll on the sunny times!

Smorgs you poor poor thing. I am feeling sorry for myself but pet, you are having a worse time. As for irrational over sensitive arguments. Yep. Good that you can see them for what they are. Do you want to come home for a while? Would DH come too?? Hopefully you can get some form of rest and work out what to do. I would see doc again about DS of you don't feel meds working. Thinking of you.

London thanks so much for support. Tbh, I feel desolate, exhausted and angry overnight and by about 9am I'm fine. I think I am coping much better on this shite sleep than I should. I feel hideous again then come about 8pm. Last night I was up too late on FB.......! I have family but I am angered by MILs strict attitude and I get frustrated with my own parents. I am a stubborn cow. I went to sleep when DS did at about 10am (first ever) and it really helped. I'm lucky in that he's not bad in daytime at the minute (totally jinxing self there.....)

So I just need to moan up!! DH will be taking over nights when I go back to work but as they will likely be mostly bf, that may be counterproductive. I'm wary of stopping my supply by stopping nights. I just don't know what to do about that.

Don't think ff is making him sleep more. Two big fingers to all those in RL who said it would!

Sorry your dd is being hard work in daytime. Hope she wises up soon.

Love to all, thanks for kindness. Off to try and tidy house while DS asleep outside!!
Xx

smorgs massive sympathies...the sleepless nights are very tough and I imagine even worse if you suspect DS to be in pain. It might be a good idea to come back to UK for a little bit. When we were at our worst at night - in January, we had a little trip to London and it totally refreshed me. A change of scene did me the world of good and DD slept through the night for the first and last time ever.

Squid I woke this morning so glad to not be going to work as well. We've had a really relaxed day, had a walk, looked round the local charity shops and now DD is having a nap on me whilst I have a cup of tea.

london we also avoid having the tv on with DD around. I find she locks into it and gets totally mesmerised. However, when DH was away and I was alone I did use it in the evenings so that I could get dinner etc for myself. Only 5 minutes or so and I made her watch the 6 o clock news but it was the only way to feed myself and the cat.

When we went to MIL a few weekends ago I left DD with her to have a nap while I got dressed upstairs. When I came down half an hour later DD was not sleeping and watching bargain hunt instead AND we had had a conversation earlier about not having tv on around DD.

Thanks everyone for being so kind. huffle I feel terrible complaining when you are having such a hard time and are facing the prospect of going back to work too.

I tried a feed without the meds and he threw up most of it immediately afterwards and the bib is soaked. So guess it must be reflux. The med they've prescribed is domperidone, which is basically dopamine, which is why it's so strange he didn't sleep? He must have really been in pain. He had his 3rd jabs on Friday and has some bruises on his thighs, which are sensitive, but no temperature so I don't think it's that.

londonmrss DH and I seem to communicate by hissing at each other at the moment. His work is pretty tough at the moment and he comes home so highly strung I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Then he gets angry if I have forgotten to do something during the day or haven't planned anything for us to do at the weekend. But I am being equally difficult and over sensitive.
I think maybe what's getting me down, and what I mean by not coping, is that other people out here with DCs a similar age seem to be able to look great, have really placid and calm babies and organise heaps of stuff to do at the weekends. And I just don't. Smorglet has these spectacular meltdowns wherever we go. He is just such hard work sometimes. The other babies have much quieter cries than him too, and it's not just me being his mother and hearing him more acutely. It seems to be every group we go to, every time I meet up with someone, every time I'm in the supermarket checkout. I feel like I should be coping because in reality I have it pretty easy - I don't have to go back to work immediately, I have a supportive DH and family, even though they aren't near by, and I have met some really nice mums who live near me recently.
You're exactly right though, it's the reflux that has thrown me. I've never had much trouble feeding him in the past. Now his latch has gone crap and he's taking in loads of air at each feed. Then throwing up loads afterwards. I'm keeping him sitting up for 10 mins after the feed and gently winding him, but even afterwards he is throwing up. The doctor said to continue with the meds for two weeks and see if it improves, but we are going on holiday next week and I just really need him to be a bit better so I can cope with being in a small apartment with 5 of us. The sleep has been crap for more than a month now. Last time he slept through was Jan 24 but it had already been shit for a week or so then. UK base is Sawbridgeworth and it's my uncle's memorial service in Manchester in mid March so I might combine it with that. We are on holiday with my parents next week though, so at least I'll have some help.

So sorry to be me me me.

