October 2012 babies - we meet them at last!

[YompingJo]

Getting thread in place in readiness!

livvy big big hugs, I'm feeling the same about my DH going back to work. Sorry I haven't any really good advice. Your post struck a chord as I'm experiencing similar feelings of frustration but keep telling myself it will get better, more manageable & really taking one exhausting day at a time.

huffle how was day 3?!

Went to the doctor today who said I should be able to drive from next week (yay!) but still to be careful with heavy lifting so DH will be 'working from home' next week so he can lift wet washing, baby in car seat etc. Feel but also feel like I'm really putting off the inevitable of being by myself. I don't know why I have such a lack of confidence in spending the day by myself & getting out & about ?!?

And for those who have boy babies, do you find you're doing a million (well, it feels like that many!!) sleepsuit changes because of wees up the back?!! Baby Loopy loves his playmat but every time he wees, it goes up his back which means loads of sleepsuit changes every day!! Is this a 'boy' thing? Or is it the crappy Pampers nappies? We make the nappy as tight as we can without hurting his tum but all this washing is doing my head in!! Any thoughts? I've heard you should try to point their winkies downward (easier said than done, it seems very springy ) and perhaps I need to buy a smaller nappy (they are size 1 Pampers & he's 6lb, 10oz) but I'm guessing that's all my options?

londonlivvy You're not alone

Thank you for your kind words ladies, then mean so much to me like right now when I'm sitting in the bedroom crying because I have to start expressing again and DS is hungry but won't latch. So DMIL is feeding him. Bfing is making me feel broken inside

londonlivy I felt just the same with DD1 - make lots of plans to get out and see people next week. It is really tough when DHs go back to work, it's not just being on you own, but a accepting your new life (and that his hasn't changed nearly as much). Try and find local baby groups, nct or lll breastfeeding groups, even if (like me) you really don't feel like that sort of person! If you go along to enough things you'll find people like you :-) netmums, the children's centres websites and nct have local baby group listings. i did an nct early days course with dd1 which was fab, all about me and being a mother (rather than baby focused), made some really good friends as we spent lots of time talking about how we were feeling and talking through issues. Good luck xx

Zara I hope you are getting support with the BF? If you need advice or help Le Leche is supposed to be a very good helpline.

I did first day at college today. Left DD with Daddy from 8am and got back about 4.30pm. It was horrible and lovely at the same time! Glad to be home having cuddles though. DH did great with her and they had a good day.

My travel system fell to pieces today so we need a new one and I'm completely overwhelmed! When did they get so expensive?!

zara sending you anther hug. And a word of wisdom from a friend of mine who tormented herself about keeping up BF when it wasn't working for her. She said the moment she decided not to do it anymore it was like a weight lifted off her and allowed her to totally concentrate on falling in love with her baby. I have seen few mothers and babies who are more bonded than my friend and her son. Please please do whatever makes you and your family happy, and STOP beating yourself up.

Elpis another vote for metaniam (sp?) horridly yellow but gets the job done.

loopy master midge needs to always be pointing down or he pees bloody everywhere. He has already leaked more times than DD ever did. Boys bits and nappies are a mystery to me...... Yesterday he crapped and peed on me.

In answer to a couple of worries:

The nips do get better although mine still hurt as bloody much second time round as they did first time but after a while it is relatively pain free I have a painful let down so always a little toe curling

The thought of coping on your own is actually much worse than the reality. Even though a second timer I panicked about DH leaving me on my own but once you get in the swing if things it is fine. Today I managed to even leave the house with both DC's and the dog. (proud face) even last week the thought would have terrified me but this week it is totally manageable. Enjoyable even. I ran the dog over a few times with the Pram but apart from that it was a successful mission. Try and take each day at a time, baby steps and soon your confidence of coping alone will increase. first day I was out with both DC's I dropped DC1 though so what the feck do I know?

