Dec 08 Mums - still biffing on

[LadyThompson]

Yes, yes, it's a bit lame. I wanted to say: "Still fucking on!" but wary of causing offence....

I know 'biffing' is a bit PG Wodehouse, as well. You'll just have to humour me

Beans, so sorry to read news of your Dad. Must be so difficult and I can hardly begin to imagine how you're feeling. It's lovely that you have such a good relationship with your Dad. X

Crossed with you V - it's freezing. Have just put heating on.

DH is cooking my favourite meal tonight and has bought me a great big bunch of flowers. He's a good man. Wrote most lovely card too.
Hi Vag, yes, think all bases being covered. We have a commode and a loo chair and a shower chair, but Dad can't quite bring himself to use them yet; I think it's like admitting defeat. The hospice are already helping with his pain control and they are going to get a nurse in to help. I keep thinking/hoping it will never come to that, but of course it's very imminent. Even in the week since I saw him his leg has deteriorated and walking is terrible for him. He depends on his stick entirely now and is so bent over. Hurts my heart seeing him so diminished.

Must go as DH doing bedtime and he's finishing up his story. He's making so much effort as has been working til 10-11 most nights and caught 5.45 train tonight. I can hear him singing Twinkle Twinkle in a duet with DD1. Both tuneless. Gorgeous.

Sorry to be so self-centred. Will snap out of it soon

X

Beans you aren't being self centred at all. Talk about your Dad as much as you want. He sounds lovely. x

You have the green light to be as self centred as you want. But you know you are not being self centred at all, you are so focused on your dad and your mum :). I'm glad you have your dh to make sure you get looked after too.

I wish ds2 would bloody sleep. I think even the disaster area that was dd was at least going to bed of an evening by this age. Ds2 has already been to bed, woken up screaming and is sitting on my lap yawning his head off. Urgh. I am sooo close to taking drastic action.

Beans You are not REMOTELY being self centred, and even if you were (which you aren't) you are allowed to be (but you're not). I'm glad your DH is being super supportive. Can I help at all next week? I've got DD2 starting at nursery before I go back to work so have a week or two off - and I can come and take the girls out for a walk/ trip if you fancy a bit of pampering or something?

Indith By drastic action, I assume you mean eBay. I believe the going rate for insomniac babies is £2.35. Though you can charge a bit more for postage, of course.

Kiwi thanks for making me giggle :) Ebay is my usual threat for the other 2 . No I meam some form of shush patting or something. Hard to judge really, I think I need to give him a little longer to get over this developmental leap though. Then we'll see.

Thanks Kiwi. You're so kind to offer, but I'm currently employing my children as distraction techniques! Did you have your meeting with HR? What was the outcome?

Indith, I don't really know. How old is he now? Would you like the details of the lady I got sleep advice from for DD2? She was £15 for an hour's phone consultation and endless email back up. And her tips did work!

Could you PM me her details too please, Beans? after another night of regular wakings then up for the day at 4.30 I would pay her handsomely for some answers!

And I am back in the room!

Sorry to be away so darn long. I don't really understand why or how I seem to get busier and busier when I get less and less done. Hmm. Well, I'm still Ebaying stuff, still sorting bits on various properties, and doing my country walks so I suppose all that takes extra time...As well as the village stuff which I seem to have got sucked into! Some of which are nice social things, whereas others are rather onerous committees etc. I have a problem saying no when people ask me, I always have.

HENNYWAY, Bonking Beans, I am really rooting for you and your family. I hope our Dad has more time than you imagine (you just never know) and I hope they can get more on top of his pain at least. I hate that you're all going through this, but love truly endures, in every sense - I mean, it gets one through a lot, but it also hangs around! Anyway, we are all here and all listening. On a different note, I am glad it's not just me who has been pressganged onto a committee. You seem very settled in your new place - that's good.

Rubes - I had got so behind with the thread, I only just saw the bit about your parents coming over in Oct and wanting a Cotswolds trip - you can all stay at mine if you want as we could put everyone up I reckon. Otherwise, do come over for a meal or at least we can meet you or somesuch. DP has a couple of gigs in Oct but that's only two Sat nights. I am so thrilled you got to surprise your brother for his 40th. Can't wait to hear all about the trip!

