October babies. Don't get lost

[lisbethsopposite]

Come in come in.

Fjord there is no secret to my daytime naps and I am a bit of a fraud. Has first one about 2 hrs after he wakes. Looks tired but squeals if I put him in Moses basket. So put him in swing, conks out and nearly exactly 30 mins later he jolts awake! Main sleep usually induced by car or walk and can be 1 hr or 3, usually 2. If I just let him sleep in house is another 30 mins. Evening one about 4-5, he is just knackered and falls asleep on one of us. I then just put him in his chair. This is handy and we get our dinner! He would sleep this one for over an hour so we try to wake him gently about 30-40 mins.

Someone said about babies under 6 months just falling asleep!!!!!! Ha!! Babies under 6 days maybe!! Was that from a book similar to one Elpis got for Christmas?!

I am exhausted today. After 3 am poonami could not sleep worrying about work. Ad for new person going out next week. Then the fun really starts. I would dearly dearly dearly love to be employed and have proper uncomplicated maternity leave. My poor wee son.

Catching up in 2 parts - just like old times

Baby Fjord surpassed herself this morning - performing a poonami just after I'd dressed her for the morning & brought her downstairs at FILs . I'd put her in her new cute lavender needlecord dungers from Name It as well that I've been dying to see her in (sad girly strop over. I'm really not that kind of mum. Really!). She smiled & smirked at me all the way through the clean up. At least she has a sense of humour!

squid - agree with you about Christmas. We thought hell, she won't understand or pay any attention to presents so we just got her some clothes we would have bought for her anyway & wrapped them up - mostly (saddos that we are) so that everyone else would think we'd got her something. Most people got her clothes - which was great - and she only got one toy - a Lamaze owl - which surprised me.

Christmas in general was fine; spent in Norway at FIL's - where we still are - but I feel like I spent most of it upstairs feeding (when I wasn't eating). Looking forward to subsequent years when she believes in Father Christmas more & everything is super exciting.

Mickey - epic catch up indeed. You set the bar & I will attempt to keep up! Congrats on being able to drive again.

Loving hearing how you all met your DH/DPs. I actually met mine via mutual friends on facebook; we became fb friends to play this fb game then he started commenting on my posts & flirting with me, which led to long PMs, which led to skyping & phone calls which led to a trip to meet each other , which led to falling in love, long-distance dating with lots of commuting back & forth both ways, which led to me moving over there when my dad died & us agreeing to 'not not try' for a baby etc...We were both wary at first as I had had my heartbroken not that long before by another Norwegian & he had just come out of a very unhappy dysfunctional marriage but we fit amazingly & are total bffs as well as a couple which has got us through some amazingly hard times together including my dad's long distressing illness, ultimate passing & my post-traumatic stress. I've not used Match.com myself but I'd certainly recommend it to friends as I know 2 happy couples with baby back in the UK who met through the site.

Yomping - re copying. Baby Fjord sits with us a table in her Tripp Trapp baby and impersonates the hand to mouth of forks while watching us. Can't quite grip things on purpose yet either (except handfuls of my hair it seems) & is still clumsy with intent movements like rubbing her eyes (sometimes punching herself in the face). Am figuring at 12.5 weeks this is now taking it's time. She does the tongue thing but mostly when copying us 'chatting' to her. She's 'discovered her hands' (and goes cross-eyed looking at them & bringing them towards her face) but hasn't discovered her feet yet.

Interesting to hear everyone's thoughts about work, it has been at the back of my mind too. I've never hugely enjoyed what I do (finance - go figure) but it has always been a large part of my identity, prob just by being so consuming. So I'm not missing it, or even really the interaction with other adults which is what i thought I would find hardest. I think I miss my own company more if that makes sense, having time to reflect and think sad git.

I would like to go back part time but suspect work won't be too accommodating, they have really cracked down on pt working in last 2 years.

Phew! Has taken all my spare moments since around 5pm yesterday to get caught up. So nice to hang out with you all again! :) will try to write less more often from now on if time allows!

Bella that's so nice of you to say but we all deserve good sleepers. My troubles were no bigger than anyone else's; just different. I must admit though that the lack of sleep deprivation since 6 weeks has made a 100% difference in my coping ability, confidence & calmness. I was frequently losing the plot when she wasn't sleeping & have huge empathy for those still struggling with that. Great advice to squid. Good luck with the car journey & the stay at the ILs!