Right best go kiss DD goodnight and pass out.

livvy I remember feeling exactly the same with DS1. It's scary - you're responsible solely for this unpredictable little human being, and life is not as you know it! But you will be ok, and things do get better. Things tend to improve gradually and it's different for everyone, so annoyingly I can't tell you when (that used to piss me off massively - everyone says "it gets easier" yada yada yada but WHEN!!!). But I echo what springers says - get out, every day, no matter how big or small your goal. Just get you and the baby outside, preferably where other people are. You can do this, you'll be fine

Yomping welcome to the world of babies keeping you on your toes! Just as you get to grips with one phase everything turns on its head. I found the book "the Wonder Weeks" (here) helpful for this, if only to remind me that nothing ever stays the same, and if things get particularly tough at any point - e.g. loads of screaming, difficulty feeding etc - it's likely that a big change is afoot.

Orange feel a strange mix of sympathy and envy! Well done you, serious kudos for doing your course with a new baby. And well done your DH too!!

Elpis ever the voice of reason!

I'm trying to keep myself on an emotional even keel and not swing wildly between anguish and elation. It's tough! Yesterday was my second day alone with both boys. I kept it together well and am really proud of myself.

Went to a singing group which DS1 loves, had DS2 in the Moby, bouncing him around like a loon for the whole 45 mins Had a semi-meltdown going back to the car when DS1 played silly buggers and refused to get in, whilst DS2 was screaming blue murder in his carseat. Think I might have semi-shrieked something along the lines of "me and DS2 are going home now DS1, bye bye"...mother of the year award goes to...

DS1 is watching a lot of CBeebies and is now obsessed with Raa Raa the noisy lion (more Raaraa? Watch Raaraa? Okay, Raaraa?) [tears hair out] It's so handy for time to get stuff done/feed DS2, but I feel very guilty He and I managed a lovely cuddle before bed though. He's normally not at all cuddly so I loved every millsecond

DS2 is having a tough night so far tonight...off to offer more boob

Oh I forgot - FIRST SMILE TODAY!!!! 5 weeks tomorrow!

My right nipple had a crack on underside about 6mm long. Just looked in mirror at it. Not a bit of feckin wonder I'm in so much pain. Lovely

Has not had

londonlivvy I could have written your post word for word a few days ago. I had a knot in the pit of my stomach about mum going home and dh going back in to work the same day. Exactly like when I was homesick at school (another boarding inmate pupil here). In the end it was fine though. But it was scary feeling so out of control of my emotions. I'm pretty stable mostly, although I do winge a lot, but I felt impending doom and was so scared of how I would cope. Almost without realising though I seem to be feeling a bit better, although I'm on my knees with tiredness. Every day is different and tomorrow you might wake up and feel totally different so please don't despair... But if you do we're all here to chat to

zara your birth story was really shocking. I think you're a heroine for going through that and still pumping to feed. I find expressing really painful and I only do it once every few days. I hope things get easier for you

I haven't really posted my full birth story as I feel a bit guilty it was so relatively straightforward when do many others have had such terrible experiences (including londonmrss I almost cried reading yours you poor thing). But I have to say its also made me question the NHS system of doing things. That's a big deal for me as I'm usually first to defend the NHS as half my family ANC z lot of my friends work there, and I know every birth is different and a lot is down to luck but honestly no one I've spoken to over here has had anything like the experiences I've read on this thread. I can't help wondering if that's because it's obstetrician-led over here?

loopy I am in the same boat with boys and nappies. Seem to have lost the ability to put on a nappy without it leaking. Using pampers newborn size for 3kg/6lbs 9oz Smorglet and pointing todger downwards but still the same problem. And I'm with you on lack of confidence doing basic things - I made dh get the bus and metro into town with me yesterday to show ds off to my language exchange group coz I was too scared to do it alone?! What do you do if you need the loo and are out by yourself? Take baby into loo with you? Leave pram outside? Also no cafes in France have baby changing facilities!

Cross postés crazypaving - oh the first smile lucky you! I can't wait. I thought ds did one today (he's only two weeks but I'm already convinced he's a child prodigy ) but sadly it was just wind...

Thank you everyone for words of encouragement and support. I suspect another early night will help be on the road to a more balanced viewpoint. I feel a little like my life is over, though I?m sure it?ll pick up.