JJB - how is the dummy removal going? As I must have said a million times, I had mine until I was 4 and gave it up myself so I am not particularly down on them, although we did take DD1's off her at 2 and a half (she still had it at night) because it was affecting her teeth (which have since returned to normal). I did feel like a meanie but she was actually fine after a couple of nights.

RT - I am just so excited about your DC3. How far along are you? Sorry about the childhating pal, what a downer! I think try to keep it from her - you should be able to hide it from her when you have your treatments. As to the drink, perhaps you can make up an excuse....Would she really not be thrilled for you? I still haven't decided, by the way. Still torn! But the end of the year is still the self-imposed deadline for deciding.

Right, lots more to say to lots of others but need to give the girls their (rather late) supper

OK, they're eating now....

Vag, how is your cold? And I am slightly confused as to your future plans, are you going off to Dubai now? And are you still having your personal trainer? My weight loss has plateaued, which is v annoying!

DP has lost quite a lot of weight, he is doing brilliantly. Very proud of him. Hope he keeps it off this time!

Kayz - are you still thinking about going to Singapore near Christmas? I meant to say - that list of all the things your Dad has done in recent years was lovely, he sounds like a total champ. Positive people who try to make the most of their situation are ace, aren't they? Your latest pics of DD on FB are very cute.

Trace - good to see you back, glad you survived the move! So how is the new place? Has DD1 moved schools? And did your PIL buy your old place? It was something like that, I know.

Urbs - I must say you do tempt me with your descriptions of how lovely it is having 3 nippers (and you Sybs).

Sybs - you mentioned a meet up and I really did hope those of us who can access London would manage to have a night out when Vag was over but sadly we didn't. We really must aim for at least one meet up before Christmas, right?

KP - I hope you get some sense out of work on Monday - the best of British. Why are people such berks about being slightly flexible re: working hours? Makes me so cross because it can usually be made to work. And what did you decide re: your sister in the end - did you write to her?

ZJ - how is this mat leave going? I am guessing you are back at work after Christmas?

DB, I know you are having a hol vaguely near me in a few weeks, must check the dates...

SPot - have things improved with DS1 and your DP? And what are your latest thoughts on location?

Oooh, hang on, the girls are scrapping....

Hello LadyT!

Beans no I don't need to pay anyone really, I just need ds2 to ge over his developmental thing and then we can gently reduce feeds back down. I know what I need to do I jsut lack the abilty to stay awake at night to do it!

www.waterhouses.info/ if anyone fancies a giggle then have look at the scarecrows :). This year's crop was rather amateurish I must say (ours included!). Previous years were way better.

I am such a grump at the minute. Adding to my grump my exercise class was booked up for tonight so I was on the waiting list, I got a call to say I was in but only after dh had already left to go to the rowing club. Grrr.

Oh gosh, there was loads more I wanted to say but as usual I have lost the list I wrote last week.

So I will just have to whiffle on about myself, ha.

(DD1 is currently bopping along to Top of the Pops 1977, it's so cute. I was near enough her age when I watched TOTP in 1977, that's the sad thing).

Help with this this minor but galling problem, ladies. MIL really offended me before they left yesterday. For various reasons, she has never actually met my own mother, whom as you all know, I adore. To be honest, there has never seemed a natural occasion and also I guess that (privately, of course) I have been loath to introduce them because I don't see why my Mum should also have to endure her. Also, because MIL pressurises and tries to emotionally blackmail me about it, this has made me dig my heels in a little more. (My Mum would of course meet her if I wanted her to, but otherwise she is not bothered either way). Anyway, the other day, my MIL asked me if my Mum had had a nervous breakdown or had other mental health issues, "as O is nearly 4 and we have never met and I thought this might be an explanation". FUME. I went bananas. I wish DP had been there, he was at work.