My only 'secret' to staying calm & relaxed with baby now, if I think about it (& when I am - believe me, I've had plenty of total meltdowns), is to just look as far as the day you're in & getting through it. Have goals in mind (like 'must try & sort naps') but have low expectations of realistic achievement timescales, take each new positive (like extra hour slept) with great joy as a huge accomplishment & a sign everything is going well, and never compare your baby with other babies (rather, find a sensible website, find out the 'range of normal' or ask a sensible health visitor then stop worrying & let it go). Oh and to take all the good tips from Baby Whisperer but to inwardly tell her to f-off when she suggests that you're 'accidental parenting'. You're not. You're doing the best you can under the circumstances which is the best you can possibly do! ;-) no-one has all the answers and there isn't a 'best way'. The best way is what works for you & doesn't hurt baby. These are the things I remind myself of when I'm having a 'can't cope/help I'm not doing this right' moment. Having said all that, I know none of that's an answer at 3.30am when you're shattered. But things do change month on month. Just wanted to share what has made all this a bit easier for me. Was beating myself up about not managing a routine or time to myself but have decided to stop beating & just try to change a little each day until we get to a better way & just relax & enjoy her a bit.

I might add to anyone feeling like sticking 2 fingers up at us with good night sleepers that days are still a bit impossible; showers (if she doesn't over-sleep me) are still rare & nothing more meaningful than one-handed iPhone use getting done when DP's at work - unless we get out together (have discovered that punctuality, even to clinic appts is impossible).

Yomping for 'Talks to' read 'gurgles at'; for 'strokes' read 'reaches out to & moves fist up & down while trying to grab it's ear'. I always watch my baby through a rose-tinted filter & invest meaning to a lot of what she does in my own imagination it seems .

elpis - I empathise. I'll also face issues getting back into the workforce and my chosen career but for some different reasons. I too will most likely only make things work as self-employed so can relate. Your illness must be an extra complication you could do without. Sounds like you cope fantastically considering the added difficulty it must create at times.

livvy - you are doing amazingly coping with reflux. It's a real doozy. Thought we were headed in that direction for a while as Baby Fjord had really bad wind but mercifully not and, at 3 months, with a maturing digestive system, the wind is 75% less than it was. We've come off infacol totally & no more rock hard tummy & screaming. I hope babylivvy's reflux improves with age too. She's one of the youngest in the group, isn't she?

I'm with cherry on jealousy of the chuckles huffle - I can't wait! :) huffle I think something you said hit the nail on the head as to where I might be going wrong re day naps. BabyFjord does nap really well after trips in the car/pram. I guess I need to build these into every day somehow around the times I'd like to see her napping (this where routines help i guess). At the moment trips out are sporadic & car trips to take & fetch DP from work irregular due to his rather random shift pattern.
Btw, I have huge admiration for how you're managing your situation work wise; with your own business and all.

Just watching DSD2 playing with BabyFjord . She's really taken to her sister - it's lovely! DSD1 is yet to warm up to her fully but has realised that she's cute & not the disaster for her life she thought she would be .

Btw, anyone else got dried breast milk all over their smartphone or having random peas fall out of their nursing bra when releasing a boob? Just me then? blush

fjord what a catch up! You have certainly returned in style!! I won't say anything else to you right now so you don't have to reply to it - great advice on coping with the ups and downs of babyhandling though. I agree a night's sleep makes a massive difference.

bella You are a very beautiful human being. Thankyou.
Very big of you to be thinking of me when your poor DH is out of work. Keep us posted on that, will you? Fingers crossed.

oooh Mickey your xmas sounds like hard work and just what I was trying to avoid! Boxing day sounds more like it though.
And YAY for driving!

Bora noooo DON'T WEIGH YOURSELF, especially at the end of bloody December... wish I never had! (whilst puffed up with cold, after breakfast, with all my clothes on - didn't do myself many favours there!) I have a tape measure and every couple of weeks I measure my waist instead. It is going down (slowly).
Numbers shnumbers.