Congrats crazy on the smile. I?m told that makes it all worthwhile! And you?re right, I need to just get out and get socialising. We live in a village and everyone I?ve met so far has been very friendly so must keep reminding myself of that.

loopy you?re right. One day at a time. That?s probably the secret.

zara oh goodness. Hugs. I know there?s a lot of pressure to breastfeed (and feelings of guilt / disappointment if you don?t manage to) but really, truly, babies do great on formula, particularly in countries like this where we have easy access to clean water, sterilisers etc.

springersmum I have the list of mothers? groups from NCT and will be going to everything I can to try to make friends. One step at a time

wantan OMG you are incredible. Well done you!

huffle. OUCH. OUCH. That sounds incredibly sore. Have you seen a breastfeeding counsellor or adviser person (not sure of terminology)?

smorgs yes you?re right ? it?s the out of control of emotions which scare me the most.
I?m interested in the birth story side of things ? I have heard some horrific stories over the years and some good ones and have tried to just tell myself that it?s one of those things which version I would get. So it surprises me that there are fewer of the horrific variety in France.

A friend just sent me this link awesomelyawake.com/real-mantras-for-real-parents/ . I am trying to read and inwardly absorb ? seems good advice though.

Right. Sleep. That?s the plan. Not sure whether LO knows the plan tho.

Had Health visitor out today and she has probably put me on some deranged mother register as I spent an hour crying at her.

She sent me off to the GP for the sore nipples though, thinking either blocked ducts or thrush - GP took one look and diagnosed thrush. Got cream to put on although she said could be 10 days till it clears up.

So good to come on here and see that I'm not alone in feeling overwhelmed at the moment...

Hey ladies quick post. Zara big hugs to you - your birth story brought teary eyes at this end So sorry you went through that but so happy you and bean are fine

Livvy it is totally normal to feel like that. The week before DH went back to work (week 2) I cried every evening when I thought about it (7 o'clock pm was cry o'clock in the Angelico household for some reason - mixture of hormones and tiredness I'm guessing). You will be fine but if you can get a friend or someone to call around lunchtime to break day up it really helps.

October sorry to hears about the nipples :( Were they itchy at all? I ask because mine have been oddly itchy today and on 2nd course of ABs I am paranoid about thrush

And ladies just want to say it does get better I promise. I'm not saying it's all perfect here but in the last week (so 5-6 weeks old) the bean is so much more fun - much more alert, smiling, doing that funny open mouth baby laugh and getting all excited when she's playing in her chair or on her mat. The colic is easing overall (although not tonight where she is squawking in moses basket as I type - DH on first shift tonight!) The blocked ducts have been shit but when they have eased off and I'm not sore I am actually enjoying the days with the bean - she feeds, plays, sleeps and is very portable and easy to take out as long as I time it well (so after a feed and a play). Hopefully we'll all keep getting the hang of it...

Right off to bed for a few hours before the next feed! Smooches all round xo

Lovely Angelico thank you, that was just what we needed

Xx xx

Zara, still pumping here too. The schedule of pumping and feeding is relentless, isn't it? It will get better. Have you tried a nipple shield? Might help with the times yours won't latch.
My husband just told me that during my labour one of the midwives said to him 'the main problem here is just that your wife has a really low pain threshold.'
I am fuming. I'd like to see her go through a back labour with 72 hours of contractions in the back every 5 minutes with no sleep and then talk to me about pain threshold. Fucking cow. I'm so pissed off that someone could be so dismissive of everything I went through. It's not even true, I was a ballet dancer until my early twenties. Daily bleeding toes is not really possible with a really low pain threshold. Argh. Angry.
Anyway, onto more important things.
My baby is being all beautiful and awake and calm and alert and has been for the last 2 hours. It's gorgeous except I want to bloody sleep before the next feed. Anyone know how I can change her schedule so she is like this at say 3pm?

Echoing angelico - it DOES get easier. Those horrible three days aside, she has been so much more responsive and contented for the past two weeks. We are 5 and a half weeks old now. Boyfriend took her to the health visitor yesterday and she is doing really well, no concerns - has gone from 6lb 14oz to 9lb 8oz - can't believe it! (Also well impressed with anyone who delivered a 9lb baby - hats off).

