Belatedly joining the Fuck Off club... bean has turned into monster over last few days and nights. Suspect over supply may be root of all my problems as it would make her very gassy and uncomfortable - check, make her put on weight fast - check, 11lb 14 at 5.5 weeks and like Huffle, about to put her in 3-6 month clothes as she is bursting out of 0-3. It would also make her poo profusive and green - check.
I am officially hating breastfeeding. I hate leaking through my bras at night, even with double breastpads in place. I hate the difficulties we are having with latching, I finally have a solution but it requires me to make her do more work and she's not pleased about it so it is a battle every feed. I hate the spurting every time she comes off the boob, and having to mop it up and frequently change clothes. I hate all the paraphernalia like special cushions etc, I just want this to be sodding easy and involve a boob and a baby and nothing else. I hate sitting there with one boob permanently hanging out between parts of feeds, as she takes several breaks, anything from a minute to 15 mins. That I hate the most. I feel so undignified and awkward and embarrassed. I tried to get DH to understand by asking him how he would feel if he sat there with one testicle permanently hanging out! It's not sexy, it's not funny, the novelty has worn off and I just feel stupid but it's still easier than clipping bra cup back up then taking it down and doing this several times mid feed when she decides she wants a break. I also get very self conscious and annoyed when DH watches without offering any kind of support as I feel silly sat there with boob out. And I hate how upset and angry and frustrated it is making me because by now it should be easier but it is just a permanent struggle and effort.
Last night I lost it and shouted at bean 
. She has started writhing around after every night feed, arms and legs waving around and thrashing and hitting the mattress, grunting and making assorted other noises. Cries if swaddled, won't settle. It is making co-sleeping awful. Night feeds are meant to be peaceful, feed laying down then both drift off to sleep. It's like she has not been told this! She now takes over an hour to settle after each feed at night, as she has to poo after every feed (all books say this should have stopped by now) and nothing seems to help her speed it up (hence me suspecting over supply issue). But in middle of night with half asleep DH not helping, it all got too much and I shouted at her. Feel like awful mother, it's not her fault, she is doing her best and not doing anything on purpose. I am a total cow and do not deserve to have such a beautiful trusting little person in my life
The last few nights can fuck off, and breastfeeding can fuck off.
Sorry for Bella about your DH, for Olivess about your dad - mine is still in hosp , for Livvy about fight and lack of sleep, for Orenishii and Mickey about crap hvs and their stupid advice re weight gain and for everyone else in the Fuck Off World club. Thank God for DH taking bean this morning so I could catch up on sleep. But I still feel shit and I still hate breastfeeding right now.