Very interesting to read people work plans. Lots of hardworking peeps on here, what with vets, teachers, opticians and people running their own businesses, etc. Right now I hugely envy Yomping for planning to finish work completely, but I suspect what Elpis says about wanting to return to some form of work once it gets less all-engrossing will be true for me. Also my boyfriend is really really keen to be a part time SAHD and we have always preferred quite an even relationship, so I think it will work really well for us.
I do want another kid - initially I thought quite quickly - now I'm thinking a five year age gap might be nice.
I love your plan londonlivvy and was dead impressed you managed to train as a yoga teacher in the last stages of pregnancy!

I picked up boyfriend when wasted in a really shit nightclub at 17 years old. Exactly the way you are not supposed to meet life partners. Haha.

New year's eve is my younger brother's birthday, and he has just had a new baby too (she is 6 weeks old)... so the four of us parents plus kids are going to have a duvet/pyjama/breastfeeding/movie/popcorn party at his, and attempt to stay awake until midnight. We are going to put cushions on the floor and make home made pizza and wear pyjamas for it. I assumed new years eve would be a write off this year, so am really looking forward to it!

I agree squid and topping re: presents... But did get a bit overexcited when I saw a child sized electric Mini Cooper - I'm a mini freak and I started to insist I buy it for MY daughter for her first Christmas... DH disagreed. I didn't buy it. But she will have one one day! We got her books and a couple of Christmas outfits. We got tonnes of lovely clothes from family - including the little converse boot- socks also the Lamaze hand/feet rattles that all babies hate
Loving the love stories! I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met DH!!! Thought he was the most beautiful man i'd ever seen, but seemed to be chatting up my 6ft blonde friend. He wasn't, he's just friendly and luckily was happy to be set up with me by said friend! He proceeded to get extremely drunk and profess his love for me after snogging another girl, so I gave him my no and expected to never hear from him again - but he called, we fell in love and I knew within a month I would marry him. 8 years later I still think he's the most beautiful man I've ever met, makes me laugh more than anyone, knows me better than I know myself and is my best friend. I do need to remind myself of all this sometimes, so thanks whoever started it
Mini is on sleeping constantly days after 2 very grumpy crying constantly days. She also has feeding constantly days... If I try I might see a pattern I guess! All your stories have encouraged me to throw all notions of a routine out the window for now also had visit from friends who both saw my sleepy baby cuddling up on me and practically begged me not to try to force her to go down in the day and to just enjoy the cuddles while they last - it'd be rude not to now! Also I think with the luxury of just one to look after, it makes sense - I know it will never happen this way again if at all so I'm on a mission to enjoy cuddling my baby and 'spoiling' her in this way as much as possible! Plus I was tidying downstairs this morning and couldn't hear her crying in her crib upstairs - she'd been happy and thought DH was listening for her so left her. By the time I got to her she was in a right state and I ended up just holding her, sobbing and apologising over and over god I'm going to be terrible at disciplining her!
I've also been asked about work - I'm a primary teacher and passionate about it. Can't say I miss it - haven't had time to! But I do worry how I will go back to it with a baby. Taking 9 months, but going back full time and my days would often be 7.30am - 6/7pm. There is simply so much to do. DH says I'll just have to be not so good a teacher... Hmmmm! The saving grace will be the holidays I feel.
Anyway sorry for me me me post... Am rubbish at name checking on phone. I will say though -
wooly, DH should make it up to you by giving LO another walk round park... Feet up, tea and tv sounds great! Especially without a baby on your boob
And huffle - my DH also does this! And then gets upset when I tell people how it kills me to see him sleeping with his ear plugs in whilst I'm changing/feeding/settling! To be fair I know he'd help if I asked him, but there's simply no point as I'm far more efficient

Hello again everyone.
On the work front I am going back on Friday. Yes, this Friday, as in 5 days time. Only going to be working Tuesday and Friday afternoons til mid feb then adding in mornings on those days too. Then after that will depend on the bank balance. Unfortunately I'm main earner and get minimal mat pay - I would love to be off for longer but financially it just isn't An option. I feel like I've been in a lovely little bubble with my gorgeous baby and family and now I've got to emerge into the real world andy also not ready.
Squid, I totally know what you mean. I find being a doctor very stressful a lot of the time,I worry so much about making a mistake and harming someone or even not just doing the best for them. I also sometimes just feel very drained by it. Not sure ihaveany answers though, sorry. It is a big part of my identity though and I do also really like my job - I feel hugely privileged to meet many of my patients and to be able to help them. Wish I earned as much as the daily mail says though.
Time fr another clothes change, just been drenched in vomit. Again.