She just slept through the night cheerfully, from 7.30pm to 5am, with one feed at midnight, in the moses basket. I also got her to nap for 2 hours in the basket yesterday. I went to bed at 8.30pm so I feel amazing! I am sure it won't be like that every night but it at least shows it's possible - was getting anxious I might have given myself a baby who refuses to ever sleep outside of my arms - but I really wanted to be there for her however she wanted in teh first few weeks - so relieved that a baby that trusts me will eventually be happy to be put down - this wasn't any book theory just my own random thoughts of what kind of mum I wanted to be

Also my mum is here so me and boyfriend spent most of yesterday napping reading and having sex - things I didn't know about babies no. 315868 - I'd be relying on my mum for my sex life -

(not having actual sex as too chicken still, but lengthy cuddles and orgasms)

So things are looking up, I hope. My mum says me and boyfriend can even go for a meal out if we want!!! I don't know how long my mum is staying, she is waiting for my sister to go into labour (due today, 2nd baby) to look after my nephew. But even for a day or two it's so nice to get some couple time. By the way the health visitor thought the three days of sleeplessness and screaming were probably the 6 week growth spurt and thinks it will probably be easier from here. I hope so. Must learn to believe bad days are just periods of growth and WILL PASS,and not question my entire ability to look after a baby!!

Zara big hugs to you - what a horrible experience for you and DH, and poor Tom - so sorry - must have been terrifying. And a real pity you couldn't get the support you needed in the hospital - I am angry they sent DH home after that. You are doing incredibly well to be breastfeeding after all that - it is very very hard even without pain or latching problems or a difficult birth to come to terms with. My birth does not compare to yours AT ALL as it was on paper straightforward, but like londonmrss and others, I was absolutely shocked at how painful it was and felt pretty shellshocked for a few weeks afterwards.
Anyway, you are amazing for still persisting with the feeding - really hope your efforts pay off - baby boot camp sounds ideal - but formula is not the end of the world either, you are an amazing mum.

at the shocked medical students. I didn't want children until I did a week on labour ward as a medical student- was in awe of the ladies giving birth after that and got all broody!!

oh yomping sorry to hear about your rough night. Hope the breastfeeding worker called you back. I have a very windy baby who really does require an extraordinary amount of time being burped - up to 2 hrs after a 10 min feed sometimes - we find our ways. Reading through the thread there have been lots of us dealing with colic-y babies, I think a summary of things that have worked for people goes as follows
swaddling
boucning/rocking (I use a gym ball)
sling/ walking aroudn in sling

- it has to be loud infacol baths ... but my god it can take ages to settle them. Hope it's a bad night/growth spurt and not full blown colic - our episodes have been grim but just for short periods (a day at 4 days, 2 days at 2 weeks, 3 days at 5 weeks) Oh and I started with a dummy at 4 weeks and it's been great. GREAT. Use it. You may have to try a few different types

waves at lisbeths great to see you and Paul again. I agree with you completely about trying to learn baby's needs from instinct - have avoided all books

livvy so sorry to hear your sister is leaving :(
I absolutely relate to your post about missing your partner and not being a parent type person and have been intermittently weeping about it for weeks now. I think this early bit is just so hard physically and you're awash with hormones and it's really hard to find perspective, either the baby is AMAZING or everything is TERRIBLE ...

The missing partner bit is so hard, BUT! I feel blessed that I am so in love (we've been together since we were 17 like idiots so technically we should be very bored of each other by now, but we're not)... you will find time to spend with him, if you want it.
I had a meltdown when boyfriend went back to work but I managed - we will all manage!! The first day I couldn't leave the house, it was horrendous! But then I got my ace sling and it all got easier. ACCEPT/SOURCE HELP wherever possible!!

Loopyla yay for driving again next week. It IS intimidating learning to do things by yourself with a whole new person in tow everywhere!! But we will all learn new skills and be fab

Wantan orange Congratulations on getting to college - very impressed. My brain is mush. I need to start reading again.

crazypaving YAY! on smiles, they are beautiful aren't they!! And bad mother, pah, hardly - am in awe of those of you with toddlers!

smorgs interesting what you say about nhs/ obstetricians... I too feel a bit shocked at how almost all my friends have had complicated births... but it's all anecdotal so not sure how coincidental it is... I thought, statistically, about half of women had straightforward deliveries, but that certainly doesn't reflect my friends' experiences. I wonder if it's age-related? If younger (teens/early 20s) girls have easier births? I don't know... I am convinced my birth would have become complicated if I had been in hospital because it was slower than they like. hell I don't know. I feel very lucky (and a bit ashamed sometimes, on this thread, seeing how well people dealt with really difficult births, when I felt quite shell shocked with a normal delivery...)

