October 2012 babies - we meet them at last!

[YompingJo]

Getting thread in place in readiness!

zara you are doing an amazing job. There is nothing wrong with mixed or formula feeding - the way I look at it is that on a whole population level yes, breastfeeding is best, but that doesn't mean it's best, or even possible, for an individual mother / baby pair. Whatever you end up doing I am certain that no one could have tried harder than you have, and that's because you are a wonderful mum. With dd1 I remember wishing I'd get readmitted to hospital without her so I wouldn't feel like I had to keep trying to feed her and could give her formula without guilt.
Just remember, your dh and your ds need you, and you are so, so much more than boobs, in a year or so it really won't make any difference how ou fed, what's important is you being the wonderful, loving mum and partner you are.
Take care of yourself today, glad dh us home with you.

yomping I can absolutely relate to the angry bit. When I've spent over an hour settling him and then for no apparent reason he wakes again I feel absolute blood-curdling rage It was precisely the same last time and was a frightening insight into shaken babies. On more than one occasion I had to put DS1 down and leave the room to breathe and calm down. Haven't got there yet with DS2 but he doesn't scream as much as 1 did.

But just to say I think it's a normal reaction - you're exhausted and babies are so frustrating!! If only they could tell us what was wrong. If you're worried, step away from the baby and take a couple of minutes to regain your composure.

Big hug.

x-post zara what a silly twattish lactation consultant, am angry on your behalf. There's nothing wrong with you or your boobs. No teat is going to be exactly like bf, no matter what it says on the stupid box. Sounds like your DH is being fab. Try to step away mentally from the situation, see it a bit objectively, and think what you'd advise a friend in your situation. It is so emotive and really tough but bf does not equal better mother in any way. You love your baby, your baby is being fed. What else does your baby need? And whether bf or ff, your baby's needs will be met. BIG hug.

Oh Yomping, I know exactly what you mean about the anger. We've just had a couple of very bad nights (well from early evening really) and I end up so tense and DH can't say or do anything to help and I feel so angry. I'm going to try some deep breathing from now, and try to remember that DS isn't doing it on purpose. I don't worry that I'll do anything to him, but the vibes can't help the situation.

Londonmrs, that midwife is a knob and so unprofessional. As if she knows what pain you were going through - like everyone experiences the exact same level and it's all about how you deal with it??

Zara, that must have been so traumatic. You're doing so well to be working through it and persevering with the breast feeding.

After our bad nights, I realised that maybe I was feeding a bit too often and being used as a dummy - DS has developed a trick of holding on to my nipple with his gums when he's finished feeding and has fallen asleep, so I can't put him down.
I always feed him to sleep, and have no idea how to settle him otherwise.
So I cracked open the Baby Whisperer finally. I think I'm going to try it, or my version of it. Mostly I'd like to have at least a 2hour interval between feeds and for him to be able to fall asleep without a feed.
No actual idea how to do this as yet, but I did just get him down for a nap without a feed for the first time ever!!....it was rather traumatic though
Unfortunately, he woke up screaming after just 20mins and I had to feed him to calm him down.
I have no idea what I'm doing.

cherry no one really knows we all just muddle through, getting it wrong, occasionally getting it right....

right, crazy, step away from mn....

Sorry Zara, I must have missed this page because I didn't see your last post.
I wish I could say something to help. I can only agree with everything everyone else has said. I'm so glad you've got such good support in DH and MIL, but you have to do what's best for you now, Baby will be fine on formula if that's what you need to do. Please don't beat yourself up so much, I really hope things get sorted one way or another for you very soon. and hugs.

Quick question...
Those of you that do actually settle your baby to sleep, rather than feeding them at any sign of a grizzle (like I've been doing up til now), how long does it take roughly? How long does the crying go on before I'm considered an awful mum?! or before I give up and shove a boob in?
I know it'll be different for everyone, every time, but I have no idea what's normal or what's child cruelty!!

cherry 90 mins+ is not unusual....bounce, shhhh, pat.....and he refuses boob, grr. it's knackering!

Really?! Crying the whole time?

Apologies to all for not being very chatty after everyone welcomed me. LO is 2 weeks old today and came home from SCBU yesterday so we're just settling in at home. Have been expressing for him while he's been on SCBU so i have a rather overabundant supply at the moment and need to use a nipple shield for him to latch on a they're too full. Sorry,i know people are struggling with low supply and i am grateful to be able to feed him but the engorgement and leaking is getting me down a bit. I've been assured now i'm feeding him directly it should settle down...
LO is still making kind of mewing noises when he breathes sometimes... is that normal?

