Hi everyone, sorry for the silence and thank you to those who mentioned me. It's been a very difficult few days. Essentially she has been screaming and refusing every feed for the last couple of days. The strange thing is she was fine in every other way- still alert, smiley and playful, but when it came to feeding, she just wouldn't have it and acted like I was torturing her. There have been lots of tears (mostly from me), not much asleep (again, me not her) and one serious migraine (me again). Yesterday I was really concerned about her getting dehydrated so I offered her a bottle of expressed which she politely refused. When she hadn't fed in 6 his I even offered formula. I say 'even' not because I think formula is bad, but only because she is ebf so it's not a decision I take lightly. Anyway she refused that too (which actually made me feel a tiny bit better- at least it wasn't my milk or me that she hated).
Anyway she then decided to take a good feed just after. Today has been a little better. Still not great and the only way she will feed is if I stand and walk around while feeding so she is distracted. Otherwise she is still getting a bit upset. But at least I'm getting the milk in her and hopefully this is gradually re-educating her that feeding is nice time, not a battlefield.
Phew, hardest week I've had yet. Makes me realise what an easy baby she usually is with her self settling , perfect weight gain and general happy mood.
It sounds terrible, and I would never, but it makes me realise why people accidentally end up shaking their babies. It's so upsetting and frustrating that it becomes very hard work to stay calm and in control. I did, but only just- and only because I could hand her to DH and go and do my crying in another room. I felt so close to screaming at her. I feel awful admitting this.
But hopefully things are improving and if she gets upset with a feed, I'm just stopping immediately and trying again later. I have no idea what caused this, but as she is otherwise healthy, I'll just have to assume it's a phase. This too shall pass etc.
Anyway, will catch up on all your posts in a bit.
Re. AP, I'm not sure if that's what we do or not. We don't really let her fall asleep on us but that's only because she is happier falling asleep on her own. We give her final feed around 8pm in the bedroom and then pop her in the cot and leave her with Ewan the Sheep. I peep in on her every couple of minutes and usually she is smiling and chatting to Ewan (thought that thing was supposed to make them sleep). If she seems at all grisly, I go in and give her a cuddle and stay next to her. After a few minutes she starts to look sleepy so I go and give her a kiss and she smiles then doses off. I suppose my version of AP is making sure she feels secure in the knowledge that I'm there if she needs me- secure enough that she's happy to be on her own. This is led by her though- she won't actually fall asleep in our arms- she struggles and wriggles and eventually cries... but put her down and she's happy.
Good to think of these positives after a hideous few days of feeling like a total failure. Thank you so much for all your words of support.
Gorgeous snow here. Long walk in Greenwich park tomorrow I think.
Right, will get some dinner and then try and catch up on your news.