Elpis I went swimming before 6 weeks, naughty... glad all is well. thanks as ever for all your brilliant bf/expressing advice. Is it worth getting a electric pump? I can get about 4-5 oz with a manual pump in about 30 mins...

hufflepuffle Congrats on your milk supply
I am shocked at how much weight the babes are putting on!

When you are heavily pregnant everyone says "enjoy it while it lasts" and you want to punch them. With a newborn, everyone says "IT WILL GET EASIER" - I prefer that. SOrry for epic length again

IT WILL GET EASIER

oops missed londonmrss - what the midwife said is APPALLING - very on your behalf - also think your DH probably shouldn't have told you....

Exhaustion plays a huge part in pain. Was reading a very hippy-dippy, no pain relief kinda book that still recommended you should consider an epidural after 8 hours because endless pain is just too exhausting. I'm glad I had my birth at home for other reasons, but I would have preferred more pain relief, for sure. And mine was 30 hours not days and days, and not back to back.

Squid Your theory is a 'real' theory called attachment theory, thought up by Bowlby and Ainsworth. I think its wonderfull that you figured it out! They spent years researching it!

Best. Sleep. EVER! The girl just slept from 1am to 6.30, then chilled out in her crib until 7!!! Am in shock. Now she's trying to feed on a boob like a basketball (my body was expecting at least one if not two feeds overnight).

This followed a toxic toxic evening of screaming when I think FIL seriously regretted inviting us to stay.

So, have faith that it will get better! (Please remind me of this next time she's screaming and I'm sobbing over her and feeling like the worst mum ever).

Sorry not to namecheck, on phone, thinking of you all lots and full of admiration of your courage and humour and sheer determination. Love to all, x

londonmrs I am so angry on your behalf. How DARE she undermine what you went through!! As I told you on the other thread-my first birth was just like yours and the pain was unimaginable. I hope your DH is as angry on your behalf? The men can never ever know what we go through so we could bloody do without someone making out we have made a fuss over nothing! Man, I am so cross! I get a bit narked when people say to me 'Gosh, it was so quick for you this time!' as though it was easy. I did a pretty hardcore 12 hours without any respite thanks very much. It was infinitely better than the 80 hours it took last time and the stories many of you have described, but I think every birth is challenging and difficult. Steps off soapbox.

Speaking of difficult births-zara I am so so sorry. What a horrific experience. I too am full of admiration for you and particularly the fact you are still trying to get the bf sorted. As the others have said, PLEASE don't give yourself even more stressif you struggle to get it established now. There is such an unfair pressure to bf and it really really isn't the be all and end all. Like midget has relayed, some of the most bonded mums and dc's I know have bottle fed. I really struggled with bf the first time around and felt this huge desire to master it. As the birth had gone so wrong and I blamed myself, I really wanted to prove myself by being abke to bf. Looking back now though, I almost wish I hadn't persevered as long as I did as I missed out on the chance to just enjoy my baby. I am much more chilled about it the second time around and am determined that I will only continue for as long as it is working for us both and my toddler.

Was it loopy who asked about safe places to keep your baby while you shower etc? Once the baby is big enoug for a bouncy chair, I found that helped loads. Washing up while bouncing it with my food, move it into bathroom during shower, loo trip etc...bliss! I also use my cot a lot as a safe place as my DS can not reach it and I am hoping baby will enjoy looking at the mobiles etc like DS did once he can see that far!

Well, me and Will are doing fine. All the baby stuff seems more manageable and less terrifying the second time around. I am incredibly grateful for this as the toddler stuff is sooooo hard and stressful. Like a few of you said, I feel guilty that I miss my toddler time and all the things we used to do. I amso feel guilty because I am trying to be two types of Mummy and the one who makes camps, does roleplays etc all day is bloody knackered from trying to look after the baby. So I feel like ds1 is missong out. Dh has been amazing with him, but now I am jealous that they are so much closer and I am not number 1 to him any more. Plus, I feel like I have lost control of my life. Noone understands why I find the endless feeding so frustrating, they keep saying 'what does it matter is the house is a mess?' but I hate it! And I sat thee for two hours yesterday morning with freezing cold feet as had no time to find socks, thirsty as no time to get a drink and needing the loo as no time to go. How I hope to combine looking after both of them on my own next week is a mystery to me.