Anyway, i will try harder to keep up with the thread!

cherry on and off. loud shhh/white noise brings spells of quiet

Aw, feck it! I gave in and shoved the boob in

Congrats Honey, welcome home Honeybaby!
Engorgement is definitely not fun , but mine did settle down within a few days, luckily. I hope yours does too.
Not sure what's normal, but my DS makes all sorts of weird noises when breathing and eating, sleeping, crying.
Enjoy your belated baby moon!

Thanks for the fast response Crazy.
I had no idea!
I shall try harder next time

cherry, no idea if I'm doing it right, obviously! I do it cos I have no other choice - if he'd take boob I'd bloody well give him boob!! Anything to sit down and have a quiet life!

Honey, I'm having the same problem... I'm trying to express more often, but less in amount. It's not working so far.

Going to post again later from my laptop so can do it properly but will do as far as I can remember ie one post as my brain fell out my fanjo 3 weeks ago

Cherry I can put him down and he can settle himself if I get the timing spot on. So he needs to go down when he looks sleepy and a bit distant and then he will settle himself, this would t work of already crying. I don't leave him to cry but I do let him make a few noises and maybe one little cry but I never let it escalate so it's uncontrollable. Think I am very lucky though. From the moment he popped out everyone has commented on his rather chilled out nature so much so I got the paediatric dr to check him again and again. Largely I let him fall asleep on the boon but detach him when I am just being used as a dummy.

I find gentle pats on the back can also help when he is in his basket and a loud sssssh

honey welcome home

Noises master midge makes: snorting, mewing, farting, coughing, sneezing, snuffling, kerumphing, squealing....

squidkid Definitely recommend an electric pump. You can do other things while using it rather than concentrating on squeezing the handle. Good brand, though - NOT Tommee Tippee (manual is OK, electric awful).

DS sounds like pterodactyls sounded. His AAWWKK is prehistoric.

Almost finished reading pg 6 but gotta put a recommendation in here - Multi-Mam compresses 'Intensive nipple treatment for BF mothers'

They were a life saver for me.

yomping I remember talking to two friends shortly after they had had babies and both were saying how they could now understand people who shook their babies. Must admit I was a bit at the time, now however when it's the middle of the night and you put them in the Moses basket after hours spent getting them off to sleep then they start squalking 2 seconds later it is... Infuriating to say the least.

cherry I found squid's tip of bouncing on the Swiss ball has worked really well at getting Smorglet off to sleep. Although I do seem to spend half my life bouncing on that infernal ball now. And this morning I did some one-handed hoovering while carrying him and he was snoozing within 15 minutes. No idea what to do in the middle of the night though. Last few nights I've caved in and brought him into bed with us. I'm not opposed to co sleeping I just don't know much about it and am a bit nervous of what happens when they need to start going into a cot in their own room. Can anyone recommend a website or something to read up on it?

Also I know there's been a lot of talk about slings but the one handed hoovering has made me realise I might actually need one until he can fit into the borrowed baby Bjorn we have. What ones have you got or would you recommend? Sorry if this is repetitive I know there's been lots of chat about slings on here.

Right dh has taken Smorglet off for a walk so must try and get a power nap in.

I had a sleep and I have a plan. We're weaning over the next 2 weeks completely over to formula. Was actually DMIL who suggested to go completely over - she never thought she'd suggest that (she trained to be a La Leche League leader) but she says its just not sustainable to carry on like this given what it's doing to my mental health.

Called public health nurse to get tips on how to do it so I don't get mastitis. When DS is happy and alert I will try once a day to get him to latch. Maybe I'm chasing dreams but perhaps he'll just get it between now and when I dry up?

Feel guilty and a bit resigned but also relieved.

I think that's a great plan Zara, your MIL sounds like a wise woman. Im not surprised you feel relieved, you sound happier already. Don't feel guilty, you both went through so much, it's time for you to chill out and enjoy each other.

I gave up on baby whispering approx 5.5 hours after starting. DS can have whatever he wants, whenever he wants. It'll settle down into some sort of routine eventually....won't it?!

Smorgs I've got a Moby, but we haven't really used it yet. Practiced a couple of times yesterday - don't find tying it a problem, but couldn't seem to get DS in the right place so his head was supported and his face wasn't smushed into my chest. DS wasn't being particularly cooperative though, might try again tomorrow if he's forgiven me for today's experiment