Firstly, any sort of mental health issues hold no stigma for me, and actually my Mum has had depression in the past, and suffers from mild agrophobia, but not that this has ever been mentioned to MIL. And these matters have nothing to do with them not meeting. She said 'mental health issues' in such a pejorative way (which is bad enough in itself) but I just deplore the fact that she thinks my Mum must have some sort of problem because she hasn't met her, my MIL. Anyway, I really let rip about what a crap and unacceptable remark it was. And then I got all the self-pitying stuff about how she "wouldn't be as horrid as I evidently thought she would be" etc. Oh, it was so maddening. DP is very supportive over all this, but oh dearie me, it made me cross.

Indith! I knew there was someone else I wanted to say hello to (and there are others too) - I am so sorry you are under the cosh with DS2's sleeping. I wish I could think of something you could try, as I presume you have fiddled about with what time he goes up, blackout blinds and all the usual. Will he take a dummy or are you not keen on them? What stage is he at with food? he's what - 5 months? Or am I way off? If so, I guess things might improve later on when he has solids? Now, is your loft convo all done? And are you getting a bit more time for yourself? And what's your sense of having three kids?

I must say, the girls have been little pesticles tonight Nights like this, two seems like plenty.

Hey ladies, I've been lurking and have LOADS I want to say - but mainly I want to send a big hug to Beans, and family, I was so sad to hear your Dad's latest news. I feel like I know him as you've told such lovely stories about him. Also, huge congratulations to RT, my fingers are crossed for no sickness this time. And finally, well done getting moved Trace, and good luck for the GNR (is it this weekend, or next?)

I am blowing kisses to everyone else, as I probably won't get back to you all tonight. I'm busy sorting out things for DDs christening this week, and trying to coordinate a keep in touch day at work next week, I need to meet three separate people in three different places, I'm determined to do it all in one day rather than a couple of hours here and there, plus some desk work

Much love to all x

Oh FFS ds2 fed to sleep at bedtime. Woke an hour later, dh settled him no problem. Woke 10 mins later. Screamed at dh so came down and fed a bit more then fell asleep again. Woke again. Dh is up with him and has been for a while. He is cuddling him and walking around the room and ds2 is absolutely hysterical.

I feel completely lost.

Realistically I know he is having trouble sleeping because he is learning to crawl. He moves around a lot, bashes himself, wakes up screaming. This would be ok if something other than breast would settle him. I get fuck all done in the day because is wriggling around, getting stuck, finding things he shouldn't but also get fuck all done in the evening because he won't stay asleep and I have piles and piles of crap from the loft to organise and it is driving me mad.

Oh they've come down because after 15 mins screaming he was sick. feeding again, very pleased to see me.

Oh crumbs, Indith. That sounds all sounds quite hard to deal with. I wish I had something helpful to say re: DS2. Well:

(1) Scant comfort now, I do realise, but you know that all these stages DO pass...eventually...
(2) Piles of crap to organise - oh, I understand this like you would not believe. And I know how irksome it is. I could scream when I look at my house (still). But - everything is a lot better than it was a year ago. Keep pecking away at it when you can, and it will diminish over time. Honest.

It will indeed pass.

ds1 slept like a dream I just didn't know it at the time since he was pfb so any waking at night was a shock.

dd didn't sleep. Ever.

Ds2 has mostly slept fairly well just fed a lot but he takes his developmental leaps very seriously indeed.

It's such a lottery, this sleep malarkey. I have lucked out twice, so I know that if I have a third I am virtually guaranteed to have a non-sleeper. It does put me off a bit...Plus, as my Mum didn't get a decent night's sleep until I was pushing three, I know it's in my genes somewhere....

Happy Birthday to Sybs for Mon (it's my sister's birthday same day so I always remember!) and Rubes for Fri. I am off to Mum's tomorrow, until Mon. I have a lot to do here actually but I try to see her whenever I can. Oh, and Vag - you were asking if it was cold here. It is! It's really chilly at nights now. And the days have such an autumnal air. I have started my Christmas shopping (to spread the cost).

I hope you got some sleep Indith. I think you sound very patient and you are doing amazingly after years of sleep deprivation. I am frankly terrified of the idea that DC3 could be a non sleeper. Chronic tiredness is like a slow form of torture.

