November 2012 - We want rattles and we want them now

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1671393-November-2012-Vent-chat-or-brag

zcos I still have money each month because I still get 15% of what I'm bringing in, which is 1/12 of all my maternity money. What we do is pay my money each mth into a separate pot. DH has worked out what I get over the 12mths I.e. the 6wks full pay, 12wks half pay, 30-something wks sma etc & added it up & divided it by 12, & I get 15% of that each month, the rest goes to the joint a/c & household money. Have you looked at the Martin Lewis money expert website? It might help you budget... Tbh we have enough money to not worry too much, which is a privileged position really. We pay our bills, have enough food, buy petrol, but don't do extravagant stuff like holidays really. I try to limit excess food purchases & rarely buy expensive clothes (most of my clothes are Asda, Sainsburys, Primark etc, as are the kids) and don't tend to have expensive tastes on other things!! It helps that our families are quite generous & bought lots of bits for DD, which can be recycled.

VQ what about trying formula at night & seeing what happens? You have the convenience of bf the rest of the time then & if it works, you'll feel more positive generally as you'll be less tired, but if it doesn't, its only 1 bottle a day so not much faff etc.

pikz ??

tits PND can come on at this stage. I think a chat with dr or hv would be an idea. Big hug x I look forward to seeing the duck. I have seen them advertised and they look good.

PP thank you. Once R is a chubster they will fit him fine.

X post pikz. You've done brilliantly & I'm sure there isn't a person on here who hasn't said 'wait a minute' to any or all of their dc at least once, whether its because they're crying on the way home or you're having a wee... If expressing isn't working for you anymore, then try something else, nobody, inc your DM I bet, would blame you. You've done everything you can!! How about sleeping on it & seeing how you feel in the morning?

GT I said exactly that to the doctor. She clearly did not know about silent reflux. Glad you got your lazy day.

chunky I have talked it over with DH and he will give a bottle each evening over the weekend. If DS will take it, that is. He says if it means we get sleep he is happy to do that every evening.

I am so tempted to just chuck my boobies in the bin!

GT am jealous of your laziness.

tits I suppose pnd could strike any time in the months after a baby is born. I wonder whether a lot of us are feeling fed up and low because we've reached a point where we're all chronically sleep deprived, missing "normality", and our LOs want us rather than being happy to have care from anyone? Me and dh have just had another heated debate about nothing in particular because I'm a right snappy cow today. I suppose we'll all come to recognise a new normality, and adjust to less sleep and the clingy baby phase will pass

My most used phrase is hang on a minute.

VQ do not chuck your boobies in the bin because you are attached to them so you will fall in too. And that would never do. There's probably all sorts in there.

I don't think the season helps either BPLP. My DD was a spring baby, so we could just wrap her up a bit & go for a walk. It's a hell of a lot harder in winter. I think it could be a type of SAD that affects new mums on top of the usual upheaval...

VQ that's good, worth a try. I sympathise. Sometimes doing the "best" for LO is so bloody HARD :(

Pikz - if ff would help then do it and bugger what anyone else thinks. I've started the process of moving onto ff, slow and steady, we're now on 2 bottles a day and I love it. I really intended to bf for a year but I'm sick of sore boobs too. I put Alex down when I need the loo or want a cup of tea. He sometimes cries but the alternative is never weeing or having a drink.

Sore boobs (again) are making me crabby at the moment

LOL Blonder

Ooooh. DH cooked dinner all by himself (not unusual tbh) but didn't nag/mention/discuss housework stuff etc with me, just left me to feed post on here in peace!!

True blonder true!

He's 25th for height and 1st for weight, VQ so not sure I'll ever get a chubster! I have so many nappies that fir properly - EFs and Realeasies with the occasional cheapie if i cba to wash - that i think I'll just sell them on. I tried a manduca at slingmeet today and now need to find £87 it was fab!

pikz hugs I've had a shit day too - in tears most of day which is awful as I was meant to go to work today but cm was I'll and have spent all day wishing I had gone - how frigging awful that I would rather go to work than spend the day with my 2mth old baby :(

tits postnatal depression can occur within the first year of having a baby - if that's what you think it is please get help as if not it will affect your relationship/bonding with baby xx I'm starting to wonder if I've got it after today :(

Want to go to bed and wake up Monday have stepsons over and don't want them anywhere near me :(

Thank you so much everyone I seriously don't know what I'd do somedays without you lot!

Chunky I think you are right I need to sleep on it. It's been whirring around for a few days, also not being able to be out for longer than 4 hours is so restrictive.

VQ I do have to express whilst he's sleeping to keep up. It's usually get up, feed, wind, settle, go back to bed to express. When he did his big sleep last night I had to express as so uncomfortable and worried about not having enough for next feed.

Tits, glenda and everyone else feeling crap and and . If it is pnd please get help, I've seen the devastating effect in my nct group. I know it's not that, mine is just months of no sleep and stress I'm putting on myself.

Kitkat how are you doing it in terms of weaning so you aren't sore?

Hallo.

I have so much to say. How do I say it all without taking a whole page to myself?

Ok . . .

Generic hugs to those feeling down. Whether that be bawbag men, distressed babies or just having a wee burl on the misery hamster wheel.

pikz 2 weeks I managed of what you have done for 11. It is the most exhausting and thankless task. I also remember even after that short period thinking of all the people who had said what a super star I was for expressing and how I would have to tell them I was a superstar no longer. You have done a marvellous and selfless thing. If you stop tonight you are still astonishing and have balls (boobs?) of steel.