Having a very bad day. Was in tears at 2am this morning saying that I want to give both children back. DD is so demanding. She was doing great at night but is now waking for several hours. She wont sleep for any extended period of time during the day. Putting her in the pram doesnt work, she just screams. She wants to feed constantly but if anything else is going on in the room she turns toward the sound and then gets upset again. She stops feeding and cries if I use my free arm too . She is still refusing bottle and dummy and DH seems to have lost all confidence with her since The Bad Day. He is also spending a great deal of time playing computer games (I mean several hours during the day and half the night ). DS is bored and lonely.

Oh and I have tonsilitis.

Wantan couldn't read and run - hugs to you and a big SLAP for your DP! That behaviour is just wrong - did he see you cry? Sometimes I find they need to see you get to that point to be reminded there's two of you to look after the child(ren) and it kind of shocks them into action. He def needs to know you need help and step up to it, sounds totally unfair. Anyone else who can help you out/give you a break? X

Oh wantan I want to send someone to help you. Kick your DH up the bloody ass. I cannot give you any advice to help with DD. hopefully it passes soon. But your DS needs his daddy. Man up man. Shall we all come found and lynch him?

Smiley that sucks about work. Thankfully it is only 2 half days to start. You will be fine. Well done you. I am main earner now in our house by a long shot. I am being foolish in many ways taking another month off and it means eating further in to our minor savings. But I cannot face it yet. I too have given 100% of myself to my work for so long. I thought I would feel as dedicated post baby. But I don't. The thought of it makes me frightened. How will I ever get a balance? I often don't leave work til 2 hours after closing trying to catch up on paperwork and accounts. No way can I keep that up.

Smiley and Squid, I am far from a Doctor. But I do deal with patients all day, in a much less important way. I give myself completely to their care. I was on a course recently on communication. I felt I needed help with giving people bad news. Dealing with the shock of sight loss is not something anyone wishes to experience. I felt I was doing it badly as I couldn't detach. But the feedback I was given was that I am good at my Job because I find this hard. Seems a bit odd, but the ability to be empathetic and sympathetic in any caring profession is what makes you good at the job. Skills can be learned and practiced but personality is innate.

Blathering. What I am trying to say is that it sounds like you do a fantastic job and if you weren't emotionally attached to it, you wouldn't be so good.

But all I want to be right now is a mummy. Sigh.

Hello!!! We are back after the whirlwind tour! Looking forward to a good catch up but plan for this evening is to eat a turkey sandwich in front of the fire and just revel in being at home :o We had a lovely, lovely time and the bean was brilliantly portable, took the madness in her stride, even when we were down in Dublin and surrounded by millions of relatives, kids, neighbours etc. One thing I love about Irish families - they love babies. No matter how many kids there already are in the family every new arrival is treated like baby Jeebus! :)

Right more later, a turkey sandwich is beckoning! x

So tired. Three months of no more than three hours sleep at a time. Does anyone else find their mind just... blanks, some days?

I've met up with 3 friends over the last couple of days, one has been TTC for over a year with no joy. One is pregnant due on Wednesday and is all full of excitement and trepidation. The third is a Swede who had 16 months off work at 80% pay with her dd. So it's been a range of emotions!
!

smiley hugs re your imminent return to work. I feel for you career ladies like you and huffle and I realise that I'm incredibly lucky not to have to go back. we shan't be going on fancy hols and clothes will be mostly from supermarkets, but it is totally manageable and I'm very fortunate. it is going to be a bit of a mental adjustment for me though as I've been working for 15 years, building a career and a reputation in my industry. one of my clients offered me a job - I then told him I was pregnant. what I mean is I had a sense of self, a sense that I was good at what I did. I had stories to tell at parties. and now my world is small. my ambitions are homely. and its going to take some getting used to.

huffle can you hire someone part time? or would the maths not add up?

wantan. big hugs to you and a slap in the chops witha fish to your DP. grr

wantan {{[bighug]}} for your crappy day/night. I regularly want to give DD back but am afraid of how painful putting her back in would be/ Can't offer any advice on the DH front, other than hiding the game controllers in the bin or removing the fuse from the plug. Won't make him more useful but might give you a laugh as he tries to figure it out!

nenehoo love the baby mini idea! And you're so right about never being able to spend this much time with baby no 2 (if we get amnesia and forget about the terrible sleep issues) so why not make the most of it now?

woolybob kinda wish I'd moved to Sweden rather than NZ! We get 14 weeks at poxy rate which is then taxed, although they have to keep our jobs open for 1 year (much to my bosses horror).