I feel bad about putting the telly on at all. We're really not telly watchers and I don't want to just plonk her in front of it. But she's such hard work. Even on her best days, she needs entertaining constantly. She is awake for 90 minutes at a time and feeds for 5 minutes at a time. For the rest, she won't just be cuddled or relax at all- I have to be making sure she's stimulated and it's exhausting. I wish she would just sit and cuddle sometimes but if I try she wiggles and tries to take a flying leap off me. So very occasionally I might just allow her to stare at the telly for 5 minutes... Sally she isn't too interested in Radio 4.

london i'm praying for the days of running, jumping, climbing trees, endless pushes on swings because that is infinitely preferable to jiggling toys in front of his face.

smorgs don't despair...no one else's child cries quieter, i think it's just we're attuned to our own DCs. I was with Bora and her DD cried...to me it was a cute little mewling sound. To Bora it felt like the bottom had fallen out of her stomach. As for strained relations with your DH - we're all in the same boat, including all our DH's. I feel like DH has so many little luxuries, things he doesn't even realise, but i can't afford to let resentment grow...ultimately he's my love, I just have to remind myself of that repeatedly!!

squid people are nobbers. Jess is perfectly sized for Jess!

londonmrs when I first read your post DS was plonked in front of the telly watching skanky rap vids on MTV

firsttime score! I paid like ?14 for my Avent one! They're probably all bloody made in the same factory.

huffle and smorgs thinking of you big time with your recent difficulties settling your LOs! You are both doing amazingly! And smorgs yes you were very right to get DH to help! What's the next step if the medication continues to not work. Huffle that's really good that you are getting some naps when DS is.

cherrycherry oh dear!!! Glad you are home now. Please take care of yourself and your little bean inside!

olivess arrrgh I know what I mean re MILs not listening. Even though DMIL is splendid generally, I would say to her "DS needs a nap, look he's rubbing his eyes, he's tired" and she would be like "Mummy says you need a nap, but you don't want to, you want to play with Nana!" in a really mocking tone. It made me arrrrgh!!! Sometimes grandparents take the piss with the "it's great I can give them back" thing. God help me when we next see DPILs in person. DS will probably be a toddler and they'll be so excited to see him they'll fill him with sweets 24/7

Oh god speaking of MTV I just saw a One Direction video?! With Call Me Dave in it?!?! Am I out of touch already or is that not seriously lame?

DS quite unsettled and not wanting his bottles today. I think it's teething pain. It helped when I put Bonjela on his Tommee Tippee teething chewy things. He had red cheeks tonight when I put him to bed and I was wondering if I should take pre-emptive action and give him Calpol! I didn't, but we'll see if I was wrong....

london totally agree with you. We have the same routine as you and it's quite tiring playing for over an hour at a time. Especially in the evening and with your DH being away as well I think it's totally reasonable to have a little tv time. I have so many play ideas for when she's a bit bigger but at the moment jiggling toys and singing badly to her can get a bit tiresome by 5 o clock.

zara and the thing is DD had been asleep - MIL was insisting on cuddling her which of course woke her up. I was just a bit cross that bargain hunt was the best alternative she could come up with.

smorgs how are you doing today? i have similar meltdowns, were probably weekly for the first 6 weeks, but still happen maybe once a month now. Sleep deprivation is just such a killer, and sounds like DH wasn't being the most helpful. And reflux really is just the icing on the cake . smorglet luckily will have no recollection or understanding of the shouting either. Full appreciation of the embarassment of the huge meltdows when you're out too, DD has huge meltdowns most times we go out, often starting because she is hungry but too distracted to feed, then tired but can't sleep because can't feed..... I have even had people tapping on the car door to see if everything is OK! I think everyone thinks their baby screams far louder than all the others, maybe we just don't notice the others so much as our own?

cherrycherry hope you are feeling better. Can't imagine worrying about looking after DD and uncooked bean too!

huffle great news on the conversion to mixed feeding, at least you're not stressing about expressing too when getting no sleep. Thinking of you with your terrible sleeps too. It will improve at some point, everything changes without warning with these babies.

elpis still at the poonami in the theatre. Oh the joys awaiting us all!

Hi CWest try not to worry too much, which i know is actually impossible babies are sooooo different, a lot of the babies in my baby group are doing things my DD isn't, despite being one of the oldest, but she'll get there. When is her scan? DD's head was also off the charts for size and totally fine on the scan.

Thanks for the crafty link olivess I'm always looking for cool projects and never find time to do them

mickey how did the journey go?

How is the smiley household doing? Hope you have recovered from your terrible weekend of illness!

livvy glad you managed to have some family time with DF too... isn't it amazing that babies always change their habits the one time you need them to do what they normally do!

Angelico no ice cream! Men! Brains in their you-know-whats I tell ya.

squid I hear DD stir loads in the night, frequent bouts of little happy squeals and yawns, then finding thumb and contented sucking! I have been feeling guilty wondering if I should feed her still if she's awake at 4am or so, but I always think that if she's happy she can't be too hungry? I still wonder if I'm being mean though. And idiot old ladies commenting on how small Jess is... i get the same and DD is definitely not small so they have just forgotton!

Smorgs you are having a tough time - I hate it when I fall out with DH (emm, all the time) but we do end up snapping at each other. DH did take me and my DM out for lunch today and Erin was an angel, sitting watching us eat lunch calmly playing with her toys and coo-ing at us from the comfort of the car seat - which was nice but then he thinks she's like that all the time. Where is the screaming monster I have to persuade to nap sometimes?! The one that yells and/or fills nappy as soon as the food arrives? That will not sit in the car seat unless it is moving, ideally in the car...