VQ smiles for Dr followed by hours of screaming is Penelope's forte. P is fine lying flat almost all the time. She can get irritated sometimes or if she is there a long time. She also rarely ever vommed. Her symptom primarily was real fucking pain. It started at night then moved into the day. Characterised by back arching 'fussy' (I always think that is a massive understatement) feeding, red face, gulping and frequent hiccuping which can cause discomfort. I have read of babies who learn how to eat quickly to get as much milk as they can in as short a space to avoid the pain. Not all babies fit into the 'happy chucker' vs 'skinny screamer' category. Whatever is up with lovely J, I really massively hope I eases soon. Valium castle must be on its knees.

I am sure there was lots of other stuff I was going to say to people . . .maybe it'll come to me.

Massive respek to those who are back at work. I have just said to DH "I don't know how they do it. I can barely take a shit"

Still just me. Feel free to scroll on down.

I got back to the shack after two nights at my parents. Wasn't much fun to be completely frank.

P had her injections on Tuesday and despite seeming ok on Wednesday morning she got gradually worse culminating in a two hour screamathon last night. The injections really seem to hit her hard. No temperature but serious reflux. Almost complete food refusal and the whole works like she wasn't medicated. Awful.

Just to add insult to injury p has decided to have selective stranger anxiety. My mum is a total no-go. Poor mum. She would put out the bottom lip then scream raising to a proper crescendo which can only be described as fear. When returned to me she would eventually calm down. It happened evey single time mum tried to have a cuddle. Also made things pretty difficult as the only person who could hold her. What made it worse was that p had cry-free cuddles with one of my aunties and my granny. She hasn't met either of them before.

When I got home DH gave her a cuddle - same reaction! Thankfully she calmed down and sat nicely.

The thing is that she will sit and look at my mum and the friend I mentioned before - coo, giggle, chat and so on but as soon as they try to hold her it is total meltdown time.

Any advice anyone? My poor mum looked devastated.

pass very interesting what you said about superstardom. When trying to encourage, the most well meaning can add pressure, although I think that is largely down to how we interpret things ourselves, although I guess that goes for all communication. Anyway, what I am trying to say is, you will always be a superstar to me.

The little prince is pretty much doing what pass described above. It is good that DH is seeing it for himself. It is new behaviour, and it is pain.

I had a look at the PND symptoms and I score on most of them. Not able to sleep - would if I fucking could, not attending to hygiene the same as usual - again would if I fucking could, not getting the same enjoyment out of things - don't get time to test that one, not eating or comfort eating - nowt new there, feel you cannot cope with baby - sleep might help with that one. Imagining there is something wrong with baby despite reassurance - I know there fucking is, and wanting to harm self or others - thankfully ok on that one, although the doctor nearly felt my wrath. Would a pill help me? Would it fuck (denial no doubt)

Sorry it seems I am a bit fucked off tonight.

pass poor you, P and mum. No thoughts I am afraid. She is clearly a sensitive little soul, but it would be good to know what sets her off. Hope she settles now she is home.

Pikz I've said it before : I don't know how you do it. You could have stopped at any time in the last 12 weeks and what you would already have done would have been amazing. If you need a break, give yourself a break. No-one coul dbe disappointed by you doing pretty much what the fuck you want now.

VQ see how this weekend goes, have a good chat on Monday. Sleep will help put things in perspective. It's impossible to be at one's best when no sleep is had. I'm insomniac at the moment and during my night time awake time I honestly would be incapable of looking after a baby I am that tired.

LO is coughing a lot this evening. She's being salined to within an inch of her life, and very unamused at that, but there's no choice. It's for her own good, and it is vital we avoid hospital as she'd be on her own and that would just be horrible for all of us.

Did I mention DD1 had to dress up to go to creche today? It's the carnavale today in Lux. She's not a very girly girl but I dressed her in a fairy outfit. With her kickers boots and thermal vest underneath and the glowering she looked hilarious. I'll pop a pic on facebook if you like.

VQ your description of pond symptoms is me! I would if I bloody had the time or could sleep! I too am probably in denial. However I feel better now after a long chat with DP. Am going to start reducing the pumping slowly over the next few weeks and introduce some formula.

I read a site that said I love being able to get up now and just go for a cuddle with my baby instead of reaching for the pump and then having a cuddle. I think that summed it up for me.

Pass I have no advice except may e it's a smell thing?

pass little pig has taken a similar dislike to dh today. She looks at him and her bottom lip starts to wobble . No advice but will wait eagerly for what others may say!

VQ I tick those boxes too, but don't feel like I have PND. Just knackered and I am crap when I don't sleep. I eat in the evening but during the day snack on junk food, but have never been able to eat properly when I am on my own, even though I know I'd feel better if I did. I don't want to harm myself or others most of the time

Pass I assume your mum has had at least one child, and will know never to take what a baby or even a toddler does personally. Sometimes DD1 ignores me completely for hours, and I am her mum. In fact one of our party tricks is when i am on the phone to a friend or family I say to DD1 come and give mummy a kiss, and her shouted NON cracks everyone up. Water off a duck's back. Don't wory about it on your or your mum or anyone else's behalf. Babies are fickle, toddlers are even worse :)