Questions- Is anyone else constipated? I am horrendously so! Got some lactulose but it doesn't seem to help that much.

Is anyone else worried about work? This is so wierd as I don't have to go back until May but I keep lying awake worrying about how I will cope when I go back. It doesn't help that two of my work colleagues came over last night and talked for two hours about how bad it is at the minute and what a disaster our new head of department is.

Big waves and hugs to everyone else! And massive admitation for the wonderful job you are all doing.

Much love xxx

A quick post from me before baby wakes up, just wanted to send some support to others as I have been self absorbed recently. Sorry for bad behaviour, and thank you to those who indulged me. Crazy, thanks for the link, have bought the book immediately!

Think what some of you guys are struggling through is just awe-inspiring and you should be given medals. huffle and October, cracked nipples and thrush both sound excruciating - mine hurt when she latches sometimes but I have been so so lucky not to have any problems beyond pain and engorgement.

Zara, so so sorry you had to see your baby being resuscitated and so glad he is fine now. To you and everyone else expressing and breastfeeding, you are quite simply amazing and I am tearing up thinking of how much strength you must have to do this. Not at all sure I could.

squid and angelico and MrsConfusion, hurray for things getting better. We seem to have turned a corner too, had a peaceful night after 2 dreadful ones and an awful couple of days, hoping for a more chilled day today - DH's first back at work so just me and Alice . squid, to join the facebook group, search for "Bean Bakers due October 2012" or find Kyyria on there (am sure she will pm you about it, if not, send me a message and I'll give you her facebook address) and send a friend request.

crazy, smiles, wow, bet that is amazing! I keep thinking I'm being smiled at and my heart melts but then, like smorgs, the noise that follows tells me it wasn't actually a smile...

LondonMrss, that midwife needs punching.

I am just shocked by how strong I'm not. Before labour, I thought I could deal with anything, physically and mentally. I have been brought abruptly down to earth on that count. I am not anywhere near as strong as I thought. And I echo what someone said about everything being amazing or terrible. It's frightening how fast you can descend into absolute doom. When I can't settle her, I feel such a cocktail of emotions and hormones that make me feel desperate, sad, useless, rejected, frustrated and angry in equal measure, and I'm really, really scared about the angry part. It makes me feel terrified that I might handle her roughly because I am so tired and so angry with myself for not being able to work out what she needs, and cross with her for crying when I love her so much and want to comfort her and she can have anything she needs in a instant . I know I'd never hurt her but my god this is all so hard on minimal sleep.

and once again-apologies for my terrible one handed typing x

Bella, I was constipated for about 10 days after the birth. Mainlining lactulose did help after a few days (but gave me terrible wind some of which I blamed on the baby ) and I also tried hard to eat 6 or so prunes a day. Eventually all that helped. Hang on in there with the lactulose. Sending eviction notices to your poos!!!

I love reading all of your updates!!!

mrsconfusion it must feel like you've won the lottery after such a big sleep!!!

londonmrs that midwife's comment is fucking disgusting. At some point in the future you should consider making a complaint. to you, hope you gave a successful latch-ful day!!

Thank you again for all your nice words. They make me cry because I know it's the things I should be telling myself but I feel so guilty. I had a bit of a breakdown last night. I think we are going to try mixed feeding from today. DH banned me from attempting to breastfeed last night as I was in such a state. DS would take a Medela calma teat last night (meant to be like boob) no problem so I think it is my boobs that are the problem. The lac consultant called me back last night and said she was surprised I hadn't "got it" yet. bitch. I gave her vague responses then hung up and cried.

DH has taken today and Friday off work because I'm not coping, even with DMIL here. Something needs to change today. I'm scared a lot of the time to look at DS in case he makes feeding cues. I had a lot of bad thoughts last night that it would be easier for DH and DS if me and my faulty boobs weren't here sorry I don't mean to be captain comedown but I think it's probably important that I say out loud I'm having these feelings.

Tried just now to latch DS again while his bottle was warming. no luck.