Elpis My mind is rather blank most days

The going back to work thing has plagued me since I found out I was pregnanat! Even excluding the whole money thing, My job is a huge part of who I am and I've worked my butt off to get my degree and get respected in both my profession and the community where I was working. So I must admit I've found it hard to adjust to the lack of social contact, interesting things/stories to talk about and brain stimulation. But I also want to be there as much as possible for my DC(s) when they are little and do what is best for them.... I guess there isn't a perfect solution, but I'm very grateful to have a job I can go back to if I want/DH lets me! Think I need a and

Wantan, have you addressed things with your fella? Lacking in confidence is no justification for him leaving it all to you. You poor thing, that all sounds hideous. Keep remembering that all of it, good and bad is a phase. She and you will get through it. Big hugs xx

Smiley, sympathy on your return to work. Will be thinking of you and sending good vibes. I know it is only 2 half days, but it means you have to come out of the baby bubble we are all in and I can totally see why that is daunting and unappealing. It sounds like you are really good at your job and hopefully you will start to enjoy it again before long. Like squid, you do such an important and worthwhile job. I know how much I have my fingers crossed that I get to see the approachable and kind female gp with pictures of her kids up instead of the grumpy old curmudgeon who is dismissive of my parental worries. I bet your patients will be glad to have you back.

Ds2 is in the bed with me sucking his dummy as though he is starving even though we have fed really recently. My poor nips are killing!! Maybe a growth spurt? We have had yet another day at home with poxy boy who is getting better but is becoming increasingly naughty and spoilt with all the mountains of gifts he keeps getting each day. Our friends have been so kind,but I really do worry about what he is learning here about the value of material things. I can not wait until the weather cheers up and he gets better so that we can go back to our long walks and afternoons at the park. We have a weird superstition in our house (we don't really know where it came from) that if you pick up and give someone a leaf, you are giving them a happy day. Without fail, every time we leave the house my little chap gives me a leaf and tells me he wishes me a happy day. I now have a box on my dressing table stuffed full of crinkly dried leaves. The best gifts! I hope so much that he grows up to know what is important and doesn't turn into one of the kids at the private school I teach at who are obsessed with their clothes and possessions.

Right, here is hoping we get some sleep. Good luck with nightshift all xx

Ps squid- what a lovely thing to say. I wish I deserved such a compliment. Hope you are getting some sleep tonight and not worrying too much xx

bella that is the most gorgeous tradition! I might have to invent something similar. There's no way he can grow up spoilt if he's like that . The pox (and mountains of gifts) will soon be gone and he'll be back to the lovely little monster thay gives you leaves!

Is it possible to get into a habit at 10 weeks old? It's been 2weeks now and still no sleep at night of longer than 2hours, when she used to sleep for 3hour blocks. worried it is now a habit that I need to try to help her break. And after being fed at night she is always too windy to settle easily and it sometimes take hours. DH often gets up and takes her downstairs but is this rewarding her for being awake so she won't develop the habit of longer sleeps? I read something in the Ask Dr Sears website about night settling that said they can develop bad sleep habits if always rewarded for waking, by being given a feed for example, and that's what I always do if she wakes so is she getting the message that if she wakes she is rewarded?

So tonight, down at 11, awake and fed at 1, back down by 2. Stirring at 4 so spent an hour trying to settle her by rocking her in arms but she is too windy and draws her legs up and goes rigid every 2 or 3 minutes. So I gave in and fed her (sometimes helps her pass wind). Now it's 5:30 and she's still not settled, sleeping lightly but still windy, so if I put her down, she will very likely wake herself up again. Sigh. If 3days is a routine, and this has been happening every night for 2 weeks, what can I do about it? Dream feeds are impossible as we are giving Colief before each feed (has to be before all of them) so a night feed involves her waking up properly then being helped back to sleep but if she is too windy it just doesn't work for hours. How do I change this? The Colief seems to be helping her during the evening but early mornings (2am onwards) are her windy times still and nothing seems to stop this . She's not upset, just can't be put back down to sleep. I wouldn't mind if it was temporary but I'm at my wit's end and starting to really worry that this is her routine now.