Have a great time at your Mum's LadyT. Sorry to hear that your MiL was being so outright rude about not meeting her. It sounds like your DP is being great though, your posts read like you and he are in a really good patch which I hope is true. Have number 3! Please.

Urbs, if you are lurking, good luck on your return to work. How do you feel about it? Will you be full-time? I wanted to ask you how sick you were with DC3? I know you really suffered with 1 & 2. I still feel OK but its such early days (not even 5 weeks yet). I also wanted to ask you about your approach to breadtferding after your terrible mastitis experience. I am so terrified of getting ill like I did with DD2 that I am considering not BFing. I just can't go through that again, it ruined my first 9 months with her. I remember you wentthrough simar but went on to BF twice more. How did it go? Did you find anything you could do to lessen the chances of another infection?

In exciting news I told my dest, oldest friend yesterday and it turns out she is pregnant too and due the sane exact day! What are the chances of that? We have been best friends since we were eight. I just hope we both have successful pregnancies because it would be such fun to go through it all together.

Oh Indith that sounds terrible. I hope you got some sleep. DD hasn't been great at sleeping the last few nights. It is like she is teething but 12 weeks is very early for that.

RT, that is lovely news!! How wonderful it would be to go through pregnancy together.

LadyT your MIL sounds awful.

I have got my London trip sorted. My brother and his fiancee are coming too and we're meeting Dad at King's Cross. I am so very very excited, I love London.

Hope everyone is well.

How exciting Kayz.

RT wonderful about your friend! It will be so lovely going through it together. RE BF worries remember every bf experience is different and there is no reason for you to have the same problems this time round. Just take it one feed at a time, what's the worst that can happen? You can stop any time you want if you feel it isn't working out but regretting not trying is far harder to fix. This time around you are experienced, you know far more about what you are doing and you are better placed to manage your supply and your feeding accordingly and to prevent problems before they occur.

FWIW dd was horrible, absolutely horrible to feed and we were miserable for a long time. There was a lot of screaming involved from her and a lot of crying from me. Ds2 however has been an absolute dream so far.

LadyT your mil is mental. How bloody rude to assume that not having met your mum, must be due to a problem with her, not with herself. Also does that mean if she had a relative with a mental illness would she lock them away and not want them seen.

Indith, could it be teeth? The action of BF & some ingredients in BM are pain relieving so babies tend to feed for pain relief when teething. Sorry about the lack of sleep, I was lazy and went the co-sleeping route so with DS2 so we really never had any sleep issues with him, but I think the other thing that helped was that I did that thing that Beans suggested of putting them down to sleep an hour & a half after they last woke (this is when they are wee) and I do think that helped (thanks Beans) DS1 was a bit tricky until we started co-sleeping. Lucky both mine were amenable to co-sleeping, not all babies are.

Yay for your trip to London Kayz. Are you staying over or just for the day. Did you get a good deal on the train tickets.

Spot your FB posts make me giggle.

Trace, I keep forgetting to post about your 11mile run the other day and the race this weekend, but I am thinking about it a lot, well done, I think your super Trace. Moving & training, and throw working & looking after your girls into that. Amazing.

Well I didn't think he was teething, he just cut 2 teeth.

I am fine with upset sleep for various phases and more than happy to feed pon demand through them. I think this is just one that has gone on a long time. gowth spurt melted into those teeth melted into this learning to crawl thing. so there hasn't been time between when he has settled down. It'll pass at some point. Oh and we do co sleep! We have the sidecar cot so there is always a space away from dh or the older dcs and now he is very mobile I've popped the drop side on it so he can't roll of the bed but once I go up he comes in.

Sometimes its just nice to have a grump about it. I was the same, I didn't mind being woken for feeds but that didn't mean it didn't exhaust me. I had a friend moan once about having to wake for feeds and she was astounded by how many people who told her she only had herself to blame because she was breastfeeding. All she wanted was a little sympathy.

RT sorry you have mastitis fear, fare enough, it hurts. I had a breast abcess with DS1 & several bouts of mastitis with DS2. Pretty much everytime it was latch issues. I usually managed to sort the latch, bu I took belladonna & another homeopathic thing and that really helped the pain. May have been a coincidence and not everyone is into that but it did help.