Squid how cheeky to comment about Jess's size. You had a good response. Erin was at a 90th birthday party on Saturday. DH was carrying her around because she was bored and tired. He went to speak to the man he knew behind the bar who said 'is it a boy or a girl' and DH said 'She's wearing a fucking dress!?' - which I thought was quite funny

It was Erin's christening on Sunday. We're not particularly religious (Church on Christmas Eve generally only!) but was a nice way to mark Erin's arrival any excuse for a party . It was nice though as it was the church we were married in and there is a really nice community feel to the area we stay in. The Church gave Erin a rowan tree as a gift so we can plant it in our garden (to ward away the evil spirits from the front door). The bonus is there is loads of left overs so I've been scoffing home baking all day, mmm, chocolate cake. Erin wore a long knitted christening gown that my gran made that me and my brother had worn too. It was a nice connection to my grandparents (who are both dead) and my DM shed a tear. We also got loads more gifts - our friends must be getting poor - Erin has had gifts for being born, for Christmas and now her Christening. And her mum is getting a bit tired of scrawling even more 'thank you' cards...

What are your babies favourite toys? When Erin was given a material cube with pictures on it and two handles and a bell inside, I thought it looked a bit shit boring. However, it's one of her favourite things. She also loves fabric books - another thing that I didn't think were that exciting. She squeals with joy at them - very cute. We must own the entire jelly cat range too and lamaze (is it la-maze or la-mah-ze?) 'my friend emily'.

katla I could have written your post about the christening and thank you cards!! Must take doubled up presents back!!! That's my job tomorrow!!!

Sorry to those of you having bad days :( ds had final jabs today he screamed and kicked the nurse. Still all done for 8months!!

Aaah, no chance if catching up here. Tears at bedtime. From mummy. DS refused to bf. Well he kept latching, pulling and squealing. Guess he prefers instant faster bottle milk. Ended up putting him down squealing while I went and made a bottle. He was in shite form anyhow, but is this the beginning of the end of any BF??

V sad mummy. Tmrw is another day.

Night all, sorry to comment on nothing at all

Good sleep vibes winging across Irish Sea and the English Channel. X x

smorgs I can so relate. To the point of I'm thinking of some anger management techniques. TBH I think I'm just fed up of it all - interrupted sleep, eating with 1 hand. This morning I had an egg on toast with my fingers. You can't cut the fucking thing with 1 hand.
I have a beautiful baby but I'm fed up anyway.

Oh huffle... That is sad, and why I'm afraid to touch formula. I'm sick of BFing. I want a day off, But not give up.

huffle i'm sure it's just a one off. Are you finding it's taking longer for your milk to let down now? I have definitely noticed a difference lately and DD definitely not happy sometimes and does a similar thing until the milk is pouring out. These babies are of the instant gratification generation

katla have you got the jellycat 'who's on the farm' cloth book? DM sent it to us and is DD's most favourite thing ever! She crinkles it and will chew on the animal heads for hours (she has taken a particular liking to the horse though )

Oh. Hello 4 month sleep regression.

Third wake up so far. Arse.

Oh londonmrss I'm sorry the night was rough. If its any consolation ours was much better so it will improve soon. I'm stopping the medication, dr google tells me there is no medical evidence it works for reflux and it was clearly causing him serious pain. Thoughts squid/ smiley?
Gotta dash, baby massage, hugs and Valium all round ladies x

Such an awful night. Maybe it was a one off. Hope it's not like this all week because I'm on my own til Friday. However she hits all her milestones exactly on time, she was born on her due date and she's exactly 4 months today. Happy fucking birthday.

So I went to hospital to see my mate with the prem baby last night. I hadn't met his wife before, so I was a bit anxious about going and whether I was just sticking my nose in unwanted, but she was really nice, and VERY grateful that I took in some healthy, real food. Baby is doing very well, and they can go home when he starts putting on weight. He was born 4lb7oz at 33 weeks which is such a good weight I wonder if they got her dates wrong. He is latching successfully which is fantastic and being supplemented (by ng tube) with ebm, so she is doing really well. (I think Sheffield is very good with breastfeeding support, actually. unlike fecking Leeds who told my sister to start expressing between feeds and adding formula at day 3 for a 10% weight loss, grr )

Anyway they are very fed up as they have been sat in that room for 2 weeks and want to take him home. I think they are quite naive (in exactly the same way I was) as to how much hard work looking after a baby is, and whilst they'll be happier at home I think it will hit them really hard too. My mate has used up all his paternity leave and is due back at work on monday, which sucks. She says she is ok, but she had an emergency section and their house is on three floors, so. They don't have any family anywhere nearby (no one has even met the baby except me and my boyfriend).

So I am probably getting involved where I shouldn't, but I'm going over to clean their house today, and have offered to pop over most days next week when he's back at work. Maybe I will make a new friend, she seems really nice, and is a primary school teacher like my brother - I always seem to like teachers.

I got a cuddle with little baby, he is so tiny and so serene, barely stirred.