Sorry, very rambly... tired and can't articulate things clearly.

yomping I'd agree with your principle of trying to soothe her back to sleep without feeding. I did shush patting the first time she woke as didnt actually think she was starving but had probably woken due t something else. (noise of the wind? noise from the cat?). it seemed t work. if she's starving then she won't go back to sleep and so I feed her. the theory is if your child always wakes at the same time it is likely to be habit rather than hunger. baby whisperer suggests waking them half an hour before that time, not 100% awake, but stirring them for three nights in a row should disrupt the habit. I haven't tried this tho.

However I have tried cranial osteopathy and it made DD a LOT less windy and instwad of 40-60 mins after each feed it is now 10. worth a try?

wantan, sorry u r having such a rough time and your dh is not being supportive. smiley, u poor thing going back to work already. r u guys getting more sleep now? i work in nhs and mat leave is v. generous, but think there is minimal chance of going back part time. am hoping by mid oct 2013 f/t work will be manageable or i can wing a job share or something. yomping, at nite i try to ignore stirrings and only get her up if she really needs to get up. bowel probs r a pain, a big pooh woke babybeccus this am. if the meds u give her for wind (sorry, cant remember name and cant check on phone), dont work in the early hrs, would there be any mileage in not giving them so she's a bit more sleepy when u feed her and might drop off more quickly? they say u cant 'spoil' a newborn, but i must say i dont know at what point they start to learn the consequences of their behaviour. hugs to u, that sleep deprivation is shit

Oh and wantanorange do you have a sling? Maybe that might help? Sometimes if DD won't sleep, despite being crushingly tired, she will at least be calm in it. Saves my arms. Perhaps DH could do a walk with DD? You'll probably have thought of all this but just wanted to say that I was thinking of you.

Fjord welcome back. So lovely to hear from you. Yep, reflux is tricky but many others have worse and I'm feeling less stressed about it than I was. And you had your GD so know well the pain of restricted diets, even when in a good cause. I'm hoping she will grow out of the allergy but it makes me a bit worried about weaning (had been intending to give up breastfeeding at about 4 months) but the hypo allergenic formula is on prescription and as I don't have a physical requirement to stop breastfeeding, just a personal preference, I'm not sure whether the doc will go for that.

We have jabs this Thursday - massively postponed since her eight weeks was Xmas eve and I didn't fancy her being ill over Xmas with docs all not working etc. I'm quite nervous about them, particularly as DF and MIL are off skiing on Friday.

Huffle do come round and lynch away!

Smile That would be a laugh but it is a PC and I don't dare touch, it's his baby.

nenehooo he did see my cry, a lot. I think it scared him. He doesn't know how to react to any kind of confrontation or negative emotion.

London we do have a sling, an Ergo. I love it but it just doesnt fit DH right. It always rides up and leaves a gap that DD could fit right through. DD enjoys being in there though.

I think we need to spend a bit more time together doing nice things. DH is content to play his games all weekend, and I'm content to spend my weekends sewing or reading but we have 2 children, so that's not ok. They need to be having good family memories. I worry he will look back and regret everything he has missed with DS. We weren't living together when DS was born and he said the other night that since having DD he realised how much he missed and regrets it, so why is he still choosing to miss out when we are right here? You'd think he would appreciate being together that bit more .

I did memtion this yesturday and we going for a picnic and to feed the duckies in the rain.

Smiley blimey, I salute you. Even 2 days is admirable so early on. I do miss work a bit, it is part of who I am (I was a director before I left, seems a life time ago). But it seems a blurry memory for now and I am not ready. I am also the main earner but trying to forget about that for now . We do what we have to do but it is tough, although I am sure you will enjoy leaving the house without a sick cloth. I know I did!

orange sorry dH is being a nobber sometime you need to really spell things out to them, or kick them hard. Either tactic good!

Midget what kind of director? A company director or a theatre director?